Chapter 53: Fun or no Fun?

September 17, 2000, Denver, Colorado

“So, now that you’ve had a chance to sleep on it, what do you think?” Suzanne asked on Sunday morning as we lay in bed after a vigorous lovemaking session.

“I’ll try.”

Suzanne shook her head, “Do. Or do not. There is no try.”

“I disagree with Yoda, in that the ONLY thing we can actually do is try. But ignoring that for the sake of your argument, you’re insisting on a fairly radical change in my behavior.”

“Along with Abbie, Penny, Mary, and the spirit of Jorge!”

“Which doesn’t change my statement.”

“You hinted that Abbie had given you that kind of advice many times, and in the same general vein.”

I chuckled, “That is how Winter came to be our ‘domestic manager’.”

“I think I need to hear the story!”

I told her about meeting Winter and my conversation with Abbie, and how that had led to Vickie showing up and asking about sex lessons and how that had led to Emmy.

“Now I have to ask why that didn’t teach you the lesson it should have?” Suzanne demanded. “Wait! I can guess - you overanalyzed it and that’s what led you to not fool around with anyone new after the Russia trip where you met Natalie.”

“Probably at least partly, but I think it was how serious Liz and I had become.”

“OK, that I’ll buy, though you started again at the beginning of this year, right?”

“Yes, and you know how that happened!”

Suzanne laughed, “My pint-size partner in crime! But you shut that down before she handed out any other coupons!”

“I had to, because of the risk. And I hope you realize that there are other ways to have fun besides sex!”

“Obviously, but YOU don’t!” Suzanne declared firmly. “Remember what we said about poker and the computer games you play with your kids. I bet you anything you analyze books you read and movies you watch. You don’t do ANYTHING purely for enjoyment.”

“Hockey,” I replied.

“Not Jesse’s - I heard about you analyzing him so much that Jennifer and Josie told you to back off!”

“The Penguins, then. That’s pure enjoyment.”

“Whoop-de-do! One thing!”

“I’m not exactly sure how to solve this,” I replied with a smirk. “I’ll have to analyze it and get back to you!”

“Next time, I’m BITING!” Suzanne teased.

I chuckled, “I won’t name names, but there was one girl who knew exactly how to use her teeth to make me cum really hard!”

“Figures,” Suzanne laughed. “I think I’d be hard pressed to think of something you haven’t at least experimented with, at least within the constraints of being straight. I have an idea, if you’re game, and it actually doesn’t commit you to anything.”

“What’s that?”

“When you meet Estrella, just be spontaneous and go with the flow - no analysis, no talking her to death, just enjoy her company and have fun. If she wants to fuck, fuck. If not, do whatever else seems like fun.”

“There’s a serious flaw in your idea.”

“The STI test?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you say that it almost always works out for you?”

“Kara and Jessica certainly do, but honestly, it doesn’t happen that often, and in this case, I think either I’d have to ask in advance or run a serious risk of wrecking the moment. But asking in advance just seems wrong, given all she did was ask about having coffee.”

“And Bethany’s book was insistent on STI tests in advance.”

“With good reason, but you know that’s been Jessica’s rule from day one, and she’s right. But you’re also making assumptions about Estrella.”

Suzanne laughed, “Right. A cute, sixteen year old girl chats with you over the Internet, discovers you’re an interesting and handsome guy, asks about where you’re staying, and offers to have coffee with you? I’m curious, how did she find you?”

“I’m listed in the AOL public directory. I’ve had a number of contacts but none of the others have developed. Mostly as soon as I say I’m married they lose interest. You know I’m always honest about that, and it’s a serious impediment for a lot of girls. Not to mention I’m getting older.”

Suzanne laughed, “Yes, you’re ancient at thirty-seven!”

“That’s not what I meant!” I protested. “I was talking about the age gap. Anyway, with regard to Estrella, all I can do is see what happens. You know I’m going to St. Martin to see Annette Thanksgiving weekend. I know this goes against what you were saying in a way, but let me think about what I can do for fun as pure fun. I promise not to overthink things.”

