Chapter 1: Ultraviolet

May 25, 1984, West Monroe, Ohio

"Hi, Mikey!" Liz exclaimed when Clarissa and I walked into my parents' house on Friday afternoon.

"How is my newly graduated sister?"

"Stoked! I'm done with school and moving out of the house! Are you staying the whole weekend?"

"Except for driving Maggie to McKinley tomorrow morning. Am I supposed to bring her back for the party?"

"If you can take her back on Sunday with you, she'll stay at Valerie's on Saturday night."

"It's going to be a bit complicated because Clarissa and I are invited to a small reception for Tasha at her house on Sunday afternoon. We'll spend a couple of hours at Grandpa's house and then head over there. I can't take Maggie there, and I don't want to drive back to Rutherford to get her. Can you bring her here by 6:00pm or so?"

"Sure," Liz agreed. "The thing at Grandpa's house will be done by then. Mom said she wants to talk to you this weekend."

"Good for Mom," I replied flatly. "The weekend is really busy, and you know I have nothing at all to say to her. You're an adult and have been legally one for almost three months. It's up to you what you tell Mom, not me. And that's what I'm going to tell her. When you're ready to tell her about Paul, I'll come stand with you."

Liz smiled, "Thanks, Mikey! Clarissa, you can put your stuff in my room unless you and Mikey are sleeping together."

"Dad would never understand," I replied.

"So you ARE!" Liz smirked.

"I sleep in Mike's bed quite a bit," Clarissa said, "but you know I have sex with girls!"

"Let's take our stuff upstairs," I interrupted, wanting to end that conversation before it got out of hand.

Clarissa and I went upstairs, dropped our bags, and then came back downstairs.

"We're going to have coffee with Tasha," I said to Liz. "We'll meet you at Hannah's."

"OK. See you at Hannah's!"

Clarissa and I left the house, got into the car, and headed for Marie's diner.

"Worried your sister was going to figure out we'd made love?" Clarissa asked.

"I was more concerned for you than for me," I said. "I don't think we want to advertise, for either of our sakes. Most people wouldn't understand."

"Jocelyn would. And believe it or not, I think Tasha would as well."

"How much did you reveal to them during Christmas break?"

"Pretty much everything, but remember, we hadn't done anything but kiss at that point. Jocelyn was sure we were going to sleep together, though. She felt it was inevitable, no matter which way things went. I am really looking forward to having her in McKinley."

"I BET you are!" I chuckled.

Clarissa laughed, "And here I thought your brain was short-circuiting over seeing me and Tasha together!"

"I'm not sure who's a bigger troublemaker, you or Lara!"

"Just wait until the FOUR of us are in McKinley in August!"

"I may ask the bishop to send me to Mount Athos!"

"Where?"

"The Holy Mountain in Greece, where there are around twenty monasteries and where women are expressly forbidden from entering under ANY circumstances! In fact, all female animals are banned except female cats and female songbirds."

Clarissa laughed, "Because bunny rabbits honor the ban?"

"I was referring to farm or domesticated animals!"

"And you going someplace with no girls? That'll be the day!"

"OK, so maybe not!"

"Who's going to be at the party tonight?"

"According to Liz about forty kids, split about evenly between guys and girls. The core group is Liz's friends you've met. The weird thing is that Maggie's house is just behind Hannah's, so she'll see everyone when we're in the backyard. But she decided to skip because she didn't want her parents to see us at the same party and have that cause trouble with her escape tomorrow morning."

"Wouldn't it have made more sense to have Liz bring her to McKinley this morning?"

"Yes, but I'm pretty sure Maggie wants the symbolism of me taking her away."

"Making the point that her dad can't control her and didn't change her mind about anything."

"Exactly," I said. "Of course, the problem is, he DID interfere, and it DID cause difficulties. Maggie just isn't aware of the extent."

"I think I'll stay at your parents' house while you make that drive and have that talk."

"It's not a done deal, Lissa."

"You just keep telling yourself that, Petrovich!"

"You do know that Lara has a lot of thinking to do over the Summer, right? And that she could decide this isn't what she wants or needs."

"Do you think that's really a risk?"

"I would never have guessed Tasha couldn't handle it," I said. "And that didn't really come out until after she and I started sleeping together. Sure, there were questions about us marrying before, but when she truly contemplated what being married to me would be like, she realized she probably couldn't handle it."

"But Lara is perfect and checks every single box!"

"I know that, but that's not enough. Tasha basically checked every box until she didn't."

"If only I could..."

"That's a bigger thing to overcome than even the one Tasha would need to overcome. And that same point has to be made about Maggie — we never had enough time together for me to impress on her just how horrible our lives are going to be for five or six years after we graduate from Taft."

"So you could end up with one of the girls from church?"

"I'm not ruling anything out because, ultimately, I'm not in control of the situation."

"You do want it to be Lara, don't you?"

"Yes."

I pulled into the parking lot at Marie's and parked next to Tasha's Volvo. A minute later, Clarissa and I sat down in a booth with her.

