Chapter 2

Two weeks after Megan’s cruel departure, I felt I was at a place where I could cope with my turmoil. I decided to drive three hours to see my mom and dad. Both of my brothers and my youngest sister were there as well. We visited for a few hours over dinner while I convinced everyone I was good. No one believed it, but I was glad they pretended to be satisfied.

Dad was Dad. He had little to say but his eyes betrayed his love for me and deep anger toward Megan. I imagined in his mind he was considering organizing a biblical stoning of the guilty woman. Mom tried to avoid talking about Megan at all. I think she would still like to get a pound of flesh from the woman that hurt her boy. My brothers and sisters all wanted to hug me and pound Megan to a pulp. The hugs and affection really did feel reassuring, and my visit home made me even more thankful for having a loving family.

As I drove home from my parents, plans for my future started to form in my brain. I decided Megan’s actions set the stage for me to evaluate lots of things in my life. She forced the big change. Now, I was going to determine how things would go in other key areas of my life.

The first on my mind ... I had a job I loved with a company I couldn’t stand. My direct supervisor was a prime example of the “Peter Principle.” He was in over his head and tried to cover his shortcomings with bluster, bad attitude, and constant ridicule of his charges. I started the New Year with a new life, and I wouldn’t be held back by working for fools. I was headed out on my own. Those were heavy-hearted days in my life, but I felt a great weight lifted off of me as I organized my future.

As the months passed, Bobby and Sarah continued to keep me secure through their friendship. I said it before, but if you Googled “perfect friends,” they were the benchmark that popped up on the screen. I didn’t have dinner with them every night, but Friday became a regular time together along with weekend gatherings. Since I was no longer a “couple,” many of the other couples that Megan and I used to hang with drifted away. I sort of expected that.

I noticed a trend in my visits with Bobby and Sarah. They both found time to pull me aside to tell me about some great woman that I should ask on a date.

“Would you two match-maker-wannabes please stop? I’m not ready to date yet.”

Sarah looked hurt. “Ben, you’re not the type of guy that can be alone. We just want you to be open to finding somebody new.”

“I know your hearts are in the right place, but it’s too soon for me. And now that I’m starting my own business, I can’t spare the time to do a lot of trial dating. I’ll know when I’m ready and I’ll be more open to your suggestions. But for now, let nature take its course.”

I was twenty-seven years old and was not planning to be a life-long bachelor, but my trust in the fairer sex was deeply shaken. I wanted to be sure not to bring too much of that baggage into the next phase of my love life.

Megan was true to her word. There was very little that she wanted beyond what she had packed that day. I pondered a thought of thankfulness, but a bitter taste covered it up quickly. Sarah mentioned Megan had asked her to talk to me about a few furnishings that were heirlooms from her family, and some kitchen supplies that were gifts. I told Sarah to bring her and whoever she needed to move them on Saturday morning, and let her know I wouldn’t be there. I totally trusted Sarah, and I didn’t think Megan would abuse the opportunity. What I did know for sure was that I didn’t want to see her.

Several months later, the divorce was final. I followed the advice of my Pastor and friends. I had to find a way to forgive Megan. She needed it, and I needed it to let my heart move on. With lots of prayers and introspection, I searched my soul and truly forgave her. I would never forget, and I thought I would always have a trace of anger, but I was convinced that Megan was fighting something within her. I didn’t think she could even begin to explain it.

Sarah notice some kind of change in my attitude and decided to talk to me about it.

“Ben, it’s been a few months. Are you coming to grip with the whole Megan fiasco?”

“I think I’ve reached the point where I’ve accepted the whole mess. I can’t change it, but I know I can move forward and choose to live well.”

“Early on you were pretty angry but you remained gentlemanly about the whole thing. I’m curious if you ever had thoughts of revenge.”

Her question struck me as humorous. I imagined she was testing me.

“In all honesty, there were times my inner thoughts were not so kind. I guess we’re all like that or revenge movies wouldn’t be so popular. What Megan did was totally unfair to me. I didn’t deserve what she did. Even she said that. But what would justice even look like, and how could I live with something bad happening to a woman I used to love.”

