Chapter 27: Acceptance

October 13, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"I'd like you both to fill out this worksheet," Father Nicholas said. "Please do not collaborate on the answers. It's important for me to understand our starting point. Please don't overthink this, or write down what you think I want to hear or what you think the other person wants to hear."

I scanned the worksheet before I began, something I did for every exam, quiz, or worksheet, then began with the first questions, which mostly had to do with how well I knew Elizaveta. I knew the answers to the first several questions — her birthday, the names of her immediate family members, who her godparents were, and that she had no pets. I had no idea about her favorite color, her favorite food, or if she had allergies. Other than the girls I knew she hung out with at church, I didn't know any of her friends or who she considered her 'best' friend.

The next set of questions was about my spiritual life. How often did I go to church? How often did I expect to go as a married couple? Was I following my personal prayer and fasting rules? How important was that to me? The answers to those reflected my usual practice of attending every service and following the prayer and fasting rules which Father Nicholas had set.

Next were what I would classify as compatibility questions — who was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, and various other household chores. For each of those, I wrote 'joint' as I truly felt that the traditional roles were outdated. It was one of my quirks — with regard to church, I insisted on strict adherence to tradition; outside church, I was basically a modern American college student. I was sure Elizaveta would have very different answers to those questions, and for practical purposes, as well as my own personal safety I thought mirthfully, we'd probably follow her preferences rather than mine.

With regard to number of children and timing, I wrote '2+' in the blank, and indicated that our first should be born after Elizaveta graduated from High School. My response to the question of preference for boys and girls was 'no preference', though, and I didn't write it down, I would prefer one of each if we only had two kids.

The final set of questions was about whether my family approved of our marriage when we intended to marry and why I wanted to get married. I knew the answer to 'why?' was fairly simple — my upcoming ordination; I hoped writing that down wouldn't upset Elizaveta, even though I was reasonably sure she knew that was my immediate reason. I added that I wanted a family, including children and grandchildren, which was the long-term reason. I was tempted to write 'sex', but I wasn't sure Father Nicholas would see it the way I meant it — humorously.

The very last question of the set was, 'If you are male, what is a wife? If you are female, what is a husband?'. I wrote out a combination of what Mr. Sokolov had said and what I had thought before I'd spoken to him — 'A gift from God, a helpmate, and a lover, intended to make me a better man'. When I finished, I handed the worksheet to Father Nicholas, and a few seconds later, Elizaveta did the same. He quickly scanned both worksheets before speaking.

"Mike, how much have you shared with Elizaveta about the situation with your parents?"

"She knows basically everything which was revealed to Father Herman this morning and a bit more. I felt, after that meeting, as my future wife, I had to tell her and trust her to keep it secret."

"Very good. I was going to start there for exactly the reasons you just gave, but we can let that go for now. Just so you know — when Father Herman and I left earlier, there was no resolution."

"Wonderful," I sighed.

"Let Father Herman deal with this, please."

"Yes, Father."

"I think we'll start with an easy one if you will. Elizaveta, you seem to think household chores are to be done by the wife, while Mike thinks they're to be shared."

"Mike is wrong," she replied with a smirk.

"And so it begins," I said good-naturedly.

"So," Father Nicholas said with a wry smile, "teasing aside?"

"Well," she said, "first of all, Mike is not going to have time to do those things for at least six years, not to mention I am FAR better at those things than he is!"

I chuckled, "She has a point; I can barely make a cake from a box, and my idea of 'good cooking' is hamburgers on the grill!"

"Which I will leave to him," Elizaveta teased, "because the 'caveman' has to cook his meat on an open fire!"

"Why do I get the feeling that visiting your house might become pun-ishment?" Father Nicholas asked with a smile.

"Because I think we can both be very silly," Elizaveta said. "Though I know in public I have to behave as a proper Matushka should."

"And that's something you feel you can do?"

"Yes, of course! Before I approached Mike, I spoke to both Matushkas, Mrs. Sokolova, and both of my grandmothers."

"'Approached'," I said with a grin, "as in took me to task for not asking out any of the girls from Saint Michael and declaring how good a wife she would make!"

"So, in effect, Elizaveta, you asked Michael to marry you?" Father Nicholas asked.

"'Ordered' or 'demanded' are probably better words," I teased.

"In all seriousness, Mike, are you OK with that?"

"I don't think the «съборъ бабушек» (sobor babushki) cares one whit if I'm OK with it or not," I grinned. "But yes, to be serious, Elizaveta made her points quite well, obviously. And yes, I'm convinced she is a good match for me."

"Because," Elizaveta said with a sly smile, "Natalya Vasilyevna told him so over a year ago!"

"Is that true, Mike?"

I nodded, "She did. When Tasha and I came to the conclusion that she would be frustrated and unhappy while I was training and that she would not be happy delaying having kids, she suggested Elizaveta, but acknowledged Elizaveta was too young at that point, at fourteen."

"And one year made the difference?" Father Nicholas asked.

"She'll be sixteen when we marry, so it's really two years, but also, the argument Elizaveta made was logical. It doesn't hurt that she's very pretty!"

