Chapter 80: With Devastating Consequences

December 15, 2000, Rutherford, Ohio

On Friday morning I slept a bit late because the light snow which had begun falling just before I’d left Emmy’s apartment at 1:00am had continued, and I couldn’t run outside. The motel didn’t have an exercise room, so I did my usual karate warm-ups, though double length, before taking a shower, dressing, and then walking to The Yolk’s On You for breakfast.

Liz had just shown me to a booth when I saw Vickie come in. She spoke to Liz who pointed to my booth, then walked over.

“OK to join you?” Vickie asked.

“Sure. Have a seat.”

The waitress came and poured coffee for us and I ordered my usual breakfast, while Vickie opted for a danish.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Cecily is freaked out about Lou saying something to her parents about her having dinner with you.”

“A lapse of judgment I can’t really remedy at this point. You know I had dinner there with Winter several times, so I didn’t even think about it.”

“I wasn’t blaming you, and neither is Cecily. She doesn’t regret being with you in any way!”

“So what can I do to help?”

“Probably not much. She’s sixteen, so there aren’t any legal issues if I understand correctly.”

“I’m reasonably sure that’s the case as well. It will really come down to what Lou says and if her parents question him. He doesn’t know anything more than what Cecily told him - that we met and she basically invited herself to have dinner with me.”

“He knows you and Winter shacked up, so he might put two-and-two together.”

“Sure, but would he say that without knowing for sure? He could say he knows me, and even reveal I invested in the restaurant, but anything else would be speculation, at least as I see it.”

“I was thinking about talking to him,” Vickie said.

“I actually think that will make things worse,” I replied. “Right now, Lou has no reason to think anything happened, other than perhaps a supposition. If you go talk to him, then he’ll be suspicious and assume his supposition is correct. And if he has a friendly relationship with Cecily’s parents, that’s asking for more trouble for her. At this point, there are, in my mind, three possible scenarios.

“The first is that Lou says nothing, in which case there are no issues. You saying something to him might actually prompt him into scenario two, which is he says something and Cecily’s parents accept her statement about wanting to have dinner, which you back her on. The third scenario is they don’t accept her statement and probe to the point where they ask if she stayed the night at your place every night, or something similar. What you and Cecily say has to match, whatever you elect to say. I generally go for either the truth or some form of it’s not their business, which is mostly true given the age of consent in Ohio is sixteen.”

“Mostly true?”

“I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of a claim of sexual assault from a parent. That could be VERY dicey and a lot would hinge on what Family Services did, which, in my experience, would be to bully Cecily into saying she didn’t really want to do it.”

“Liz doesn’t have much use for Family Services.”

“I’m sure,” I replied. “I don’t know all the details, but I do know enough to make some educated guesses, and I’ve seen what happens in Illinois when they decide they don’t like something, even if it’s legal. And remember how your dad reacted, even though you were eighteen.”

“I’m sorry you ended up handcuffed.”

I shrugged, “Emmy is cool.”

Vickie laughed, “Why am I NOT surprised!”

I shrugged, “No comment.”

“Uh-huh,” Vickie smirked.

The smirk was warranted because Emmy and I had done our best to fuck each other to death the previous night before I’d gone back to the motel.

“So you’re saying let it be, and agree with Cecily what we’re going to say?” Vickie asked.

“I’d say so, yes. And remember, what you tell them has to be believable and consistent. That’s why I almost always opt for the truth, and when I can’t, with a ‘no comment’!”

Vickie laughed softly, “Thus confirming my suspicions!”

“Yes, but you know things about me which neither Lou nor Cecily’s parents know. Granted, her saying ‘mind your own business’ has its own issues, but that’s up to the two of you. I can’t decide for you, just suggest that the truth is always best, even if it’s only a partial truth. The key is not to say anything which is untrue on its face or which contradicts something else you’ve said or that can easily be discovered.”

“Does Paul know?” Vickie asked.

“Doubtful because of the timing. Why?”

