Chapter 12: MCAT

July 7, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"Jocelyn Mills," I said, "please meet Laura Sera Bragg, also known as Larisa Sergeyevna Federova. Lara, Jocelyn Mills, my friend since kindergarten."

"I'm so sorry for you, Jocelyn," Lara said, clearly suppressing a smile.

"I know, right?" Jocelyn replied, a similar struggle obvious on her face.

"You two are absolutely hilarious," I deadpanned. "Clarissa loves me!"

"Come on, Petrovich, let these two «культурный» (kulturny)," she smirked, "women get to know each other!" ("well-behaved")

I smiled and shook my head, then let Clarissa lead me out the front door of the Blahnik's house. We walked along the sidewalk hand-in-hand.

"Where did you sleep last night?"

"In my room at the dorm," I replied.

"You must have come back early then."

"I did. I didn't go back to the dorm until about 1:30am. This morning, I ran, prayed, and then came over."

"And?"

"And it's a work in progress. Her basic take is that she thinks this could work, and we need to actually work on it when she comes back to school. We only had a couple of months, and there was a lot of other stuff going on."

"So, no commitment?"

"Not yet."

"What about Elizaveta?"

"I talked to Lara about Elizaveta, and Lara's position is that short of a commitment, I'm free to act as I see fit, albeit with the condition of not being intimate with anyone if I'm not going to be intimate with her."

"Good call on that one, Petrovich."

"Given the circumstances, I think I have to be chaste for now. Fundamentally, once I go to dinner at Elizaveta's house, I would be expected to not behave in any way that could be called «некультурный» (nekulturny). This also lets me get myself into the right state of mind AND behavior for ordination." ("inappropriate")

"And removes any doubt about what you and Lara might be doing from Father Nicholas' mind."

"Basically, it protects all of us. If all three of us go to confession and say there is nothing going on in that regard, then it sets Father's mind at ease."

"But can you handle it?"

"Yes. Lara did put it in an interesting way — she forbade sex, but not sleeping in the same bed with someone."

Clarissa smiled, "Looking out for my best interest. How much did you tell her about Abby?"

"Not much. I figured that was up to you. I suspect Jocelyn will tell her about Bill."

"How do you feel about what Lara said?"

I chuckled, "I'm not exactly in a position to object when she told me what I told Maggie for most of the past year."

"Not what I asked, Petrovich. I know you have a strong hypocrisy filter, but I asked how you feel."

"That we're on the right track. She talked to her mom and her biological father, and the two attorneys are in agreement that I'm the kind of guy she needs, at least from the 'Doctor Mike' angle. Both of them pointed out that the 'Deacon Michael' angle has its own set of burdens, which might turn out to be larger."

"Larger? How so?"

"Think about the reaction Nikolas had to my joke about Jim's dipstick. Both Lara and I will be living under microscopes. Honestly, she couldn't wear a bikini similar to the one Dona had on. At best she could wear a modest one-piece, and I know there are women in the church who object to even THAT in public. Having your own pool is one thing but at the lake? Some would have a fit."

"And you have to worry about that? The one or two old biddies who object?"

"It depends on what they're objecting to, but a bathing suit? Probably so."

"On the other hand, is Elizaveta going to even let you see her naked? Or is this an only in the dark, under the covers, missionary position thing?"

"You have met Natalya Vasilyevna, right?" I asked with a silly smile.

Clarissa laughed, "A completely prim and proper lady who would never THINK about wearing a bathing suit in public. And yet, apparently, a sex-crazed teenager in private! At least from the indications you both have given."

"Indications?"

Clarissa laughed, "OK, you didn't give specific details, but it was pretty clear from both of you that 'wild' is the correct adjective used to describe sex between the two of you."

"I'm going to need a couple of gallons of brain bleach after I say this, but my mom is very prim and proper in public."

Clarissa laughed even harder, "What exactly did she tell you?"

"She embroidered a bit, but I get the 'Tasha' vibe from what she was saying. Tasha's mom married young, and according to Tasha, it was for the same reason SHE wants to marry young!"