Father Nicholas laughed, "No, I'm sure it doesn't! How much time are you spending together?"

"We go out together on Friday nights, and I have lunch at her house on Saturdays. I also have dinner with her father on Tuesdays, but that's at the country club, and Elizaveta and I have dinner with Tasha and Nik on Sundays. And we'll spend time with the Sokolovs as well."

"And what do you do when you go out?"

"Dinner and a movie or if nothing appropriate is playing, then we spend time at her house, under the careful supervision of her family."

Father Nicholas laughed and shook his head.

"Elizaveta," he continued, "are you happy with the amount of time you spend together now?"

"Yes, because I don't see how there could be more. Both Mike and I are in school and studying, plus we each have our friends. And, of course, we come to church."

"Mike?"

I nodded, "Yes. I think, like Elizaveta, I'd like to have more time to spend together, but circumstances don't permit it. And that's going to be the story of our lives, at least for the next six or seven years."

"And that is going to be the challenge for your marriage," Father Nicholas said. "Normally, I wouldn't propose something like this, but I think you're going to have to schedule time together. Most couples don't need to carve out time on a calendar or day book, but if you two don't do that, you'll find yourselves not spending time together. Elizaveta, do you intend to work once you graduate?"

"No! I intend to have babies!"

Father Nicholas nodded, "That's good, as long as you're both in agreement on the timing. But the reason I was asking is because I was going to suggest you arrange your schedule, including your sleeping hours, to match Mike's. Do your housework and shopping when he's in school or studying. See your friends at those times, too. And obviously, come to church together as much as possible."

"His training will interfere with church," Elizaveta said.

"Yes, it will," Father Nicholas acknowledged, "and the bishop is fully aware. We'll work around it."

"Mostly, that will be during my Residency," I said. "With clinical rotations, it's not quite as bad. Basically, the first year or two of Residency are the worst, and after that, I have some ability to choose my shifts, and I'll arrange them to be sure I can attend the maximum number of services."

"And I know that's going to happen," Elizaveta said.

"It seems as if the two of you are going into this with your eyes wide open, and that's good. I think for our next session, Elizaveta will meet with Matushka while you meet with me, Mike. In the following session, we'll begin to work on a joint prayer and fasting rule for you to work towards. Your homework for the next two weeks is to ensure you can answer all the questions on the worksheet where you didn't know the answers. Why don't you spend the next twenty minutes together and then return for Vespers."

"Yes, Father," I said.

"Yes, Father," Elizaveta agreed.

We received his blessing and left his office, heading outside to take a walk. I took off my cassock so that we could walk hand-in-hand without causing offense to anyone who might see us.

"It's the sex talk next week, right?" Elizaveta asked.

"I would guess so," I replied.

"I just assumed you would teach me."

I chuckled, "And how much experience do I have with having periods and having babies?"

Elizaveta laughed softly, "None! You're a guy!"

"Those are things to talk with Matushka about, though I hope your mom or your grandmothers talked to you about your period, at least."

"Mom did. But you're going to be a doctor! Won't you know those things?"

"Not by the time we marry or have kids if we have them soon after you graduate! And book learning can only take you so far. If you have questions, ask Matushka Natalya or Mrs. Sokolova."

"But they're old!" she protested.

"Which means they have experience! And given that between them, they have six kids, I think they might know a thing or two about both making them and raising them! And I have a sneaking suspicion that if you tell Matushka she's old, I might have to look for a new wife!"

"Compared to me, they are! Matushka has children older than me, and Mrs. Sokolova has a granddaughter almost my age!"

"And someday we'll be their ages, still happily married, with kids and grandkids of our own! So, what's your favorite color?"

"Purple. Yours?"

"I think black is my only real choice!"

"Not what you HAVE to wear, silly!"

"Probably royal blue — I have more shirts of that color than any, except for black. Who is your best friend?"

"At church, it's Oksana, but there's a girl, Britney, who I'm closest to. I'll invite her over so you can meet her. Yours is Clarissa, right?"

"Yes. For guys, my best friend growing up was Dale, but he moved to Wisconsin for college, and he's probably going to move to Seattle when he graduates. Here, I think it's Robby and Lee, though I'm pretty close to José and Pete. If push came to shove, I'd say Robby."

"Isn't it weird to have your best friends be a gay guy and a lesbian?"

"I don't think so. They're just like you and me. And other than telling me I'm crazy for entering into what amounts to an arranged marriage, they're fully supportive. What did your friend Britney say?"

"She thinks it's cool, but she doesn't understand why I would want to marry someone I wasn't in love with. I tried to explain that it's more important to find a person who is compatible and has the same goals and who wants to live their life in the same way I do and has the same faith I do. Grandma Yekaterina told me it's much easier to love someone than to live with them!"

"I hadn't considered that, but if you think about how many marriages end in divorce because of 'irreconcilable differences', she might have a good point. Is Britney the one who told you sex is bad?"

"No way! Britney will never do that before she's married. It was my friend Johanna."

"Which one of your friends uses kisses to control boys?"

Elizaveta laughed, "Johanna. I promised not to do that!"

"I remember."

