Chapter 40: Not Out Of The Woods

December 30, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

On Sunday, after church, Clarissa, Elizaveta, and I went to Tasha's apartment to spend the afternoon with her and Nik. Tasha and Elizaveta prepared dinner together and had a quiet conversation in Russian while Nik, Clarissa, and I talked. From their body language, I got the impression that «бабушка» (babushka) Natalya was giving Matushka Elizaveta advice. My first thought was that I should be very afraid, but that thought was fleeting, and I realized that if there was anyone on the entire planet who could help Elizaveta at this point, it was Tasha.

When Nik excused himself to use the bathroom, Clarissa leaned close.

"Worried?" she asked with a smirk.

"Why? I can't think of a better person for Elizaveta to talk to!"

"You don't think they're plotting against you?"

I chuckled, "I'm sure they are, but whatever the plot is, it can only be to my benefit."

"You're whipped!" Clarissa teased. "And you haven't even had the «пизда» (pizda)!" ("pussy")

"Lissa!" I whispered harshly, but I was laughing.

"What's so funny, husband?" Elizaveta asked from where she was standing by the stove.

"Just a silly joke Clarissa made, «Котёнок» (katyonak); nothing to worry about." ("Kitten")

"Ignore them!" Tasha said. "Those two are complete goofballs around each other!"

They turned back to working on dinner.

"Rescued," Clarissa whispered.

Nik returned, which meant Clarissa's teasing had to end. Dinner was ready about fifteen minutes later, and once we'd eaten, Elizaveta said 'good night', and we left so I could drive her home, leaving Clarissa with Tasha and Nik, with a plan to pick her up on the way back to Doctor Blahnik's house.

"What was Clarissa teasing you about?" Elizaveta asked as we got into my car.

"You and Tasha conspiring against me," I replied, starting the engine.

"We weren't!" Elizaveta protested.

I put the car into gear and headed towards Elizaveta's house.

"Relax," I replied lightly. "She was teasing. I told her I couldn't think of a better person from whom you could get advice!"

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Why should it? Tasha is faithful, traditional, and intelligent. I very much doubt she could give you bad advice, not to mention I don't believe it's possible to prevent a Russian woman from becoming a «бабушка» (babushka). It's simply a natural feature of the universe!"

"You want to prevent that?"

"Not at all! If I didn't want my wife to be a «бабушка» (babushka), I'd have asked a non-Russian girl to marry me and done my best to keep her away from the «съборъ бабушек» (sobor babushki), if it were possible, which I don't think it is! And honestly, I'd much rather you got advice from Tasha than any of the actual grandmothers!"

"And why is that?"

"Because you're more of a modern girl, which, by the way, is what I want. Tasha knows the struggles of living a traditional life while having more modern sensibilities."

"Too modern, in some ways," Elizaveta said quietly.

I suppressed a sigh at the realization that we weren't out of the woods just yet, and it wasn't clear if we could even SEE the edge of the woods. Elizaveta was trying, but she was still struggling. I had to tread carefully, but I couldn't be too careful, or we might not resolve the situation in a way that let us be together.

"Is this going to be a problem between the two of you?" I asked.

"No," Elizaveta said. "It's just as traditional and proper as she is..."

"You wonder why she behaved the way she did? The only way to know is to ask her."

"But that's a totally private thing! You even said so!"

"Yes, I did. But perhaps, in this case, it's necessary."

"I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable asking her about such a private thing! And why would she talk to me about it?"

"Because she loves me and wants us to be happy!"

"And you love her, too?"

"Yes, of course, but it's Christian love. She's engaged to Nik, and you and I are betrothed."

"And Clarissa, do you love her?"

"I do. And yes, she loves me."

"And me? Do you love me?"

"I do, but I believe our love at this point is a mere hint of our love in the future, the way our kisses are mere hints of our future physical love."

"I wish we could marry sooner!" she said, her voice full of desire.