“Do you still have feelings for her? I mean, if her new partner turned out to be a creep and she tried to come back, would you take her?”

“I’ve considered the same question. No, I couldn’t take her back nor could I ever feel the same way I did about her. I’ll always care, I’m not able to turn that off, but I’ll never trust her with my heart again. But I can say for sure that I’ve forgiven her. I’m moving forward and I hope she is too.”

“I do see her once in a while, and she always asks about you.”

“I’m glad you’ve stayed friends with her. I’m sure she needs a rock like you in her circle of friends. Do me a favor, though.”

“Sure. What?”

“Don’t tell her that I’ve forgiven her ... at least not yet. For her own good, I think she needs to ask for forgiveness directly from me.”

Sarah, Bobby, and other friends tried to fill the void in my life. I was not good at being alone, but the energy going into my business kept my thoughts occupied.

I knew when the time was right, love would be out there somewhere for me. I wondered what it would be like. Would it just be a comfortable love or a hot and heavy passion-filled love? I hoped for the latter but felt myself willing to settle for a companion and friend. My prayers started to include a request for the right woman to come my way, and I asked that I would clearly recognize her when I saw her.

As I slowly worked my way out of my self-imposed shell I started to make more friends in the neighborhood. Megan and I moved there in September, which was about three months before she left. The fall and winter in Illinois didn’t provide the ideal setting for outdoor cookouts or casual meetings, so I hadn’t really met any neighbors since the lovely woman next door and an older couple welcomed us to the neighborhood with cookies and some freshly baked bread. Other than that, most neighborly contact consisted of friendly waves and smiles.

Warm weather made its welcomed return. With yard work and casual strolls, I started to get to know more of the folks in my neighborhood. Tom and Fran were the nice older couple that lived across the street and had greeted Megan and me with a loaf of bread when we moved in. Peg and Bill lived next to them on the right with their 3 teenage sons. They were good kids but dealing with three boys that age kept them hopping.

Joe lived next door to the right of my house. He was in his seventies and since his wife had passed several years earlier, he started considering selling to live near his son in a retirement community. He was a sweet guy but pretty lonely. I liked it when we could share a beer once in a while just to chat or watch the Cubs on my big screen. We were two lonely guys keeping each other company over adult beverages.

I frequently saw my neighbor to the left because our driveways ran parallel and only a few feet apart. I never saw the man-of-the house, only Laura and her two girls. Laura was the sweet woman that greeted our arrival in the neighborhood with homemade cookies. We exchanged a number of friendly waves and smiles and I felt an instant like for her. We talked briefly on occasion, but I never liked to interact with women when their husbands weren’t there to avoid any appearance of impropriety.

Even so, I couldn’t help but watch her as she interacted with her children. In a brief conversation, as she loaded her girls in the car one cold winter day, she introduced her two daughters. Hanna was a bright and cheerful nine-year-old. Her three-year-old sister, Mattie, was the cutest thing ever and entirely precocious. Hanna and Mattie played outside a lot, so I saw them frequently and often had the chance to talk with them.

As the weeks passed, I often felt my mind drifting to warm thoughts about Laura. I still didn’t know much about her, but what I knew for sure was that she was a beautiful woman. It wasn’t hard to see how nice she was. She was always smiling. And as a mother ... her girls were sweet and obedient to her. I never heard a raised voice from next door. In contrast, I heard Peg and Bill shouting a lot of threats and rebukes from across the street. Maybe it was the difference between raising boys and girls. Somehow, though, Laura seemed like gender wouldn’t matter as to how her children were raised. I hoped I would meet her husband sometime so we could comfortably become friends.

Spring threatened to turn into early summer. I noticed I still hadn’t seen nor met a man living in Laura’s house. It became even more evident that there may not be one since Laura did all the yard work and maintenance chores including the trash. That was a dead giveaway that there was no man in the picture. But I wasn’t going to jump to conclusions. Maybe he traveled a lot. But I never saw a car other than the one Laura drove. I considered asking Joe about her during one of our beer visits, but I shrugged it off and guessed I’d just figure out Laura’s home dynamics at some point. Joe would tell me what he knew, but leaning on the gossip grapevine was not my style.