“Just a question of who her parents might speak to besides Lou and me.”

The waitress brought our food, refilled our coffee cups, then left. We began eating and I thought about the situation and couldn’t really come up with any better answers than the one I’d given. It really was bad luck, mostly related to the fact that Cecily and her family were regulars at Lou’s. If they hadn’t been, it likely wouldn’t have been an issue. It was a tough situation, but just as I finished my meal, the solution dawned on me.

“I think I know the answer,” I said.

“Oh?” Vickie said.

“She’s into computers and you know what I do for a living. That’s how you play it with her parents if Lou raises the issue. Tell them she and I got to talking about computers because she asked about which one to get, and she also wanted to know about my business, and advice on where to go to school. That has the advantage of disarming a potentially volatile situation while also being completely true. I even gave her a business card with my email address and AIM username.”

“So just call it mentoring, or whatever?”

“Yes. If she sticks to that story, I think it’ll work. You can certainly attest to the fact we talked about computers.”

“True! I think that might work!”

“Me, too. At least I hope so. It’ll make her life a lot easier. Mine, honestly, won’t really be affected.”

“And if they ask where she spent the night?”

“That’s up to you and Cecily to decide. I won’t be around for questioning. But I honestly think the computer angle will defuse the situation, if it even arises.”

“I sure hope so!”

When we finished eating, I paid the check, bid Vickie ‘goodbye’ and went back to the motel. I packed my things, put them in the car, then went to the office to check out. Once that was completed, I headed back to my car for the drive to Chicago.

December 15, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

🎤 Jesse

“What are we doing tonight?” Libby asked as we walked to the cafeteria for lunch on Friday.

“It’s up to you. Hockey practice is right after school and I’m home by 5:30pm.”

“Do you think we could use the sauna and then order pizza?”

“Sauna first?” I asked.

“I’m horny!” Libby whispered.

“You’re always horny!” I replied.

“But this week we’ve both been busy! It’s been almost a week!”

“I thought you were seeing Juliette, too!” I smirked.

“She’s been busy with her parents and grandparents!”

“Then I suppose we could use the sauna first! Are you coming to practice?”

“No. I want to do my homework so I’m free all weekend! I’ll come to your game tomorrow.”

“Cool.”

We sat down with Mia, Kenny, and Blake.

“You guys up for lunch after the game tomorrow?” I asked.

“Sure. Who else?”

“Mikey, Nicole, and my friend Nicholas. He’s in seventh grade, but I promise he’s totally cool. He plays hockey and he’s a lot like me. He’ll make the team in a year-and-a-half.”

“I don’t know,” Mia said. “Seventh grade?”

“He’s cool,” Libby said. “He’s hung out with Jesse and me a couple of times.”

“Come on, Mia,” I said. “You know me. Nicholas’ parents are friends with my dad.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “Tomorrow is going to be a tough game and we have to win!”

“We need to win ALL of our remaining games!” Kenny said. “Then we finish in a tie for first with St. Rita.”

“I hate single elimination tournaments,” I said. “One bad game and we’re done!”

“So we don’t have a bad game!” Blake declared.

🎤 Steve

When I arrived back in Chicago, nobody was at the house except Winter, who was cleaning bathrooms, a thankless task if there ever was one. I greeted her, started a load of laundry, then went to my office so I could check my email. There was, thankfully, nothing pressing, so I let Winter know I was going to take a nap. I was still sleeping when Kara and Jessica arrived home just after 4:00pm.

“Hi, Tiger,” Jessica said as I stretched and sat up. “How long were you napping?”

“A couple of hours,” I said. “I wanted to make sure I was fully energized for tonight!”

“And just what do you think is going to happen tonight?” she asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Why, a nice, intimate dinner at Bucktown Bistro, then a relaxing sauna, and then an all-night sex marathon! You did swap your shift tomorrow, as planned, right?”

“I did. And this sex marathon?”

“I suggested a reenactment of our wedding night with a few added extras!”

“What do you think, Kara? Has he been a good boy?”

