Chapter 36: End of the Semester

December 16, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"That was an interesting speech by your bishop," Clarissa said as we relaxed in my room after studying for Monday's Analytical Chemistry exam.

"You mean because it sounded like he was speaking directly to me? Or to you?"

"It almost seemed as if he were excusing sin."

"I understand how you could hear it that way, but what he was doing was acknowledging the power it has over us. Paul wrote about it in Romans 7. Believe it or not, I don't have that entire passage memorized, so I'll need to get my Bible."

Clarissa nodded, "OK."

I took down the NKJV, which was the text we used, as there wasn't an Orthodox Bible in English in print. There was a group trying to create and publish one, with a full translation of the Septuagint, but so far, that was only a dream, not a reality. I opened the Bible, turned to Romans 7, and found the passage.

"So," I continued, "Paul is saying that at least some of his sin is involuntary, in the sense he's compelled by forces he is unable to personally control. The solution is the same as the one Vladyka ARKADY gave — God's grace and power, which are sufficient. And note well, salvation is from death, not sin."

"I'm curious, how would a priest deal with someone who was a practicing homosexual?"

"The same way he dealt with a fornicator," I replied with a grin. "With pastoral love."

"But wouldn't being freed from sin mean a lifetime of chastity for someone who was exclusively lesbian or gay?"

I nodded, "It would, as it would for any heterosexual who wasn't married. Granted, heterosexuals have access to marriage and, thus, an approved outlet for sexual desires, which places the heavier burden on the gay or lesbian person. I don't know any way around that within Orthodox teaching."

"So the 'cure', if you will, is not from the desire, but from the activity."

"Which is what I've told you all along. Honestly, Lissa, I don't know what to tell you other than that God loves you, and I love you. But that doesn't change the fact that sex outside of marriage is a sin. Missing the mark, not a complete break with God, but still a sin. But you know I don't let that affect how I treat you. I'm called to treat you with the same love and mercy that I show every person I know."

"I wasn't accusing you of treating me badly. I was just trying to understand what he was trying to say. That said, I totally understand why your priest was giving you what amounts to leeway. He understood your weakness and the struggles you were having and let it play out, if you will, while nudging you in the correct direction."

"That's pretty much the point of what both priests told me about how they usually deal with teens and young adults. I was probably something of an outlier, given the number of partners I had."

"You kept that from him, right? Just spoke about being sexually active?"

"Yes, though he knew it was more than one or two girls. And, to be honest, I was truly at the end of the leash. Without Lara's urging, I probably wouldn't have a chance to be ordained, and I sure wouldn't have been able to, in good conscience, start seeing Elizaveta. I also discovered something last Tuesday."

"What's that?"

"Why several people have said you're the biggest risk in the future."

"Because your «Котёнок» (katyonak) would never suspect her husband of having an affair with a lesbian girl and wouldn't believe anyone who suggested it was happening. In other words, you could, for want of a better term, get away with it. And that makes me riskier than anyone else." ("Kitten")

"You're pretty smart, Lissa," I replied.

"You also know Elizaveta suspects you've been with Jocelyn. I saw the look she was giving Jocelyn, as if she was looking inside her to see if she was one of the 'loose women' you were with."

"There was nothing 'loose' about Jocelyn," I smirked. "Especially after the reconstructive surgery tightened things up for a snugger fit!"

"You PIG!" Clarissa exclaimed but then laughed hard.

"I'd never say something like that to anyone but you, though Jocelyn did make that point when we talked about making love after her surgery. Supposedly, her doctor told her that was something positive that came out of all the bad stuff."

"And given you're bigger than average both in length and girth, at least according to our Reproductive Physiology text, I'm sure you had zero complaints!"

"Any man who complains about how it feels to be inside a woman is an idiot and is asking to have his gonads violently removed!"

"If he's lucky!" Clarissa declared. "But honestly, I can't see you cheating, even in the most stressful situation."

"Drugs? Alcohol?"

Clarissa shook her head, "You don't have that kind of personality. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be on guard for signs of being overstressed."

"A good point. And given we're talking about medical school, have you decided what you're going to do about living accommodations?"

"I'm reasonably sure I'll move in with Abby after graduation. How are you handling the transition?"

"I'll move all my stuff to the cottage during final exam week, then sleep at Doctor Blahnik's house on Friday and Saturday nights. Friday the guys are having the bachelor party at Doctor Blahnik's house, then Saturday, we're at the country club with the men from church and some of the guys. The bridal shower is a week before the wedding on Sunday afternoon. Where does Abby live?"

"About six blocks from Doctor Blahnik's house."

"What about getting to school?"