"So all these Russian women are just, pardon the expression, wanton sluts in the bedroom?"

"Strong evidence suggests my grandfather and his friends had no complaints about their wives in that regard."

"I hadn't thought of THAT impediment to you and me marrying."

"That kind of dual life is not something you could handle?"

"That would actually be the biggest hurdle, I think. Angie cleared it easily. So will Elizaveta, though there will be other hurdles for her to clear. Lara will have to give serious thought to living under the microscope, just as I would have."

"Which is the point her mom and dad were trying to make. Her stepdad is of the opinion that she's old enough to make her own decisions, and if she thinks she can handle it, then he won't object or interfere."

"Would he give his blessing?"

"Only in the sense that he would give Lara a blessing to choose her own way forward. His parenting style is very interesting, and it's something Lara would like to adopt. That's an interesting question for the future, though I have to say, I'm growing fonder of the idea."

"Because your kids, like Tasha and Sasha, will be under the microscope as well."

"Yes. But as you've seen, Deacon Vasily wasn't thrown out of the church, and he wasn't reprimanded or anything else. That said, if the kids are completely unruly, disrespectful, or anything like that, it could have negative effects because it calls into question your ability to parent. And forget any counter-arguments because it's all perception. And that's what Lara really has to think about — can she handle life as Matushka Lara."

"And where do you see Elizaveta's struggle?"

"The opposite, really. Can she be the partner I need?"

"She did a pretty good job of getting your attention and making her case."

"Yes, but look at all my friends."

"Above average intelligence. Even the High School girls were intelligent if I can even use those words in the same sentence!"

"But not just intelligence," I said. "A desire to learn, to be challenged, and to explore."

"Strange new worlds? To seek out new life and new civilizations?"

I laughed, "I doubt we'll be going into space. Think about the OTHER thing she'll have to deal with, something that is a concern for many of the conservative Russian Orthodox faithful."

"Robby, Lee, and me."

"Yes. Lara just went with the flow. I don't know if Elizaveta can do that. Not to mention the OTHER issue with you."

"Having a baby together."

"That's going to be VERY tricky to broach with Elizaveta."

"I have a wild idea if you want to hear it."

"Go on."

"Donate now, have your sperm frozen, and put it in my custody."

"That would solve part of the problem," I said. "But there's still the issue of the baby being mine."

"And if we were to keep that private? Between you, me, and whomever I'm with?"

"What about telling our son or daughter?"

"I didn't say I'd thought this through completely! But isn't there going to be a problem with church if we were to publicly announce we had a child?"

"And the fallout of NOT doing that on my marriage when it came out?"

"You do realize that because of your ordination, there's really only one possible solution that actually works for us to have a kid together, right?"

"A solution which nature has made impossible," I sighed. "And my faith has ruled out every other option."

"And neither of us can change those things because they are integral to who we are at our core."

"«Говно» (gavno)," I sighed. ("shit")

"In a world where you weren't Orthodox, we'd find a bisexual girl like Rebekah to share our lives with."

I chuckled, "Thank you for THAT image the day after I vowed to be chaste for the next year or so!"

"Actually, that wasn't the promise you made," Clarissa smirked. "And I won't even venture a guess how many times I had that image in MY mind!"

"In a different world..." I sighed.

"But you can't not be Orthodox any more than I can't not be lesbian."

"True. But I wonder if it makes sense to donate anyway? One never knows where life may lead nor what might happen."

"You wouldn't have a problem with that?" Clarissa asked.

"We're not committing to anything, just leaving an option open, no matter how remote."

"I did some checking, and there are two ways — masturbation, which I think is obvious, or a special collection condom, which I had no idea existed."

"Which YESTERDAY would have made a difference!" I declared.

"Giving you the chance to make love to me a dozen times or so to ensure a sufficient supply? How convenient!"

I chuckled, "There's this three-letter word you girls are all fond of using for me. But all kidding aside, you let me know what you want to do."

"Let me think about it, and we can talk more in a week or so."

"OK."

"I love you, Petrovich."

