Chapter 25: Confrontation

October 1, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"Hi, Ang," I said when she came to the phone.

"Hi, Mike!" she answered. "How are you?"

"Fine. How are you?"

"OK. Have you thought about what I asked?"

"Yes. Has Doctor Mercer talked to you about it?"

"Yes," Angie sighed. "And you agree with her?"

"It's more complicated than that," I replied gently. "At this point, with my upcoming ordination, that kind of sin would be a serious problem. Father Nicholas warned me, without us talking about you, that he'd have to tell the bishop I wasn't qualified for ordination if I sinned in that manner at this point."

Angie sighed deeply, "But do you agree with Doctor Mercer?"

"No," I replied. "I actually don't. But the disagreement is about whether the risk would be worth taking if circumstances were different, not about whether it would be risky, which it would."

"Because I might have a relapse, right?"

"Yes. May I ask you what you think would have happened last Summer if I'd done what you asked?"

"Doctor Mercer thinks I would have had a breakdown no matter what, and it might have been worse if we had done it."

What bugged me, and what I couldn't say, was that Angie seemed normal. But I also realized that her 'normal' was not necessarily stable and that whatever the underlying cause of her instability might be, it hadn't been resolved. That made her mental illness even more frightening — she could be perfectly 'normal' one day and need to be treated with psychoactive drugs the next. In her current state, she understood that. In a 'meltdown', she wouldn't.

I took a deep breath and let it out before answering.

"I have to say there's a good chance that would have been the case. And that's why I told you I wanted to take things slowly."

"And I accused you of using that as an excuse to never do it with me."

"You did. And I think, in some ways, what you asked me for is just like that."

"I know," she replied, sounding depressed.

"Ang, you know I love you, and I'll help you in whatever way I can, which doesn't involve either of us acting sinfully."

"But before..."

"I wasn't considering that aspect of our relationship. I've finally managed to get past my struggles in that area, and I'm doing my best to live up to the standards which the bishop expects of his clergy."

"Did you ask her? The girl?"

"On Saturday at lunch," I replied. "She said 'yes'."

"Which girl?"

"Elizaveta Kozlova."

"I suppose I'm not surprised. When will you marry?"

"In May. You're welcome to come to the wedding, if you want."

"I do. I'm not upset or angry with you, Mike; I'm just sad. I tried so hard, but..."

She began sobbing softly.

"Angie, I love you."

"I know," she replied between sobs. "And that's part of why it hurts. I'm not sure I can ever love anyone."

And that possibility made ME depressed.

"Angie? Are you OK?" I heard a female voice, presumably her mom, ask.

"I'm fine, Mom. I told you I would probably cry the next time I talked to Mike."

"OK. I'm going to sit here with you."

"Mike?"

"Yes?"

"Come see me soon, please? And bring Elizaveta?"

"I will. Are you going to be OK?"

"Mom's here, so yes. I'll probably talk to Doctor Mercer tomorrow. Thank you for calling."

"You're welcome," I replied.

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up, then collapsed on the couch between Lara and Clarissa.

"Well, that sucked," I sighed. "She was sobbing at the end."

"Because you're engaged?" Clarissa asked.

I shook my head, "No, because she doesn't think she can ever love someone."

"That would be severely depressing," Clarissa replied.

"I know."

October 5, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"What are we doing tonight?" Elizaveta asked when I arrived at her house to pick her up for our first real date.

"Dinner and a movie," I replied.

"Which movie?"

"Irreconcilable Differences," I replied. "It's a comedy about a ten-year-old girl who sues her divorced parents so she can go live with her nanny."

"And for dinner?"

"I keep the fast fairly strictly, so either Chinese food or a diner near campus where I can get a nice salad."

"Chinese would be fine. We keep the major fasts, but we're not strict on Wednesdays and Fridays. I'll do what you do."

"That's something we'll work out with Father Nicholas or Vladyka ARKADY," I replied. "And you know the rules are much more lax when you're pregnant or nursing."

"That's what Grandma Yekaterina said. According to my dad, I have to speak to the bishop at some point."

"Yes. You have to agree to my ordination, or he won't do it."

"If I didn't agree, I wouldn't marry you!" she declared.

"I know, but he still has to ask."

"Kind of like you asking my dad if it was OK to ask me to marry you? Or to go to Europe?"

"Something like that, yes. And you need to get a passport, if you don't have one. I'm going to fill out my application on Thursday and mail it in."

"I'll talk to my dad and make sure. But won't it have the wrong name on it?"

"Yes, but you won't have time to get one between the wedding and the trip. We'll just make sure we have the marriage certificate with us."

"Will you teach me to drive?"

"You have to take driver's ed if you want your license before you turn eighteen."

"I know, but I can get my permit next month, and I don't take driver's ed until fourth quarter."

"Yes, I'll teach you."

"Cool!"

"What did you decide about piano lessons?"

"I think after hearing you and your professor friend sing, I have to! I can't have you singing love songs to another girl!"

"I sang to you, «Котёнок» (katyonak)!" ("Kitten")

"I know, but your friends said you used to sing to your professor when you sang that song and that you do concerts together."