"I'll buy a car when we get back from Europe. Something used, obviously. It just needs to get me to and from school. Do you know what Sandy is planning?"

"She and Pete haven't worked that out just yet. They aren't ready to get married, so the married dorms are out at either school. I'd guess they'll get an apartment together, which is what Fran and Jason are talking about doing."

"We should probably get to bed," Clarissa said. "We have our exam at 8:00am."

"Agreed."

We said 'good night', hugged, and after my bathroom routine and my evening prayers, I got into bed and quickly fell asleep.

December 19, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"How are your exams going?" Father Nicholas asked when I arrived at church on Wednesday evening.

"Three down, all of which I did well on, I'm sure. There's just one to go, on Friday, and that's Reproductive Physiology. That should be easy."

Father Nicholas cleared his throat and made a silly face, "From all the hands-on experimentation?"

"Given that most of what I need to study is about gestation and childbirth, I have exactly zero experience! And I do believe that's the first time I've heard you crack a joke that was even slightly off-color!"

"I was quite sure you wouldn't be offended!"

"A good point! Before I forget, Mark and Alyssa will be here tonight and want to speak with you."

"Good. Are you able to do catechism?"

"Yes."

"What classes do you have next semester?"

"Physical Chemistry, with a lab, Statistical Methods For Biology, Abnormal Psychology, and Russian Literature."

"Abnormal Psych? Did you decide on that because of Angie?"

"Yes. I want to learn more so I can understand better how to help her."

"Have you spoken to her recently?"

"I call her about every two weeks, and we talk for a few minutes. She's on antidepressants, which they've tried to wean her from, but she regresses when they do. She's totally off the antipsychotics, but if she has a breakdown, they'll have to put her back on them. She's working and taking a class."

"Good."

"Back to Mark and Alyssa, is it possible that they'll be able to be chrismated at Pascha?"

"Four months is an awfully short time, but it's really up to you to tell me if they're ready. But you know we can chrismate them anytime, not just at Pascha."

"They'll need baptism, actually. Neither of them has been baptized."

"I'll contact the Cathedral to see if we can borrow their horse trough for Lazarus Saturday, if we need it."

I chuckled, "I always found it amusing."

"It's the only reasonable way to have an adult baptism without going to a river or lake, or using a bathtub of some sort. And we don't do enough adult baptisms to warrant having our own trough. Most of our converts have been baptized at one point or another before they become inquirers. What did their parents say?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea. The fact that they were here was all I concerned myself with."

"I'll ask, but just kind of in a general 'what do your families think?' way. Shall we vest?"

I nodded, and we went into the altar and then into the vestry. Just under an hour later, we returned to the vestry, having completed the Vespers service. Father went to talk to Mark and Alyssa while I went to talk to Elizaveta in the narthex. We moved away from her parents so we could speak privately.

"How are your exams going?" she asked.

"Good. And yours?"

"Good. I'm looking forward to the next two weeks! Will we see each other every day?"

"I think so. Do you think your dad will allow you to come to a New Year's Eve party at Milena's house?"

"We're betrothed!" she exclaimed. "You get to decide, not him!"

"Let me rephrase," I said with a smile. "Do you think your dad would object if I took you to a New Year's Eve Party? It does violate your curfew."

"Again, YOU decide!"

I shook my head, "Not on that topic. You're only fifteen, and he is still your father. On May 26th, then you and I make all the decisions, though without giving offense, of course."

"Listen, HUSBAND," she said fiercely. "You decide! You tell my dad what we are doing!"

"Yes, «Котёнок» (katyonak)," I replied. ("Kitten")

"Are you patronizing me, Michael Peter Loucks?" she demanded. "Because if you are..."

"What?" I chuckled, "Damage the ONE thing you want from me right now, which you can't have?"

"You're being mean again!" she said mirthfully. "But I have no way to punish you without punishing myself!"

"Hmm..." I smirked.

"I think I need to speak to the «съборъ бабушек» (sobor babushki)!" ("Grandmothers' Cabal")

"And you know what they will tell you? That until the crowning, your dad is still in charge."

"Arrrrgggggh!" she groused, screwing up her face.

"Let me go speak with him. I'll be right back."

She made another face but waited while I went to talk to her dad, who gave his permission for her to stay out, so long as Elizaveta was always with me, which I was sure wouldn't be a problem for her, then went back to tell her.

"He said 'yes', of course," I said.

"Five months!" she said in what was almost a whine.

"Patience is a virtue," I replied gently.

"So they say! How are we handling Nativity?"

"I spoke with my mom, and I'll celebrate with your family, then you and I will join my family's celebration at my grandfather's house. My uncle will be there as well."