"I love you, too, Lissa."

"Back to the issue at hand — what's your next step?"

"Dinner at Elizaveta's house. I'll speak to her dad after we take the MCAT next Friday."

"As much as I teased you about the popcorn, this could turn out to be a difficult choice, couldn't it?"

"Very much so. Think they've had enough time?"

"Yes."

We headed back to the house and found Jocelyn and Lara on the patio.

"Did she tell you all of her 'Mike Loucks' stories?" I asked.

"Let's see," Lara said, "Smocks? Shoes? Bleeding girl? Spat, which let your other friend into what became your trio?"

"Sounds like she hit the high points," I replied. "Tasha said we're welcome anytime for coffee or tea."

"Why don't we go over now?" Lara suggested.

We left Doctor Blahnik's house and headed to Tasha's apartment over the Quick Mart. We had a good time talking and drinking coffee, went to A&W for lunch, spent the afternoon at Doctor Blahnik's house, and all of us went to Vespers. After Vespers, we stopped for Chinese food and took it back to Doctor Blahnik's house, where we found her, Derek, Milena, and Joel. We ate, then spent the evening with them.

July 8, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

On Sunday morning, Lara and I went to church, and after liturgy, we had lunch in the church hall, and I taught Sunday school. I had some curious looks from Elizaveta, which I would have to address, but there was no reasonable way to do that until I spoke to her father. She didn't look upset, so I felt I was on reasonably steady ground. After church, Lara and I went to Doctor Blahnik's house to spend the afternoon together before she had to head home.

"What are you doing for the rest of the Summer?" I asked.

"Being a bum!" she laughed. "I'll spend time with my cousin, my dad, and his family and take in some Pirates games. I'll come see you again in a few weeks if that's OK."

"It's always OK! What about meeting the parents?"

"Why don't you plan to come to Pittsburgh over Labor Day weekend? That will give us enough time for you to meet both families."

"OK. And when you come to visit, we'll go see my parents and grandparents."

"Your grandfather has to approve?"

"More like not object," I replied. "He and the bishop were friends when they were younger when Vladyka was still called Timofei. And I can't imagine he'll have an objection."

"But the bishop has to approve?"

"Actually, he won't object to any faithful Orthodox woman as my wife, but he WILL ask you if you are OK with me being ordained and if you understand the commitment."

"Is that what happened with Kimiko?"

"He was concerned, but what really factored into her decision was not being able to give up her Japanese culture."

"Any more than you would give up your Russian Orthodox culture."

"Exactly. She tried, but in the end, the sacrifice was just too great."

"How serious were you with her?"

"Serious enough," I replied. "Other than Tasha and Katy, nobody else came close."

"It was interesting talking to Katy this morning. She seemed relieved to have dodged the bullet of your ordination."

"Being a Matushka is absolutely not for her. And that would have been clear to the bishop, who then wouldn't have been able to ordain me."

"Not that I'd do something like this, but say you married, and then the girl changed her mind and refused."

"I'm not sure about the bishop, but I'd consider that equivalent of breaking her vows."

"That would be pretty much a complete break of faith. What would you do?"

"There is no reasonable solution at that point. A divorce would block future ordination."

"And staying in the marriage would be horrible; you'd resent her forever."

"Which is why I need to get the commitment in advance and why the bishop wants to speak to whomever I intend to marry."

"You have my word that I won't create any difficulties for you in that regard."

"Is there anything else you want to talk about or do before you head home?"

"Make out!"

We spent about thirty minutes cuddling and kissing before I walked Lara out to her Corvette.

"Yours?" I asked as she got into the driver's seat.

"Yes. Sixteenth birthday present."

"Why not bring it to campus?"

"Because I want to fit in. Too many people treat you differently if they know your family has money. It's so much easier to just be Laura or Lara and be like everyone else."

"That does make sense."

"And besides, it's my parents' money, not mine."

"See you in a couple of weeks?"

"Yes!"

She closed the door, started the engine, and pulled away from the curb. When she was out of sight, I went back inside to hang out with Clarissa until it was time for dinner with Tasha.

