Chapter 34: A Close Call

November 23, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"Can we spend some time kissing?" Elizaveta asked when I picked her up on Friday afternoon.

"So long as you behave, yes!" I replied.

"Which is what the girls usually say to the boys!"

"Do your friends have trouble with that?"

"Sometimes. They say the guys try to push things further than the girls want to go."

"And Marjorie?" I grinned. "How is she doing!"

"It's not TOO cold yet!" Elizaveta replied with a soft laugh. "During Christmas break, my school friends want to meet you."

"That's fine," I replied. "Just let me know. I'll be staying at Doctor Blahnik's house."

"Did you see the newspaper this morning?"

"No, I don't usually read it. Melody keeps me posted on anything important. Why?"

"Those three boys who beat up Lee? They all go to Faith Bible Church. Reverend Saddler was questioned about it."

"Whoa!" I gasped. "That was in the paper?"

"Yes. Gennady showed it to me because it mentioned that the boys who were beaten up went to Taft."

"Did it say anything else?"

"No, just that the police were investigating. Do you think he told those guys to beat up your friends?"

"I have no clue, but obviously, the police think there's something going on. And sadly, it wouldn't surprise me because the Reverend was harassing Robby and Lee that first time I confronted him. And after the debate, I'm sure some people at his church were quite upset."

"Do you think those two Seniors who come to Vespers are in any danger?"

"I have no idea, but it is something I need to mention to Father Nicholas at Vespers tomorrow."

"Has he been back on campus? The Reverend, I mean."

"Not that any of my friends have seen. Melody predicted he won't come back, and I think she might be right. They'll need to send someone else or at least wait until I'm not around. Did your dad tell you that his dad asked me to help out with the new campus ministry?"

"He said he was going to ask you, but I was pretty sure you would be too busy."

"I'm going to serve on the committee and maybe do occasional talks, but I can't be too deeply involved."

"True. Mom said I should ask you if there's anything special I need to get for our trip to Europe. I think she's looking for ideas for Christmas and birthday presents!"

"Lara suggested we all get good, comfortable walking shoes with cushioned insoles, comfortable backpacks, and fanny packs so we can carry stuff with us during the day but keep our hands free, and so we don't have to carry the backpacks all the time, and cameras."

"Do you have a camera?" Elizaveta asked.

"No. My dad was the one who took all the photos. My grandfather likes to use his Super-8mm film camera. He looked at getting one of the new cameras that use cassettes like the VTRs we have at Taft, but they're still too expensive. He told me there's a new format coming out soon that will use 8mm tape instead of half-inch. I guess he'll get one sometime next year, but those are WAY too expensive for me to even think about and probably way too heavy to carry with us."

"I have a Pocket Instamatic — you know, the kind that is like a rectangle, not a regular camera."

"That's probably best. It uses film cartridges, right? Not spools?"

"Yes. It uses '110' film in a little cartridge."

"That sounds perfect for our trip. We'll just need lots of film cartridges."

"Do you know what kind of clothes we'll need?"

"It'll be Summer, and most of the places we're going will be really warm, so shorts or blue jeans and T-shirts or polo shirts. A lightweight, rain-proof windbreaker with a hood is something Lara suggested as well. I talked to Mr. Malenkov about getting foreign currency, but we need something like ten currencies, so he said it makes more sense to take American Express Traveler's Cheques. We can exchange them for local currency in each country and exchange Dutch currency for French currency, for example."

"How do rooms work?"

"In Amsterdam, we'll have a room to share for the six of us with a private bathroom. In Paris, you and I have the special room at the hotel. After that, the travel agent found hostels with either double rooms or ones where we'll all share a room. They avoided ones where we'd have to sleep in sex-segregated dorms or there was no privacy at all. It works out that about half of the nights, it'll be just you and me in a room."

"I need to make sure I bring my birth control pills!"

"Absolutely! And make sure you bring the prescription, too, so there aren't any questions."

"I think I'll start a list based on the things we talked about. We can review it on Saturdays to make sure we have everything. I should probably talk with Sandy and Clarissa, too."

"That makes sense," I agreed.

"Uhm, can I ask something?"

"Remember what I said?"

"Yes, but this isn't about us. Are Clarissa and Abby going to sleep together with us in the room?"

"If you mean share a bed? Yes, that's possible. The room for six actually has three bunk beds, but I assumed you and I would sleep in the same bed. I'm not sure what Clarissa and Abby will do, or Pete and Sandy. Is it a problem?"

"It's just weird. I mean, it would be strange sleeping in the same room with Pete and Sandy, but Clarissa and Abby..."

"I've never even seen them kiss," I replied. "Whatever they do, they do in private. You and I are careful about how we act in public, too. Mostly, I've seen Clarissa and Abby hold hands or dance, which is pretty much what I've seen with Robby and Lee. Sandy and Pete don't really have an objection to public displays of affection, but they aren't gross about it."

