Chapter 10: Love And Other Things

June 23, 1984, West Monroe, Ohio

I'd had to skip my Saturday morning mini-golfing with Dona because Clarissa and I needed to be in McKinley for Sasha's 11:00am wedding. Saturday weddings were not the norm, but Vladyka ARKADY had granted «ekonomia» because of the circumstances. While we were in the Apostle's Fast, there were no strict canons against marriage during the Apostle's Fast like there were for the Dormition Fast, which would begin in a week. Given the delays caused by the government, the bishop had felt «ekonomia» fully justified, and while my opinion on the matter wasn't particularly relevant, I agreed with him.

Given the simplicity of Orthodox weddings, I didn't have to serve, and Father Herman didn't ask, which meant I could stand with Clarissa and my family. Tasha had invited Nikolas, which drew a number of confused looks, telling me that Deacon Vasily hadn't said anything publicly about Tasha and me ending our relationship. Jocelyn and Bill arrived not long after Clarissa and I did.

The wedding began with a blessing of the rings, and then they were placed on Sasha's and Yaroslav's right ring fingers, though I suspected they'd move them to their left hands to follow the American tradition rather than the Orthodox one. I intended to do that, as my parents had, because otherwise, the symbolism of the rings would be lost on everyone who wasn't Orthodox.

Once the rings were exchanged, Deacon Vasily handed Yaroslav and Sasha each a candle, and they joined their right hands for the 'crowning' ceremony. Father Herman blessed the ceremonial crowns which the parish owned. Smaller, less elaborate crowns would replace them for the reception, and they'd take those smaller crowns home to display in their icon corner.

I wasn't surprised to see Mr. And Mrs. Orlov acting as sponsors for the soon-to-be newlyweds. As Father Herman prayed, they switched the crowns back and forth between Sasha and Yaroslav. Deacon Vasily read the Scriptures, and then Sasha and Yaroslav shared a common cup of wine, and then followed Father Herman, Deacon Vasily carrying the censer, and an acolyte with the processional cross around the table in the 'Dance of Isaiah'. Father Herman then gave the final blessing:

The ceremonial crowns were removed and replaced with the smaller ones, and with that, the wedding was over. Everyone followed the bride and groom to the church hall for the celebration.

"I find it weird that there are no vows," Clarissa said quietly.

"If you have to be reminded of what marriage means at that point, you probably shouldn't be getting married," I teased. "But it's also the case that the Orthodox never adopted the legal trappings of the Carolingian Empire, which the Roman Church followed, which had their roots in the Latin legal system. Marriage isn't a legal contract which can be annulled."

"Hi, Mike," Janey Riley said, coming up to me.

"Hi, Janey, how are you?"

"Good. What's with Tasha? I thought you guys were destined for the same place as her little sister!"

"We agreed we didn't belong together," I said. "It was a mutual decision. You remember Clarissa, right?"

"I do. Hi, Clarissa!"

"Hi!" Clarissa replied.

"How is school going?" Janey asked.

"Good. You?"

"Same. Are you dating anyone?"

"I'm exploring a relationship with someone."

"What the heck does that mean?" she asked.

"To make a long story short," I said, "the bishop wants to ordain me a deacon when I graduate."

"You're going for an arranged marriage?!" Janey exclaimed.

"One we're arranging ourselves," I replied.

"That's nuts!"

I smiled, "My approach to life was never going to match yours."

"So, where is this girl?"

"On a cruise with her parents," I replied. "She lives near Pittsburgh."

"Russian?"

"Yes."

"Of course. Well, it was good to see you."

"And you," I replied.

Janey walked away, and Clarissa and I got in line to get something to eat.

"She ran away like you had bubonic plague," Clarissa said quietly.

"She never understood me, which was the fundamental problem with our relationship. She helped me see that my focus was too narrow, but I was never going to broaden it enough for her."

"She's not 'cradle', either."