Later that evening, I talked with Dona and let her know what Lara and I had discussed. She smiled, told me it was what she'd expected, and we agreed we'd continue our mini golf games after what I was calling my 'MCAT Weekend'.

July 13, 1984, Cincinnati, Ohio

"I am SO glad your agreement with Lara allowed us to share a bed," Clarissa said early on Friday morning.

"Though I'm not sure she contemplated it being naked," I replied.

"Is there anyone safer than me?"

"Yes and no," I replied. "Do you want to shower first, or should I?"

"I'm guessing 'together' runs afoul of the 'no sleeping together'?"

"Let's say it's pushing the envelope further than I think I could comfortably explain."

"You go first, then."

I went into the bathroom, turned on the spray, adjusted the temperature, and got in. I took a quick shower and then trimmed my beard. Clarissa showered, and when we were both dressed, we went to the hotel restaurant for breakfast. When we finished eating, we checked out, then headed to the testing center. We found the correct room and approached a woman at a desk.

"I need your ID and your registration form, please," a woman about my mom's age said.

I handed over my driver's license and the form I'd received in the mail.

"Thank you, Mr. Loucks. I'll need you to sign this form. You're not permitted to take anything with you into the room except your ID and the locker key. The lockers are on the wall behind you. Put everything except your ID in the locker. That includes your watch, wallet, coins, keys, pocket knife, or anything else. Also, any snacks and your lunch."

"I assume I can keep my clothes," I grinned.

She laughed, "I believe we'd prefer that! Just make sure your pockets are empty except for your locker key and ID."

I walked over to the lockers, put my watch, wallet, car keys, and prayer rope in one of them, closed the door, turned the key, and pocketed it. Clarissa did the same thing, and we went into the testing room. I found the seat with my name on it and sat down. Clarissa's seat was two rows to the right and one row behind. The proctor gave us each a pair of pencils and a thin blank notebook for use as scratch paper. Other students filed in and took their seats.

Promptly at 8:00am, the proctor handed out the exam booklets for the first section of the test. After a brief set of instructions, he set a timer and called out, 'Begin'. The first part of the test was chemistry, and before answering any questions, I quickly scanned the testing booklet. Nothing jumped out at me as problematic, so I went back to the first page and began. I moved deliberately through the questions, not taking too long but not rushing, even when I was sure of my answers.

I finished the booklet with time to spare, so I went back to check on questions where I had been unsure or flat-out hadn't known the answer. On a few of those, I could eliminate two of the four options, but there were two questions where I simply had to make a guess, but not even an educated one, because I simply had no idea. That made me a bit nervous about the next section of the test, which was physics.

During our first break I quickly used the restroom, got a banana from my locker, and ate it. Clarissa and I exchanged positive looks, but we didn't talk to each other before going back into the exam room. The proctor handed out the physics test booklets, set the timer, and called out 'Begin'. As I had with the chemistry test, I paged through the test booklet and realized this section was going to be even harder than I'd feared.

I worked through the test questions, doing my best not to completely freak out. We'd studied, but given our complete lack of focus on physics in our coursework, there were several questions which I simply had no idea how to solve, so I skipped them. I came back to them and wracked my brain for memories of High School physics, as well as the two physics classes we'd taken and our study guides. I was still pondering answers to a few questions when the proctor called time.

During the break, I used the restroom again and bought a 7-Up from the vending machine, and Clarissa and I exchanged looks of commiseration. We'd just finished what we knew would be the most difficult section of the test, and to me, the rest seemed like it was all downhill. I ate another banana, and we went back into the testing room for the biology part of the test.

Compared to physics, biology was a breeze. My initial scan of the exam booklet made me confident I'd get a high score and I might even exceed my target of 12 or 13. Once again, I made deliberate progress through the booklet, ensuring I didn't make any mistakes. There were, as there had been with the chemistry section, a few questions to which I didn't know the answer, but here, I could make very educated guesses. I finished the booklet, including my review of my answers, with plenty of time to spare.