"We still have work to do, «Котёнок» (katyonak)," I said. ("Kitten")

"Because of your improper behavior."

"Yes. But we both want to get through this, and we'll work together to do it."

"Yesterday, I thought everything was fine..." she sighed.

"It is fine," I replied. "This is just our first major test. There will be more, though, of a different character."

"Because of your medical training?"

"Yes, and because of the demands of our church ministry. Life will be difficult at times and a real struggle, but I believe we are both strong enough to overcome any obstacles that Satan throws in our way."

"I don't think I've ever heard you place blame on Satan before."

"Because I don't! I'm perfectly capable of sinning on my own, and my temptations come from within. I don't need Satan's help to mess up!"

"Why mention him, then?"

"As a metaphor for challenges and temptations that will come our way."

"You don't believe Satan is real?"

"This conversation stays strictly between us?"

"Yes, of course!"

"I think Satan, like the snake in the garden, is the personification of our own weaknesses and the temptations of the flesh. And also, in a way, of our own consciences."

"What? How so?"

"Think about how Satan is depicted in the Book of Job — he's more 'prosecuting attorney' as opposed to an incarnation of evil. He accuses Job of not REALLY being faithful and states that if God treats Job like crap, Job will renounce God. Satan makes all sorts of accusations and ramps up the tests, basically telling God to keep pouring it on, and Job will stumble and fall. Job comes through it like a champ, though the ending kind of messes things up because it makes everything great for Job, and it's really his wife who suffers the most."

"What?! Why do you say that?"

"Think about all the bad stuff that happened, including losing her entire family. She's not young, obviously, and after all the bad stuff happens, she has to have seven MORE kids! Would you want to have seven kids in your sixties?"

Elizaveta laughed, "I never thought about that!"

"And people wonder why she said 'Curse God and die!' when the troubles began!" I chuckled. "Her advice wasn't actually all that far off from that of Job's alleged friends who felt that adversity was punishment from God. Remember, though, that only God and Satan knew about the bet, as it were. Job, his wife, and friends were simply observing what had happened. It's also possible that the underlying Hebrew word might mean 'bless' because it's mostly used that way in the rest of the Old Testament."

"Wait! How would that make sense?"

"Think about how badly Job and his wife had suffered — loss of family, house, and wealth. Perhaps she's telling him to give a final blessing before he dies from the terrible skin disease he had contracted. Think of how we use 'Lord have mercy!' which is both a prayer and a way of saying that something is terrible. In any event, Job's response is still the same — not to despair and not to give up hope."

"I've never heard that!"

"When I read the Bible in High School, I was always looking at what it was trying to tell me, not what other people said. I did my own research, and often, what I found was that the Church Fathers wrote about these alternate understandings. And neither interpretation goes against Orthodox teaching. The only question is the character of Job's wife's despair."

"So, is Satan real or not?"

"Of course he's real. But 'real' doesn't mean he has horns, wears a red suit, and carries a pitchfork! More likely, he's wearing a $500 suit and looks like the District Attorney!"

Elizaveta laughed, "Because of what is written in Job?"

"But also how he's described in Genesis in the Garden of Eden — he's asking questions and challenging God. And how he appears in the Gospels when he tempts and challenges Jesus. Whatever the truth about Satan or Lucifer, the REAL problem is our own weakness and proclivity to sin. The word 'satan' basically means 'accuser', so when the Scriptures say 'we have an advocate' in reference to Jesus, it all fits neatly together."

"So you're saying that the real temptations come from within us?"

"Yes. Whatever happens in the world, good or bad, it's our response that matters. Remember what happened in the Garden of Eden — a whole lot of finger-pointing. And who was Adam blaming?"

"God, of course. Father Nicholas has pointed that out many times. Eve blamed Satan, well, the serpent."

"And we don't get to hear HIS side of the story there, but if you look at the other evidence from the Bible, it's what I said — he accuses. Think about what we do know about what happened."