"No, but she is," I said, nodding slightly to direct Clarissa's attention to Susana.

"Those CAN'T be real!" Clarissa whispered.

"She turned fifteen in May," I replied quietly.

"She could feed Africa with those!"

I laughed and began filling my plate with food from the various serving platters and crockpots. If there was one thing that was certain, basically every woman in the church was a great cook, and parties brought out the best in them. With plates full of food, Clarissa and I went to sit with Tasha and Nikolas. Jocelyn, Bill, Liz, Larisa, and Susana joined us, as did a few other college-age and teenage members of the parish.

"Are you staying for Vespers?" Tasha asked me.

"No. We'll leave in time to go to Vespers at Saint Michael. I really need to limit the number of services I miss.

"Will you be ordained a deacon soon?" Susana asked.

I was reasonably sure she knew the answer to that question, given what was common knowledge.

"There is NO chance, and I mean ZERO, of that happening before I marry!" I replied, causing the teens and young adults at the table to laugh.

"So you're looking for a wife?" she asked.

She knew THAT, too, because I was certain Elizaveta had warned her and others about her interest in me.

"I'm considering my options," I replied with a smile.

I saw Clarissa smirk out of the corner of my eye, and I gently kicked her under the table. I also saw Tasha hiding a smirk behind the glass of lemonade she was pretending to drink. I was tempted to kick HER under the table, but I didn't want to do anything which might offend Nikolas.

"In all seriousness," Ivan, who I believed was sixteen, asked, "are you going to accept an arranged marriage?"

"Probably not in the traditional sense," I replied. "But there are a couple of girls I'm interested in, and we'll investigate. If neither of them works out, then I may resort to asking the «съборъ бабушек» (sobor babushki)!"

Everyone laughed again. When we finished eating, Clarissa, Jocelyn, and I went to greet Sasha and Yaroslav, and I handed her the envelope with the gift certificate that Jocelyn, Clarissa, and I had contributed to and wished them the best.

"Thank you, Subdeacon! Thank you, Clarissa! Thank you, Jocelyn!"

"You're welcome," I replied, with Clarissa and Jocelyn joining in.

"Thank you for coming, Subdeacon," Deacon Vasily said, in what I felt was a more accepting mood, which made me happy.

"You're welcome, Father Deacon," I replied. "And if you'll excuse us, we need to head back to McKinley for Vespers tonight."

"Of course!"

Clarissa and I went to say 'goodbye' to my parents and Liz and then left the church hall. We were just about to leave the building when I heard Larisa call to me. Clarissa smirked, though Larisa couldn't see because Clarissa was facing away. I turned and walked back.

"Hi, Larisa," I said.

"What happened with Maggie?" she asked.

"I honestly have no idea. All I know is what Hannah told me, which I'm sure is the same thing she told you. It makes no sense to me."

"Nor to any of us. Maybe something with her old church?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea, but she was attending services at Saint Michael with me."

"Weird."

I chuckled, "That's pretty much what everyone has said. I asked Hannah to let me know if she heard anything. If you hear anything, I'd appreciate if you let me know. Liz knows how to get in touch with me."

"I will!"

"Thanks!"

"Come visit sometime!"

"I'll be visiting Liz in a couple of weeks."

"Cool! Bye!"

"Bye!"

She turned and left, and I walked back to Clarissa, and we went out the doors.

"I expected her to throw her hat into the ring!" Clarissa teased.

I shook my head, "None of Maggie's friends will do anything with me, including flirting, until somebody finds out what's going on. They all agree it's weird, and none of them have a clue."

"And Susana?" Clarissa asked with a smirk.

"I'm not interested in her at all, even if things don't work out with Lara or Elizaveta."

"Do you still suspect Kelly?"

"I can't imagine who else, but even so, if she said I was sleeping with Dona, it shouldn't have created THIS problem."

"What if she told them you were sleeping with me and Jocelyn. Together."