"True. But it's just singing."

"You can sing all the other ones and save the love songs for me!"

"As you wish," I replied.

"I'm not trying to be mean, Mike!"

"I didn't think you were. What you asked for makes sense. José can sing with her; he's single."

"He seemed to have quite a few girls around him!"

"Being able to play the guitar and sing attracts girls," I replied.

"And THAT is why you can only sing love songs to me!"

"Yes, Dear," I deadpanned.

"Oooh! You!"

"How many kisses will THAT cost me?" I teased.

"I think it's the other way now that I have you!" she replied. "I now subtract kisses!"

"So THAT is how it's going to be, is it?" I chuckled.

"One of my friends at school says it's easy to get her boyfriend to do what she wants that way!"

"I think you need a better class of friends!"

"I would never do that," Elizaveta said firmly. "That's just mean."

"It is."

"And besides, I LIKED that proper kiss!"

"Me, too!"

We had a nice dinner at the Chinese restaurant, then walked to the movie theatre. I bought our tickets, a small tub of popcorn, and two small Cokes, and we found seats about halfway back from the screen. The movie was pretty funny, but one exchange between Casey and her dad, which made me laugh, caused a very different reaction from Elizaveta.

Dad: [reading from Tomorrow, a book his daughter was reading] "Erica James celebrated her 13th birthday by screwing the entire junior varsity basketball team!" What is this?
Casey: A book! May I have it back, please?

"Gross!" Elizaveta whispered.

She had a point, though I found it amusing because it was an exaggeration to make a point, like so many other things in the movie. When the movie finished, we walked to Verner's for ice cream, and then I drove her home. We exchanged a soft, relatively tame kiss on the doorstep, and after she'd gone into the house, I'd returned to campus.

October 6, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

On Saturday morning, I made a trip to the Quick Mart to replenish my supplies, and as I was returning to the dorm, I saw the Calvinist preacher, Tim Saddler, following after Robby and Lee and haranguing them. I really didn't feel like arguing with him, but I wasn't about to allow him to harass my friends. I set the carton of pop and the brown grocery sack I was carrying on the bench in front of the dorm and quickly walked over.

"Excuse me," I said firmly. "Would you please leave my friends alone? They aren't interested, and you following after them and yelling is harassment."

"They're blatant, vile sinners!"

I shrugged, "So are you, so I'm not sure why you're so worked up about it."

"I do not lie with men!"

"Show me, from the Scriptures, where any one sin is greater than another," I replied calmly.

"Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

"Funny, you left off the start of that verse," I replied. "'Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?'. I'd say self-righteousness is about as unrighteous as possible. Jesus certainly thought so! After all, we know from the parable of the Publican and the Pharisee that the self-righteous are condemned. Jesus saved his harshest rebukes for the religious authorities because they were self-righteous and hypocritical."

"How can you defend homosexuals?"

We were attracting other students who had stopped to listen. I was tempted to just walk away but decided I couldn't.

"I'm not defending their sin," I replied, "I'm defending the notion that only he who is without sin may cast the first stone. Are YOU sinless, Reverend? If not, I'm wondering why you're here condemning others like the Pharisee instead of repenting like the Publican? I say you're violating the two primary commandments Jesus gave — to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself."

"I love God!"

"Good," I said, not agreeing with him but letting it go, "then love your neighbor as yourself! When you proclaim the truth in LOVE, then perhaps you'll be worth listening to. Until then, I'll ask you to leave my friends alone."

"You're sending them to Hell!"

"Me? No. I love them."

"Then call out their sin!"

"When I'm sinless, I'll worry about the sin around me."

"Which simply allows perversion to continue!"

"And you think screaming at them will actually change their behavior? Have they been to your church?"

"No, of course not!" he declared, clearly implying they weren't REALLY welcome.

"They've come to mine," I replied, "and listened to the Gospel preached in love. Which of us has the better chance of helping them achieve salvation?"

"Only God can do that! Salvation comes by faith alone, not actions!"

"Well, Reverend, you might want to consult your Bible because the ONLY place in the entire Scriptures where the words 'by faith alone' exist, they're preceded by the word 'not'. I think that creates a small problem for your theology. Not to mention that sola scriptura isn't taught by the Bible, which makes it unbiblical, and thus a contradiction!"

Robby and Lee both started laughing, as did the other students who had gathered around.

"Mike, challenge him to a debate about Christianity," Robby prompted.

"It's not really worth the time," I replied. "He won't change his mind because he's convinced himself that he alone is the arbiter of what the Bible says."

"Because I know the Bible!" Reverend Saddler protested.

I shook my head, "I don't believe that to be the case."

"Challenge him!" one of the other students encouraged. "You'll beat him, and we won't have to deal with him bugging us every Saturday morning!"

"I'd need to check with my priest and bishop before I did that," I said.

"There are no bishops or priests in the New Testament!"

Now I started laughing.

"Seriously?" I asked. "Yes, I know your version translates «επίσκοπος» as 'overseer', but that is a literal translation, while 'bishop' is the word which evolved in English from the Greek word. They mean the exact same thing! As for priests, the word «πρεσβύτερος», which you translate literally as 'elder', became 'prester', which became priest in English!"