"The serpent accused God of hiding things from Adam and Eve."

"So..." I prompted.

"It's the same thing as with Job or Jesus! All he does is, well, act like a troublemaker!"

"And we, because of our own weaknesses, get into trouble. It's like seeing a juicy steak during Lent — the steak, by itself, isn't good or bad. It's you choosing to eat it when you know you shouldn't because of your fasting rule that is the problem."

"Are you talking about yourself?"

"Obviously."

"Does Tasha know she's a steak?" Elizaveta asked mirthfully.

"Ask her," I chuckled. "But you see my point, right?"

"That we can't blame Satan or God, but only ourselves."

"Which is the point of confession, right? To admit where we have fallen short and to seek the counsel and wisdom of the Church to do better in the future, aided by the power of the Eucharist. And you know that for the faithful, repentant Christian, it is the medicine of immortality, while for the unrepentant, it is pure poison. In that way, it's like God's love — a refining fire to those who love him; pure torture to those who do not."

"I remember that from Sunday School and Father's homilies. But why ask me to keep this conversation private?"

"There are people for whom the mere suggestion that Satan is not the Devil of popular culture creates a stumbling block."

"But what do you believe?"

"Again, between you and me, I think the only important thing is the lessons which the Bible teaches. With few exceptions, the stories don't need to be literally true for the lessons to be learned, and often, the 'truthfulness' of the story gets in the way of the lesson. I'll give you an example — what is the most important thing about Didymus?"

"That Jesus appeared to him so he would believe, but said those who believed without seeing were blessed."

"Yes, that's what's reported to have happened, but the most important lesson there is found in Mark's Gospel. Jesus told the father of a young man who was possessed by a demon that everything is possible for one who believes. The man replied to Jesus — 'I do believe; help my unbelief'. And there is also a lesson in John's Gospel with the story of 'Doubting Thomas', to whom Jesus said, 'Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed', but not as a rebuke. The lesson there to learn is that doubting is OK. It shouldn't cause you despair."

"Do you doubt?"

"All the time," I replied. "It's a function of being a scientist — you question everything, then look for answers to those questions. The entire scientific method is based on forming a hypothesis, then seeking to disprove that hypothesis. If you can't, you accept it as provisionally true. Everything, including things we know as 'facts' or 'laws of physics', can be challenged."

"But if it's a 'law', doesn't it have to be true?"

"Insofar as it accurately reflects our observations of God's creation, yes. Take, for example, Newton's Laws — they accurately describe how the visible world works, and yet, at the quantum level, they don't. Not to mention things like gravity, which we can describe only from effects because we have no idea what it actually is, how it works, or if it's even a thing."

"Wait! Gravity exists! I know it does!"

"Because if you drop something, it falls to the ground? You're observing the effect, not the cause. We don't know how it operates, other than we have observed that something about mass attracts other masses, with a force proportional to the product of their masses and inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. But are there gravitons? Gravity waves? Or is it just a curvature in space-time? How fast is it?"

"How fast?"

"Nobody knows for sure exactly how fast it is. In other words, what would happen if the Sun disappeared? Would its gravitational attraction fail instantly? Or would it take some amount of time? Maybe eight minutes, if gravity travels at the speed of light. But it could be more, or less, or instant. Maybe it moves faster than the speed of light by going through a different dimension, kind of like 'subspace' in Star Trek. Maybe the curvature of space simply vanishes instantly. Maybe it snaps back like a trampoline. We simply don't know."

"But how do you do science, then?"

"By accepting hypotheses for which there is evidence and no counter-evidence, or at least the evidence is far stronger than the counter-evidence. It's like diagnosing a disease with what's called 'differential diagnosis' — you look at symptoms and rule out possibilities until you're left with the one that is most likely true. In some cases, a test will definitively prove things by finding a virus or some other specific proof, but not always. Sometimes, you just have to treat the symptoms because you don't know."

"Weird. I thought they could just give tests and know."