"I haven't met him. Your mom's brother, right?"

"He and my grandfather had a falling out when my uncle turned eighteen. They're cordial, but that's about it. My grandfather hoped my uncle would be a priest, but my uncle wanted nothing to do with it. He doesn't go to church often. I'm the last hope for my grandfather to have a clergyman in his family before he dies."

"That was important to him?"

"Very. I actually never discussed with him why he thought it was important, and you know I made these decisions on my own. He certainly put a word in the bishop's ear, as did your dad. They each had their own reasons, but I have my own, and of course, the bishop keeps his own counsel."

"So your grandfather didn't talk to you about it first?"

"No. He just expressed his pleasure when I agreed to be ordained a subdeacon. His nudge to get me to accept the bishop's request to ordain me a deacon was the money I told you about — to ensure I could marry and support a family before I graduated, so I wouldn't have to put things off for another five years."

"So I'm convenient?" she asked, her voice telling me she was teasing.

"I prefer to call it 'opportunity'! As in, I have the opportunity to marry a beautiful, sexy, faithful Russian girl!"

"Very wise words, husband!" she said with a soft laugh.

"And make babies with her," I continued. "After sufficient practice."

Elizaveta stepped as close as she dared, given I was in my cassock.

"Day and night for two weeks?" she whispered sexily.

"Absolutely!" I replied.

"Elizaveta?" her mom called. "We're going home."

"You should go," I said. "I have to talk to Father and possibly to Alyssa and Mark. I'll see you Friday evening."

"OK," she replied.

She grasped my hand and squeezed, which was all she could do as I was wearing my cassock, and left. I went into the nave to pray and wait for Father Nicholas, who came to find me about fifteen minutes later.

"I'm going to assign you as their catechist, but I'm sure you assumed that."

"Given you asked me before, I did. Before tonight, I was reasonably sure, but I assumed nothing. Do you assume what His Grace wants if you're unsure? Or do you ask?"

"Good point," Father Nicholas replied with a grin. "Their parents are neutral. They were at the debate and according to Mark, they're asking tough questions of the pastor."

"There are no tough questions," I replied. "Well, theological ones. I'll leave the tough pastoral questions like 'Why do kids get cancer?' and 'Why did my loved one have to die?' to you."

"And you think I have answers?"

I shook my head, "No, but that doesn't mean you don't have to minister to them as their pastor! I can't explain why bad things happen to good people any more than you can, but nobody expects ME to!"

"Has anyone ever told you that you can be a real pain in the butt?"

"I think the list of people who haven't is exceedingly short, and my soon-to-be wife sure isn't on it!"

"Pushing back against the «бабушка» (babushka) in training?"

"Actually, only with regard to treating her dad with proper respect. She doesn't think I should ask him for permission to take her places or keep her out past the curfew he set."

"Well, I happen to agree with you, and if she actually does give you real grief about that, make sure you mention it to Mrs. Sokolov."

"Elizaveta admitted earlier that if she went to any of the «бабушки» (babushki), they'd side with me."

"No slip-ups, Subdeacon," he said gently.

"I understand. Did Mark and Alyssa leave?"

"Yes. They have exams tomorrow. They said they'll speak to you on Saturday to make arrangements for catechism. They said you gave them copies of The Orthodox Church, which they've both read."

"I did. What prayer rule are you going to assign them?"

"To start with, just the Trisagion Prayers in the morning and evening. Make sure you get them copies of the small prayer book on Saturday."

"I will."

"And teach them how to properly say them."

"Obviously," I grinned.

"There are small icons of Christ in the bookstore cabinet that we give to catechumens. I'll bless them on Saturday."

"OK."

"You'll be here every service until Theophany, right?"

"Yes. I'll be with the bishop for Theophany again."

"He let me know. That's inconvenient as it's a Sunday, but we'll manage. Fortunately, once you're a deacon, he won't do that except on rare occasions. You might be called to fill in for Protodeacon Seraphim if he's on vacation, but otherwise, the bishop will generally leave you here. I'll see you on Saturday."

I received his blessing, we both left the church, and after I locked the door, I headed back to campus.

December 21, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"What's playing?" Jocelyn asked when she walked into my room on Friday after lunch.

"It's Do They Know It's Christmas by a group called 'Band Aid'. It was done for charity for Ethiopia, and if you listen, you'll hear a bunch of big names in music from Ireland and the UK. I wish we had cable in the dorms because I'd like to see the music video."

"What big names?"

"Phil Collins, Boy George, Kool from Kool & the Gang, Simon Le Bon and the other guys from Duran Duran, George Michael, Sting, the guys from Spandau Ballet, and more."