"In my dreams!" I chuckled.

"Ah, good, the pig is still there!" Clarissa teased. "I was wondering!"

"Something like that WOULD have upset Maggie. That was a red line Angie told me never to cross."

"Jeannette and Marie?"

"Specifically, but also in general. And if you think about it, it makes sense that something like that would upset someone who saw me as their potential husband, especially if they were a virgin, which Maggie is and I believe Angie is."

"Believe?"

"We don't know what happened to Angie in the past," I said.

We got into my Mustang, I started the car, and pulled out of the parking lot.

"That thought had crossed my mind," Clarissa said. "That her hang-up about sex wasn't just about her friend and her brother or about seeing her parents, but about some kind of physical abuse."

I nodded, "Me, too, but there may be nothing, too. Nobody knows for sure what causes schizophrenia. And at this point, I'm actually betting on nothing, but I realize anything is possible."

"Why nothing?"

"A gut feeling, I guess, combined with everything Doctor Mercer has said and my talks with Angie."

"What can you glean in five minutes?"

"A feeling."

"Are you thinking what I'm afraid you're thinking?"

"No. There is no chance of a relationship of any kind with Angie. Well, that's not entirely true. I can be her friend, but that's it. I have listened to Doctor Mercer, and I believe her."

"But you still love Angie."

"Didn't we have this discussion? Whatever it is I feel for Angie, there is a reality which I can't deny."

"Do you love Lara?"

"Wrong question, Lissa."

"CAN you love Lara?"

"Yes."

"Just like that? A decision?"

"No, it can't be that. That makes it too easy to decide NOT to love someone. But I can learn to love her. That is how it works in arranged marriages."

"Learn?"

"Did you love me from the start?"

"No, of course not."

"Are you in love with me?"

Clarissa smiled, "I get your point. You and I grew to love each other, but we were never 'in love' in the way most people mean it."

"That's what will happen with Lara if she's up for the challenge."

"You think she is."

"I do."

June 24, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"Subdeacon, where is Maggie?" Father Nicholas asked on Sunday morning before Matins.

"I believe she's at home in West Monroe, but I'm not sure. And I also have no idea what's going on. I haven't spoken to her for over a week. We went to dinner about a week ago, and everything seemed fine to me."

"You didn't have a fight?"

"No. I'm sure you're aware that her dad was upset she decided to move out of the house, but her brother mediated, and I urged her to reconcile with her parents. That's what she was doing last weekend. She went home, as planned, but then didn't come back. I called the house, and her mom told me Maggie didn't want to speak with me and I should never call there again."

"What in Heaven's name did you do?"

"Father, if I knew, I'd tell you. Even her closest friends don't know. Yesterday, I asked one of her closest friends, Larisa Mikhailov at Holy Transfiguration, but she has no idea what's going on. My sister Liz is friends with Maggie and has no idea. The attorney Maggie works for has no idea. All of them say it's weird. And I want to be clear that I made no promises to her that I broke. And to be completely honest, I was actually concerned about keeping a promise I made."

I explained to Father everything that happened with Maggie and her parents and that I had told her I wasn't going to make any permanent commitments before she and I had a chance to get to know each other.

"She knew I was dating," I continued, "though she didn't know any specifics. Meeting Lara changed things in my mind, and I've concluded I need someone who is 'cradle'."

"When did you decide that?"

"In the last day or so, after talking at length to Tasha and Clarissa."

"Did Elizaveta have something to do with that?"

"Only in the sense of making me realize that with the possible exception of Angie, I was probably mistaken to date girls outside the church. The commitments I have to make can only really be understood by someone who has been Orthodox for a long time, preferably for life."

"And Lara?"

I smiled, "I suppose you could say you could take the girl out of the Church, but not the Church out of the girl."

Father Nicholas laughed softly, "Despite her step-father's negative influence, she maintained her faith. Have you heard from her?"