Mattie and Hanna constantly played outside as the weather warmed. Both were very outgoing and VERY talkative, so when I worked outside they often came over to see me. We enjoyed teasing each other and had a lot of marvelous chats. I found myself really looking forward to their impromptu visits. I learned of ballet, Veggie Tales, JoJo Bows, and tons of other things I never knew existed. These two girls were beyond adorable. They started calling me Mr. Ben and it warmed my heart every time they did. They adored their mom and mentioned her often, but never anything about Dad and I didn’t feel I should broach the subject with them.

On a very hot Saturday late in May, I decided to do some weeding, which was a job I hated with a passion, but it had to be done. I was busy pulling the offending growth from the ground while I hummed quietly to myself to make the task seem more pleasant. Hanna and Mattie were playing hop-scotch in their driveway and decided that having a chat with me would be more fun.

As we talked, and by that I meant that they talked and I listened, I sat back on the lawn to take a welcomed break from my despised task and enjoyed my two visitors. The girls playfully plopped down with me on the grass. Hanna was telling me with great enthusiasm all about her favorite TV shows with Mattie chiming in. I was having a great time with these two treasures.

Then I noticed Laura wandering toward us.

I had admired her from a distance for months. Somehow, all those pleasant thoughts of the past compressed within me and caused a surge of powerful attraction. The pleasant sensations felt foreign and strong. Every nerve was stimulated. Every thought my brain could produce was rushing my full attention to the vision heading my way. Goosebumps popped up over every part of me. Yes, she was a beautiful woman. But whatever I felt was more than admiring God’s handiwork.

I remembered first seeing Laura shortly after we moved in. I recalled thinking she was a very attractive “girl next door” type. At that point, I thought I was happily married, so my brain never wandered to consider her otherwise.

But now I was freed from the marital bonds I held sacred. I saw her walking towards me as if I never noticed her before. I couldn’t control what I was feeling.

Her smile radiated from a place deep within her. I beheld her beauty as if I had never witnessed it before. Bright blue-gray eyes captured my attention and drilled deep into the core of my very existence. Something stirred within me causing butterflies and a warm glow. Her long, light brown hair flowed around her perfectly framing the most gorgeous face I had ever imagined. I swore I could see an aura around her that would put the sun to shame. In one instant, unfolding before me in slow motion, I felt like I could see the depths of her soul and a sweetness that captured my imagination. I wanted to envelop her and all the sensations that were bombarding me.

I chastised myself, realizing I was seriously crushing on a woman whom I still somehow believed was someone else’s wife. The conflicts in my mind were driving me to distraction. I struggled for composure.

“Hi, Ben.”

Was that angels singing?

“Laura. You’re just in time for a debate about favorite TV shows!” My voice cracked a little in a failed attempt to stay cool.

“Girls, are you driving Mr. Ben nuts with girl talk?”

“Mom!” Hanna whined. “Mr. Ben is fun to talk to!”

“Misser Ben is fun!” Mattie parroted.

“Well, Mr. Ben, I was just coming out to see if the girls would like some lemonade on this hot day.”

Hanna gave a dramatic “Yeah” as if she’d been wandering in the desert for days without water. Mattie jumped up and down repeating “Yes ... yes ... yes” with every leap.

Hanna looked at Laura all excited. “Can Mr. Ben have some too?”

Laura looked at me and smiled. I heard harps playing and I was melting into a puddle.

“Mr. Ben, would you like to join us?”

“Sure,” I blurted out as I tried to curb my enthusiasm and all the other sensations I was both fighting to control.

“Great! I’ll bring it out to the back patio. There’s a cool spot in the shade. It will be nice to talk with you a little, Ben. We live so close, but we haven’t really had a chance to chat. Girls, why don’t you show Mr. Ben where we’re headed, and I’ll go get the glasses.”

I heard the ‘Hallelujah Chorus’ in my mind. What was happening to me? I was trying to gather my composure while hoping to remember my manners.