“I suppose he has,” Kara said. “And I suppose that means he can have what he wants.”

“You two are downright hilarious! I know where I can get my brains fucked out right now, just by asking, if you two aren’t interested!”

“He’s right, you know,” Jessica observed.

“I’d rather have the two of you,” I said. “But if that’s not what you want...”

“Then perhaps an appetizer before dinner?” Kara suggested, quickly shedding her clothes.

“You look good enough to eat!” I declared.

She climbed into bed as Jessica shed her own clothes.

“You, too!” I said.

Jessica got into bed as well and we spent an hour working up our appetites before heading to the shower. Twenty-five minutes later, after hugging and kissing the kids, we were in the car on the way to Bucktown Bistro.

“How was Ohio?” Jessica asked as I backed out of the driveway.

“I ran into Anna Wilson,” I said.

“Wow!” Kara exclaimed. “There’s a name from the past. Where did you see her?”

“In Doctor Mercer’s waiting room. She was there with a friend who provided me with all the evidence I need to refuse pharmaceutical intervention now and forever. No drugs. Period. End of discussion.”

“Tiger...” Jessica sighed.

“Don’t ‘Tiger’ me!” I warned. “I can’t live like that. That life is NOT worth living.”

“But, Steve,” Kara said, sounding very concerned.

“I will find another way,” I said. “Because I can’t be a zombie. I can’t.”

“You’re scaring me,” Kara said quietly.

“He knows,” Jessica said flatly. “And he’s doing it on purpose. He’s poisoning the well so you’ll remember his implied threat to commit suicide. It’s standard tactic among patients with mental health issues who disagree with their prescribed course of treatment.”

“I simply said I can’t live that way,” I said. “I implied nothing; I declared I won’t take psychoactive drugs and be a zombie like Anna’s friend Angie. All that did was reinforce my earlier position.”

“You used language you knew Kara would react to,” Jessica said tartly. “And you KNEW how she would take it! Would you DARE say that to Birgit? And if you did, would you be shocked if she turned into a sobbing, quivering, emotional wreck?”

“You’re putting words in my mouth,” I protested.

“No, I’m taking the words you said in EXACTLY the way you meant them!”

“Please stop fighting,” Kara wailed plaintively.

She began sobbing and I realized I’d just wrecked our anniversary by bringing up something I should have kept to myself until at least Saturday, if not until after the conference call with my doctors.

“I’m sorry, Kara,” I said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Yes you...” Jessica began.

“Jess, you are NOT helping!” I barked, interrupting her. “Stop it!”

I saw her face, set in stone, in the rearview mirror and knew the only option was to call Alex and tell him we weren’t going to make it, go home, and try to resolve our fight. I pulled out my mobile, pushed the speed dial for Bucktown Bistro and put the phone on speaker.

“Bucktown Bistro!” Sam answered.

“Hi, Sam. It’s Steve Adams. We’ve had a bit of a crisis and I need to cancel. I’m very, very sorry, and if Alex has started preparing anything, I’ll cover it next Saturday at breakfast.”

“Is everything OK?”

“It will be,” I said. “I’m very sorry for the last minute cancellation.”

“I’ll let Alex know. I hope whatever it is, is solved quickly.”

“Me, too,” I said.

We both said ‘goodbye’ and I pressed the red button to disconnect the call, then made a right turn just before the Dan Ryan so I could head back home. As I neared the house, I knew what I had to do. Once I’d pulled into the driveway, I dialed Doctor Mercer’s emergency number and requested an immediate callback. I hoped placing the call would placate Jessica at least a bit, and reassure Kara.

Once I hung up, all three of us got out of the car and walked silently into the house. The kids were surprised to see us, and I was sure they noticed the tension and the signs Kara had been crying. The three of us separated, with Kara going upstairs, Jessica going to the ‘Indian’ room, and me going to my study. Unsurprisingly, there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” I said, trying not to sound as upset as I knew I was.