"Some kids at school have serious make-out sessions by their lockers before classes! It's just gross to see. The teachers make them stop if they see them."

"Why don't you just ask Clarissa? She'll talk to you about it."

"I'm not sure I want to know."

"That's how I felt about Robby and Lee, but in the end, I'm going to be a doctor, and I'll have patients who are gay or lesbian, and I want to understand them just as I do heterosexual couples."

"Does anyone at church besides Father Nicholas know about your gay and lesbian friends?"

"Tasha does, and I know she spoke to Nik before he met Clarissa, but I think that's it. If you think about it, their sin isn't any worse than any other sin. And none of them have done anything disrespectful at church, nor would they ever."

"It's just that you know the attitudes."

"I do, but my mom never had those attitudes, which is why I never did. My grandfather wasn't like that either. Neither was Mr. Sokolov, by the way. Mr. Orlov fired me from the hardware store back home because of Clarissa, Robby, and Lee."

"Wow; I didn't know that!"

"Most people don't. It's complicated, but the end result was that Mr. Orlov complained about my friendship with them to the bishop. Clarissa and I went to talk to the bishop about it, and after careful consideration, he agreed that I was handling it in a properly Christian manner."

"So, like with your sister?"

"I suppose so, in terms of what I was doing. The problem actually arose when I told Tasha about Clarissa because I knew eventually she would find out. Tasha went to the Orlovs, who are her godparents, and I'm pretty sure Tasha mentioned Mrs. Orlova is the one who matched us."

"She did. When did all of this happen?"

"A little less than two years ago. It was when I was dating Janey Riley, and she and Tasha had a huge fight."

"Over you?"

"Yes. It was pretty messy, to the point where they had a screaming match in the hallway at Harding County High."

"What did you do to cause that?"

"Besides being an idiot?"

"Yes."

"French-kissed Janey in public, where Tasha saw, and when Tasha was unaware I was dating Janey."

"That's horrible!" she exclaimed in outrage. "You cheated on Tasha?!"

"No, I didn't cheat," I replied, keeping my voice soft. "Tasha and I weren't permitted to date, and she knew I was seeing other girls, just not which specific ones. After that incident, Tasha and I fixed things, which I think should be obvious, with the agreement that I wouldn't date anyone from either church. I broke things off with Janey just before that because we didn't have a shared vision of the future. You can ask Tasha about it, and she'll tell you I wasn't cheating. I was stupid, but I didn't cheat."

"You seem to have behaved very badly in the past."

"I have, and I'm not going to excuse my behavior."

"And how do I know you won't behave badly in the future?"

"Because I'll have you to help me," I replied, "just as Mr. Sokolov said. Not to sound like I'm placing blame elsewhere, but if Tasha's dad had allowed us to date and be boyfriend and girlfriend, much of the bad stuff I did probably wouldn't have happened."

"Because she would have kept you in line."

"As will you."

"Your past behavior worries me," she said quietly. "It's not what I would have expected."

"Have you changed your mind about us?"

"No," she said, sounding tentative. "You're everything I want in a husband. But your past concerns me."

"I'm sorry I've disappointed you," I said.

Elizaveta was quiet for the rest of the drive to Doctor Blahnik's house, and I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. I didn't even want to think about what would happen if she chose to break things off, but I couldn't stop the runaway thoughts which quickly overwhelmed me. It would be a nightmare of epic proportions and one from which I'd have serious difficulty recovering. And all because I had let my hormones control my behavior.

"What do you want to do?" I asked when I pulled up in front of Doctor Blahnik's house.

"I really wish you had told me all of this before, but if you had, then I probably wouldn't have wanted to marry you."

"I'm sorry," replied dejectedly. "I can take you home, if you want."

"I told you before I hadn't changed my mind. You're right that you've disappointed me, but you said all of it was before we began seeing each other. That is true, isn't it?"

"Yes. I finally got my act together, such as it is, around the time your dad invited me to dinner. Things actually started getting better around the first of the year, but it took some time to break my bad habits."

"You said it started after you graduated — was it before or after you started at Taft?"

"I suppose it depends on how you look at it, but I'd say it's best to say it was after I started at Taft. Why?"

"I was trying to figure out how your thinking changed and if maybe it was going to college."

"I suppose you could say that I was exposed to lots of new ideas and lots of new people. When I was growing up, I had the same two friends from second grade onward. And Jocelyn and I actually became friends in kindergarten. I pretty much only hung out with them, and even when we all started dating, most of our dates were triple dates. Sure, I practiced karate and played chess, but even with those, Dale was on the chess team, and I didn't hang out with any of the other karate students.

"Then, after graduation, reality sort of exploded my worldview, and then I came to Taft and met people I would never have thought about having as friends. You could say that they changed me, but I'm still responsible for me. What changed was being exposed to new ideas and new ways of thinking. That was necessary from the standpoint of being a good doctor, but I let my thinking stray with regard to purity.