"How are Sasha and Viktoriya?" I asked.

"Just fine! It's strange to have a baby in the house, but she's adorable!"

"What about the wedding?"

"Family Services filed an objection saying they felt Sasha was being coërced by my dad because of his strict religious views."

"Oh, give me a break! Even I know they can't use religion against him!"

"That's what the judge said. He rejected their report on First Amendment grounds. They have until Tuesday to submit a new report."

"Did Sasha tell them your dad was making her do it?"

Tasha shook her head, "No. She said she wanted to get married and have a father for her baby. Well, one who is her husband."

"Are you sure?" Clarissa asked.

Tasha was quiet for a moment, "I think Sasha would have preferred not to get pregnant in the first place, but after what happened, I'm sure this is what she wants. Yaroslav visits every evening after work and has dinner with us, and Sasha seems very happy to see him. I suspect she does feel somewhat pressured, but honestly, I can't imagine who wouldn't feel the pressure of being a single mom."

"I think all of us," I said thoughtfully, "at some point in our lives, encounter situations where we experience pressure, even if it's only from ourselves."

"You're talking about your ordination, right?" Tasha asked.

"Yes, but it's complicated by my other calling — to be a doctor. If I were going to graduate and get a job a year from now, I'd be able to support a wife and family and give them the attention they deserve. If that were the case, you and I would most likely be getting married this Summer. But it's not, so I'm in a situation where my own choices and my callings have created a situation of intense pressure.

"I know some people think the bishop and the priests are pressuring me or that my grandfather is pressuring me, but to be honest, none of them want anything more than what I want — for me to be true to my callings, both as a doctor and as a deacon. Nobody wished for Father Deacon Grigory to have a heart attack, but that accelerated events because Saint Michael needs an active deacon. And, I'm sure an outside observer, such as Family Services, would believe I was under intense religious pressure to marry and be ordained. I am. From myself.

"I know I can say 'no' to the bishop, or rather, 'not yet', but I would prefer not to do that. Maybe I'll have to; maybe things won't work out with Lara or Maggie or Yuliana. Elizaveta would mean saying 'not yet' because I'm not sure I could date someone her age. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try to resolve things in the next year. And again, that's me making the decision, pushing myself, not the bishop, not my grandfather, and certainly not any of the girls. Tasha, is your desire to marry because of your dad's pressure? Or because of your own desires?"

Tasha laughed softly, "You solved the 'desires' problem for me quite nicely last September!"

Clarissa and I both laughed softly in response.

"But," Tasha continued, "I know what you mean. Actually, it's the same for both — what my dad wants is of no particular concern to me, except insofar as I have to act in such a way that he doesn't interfere with what I want to do. And I've discovered that we each have struggles about what to do in ways nobody else might understand. May I be very «некультурный» (nekulturny)?" ("inappropriate")

Clarissa and I both nodded.

"My desire to go to bed with you, Mishka, was driven by pure lust. I wanted to fuck. To be blunt, I wanted to fuck you, and I wanted you to fuck me! I wanted your «половой член» (polovoj chlen) in my «пизда» (pizda) from the time I had my first period, and I was determined to make it happen. ("dick", "pussy")

"It's different for Clarissa. She wants that because she's so deeply in love with you that she can't stand it, and even though she is lesbian, she wants you in that way. But not the same way, actually. She doesn't want to fuck; she wants to make love."

"How did you know?" Clarissa asked.

"Jocelyn knows, too. We talked about it privately when she was home at Christmas. I wondered if you might, well, please forgive me for saying this, change your decision about being a lesbian. I know you and Mike don't believe it was a decision, but I can't see it as anything other than a result of sin. I'll never treat you differently, Clarissa, nor think less of you, but it's what I believe."

"A lot of people believe that," Clarissa said, "but to be equally blunt, at the age when you decided you needed Mike inside you, I was thinking about tongues and fingers from girls inside me. It was only social pressure that made me wonder. And while you're right that Mike agrees with me about it being who I am, not a decision I make, he believes it's a feature of the fallen world. I suppose you could say, splitting the difference, it's my nature, but it's part of the corruption of the true order of the universe. The thing is, Mike is fully aware of his own sins and refuses to judge others."

Tasha smiled, "And I am fully aware of certain sins Mishka commits; he commits them VERY well, too!"

Clarissa and I both laughed.

"What do you think we should do?" Clarissa asked.

Tasha smiled, "I think, from your perspective, there really is nothing you can do except make love with Mike and see what happens."

"We already did that," Clarissa replied quietly. "It was wonderful, but since then, I've been with a girl a few times."

Tasha nodded, "That is what Jocelyn thought would happen because she basically agrees with you two that being lesbian is part of your nature, not something you decided."

"When will we see you in McKinley?" Clarissa asked. "I'd like to sit down and have a long talk."

"Wednesday," Tasha said. "My parents are helping me move. Can the three of us have dinner after Vespers? I'll cook."

"Yes," Clarissa agreed.

"Sure," I said.

"And you can stay the night?"