More laughter erupted.

"Do you see me in fancy robes?" he asked snidely.

"You mean traditional formal wear from the 4th century? Like your business suit is for modern times? We just happen to use an older tradition. And the black robes we wear when we're not celebrating in the temple are traditional street clothes from the same period."

"Mike," Lee urged, "make the challenge!"

"Reverend, will you leave them alone?" I asked.

"I won't stop confronting sin and bringing the truth to this campus!"

I took a deep breath and let it out. I really, really didn't want to debate, but if he was going to harass my friends, maybe I needed to set aside my distaste for confrontation. Assuming I could get a blessing from Father Nicholas, this might be the time and place to do that.

"Assuming I can obtain a blessing from my pastor," I said. "Sure."

"How about it, Rev?" one of the other students asked very irreverently. "Got the guts to debate?"

I realized he was actually trapped — if he said 'no', that would spread to everyone on campus, and he'd be viewed as being unable to defend his positions; if he said 'yes', he ran the risk of being embarrassed. I was sure that no matter how badly I did, so long as I stayed calm and composed, and spoke in love, I would be fine. Ultimately, he had everything to lose, and I had nothing to lose.

"The devil can quote Scripture!" he replied.

He was refusing! And his refusal generated catcalls and jeering from the now nearly dozen students standing in a small circle around us. And I knew how to respond!

"So much for sola scriptura!" I replied with a smirk. "That isn't in the Bible! In fact, it's Shakespeare, from The Merchant of Venice. I think the closest I could come to that concept is the Bible story about Jesus and Satan having a debate, where Satan tells Jesus to turn the stones to bread, and Jesus replies 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.'."

There was a smattering of applause.

"The devil quoted Scripture to him at the end of the temptation!"

"Yes, he did quote one verse," I replied. "But you were quoting Shakespeare, not the Bible. Shakespeare's point was that the Bible can be twisted for someone's own purposes. I'll point out that even Satan didn't do THAT — he was rightly interpreting the verse. Jesus rebuked him because listening to Satan would be temptation, not because Satan was misquoting or misusing the Scriptures!

"And frankly, that's what you're doing. It's called 'proof-texting' and is an incorrect way to 'rightly divide the Word'. You pick and choose what you quote, ignoring things which contradict what you believe, including the verse I referenced before, which undermines your entire position — the only place in the Scriptures where the words 'by faith alone' appear, they are preceded by the word 'not'.

"But it gets worse for you. In the parable of the sheep and the goats, Jesus confirms that you're quite clearly in error. The sheep represent the saved and the goats the damned, and according to Jesus, as recorded in the Scriptures, the ONLY difference between the sheep and the goats is what they did or didn't do. Period. That's it. There's simply no escaping that conclusion."

"Works righteousness?!" he exclaimed, sounding almost shrill. "You can't save yourself!"

"I never said that I could," I replied calmly. "I simply showed that 'faith alone' can't save you, and according to James, only fools believe that it can. I never described how salvation operates. I simply showed that YOUR interpretation and YOUR theology are wrong. From the Scriptures."

There was more laughter and applause from the group.

"He's a coward!" a student said. "He won't agree to debate because he knows he'll lose!"

If he wouldn't debate, I did have one option, and I decided to exercise it.

I smiled and decided to twist the knife a bit, "It's true that a faith that can't stand up to challenge isn't worth much. But I have to go have lunch with my fiancée. I'll come to find you next Saturday, and we can continue this. Have a good day."

I moved away with Robby and Lee following me and the other students jeering at Reverend Saddler.

"Thanks, Mike," Robby said as we walked towards the dorm.

"You're welcome," I replied.

"You're really going to show up and confront him next Saturday?"

"I think I have to," I replied. "He's become more aggressive. He never bothered you guys before, right?"

"No. We've seen him, but he never said anything to us."

"Any idea what set him off today?"

Both he and Lee shook their heads.

"Not that I can think of," Lee said. "We were just walking back to the dorm."

When we reached the dorm, I picked up the grocery sack and carton of pop, and we went inside and up to my room.

"Think he'll ever debate you?" Robby asked.

"That's a good question," I replied. "He's more or less trapped because if he refuses, it looks as if he's conceding, but if he agrees, I'm going to create enough questions in the minds of anyone who attends that he'll be far less effective. So, in the end, he's screwed either way, which is fine with me."

"What are you doing today?"

"Having lunch with Elizaveta and her family. I'll be back late in the afternoon, but then I'm going to Vespers."

"Interested in getting Chinese delivered and hanging out with Sophia, Clarissa, and Abby at Doctor Blahnik's house?"

"Sure. If Jocelyn isn't out with Bill, invite her, please, as well as Lara, José, and whichever one of the girls he wants to bring."

"Sarah, most likely. Dona has started hanging out with a guy from 6. You've missed quite a bit because you're spending time with Elizaveta and her family."

"I know. It's a tough balancing act and one I'm going to struggle with for several years. Meet you at Doctor Blahnik's house at 8:00pm?"