"To be clear, I wasn't pure when I came to Taft, but I had only been with one person. Probably the best way to put it is that I let my guard down, blamed my weakness, and let it control my life. I struggled with that for three years and, at times, had limited success, but nearly always succumbed. I knew that I had to conquer it once and for all if I was even going to come to dinner at your house."

"You did it for me?" Elizaveta asked.

"I think it's safer to say I did it for me because I knew that to have a relationship with you, I had to subdue the sinful nature I'd been feeding. Once I starved it, it became easier to control, which allowed me to starve it further, to the point where it is no longer my master."

"I'm sorry for trying to tempt you in that regard."

"You're the one person on the planet who ought to tempt me in that regard! For us, it's a matter of timing, well, assuming you still want to marry me."

"I do still want to marry you, Mike. Even if I'm not happy about the past, we're talking and working through the areas of concern. And you're not trying to hide your bad behavior, nor are you making excuses for it. If I felt you weren't being honest now, I would change my mind. But I'm sure that if we get through this crisis, we'll be a stronger couple."

"You are an amazing young woman," I said.

"Just remember that, husband!"

"I will."

November 24, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"How was your break, Petrovich?" Clarissa asked as I unlocked the door to my room.

She'd arrived back at Taft while I'd been at Vesper's and was waiting for me.

"I managed to not break up with Elizaveta," I replied.

"What the heck happened?"

I put on Francesco Zappa, an album of chamber music recorded and published by Frank Zappa.

"What's this?" Clarissa asked.

"Frank Zappa," I grinned. "According to the liner notes, Zappa heard it from a friend of his, and when he discovered it wasn't published, he found the music in the Mormon archives and recorded this album. I could put on Like A Virgin by Madonna if you prefer."

"I don't think there are any virgins on this floor!" Clarissa smirked. "And you're responsible for several of the girls not being virgins, including me, at least in one sense!"

"Which," I sighed, "is what got me into trouble with Elizaveta."

"I thought you weren't going to tell her?"

"It's a long story," I replied. "But the short version is I told my mom, in Elizaveta's presence, that I wasn't going to keep any secrets from Elizaveta."

"What was the context?"

"Liz, of course. In the end, my dad actually said 'hello' to Elizaveta, but I'm concerned my mom is going to go to Liz's wedding, and that will send my dad over the edge of the cliff."

"So you told Elizaveta about your history?"

"No names and no real specifics; just that I had a number of lovers in the past."

"I take it she took you to task for that?"

"And then some," I replied. "There were a few difficult conversations, but we worked through things, and she has me on probation."

"I'd say it's a damned good thing you chose to agree to Lara's terms."

"I know, and I'll thank her for that when I see her."

"So things are a little better with your dad?"

"I'm not sure I'd say that," I replied. "I reminded him of a promise he made to love any girl I married and treat her as a daughter. That got him to at least speak to Elizaveta, but the real problem lies with his opinion of Liz. And unfortunately, my attempts to fix things between my mom and Liz may have sown seeds of destruction."

"I'm not sure what else you could have done," Clarissa soothed. "Honestly, I think your dad is acting like a jackass."

"Maybe so," I replied. "But I effectively did the same thing he's doing — forcing Mom to make a choice."

"Not to sound like I'm six years old, but he started it!" Clarissa declared firmly. "He's the one who forced the choice. All you've been doing, from the start, is trying to repair the rift between you and your parents and between your parents and Liz. What were your alternatives? Cut Liz off completely? Have your parents boycott your wedding and wreck your ordination?"

"My ordination can't be more important than my parents' marriage," I replied.

"Let's assume you gave up on that; then what happens? Refuse to be involved in Liz's life? Pretend nothing happened and forget she's a member of the family? I can't see you doing that. Why would you?"

"They'd be together."

"Bullshit! You know full well that your mom doesn't agree with your dad. And I know your mom well enough to know at some point, things would come to a head and reach the breaking point. Your priest and their priest acknowledged you were doing the right thing. You can't blame yourself for anything that happened! This result was pretty much guaranteed when Liz took up with Paul four years ago."

"Not if I hadn't turned him in."

"From your perspective, you feel you had a fit of pique and improperly claimed the moral high ground because he was married, which resulted in you turning him in to the police. But other than you, Paul, and Liz, everyone thinks you did the right thing when you did that. And I will point out that those assholes who actually raped your sister are in prison because of the sequence of events.

"I think Liz's relationship with Paul, and your initial reaction to it, is gnawing at you now because of Elizaveta. But there is a huge difference between ten years at fourteen and less than six at fifteen or sixteen when you actually marry. In your mind, you've drawn some sort of equivalence between the situations, and there is none! First, sixteen is legal; fourteen is not. You aren't married; Paul was. You don't have a kid; Paul did. Your relationship is in the open; his with Liz was hidden.