"Natalya Vasilyevna," Clarissa interjected, smirking, "who knew?"

Tasha laughed, "And Mishka wants to watch, right?"

"I think 'participate' would be more likely!" Clarissa teased.

"I think you just put some VERY «некультурный» (nekulturny) pictures into Mishka's mind!"

"They were already there," Clarissa said mirthfully. "Lara has been teasing him mercilessly about me and you and Jocelyn."

"And before this gets even MORE out of hand," I said, checking my watch, "Clarissa and I need to head to the graduation party. We'll see you at church tomorrow evening and on Sunday morning, then later on Sunday afternoon."

"And then I'll see you both in McKinley on Wednesday! Mike, I know you work, but Clarissa, please come by around 10:00am. You can help me set up!"

I paid for our three coffees, Clarissa and I both hugged Tasha, and then the three of us left. Tasha got into her Volvo, and Clarissa and I got into my Mustang and I followed Tasha from the parking lot, though I turned right when she turned left.

"You were right," I said. "About Tasha understanding. And from what she said about Jocelyn, too. But do you know what I found MOST interesting?"

"Besides the fantasy of seeing me and Tasha together and having the threesome of your wildest dreams?"

I chuckled, "The fact that she didn't even blush when you said that."

"Unless I miss my guess, she's a wildcat in bed, so I'm not sure I could say anything to make her blush at this point!"

"Are you bothered by the fact that she and Jocelyn talked about you? About us?"

"They're both concerned about you, Mike. That's why they talked. I was, well, incidental to the conversation. They both know how close we are."

I nodded in acknowledgment.

"Wednesday night with Tasha will be your last, won't it?" Clarissa asked.

"It has to be. She's going to start talking with Nik, and Tasha is VERY «культурный» (kulturny) when it comes to such matters."

"And Jocelyn?"

"Will work itself out by the end of the Summer. I'll just have to figure out how to properly divide my time between the two of you."

"We'll figure it out. You know she and I get along really well, just as both of us do with Tasha. It's Maggie who's going to be the problem."

"Oh, I know," I replied. "I was thinking I might miss some or all of Valerie's party because I don't want to abruptly end any conversation Maggie and I might have."

"Liz can take me, if necessary."

I parked my car in front of Mindy's house because I saw so many cars further up the street. Clarissa and I got out, locked the car, then walked the short distance to Hannah's house. There was a sign taped to the front door which said to go around to the backyard, so we followed the brick walk around the house, went through the gate, and into the backyard.

"Mike! Clarissa!" Hannah exclaimed, hurrying over to us.

I hugged Hannah, and she gave me a quick peck.

"Congratulations on surviving High School!" I said.

"Thanks! My dad is cooking burgers and hot dogs, and there's tons of food on the table on the patio and more in the kitchen. Just help yourself and have fun! There's a ping-pong table in the basement, and there's room to dance down there, too. Drinks are in the cooler on the patio!"

We went over to where Liz and Emmy were standing with a couple of girls I didn't recognize.

"Mike, Clarissa, these are girls from school — Michelle and Ellen. Girls, this is my Big Brother Mike and his best friend, Clarissa."

"Hi," I said.

"You have a girl for a best friend?" Michelle asked.

I nodded, "I do. She's in pre-med with me, and we take classes and study together."

"You're both going to be doctors?"

"Yes."

"Cool!" she gushed.

"Liz, we're going to get something to drink; we'll be right back."

Clarissa and I walked over to the cooler, and I selected two cans of RC and handed one to Clarissa.

"Your adoring public!" Clarissa said quietly.

"High School girls seem to have a thing for college guys," I said. "I sure didn't get that kind of response from girls when I was in High School!"

"Because you didn't pay attention to your little sister's friends until Emmy basically threw herself at you."

"I was pretty clueless back then."

"Back then?" Clarissa teased.

We started back to where Liz was standing, but they'd been joined by three guys. I saw Brett Ellison, Mindy's older brother, so we went to talk to him.

"Hey, Brett!" I said.

"Well, if it isn't Mike Loucks!" he said, extending his hand.

"This is my friend Clarissa. Clarissa, Brett Ellison, Mindy's brother, and former member of the Harding High Chess team."

They said 'Hi' to each other.

"Do you still play?" Brett asked.

"Occasionally," I said. "I just don't have the time. You?"

"I'm on the school team. Did you hear about my roommate?"

"Mindy told us," I replied. "Hauled away by the cops. My ex-roommate got the same treatment, but his was rape, not exposing himself to little kids!"

"Supposedly, Jeff, my ex-roommate, copped a plea and is doing time in the county jail in Clermont County. I thought he was a strange dude, and I guess I was right. How is school going?"

"Good. We're about to take the MCAT — the medical school exam. And we're working on our applications. You?"

"I'll graduate with my degree in accounting and look for a job. I'll work on my MBA in night school. And start looking for Mrs. Ellison!"

"If you survey this backyard, I think you'll find a bevy of cute girls who might take you up on that search!"

He laughed, "My little sister did have some cute friends! How's your sister?"