“Can I help you?”

“Aw, thanks for your offer. I’m good. There’s not much to carry and I think the girls would love you to go with them.” She smiled and quickly turned. Before I could think, she was gone and two giggling little beauties each grabbed one of my hands and started to pull me to our destination.

The back patio was beautifully landscaped with pavers in a semicircle framed with a low raised wall along the perimeter that doubled as extra seating. Annual flowers were freshly planted in raised gardens on the outside of the wall. Eight outdoor chairs were placed around a fire pit, perfectly staged for nights of friendly conversation with friends and family. The fragrance of spring flowers filled the air.

The girls led me to another seating area with four padded Adirondack chairs set in a grouping around an outdoor wooden coffee table. The area would have been in the sun during the morning hours, but at one in the afternoon it was shaded by surrounding maple trees. The setting had a peaceful, lazy feel. It was perfect for relaxing or for a long comfortable conversation. I found myself hoping this time with Laura would be both comfortable and long. Even so, my nerves were on edge. The onslaught of emotions in the past five minutes had shocked my system with adrenalin and I fought against nearly uncontrollable energy. And I still had to assume she was married. I was completely conflicted about what I was hoping I would learn about Laura and her relationship status.

“Mom has me hooked on watching all her favorite movies from when she was a kid,” Hanna said as she continued our conversation that started on my front lawn. Mattie squatted a few feet away focused on a bug.

“Really? What movies have you watched lately?” I asked.

“Princess Bride!” she shouted with glee. “That’s my favorite!”

I smiled and said, “Wuv ... TWU Wuv!”

“That’s the best part!” she giggled.

“What other movies have you two watched?”

“Well, we watched ‘Groundhog Day’ last weekend. I really liked that.”

I smiled and couldn’t help myself. “You won’t believe this, but that’s my favorite of all time!”

“Mom said there were some things in it that were a little old for me, but I got it. He started out as a jerk and ended up learning how to be a good guy.”

“That’s what I like about it. It shows someone could change if they really wanted to.”

She pondered my comment and her mood went a little somber. “I wish that had worked for my dad.”

Until I knew more, I had to let that drop. But what didn’t escape me was a great glimmer of hope rising within me that there was no man involved. I instantly felt guilty when I realized that meant those awesome girls may not have a father around.

“So, what are you watching next?” I was trying to avoid the “Dad” topic for now.

“It’s gonna rain tomorrow so we’re gonna binge watch the “Back to the Future” movies!” she explained with a beaming smile. “Mom’s so excited about it she keeps talking about it every night at dinner!”

I had to chuckle at the energy she could bring to any conversation.

Laura suddenly appeared from behind me with a tray of glasses and sporting that electric smile. “Are you giving away our secret plans for tomorrow, Squirt?” As she put the tray on the coffee table, Hanna’s shyness appeared as she reacted to one of her mother’s pet names for her.

“Sheesh, Mom!”

“LENNONADE!” Mattie shrieked as she came over and grabbed her glass. Laura and I chuckled, Hanna took the opportunity to correct her little sister’s pronunciation.

We shared light conversation for about ten minutes while sipping on our refreshment and we just enjoyed the two girls. Once Hanna finished, she and Mattie returned to the front of the house to play.

“Laura, you have two amazing girls! I wish I had their energy.”

“They are real blessings.” Her face was filled with love and pride. “They are really sweet and well-behaved, which makes the challenges of being a single mom a lot easier to bear.”

I admit it. My heart jumped with joy while I allowed thoughts of sympathy to show on my face.

“You’re raising them all by yourself! You’re doing a fantastic job. I just assumed you were married when I saw your ring.”

She looked down with a rather wry smile. “I should tear it off and melt it down. I’m just so used to it, plus it stops me from getting hit on so often. Of course, there are jerks that don’t care and hit on me anyway.” Her smile morphed into something between a smirk and a look of frustration.

I wasn’t sure if I’d regret what I said next, but I couldn’t help myself.

“I imagine someone as strikingly beautiful as you finds themselves forced to deal with a lot of rude advances.”