"Besides, I really like kissing you!"

"Which concerns your parents and grandmothers quite a bit!"

"Actually, once the ring was on my finger, they relaxed. Dad pretty much will allow you to take me anywhere you wish, and my grandmothers basically think we're married."

"And her very firm 'Not yet!' the day I asked you to marry me?"

"I called you 'husband' BEFORE the ring was on my finger! Now, we could, except for how much trouble we would be in from Father Nicholas and the bishop! Speaking of that, do you think your dad will prevent you from becoming a Deacon?"

"I have no idea," I sighed. "But it's in the hands of Father Herman now, and I'll leave it to him. Well, and ultimately to Vladyka."

"I don't think it's fair."

I shrugged, "It's not about being fair; it's about what's best for the parish and the diocese."

"You should say something to my dad," Elizaveta said. "He's very close with the bishop."

"Not as close as my grandfather, who was friends with the bishop before he even became a priest! And my grandfather is already involved. My mom said he lectured her for two hours in Russian!"

"I've seen my grandfather Nikolay angry in that way! My dad is way more mellow."

"But he's a good businessman, obviously."

"He's tough but nice. That's how it was with my brothers and me. Dad is always sweet to me, but he was quite clear about following the rules and punishing violations. Really, it was Iosif, who goes by 'Joe' with his friends, who got in trouble. Mostly, he parties at school, and Dad is very unhappy about that. Gennady is a lot like my dad. Did my dad tell you Gennady is going to work for him and eventually take over the family businesses?"

"Yes, he did. I know he's studying business; what is Iosif studying?"

"Girls and beer!" Elizaveta said with a smirk. "His degree is supposed to be in civil engineering, but Dad isn't sure he's ever going to finish."

"What year is he?"

"Sophomore. He barely had a 'C' average for his Freshman year. Your sister is going to Rutherford Junior College, right?"

"Yes, studying accounting."

"And what does Paul do?"

"He's the night manager at the motel Mr. Zhuravlyov owns."

"The job you helped him get, right?"

"Yes," I replied, then checked my watch. "I need to put my cassock on and go inside."

Elizaveta squeezed my hand, kissed my cheek, and we walked back to my car so I could retrieve my cassock. I put it on, and we went into the church.

October 14, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

During announcements after the Divine Liturgy on Sunday morning, Father Nicholas said that Nikolas Antipov had an announcement to make. It came as no surprise when Nik announced he had asked Tasha to marry him and that their wedding was planned for July 21st. I looked over to Tasha, and she smiled and lifted her hand to show a modest diamond ring on her left hand. I was also not surprised when Father Nicholas stated that they would have the betrothal and wedding one after the other on the 21st.

Once Father Nicholas dismissed the congregation, and everyone kissed the hand cross which he held and partook of the antidoron and warm, diluted wine, Tasha was surrounded by the girls and women of the church. It was a good ten minutes before I had a chance to congratulate her and Nikolas, and then Elizaveta and I went to the church hall for lunch. After I taught Sunday School, Elizaveta and I headed directly to Tasha's apartment so we could spend the afternoon with Tasha and Nikolas.

"I'm glad you picked the day you did for the wedding," I said after Tasha greeted us at the door.

We walked inside and greeted Nikolas.

"I checked with Clarissa on your plans," Tasha continued, "because we really want you there. That also gives Nikolas time to find a job in Columbus, Dayton, or Cincinnati."

"Nik," I asked, "have you started looking for a job?"

"I will after Christmas break," he replied. "Nobody is hiring for next June just yet. The recruiters will be on campus starting in February. Did you hear about medical school?"

"Not yet. We're hoping to hear from McKinley this week or next."

"Have you decided where you'll live, Tasha?" Elizaveta asked.

"No, because it depends on where Nik finds a job. If it's in Columbus, we'll probably find a place near Milena and Joel. If it's in Cincinnati or Dayton, then probably in Rutherford. I think I know a pharmacy where I could work if that happens!"

I flashed a silly smile and asked, "You think your dad will hire you?"

"What do you think my mother would say if he refused?"

"I'm not sure I'd be worried about what she'd say; it's what she'd do that would worry me! And I'd want to be outside the blast radius!"

"Exactly!" Tasha exclaimed with a smile. "Did you book your trip to Niagara Falls?"

"Yes," I replied. "I found a nice, cozy motel not too far away that caters to newlyweds. We'll drive up on Monday after the wedding and come back on Friday. Then, eight days later, we leave for Europe."

"Where are you going?" Nikolas asked.

"Amsterdam, Paris, Madrid, Rome, Athens, Vienna, Geneva, Munich, Copenhagen, and London. We'll travel by train and stay in youth hostels, though, in Paris, we have four nights in a very nice hotel courtesy of Lara Federova. Have you two decided on a honeymoon?"

"There's a very nice place I found in the Catskill Mountains in New York," Nikolas said. "Basically, where we can go to be away from everyone for a week."

'And screw each other silly', which was left unsaid. I had no idea what kind of experience Nikolas had, but he was certainly going to have quite the experience on his wedding night, if my first weekend with Tasha was any indication.