“Dad?” Birgit said when she opened the door. “Is everything OK?”

“It’ll be fine, Pumpkin. Go have your dinner, please.”

“But...”

“Not now, please, Pumpkin. Just eat your dinner and keep your plans with Rachel and the girls.”

“But...”

“Come get a hug, please; then do as I said.”

Birgit came to me, we hugged, and then she reluctantly left my study, closing the door behind her. I sat down in one of the leather wingback chairs and willed myself to relax. Six minutes later, my phone rang and I answered it.

“Steve? This is Fran Mercer.”

“Hi. Sorry to disturb your Friday evening, but I need your help.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Yesterday, when I left your office, I saw Anna Wilson, well, I don’t recall her married name. She was someone I knew in High School and college, but hadn’t seen for nearly a decade-and-a-half. She was with her friend, Angie, who is your patient. Anyway, Anna and I agreed to meet for coffee later and I could tell Angie was on some sort of medication and I had a vision of a horrible future. I communicated that to Kara and Jessica, and Jessica and I had a fight over what I said.”

“Take me through what happened, please.”

I relayed what amounted to a word-for-word retelling of the very short time we’d spent in the car, which Doctor Mercer let me complete before she said anything.

“Well, the one thing I can count on with you is an unvarnished account, even when it’s blatantly obvious that you’ve made a grave error. I agree with Jessica - you used language you KNEW would make Kara upset, so you could keep her on your side. That said, Jessica should have addressed this with you privately, or if she was truly concerned, with me, Mary Whittaker, or her father. But that doesn’t relieve you of what amounts to emotional manipulation of a caregiver to try to avoid a potential course of treatment you do not want.”

“It’s more than don’t want,” I said. “Angie was basically a beat behind on everything, her hopes and dreams have been crushed, and she’s not able to function to her own satisfaction. I’d wager, and I know you can’t comment, that the only reason she’s not suicidal is you have her on strong antidepressants to go with whatever psychoactive drug she’s on. I can’t do that, Doc. I simply can’t.”

“Yes, and you implied, quite clearly, that you felt being dead was a preferable alternative.”

“I’m not suicidal nor am I having suicidal ideations,” I protested.

“No, you aren’t. But let me take you through one of your logical arguments. Assume, for a moment, that we decide that you do need psychoactive drugs. You have to agree that even the suggestion that you need medication has the potential to make you very depressed. You’ve made it clear that you’ll refuse any pharmaceutical treatment of your depression. That will very likely result in you sinking deeper and deeper into depression. Therein lies the risk, and all your logic and all your personal strength will dissolve in the face of uncontrolled clinical depression. The logic is inescapable, as you’ve already determined your actions in advance. Add to that the words you used, and it’s no wonder Kara is distraught.”

“Doc, with all due respect, I’m in control of my healthcare, and I don’t see how telling me I’m not supposed to say how I feel is going to help ME. All that will do is frustrate me even more, and it won’t make me accede to demands I take pharmaceuticals stronger than aspirin or Advil, with the exception of antibiotics. I’m not exactly sure what people expect me to do!”

“Follow the advice of your doctors.”

“I saw the results of THAT yesterday. No thank you.”

“You do realize that if you consistently refuse treatment, your doctors and I won’t really have many options.”

“Is that a threat?” I asked. “That you’ll try for civil commitment? That you’ll refuse to try to help me? Seriously?”

“To use your terms, I’m just telling you the logical outcome of your decisions.”

“Then I think we’re done, Doctor Mercer,” I said flatly. “I won’t be held hostage any more than you will. Have a good evening.”

I snapped the phone shut without waiting for a response, then tossed it on my desk. I wasn’t quite sure what to do, but I had to do something. I knew leaving the house was a bad idea, and I couldn’t really call Suzanne to talk, so I decided my best course of action was a sauna to try to settle my mind so I could find a way out of the trap in which I seemed to be snared. I also knew that if I tried to talk to either Kara or Jessica before I calmed down, I’d very likely make things worse.