“Please,” she said, a little embarrassed but thankfully still smiling. “I appreciate the compliment, but I don’t feel all that beautiful after two kids and a few really stressful years.”

A look of shock took over my face as I almost did a spit-take. She giggled a bit seeing I almost sprayed a mouthful of lemonade. I couldn’t believe she could feel that way. I quickly scanned the person sitting next to me and I couldn’t see a hint of imperfection. I regained a little composure and looked at her with what I hoped was a friendly but serious gaze.

“Please forgive what I’m going to say,” I begged. “If someone has made you feel that way when you look in a mirror, then they are the problem! I hope I get to know you well enough that I’m comfortable telling you what I see sitting next to me.”

I could feel myself blushing with a bit of embarrassment. Thank God, her smile widened.

“Ben, you’re really sweet ... and thank you. My ex, and now late husband said a lot of uncomplimentary things and I guess I took them too much to heart.”

“Wow, I’m sorry Laura. I know we’re just getting acquainted, but I feel like I opened some wounds that haven’t completely healed.”

She grimaced and bowed her head to stare at the ground in front of her. At first, I was concerned that she regretted telling me that much detail, but I continued.

“If it’s too deep to get into right now or if you’re not comfortable we can let it drop. But if it helps you at all to talk about it, I’m a really good listener.”

Her look changed to a wry smile.

“Well, neighbor, I did jump in the deep end first.” She laughed and projected the feeling that she was more comfortable with the subject than I thought she’d be. “Before we know what each other does for a living or normal stuff we’re right into the dirty laundry!”

“Do you want to take a step back?” I asked.

She gave a reflective laugh. “I guess I already opened the door to the tough stuff. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I think I’m comfortable telling you. I’ll forge ahead if you think you can take it!” She wore a smile, but I sensed a little fear too.

“If you’re sure, I think I can handle it. Well, I hope I can, at least.”

“Be careful what you ask for!” She chuckled looking both relieved and a little timid. “Tell you what ... before I launch into my sordid past, how about if I get us refills on the lemonade and add a little Jack Daniels to grease the wheels?”

“I like how you think!”

When she returned with the more adult version of our refreshment, she looked like she was pondering where to start.

I smiled at her. “I have to admit I feel a bit guilty. You said he’s both an ex and has passed? That sounds like a pretty intense tale and I can’t help being curious. But I’m giving you another chance to chicken out if you want!”

“I thought about chickening out while I was getting our drinks!” She chuckled. “You sure you can handle this?”

“Give me your best shot!”

She laughed, then quieted into a more somber, reflective mood.

“Where to start?” she asked herself while trying to organize her thoughts.

“I’ll begin by letting you know a bit about the end so you know my mindset. I don’t miss him at all. I’m not glad he’s dead! But I’m thankful he can never be around me or the girls. I think you’ll understand when you hear the whole story.”

“Good to know! I’ll fasten my seatbelt!” I think she wanted to smile, but couldn’t force it.

Laura launched into details that blew my mind.

Her husband, Kevin, was a sales manager with a large industrial firm headquartered in Charlotte where he was originally from. He spent about half his time at the headquarters and the other half here in the Chicago sales office. She met him at a wedding in town about eleven years ago. They were married about a year later.

She thought it was odd that he had no family at the wedding and only a few friends from the office, but he told her that his parents died and that he had no family remaining. His travel patterns didn’t change after they had Hanna and she wondered why he had to be away some major holidays. It wasn’t every year, but when he was away over Christmas or another major event he would usually claim to be on an extended business trip in Asia or in Europe.

She was pregnant with Mattie when she really focused on trying to put the pieces together and the puzzle didn’t fit. Once she told him she was expecting, he seemed to be in Charlotte for more than half the time, claiming there were office shake-ups and reorganizations requiring his presence.

In my mind, I figured he had been cheating on her or something like that. When she told me the truth, it took the wind out of me.

Laura’s face took on a pained look.

“I was so wrapped up being pregnant, a mom, and a teacher that time just kept passing. But with less and less help from my mostly absent husband, all sorts of suspicions started to consume me.” Her lip started to quiver a little bit.