"I learned that wasn't true when I first started reading about being a doctor and about how to practice medicine when I was in Junior High. As one of the books said, it's important to remember that medicine is at least as much an art as it is a science. Going back to the gravity issue, are you planning to take chemistry and physics?"

"Biology and anatomy are the only required science classes if you aren't planning to go to college."

"You should take both chemistry and physics," I replied. "And calculus, too."

"That would mean not taking Home Ec," she replied.

"I think you could teach that class!"

"Perhaps," she laughed. "You really think I should take those science classes? And more math?"

"I do. In addition to knowledge being good in and of itself, you'll learn about the scientific method, and you'll be able to understand more about what I do. And you never know, you might decide to go to college someday."

"Why?"

"Because even if you elect to be a stay-at-home mom, knowledge is important, both for its own sake and for some potential use in the future, even if it's limited to helping the kids with their homework. I really want you to sign up for those classes."

"Then I will," she agreed as I pulled into the driveway.

We got out of the car, and I walked Elizaveta to the door in the lightly falling snow. We exchanged a soft kiss, and after she'd gone into the house, I got back in my car and headed to Tasha's apartment. When I arrived, Nik had left, and Tasha and Clarissa were talking and laughing.

"This is FAR more dangerous than the earlier conversation," I quipped.

"You think I'm giving bad advice?" Tasha asked, her eyes narrowing.

"It all depends on your definition of 'bad'," I grinned. "Ask my grandfather's opinion!"

"As if the opinions of the old men matter?!"

"And you women wonder why they drink so much vodka?" I asked, shaking my head.

"You never complained about me!" Tasha protested.

"Not to your face, anyway," I teased.

"You!" she growled but then laughed with Clarissa and me.

"Tasha, Elizaveta may ask you about certain decisions you made."

"Why?"

Clarissa replied before I could.

"Elizaveta is trying to come to grips with certain aspects of Mike's past," she interjected.

"Nik has the same struggles," Tasha replied. "But for him, I don't think talking to you is a good idea, Mike."

"No, I'd say not," I agreed. "I received a gift he felt was rightfully his."

"It was NOT," Tasha declared firmly. "It was mine to give to whomever I wanted!"

"Mike didn't say it was Nik's, Tasha," Clarissa said, beating me to a reply again. "He said that's what Nik thought."

"Probably similar to my dad and your dad," I offered. "My concern for Elizaveta and Nik is that they carry their feelings forward into both of our marriages. And that could lead to some very rocky times ahead."

"I think Nik will be OK. He assumes it was you, and other than giving you a dirty look the first time he saw you after I told him I wasn't a virgin, he hasn't said or done anything."

"Which doesn't mean he won't harbor a grudge or, in Elizaveta's case, worry that I'll stray."

"THAT is her concern?" Tasha asked. "Seriously? The last person on planet Earth who would cheat on his wife is YOU!"

"Janey," I replied.

"But you weren't cheating because we weren't betrothed or even steady. And that's my OWN fault for not extracting an additional promise from you!"

Clarissa laughed, "She has a point, Petrovich! If you can keep your promise not to have sex with a girl who DEMANDS you make love to her, and after whom you had lusted for years, keeping your promise to only have sex with your young, nubile wife should be a piece of cake!"

"I actually demanded that he ... well, you know!" Tasha smirked.

Both Clarissa and I laughed.

"In general, I agree," I said. "But think about it from Elizaveta's position — she knows you and I were courting, and I was sleeping with other girls."

"Sleeping?" Tasha asked with an arched eyebrow. "You most certainly were NOT 'sleeping'!"

"Sure I was," I smirked. "After!"

"He's a pig, isn't he?" Clarissa asked.

"I don't have much room to talk," Tasha replied with a silly smile. "But I think I understand the point. I'm not sure I could talk to her about that because she believes, correctly, that I shared your bed. Maybe Clarissa could do it, because that's not possible with her."