"She's sent me postcards from each port of call, and they all say she's looking forward to seeing me when she returns. And then she and I will sit down and talk about the future, much the same way Tasha and I did."

"And Elizaveta?"

"Has made her position clear. She took me to task for bringing non-Orthodox girls to church rather than choosing a girl who was already Orthodox."

"An important point, as you've finally discovered," Father Nicholas said with a smile. "I think your experience with Angie colored your view such that you felt any girl would convert for you. Given your old timeframe of not marrying until you were a Resident, that might have worked, though we discussed the problems with that kind of thinking when you were seeing Kimiko."

"What's your advice, Father?"

"To leave matchmaking to the matchmakers!" he declared with a grin.

"Even so, your thinking on the matter is important to me, as is Vladyka's."

"If you're asking me to choose between Lara and Elizaveta, I have to decline. If you're asking if either of them will make a suitable wife and matushka, I believe both of them would. And with that, we need to vest quickly, or we're going to be late!"

I chuckled, "Orthodox Non-Standard Time!"

There was a pattern in many churches of starting services late. That had happened innumerable times with Father Herman at Holy Transfiguration but never at Saint Michael.

"Not in THIS parish, Subdeacon!" Father Nicholas declared firmly.

We started Matins exactly on time, as we always did, and just about four hours later, when we finished serving the Divine Liturgy, I joined Clarissa and the teens and young adults for lunch. After lunch, I taught Sunday School, and then Clarissa and I headed back to campus to begin reviewing for the MCAT, something which would occupy at least three hours every night except Friday, as well as three or four hours each on Saturday and Sunday.

We went to my room and I wrote out a note which asked that we not be disturbed except in an emergency because we were studying for the MCAT. I taped it to the door, then closed and locked the door, put on soft jazz, and sat down next to Clarissa and a pile of study guides and practice tests.

Four hours later, we wrapped up and joined Jocelyn and Dona for dinner in the cafeteria, and then the four of us hung out in my room until bedtime. As usual, Dona disappeared while I said my prayers, but came back to join me in bed for a couple of hours of 'slow dancing'.

June 27, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

On Wednesday afternoon my curiosity finally got the best of me, and I asked Grace to call Mr. Jacobs' office and ask for Maggie. She did, and when the secretary put her on hold, she hung up.

"She's there," Grace said. "Now what?"

"I have to decide if I'm going to go to the Elberts' and try to talk to her."

"Again, as someone with no dog in this fight, unless you intend to try to get back together with her, why?"

"To know what caused the problems and perhaps explain."

"To soothe your conscience? Because that's really all it would be, right? Let's assume it was all a big misunderstanding. Fine. You explain that. She apologizes and says she wants to keep seeing you. You tell her you aren't interested. How well is THAT going to go? You'll have exchanged one reason for her being pissed off for another. Then what will you do? Take her back to make her feel better? Because THAT will work out so well."

"You're right," I sighed. "It's basically a no-win scenario. Just like you playing chess!"

Grace's eyes narrowed, and her cheeks scrunched as she gave me an evil look.

"Now that's just low," she replied.

"And true," I replied smugly. "You haven't won yet!"

"Maybe I need an incentive!"

"Winning is its own incentive!"

"I was thinking something much more personal!"

"Unfortunately, the 'thrill of victory' will have to do."

"Bummer."

A customer came to the checkout, which meant we had to get back to work. Grace went back to doing one of our more tedious tasks — checking for 'expired' products while I waited on the customer. We always did our best to rotate the stock on the shelves, but invariably, customers would rearrange the items to get the one with the furthest date rather than taking the item in front.

When the work day ended, I went back to campus to relax until it was time to leave for Vespers. Clarissa elected not to go, and Tasha preferred not to be early, so I headed to the church alone. When I arrived, I unlocked the doors, disarmed the alarm, then set about preparing for Vespers.

"Subdeacon Michael?"