“One day a friend from church visited and I confided in her that I thought something was going on behind my back. We talked a little when she suddenly suggested I Google him. I hadn’t thought of that.

I started an online search and saw bits of info mostly tied to social media. I never liked social media, so I wasn’t all that familiar with it. Most of the information seemed to be tied to Facebook, so I created an account so I could read the things coming up in Google.”

Laura was starting to shake a little. She was mad and desperately trying to hold it in.

“You okay?” I asked.

She shook her head, “Yes” and took a big breath.

“I found two profiles. They were both him, the pictures couldn’t lie. One seemed mostly about his job. The other ... the other had family pictures... but not ours!”

I thought she was going to lose control, but she gathered herself quickly.

“I thought of a lot of possibilities, but I wasn’t prepared for that! The jerk had another family! They lived in Charlotte. His parents, brothers, and a sister all lived there and were very much alive. He was married two years before we got married. And according to his Facebook profile, he still was!”

She let me put my hand on hers and seemed to welcome it. All I could come up with was, “Holy cow!”

She hired a private investigator who confirmed everything she had learned. She pressed charges and the authorities arrested him. His other wife was a high school sweetheart and she had three children with him. She didn’t know anything about Laura.

She continued the bizarre details.

“Kevin’s other wife’s big brother didn’t take the news well. I’m told he’s not very bright and has a real mean streak. But he was very protective of his little sister.”

She paused and took a very big breath, and looked around I think to be sure the girls were still out of range to hear. She took on a very somber countenance, then continued in a subdued voice.

“The day my ... my bigamist husband ... was let out on bail pending trial, the brother paid him a visit with a shotgun. His first shot ... well ... neutered him. I was told he let Kevin writhe in pain for about an hour, the whole time inflicting other forms of pain. I guess he figured he suffered long enough from that, and he shot him twice in the belly hoping death would be slow, then left. They found Kevin two days later.”

I couldn’t help but wince in sympathetic pain. As grateful as I was that Laura was unattached, I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone.

I watched in awe as she told her story. She still felt the impact, but I believed her when she said she was getting past it. Her eyes welled up as she told the tale, but she never broke. My own eyes let a few drops fall as I felt the immense pain she’d been put through. I think she felt more anger and embarrassment that the jerk fooled her for so long.

As she finished she looked at me with a strange, but comforting look. “So, what do you think of my soap opera life?”

“I’m stunned! I mean ... how can you expect that? God bless you! I mean, how did you deal with it all? You had to feel like you were being pulled apart in so many directions!”

She got serious but also seemed to look relieved. “I guess I have to confess that the anger still gets to me. It’s funny, though, I was certainly mad at Kevin, but I would never want to have what happened to him. I mean, I felt something for him once. As much as I wanted him out of my life, I didn’t want it done that way. It feels strange to say, but the way it went down it ended up working out as well as it could for us.” Her face scrunched up with a deeply troubled look. “I feel guilty saying that, but it worked on a lot of levels.”

“So why are you still feeling anger?” I thought I knew the answer.

“I’m angry at myself for not seeing Kevin for what he was and then letting him pull the wool over my eyes for so long. I never thought I was an idiot, but he made me feel like one!”

“You asked if I could take it. I wasn’t prepared for that, but I’m really glad you felt you could share it with me. Frankly, I’m amazed at your strength!”

She sweetly smiled at me. “Before all that I never thought I was very strong. I never faced a trial like that. I mean, really, who’d expect to face something like that? But my faith, my girls, my family, and my friends were all I needed. They brought the strength I didn’t have on my own.”

“I can see how Mattie and Hanna would help you face the tough days. I can’t help but smile when I’m around them.”

“They’re my sweeties! They brighten my day no matter how dark it feels.” The reflective, loving smile that lit up her face signaled a welcomed change in mood.

“I can see how that would be true. You mentioned your faith played a big part, too?”

“Yeah. I may not know all about the bigger plan, but I trust in my faith in God. Plus, the people at my church have been great.”

“I know I always find faith is important, but its importance is really evident when stuff like this hits, isn’t it?”