“Good,” she said, and moved on top of me. “We have a couple of hours before you have to leave for the airport.”

September 17, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

“How is Suzanne?” Jessica asked when Kara and I met her outside the ER on Sunday evening.

“Anxious for the school year to be over so she can move here!”

“She’s still planning to visit in December, right?”

“Yes. She and I had a long talk about my lack of taking time to simply enjoy life.”

“The complaint Penny and Abbie make?” Jessica asked.

“Pretty much. But I’m not sure how to address that. Spontaneity isn’t my strong suit.”

“No kidding. But that’s also your strength. Rants aside, you are calm, cool, and collected under pressure. Dad always says you would have made a great trauma surgeon.”

“My manual dexterity is limited to typing!”

“I beg to differ!” Kara exclaimed. “I think your fingers work just fine! I guess I see their point, but I also don’t think you’re unhappy or unfulfilled.”

“I think,” Jessica observed, “that you come across as cold, but you really aren’t. You just don’t display much emotion besides your rants, and even those are fewer and further between.”

“I’m not sure I want to see the emotional Steve again,” Kara said.

“But is it possible I’ve gone too far in the other direction?”

“I prefer the current Steve to the one in High School,” Kara said firmly.

“And you know it suits me, and has since we married,” Jessica added. “And honestly, did Liz ever complain?”

I shook my head, “No. But my relationship with her was always different.”

“Because you were, and are, madly in love with her! There was nothing to analyze! It was just being in love. And I’m not complaining, Tiger. I do NOT like ‘mushy’ and I never have. I think, ultimately, your personality is perfect for Kara and me - a rock of stability, calm, cool, collected, and passionate about the things which are important.”

I nodded, “Poker.”

My wives both squealed and each of them smacked me on the shoulder.

“You know that’s not true!” Kara protested mirthfully. “You are passionate about your wives, passionate about your kids, and passionate about your work. You just don’t wear your emotions on your sleeve, even though I know they’re there under the surface. May I make a suggestion?”

“Of course.”

“Show Suzanne a bit of what you showed Liz. I know you care for Suzanne, so maybe just show her a bit of the romantic side, which I know is there, under the surface.”

“I can try,” I replied. “I’m just afraid it will seem forced.”

“So don’t force it! Just dial back the emotion suppressor circuits! And honestly, tell me how you’ll handle your long weekend with Annette in St. Martin.”

“I know she wants a romantic weekend and I’ll do my best to give it to her.”

“Tiger, I think what happened with Suzanne is you went full ‘Vulcan’ from the start, and you’ve kept that up. I think you know Penny’s REAL issue.”

I chuckled, “That I have steadfastly refused to fuck her senseless since her sixteenth birthday!”

“Exactly! And Abbie’s prescriptions were more about you dithering about having sex with eligible young women. That sort of stopped after Nicole. And I don’t mean the hiatus you took, but I mean the dithering.”

“Until yesterday,” I said. “One of Suzanne’s friends wanted an expert deflowering by an older guy, and I dithered until Suzanne beat me up about it.

Kara and Jessica both laughed and shook their heads.

“Tiger strikes again! But why dither?”

“I got back into the old mode of thinking,” I replied. “I think that was triggered by memories of what Melanie and Jennifer did during High School. But once I talked it through with Suzanne, I changed my mind. And I think that entire sequence helped solidify Suzanne’s view of my personality. Unfortunately, I won’t see her again until December and it’s tough to convey emotions through instant messaging. And I can’t do something like send her flowers or anything like that because I don’t want to give away her secret.”

“But won’t she be fine no matter what? Kara asked.

I nodded, “Yes. I was just thinking of some way to show her a softer side of me.”

“I want to see the HARD side of you!”

“After dinner!” I chuckled. “The extended family is waiting for us!”

“You’re just no fun!” Kara teased.

September 22, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

“Coach should let you start our first game,” Mia said when we got on the bus for the ride back to school. “Jerry just sucks compared to you!”

“He’s a Senior and I’m a Freshman,” I replied. “And coach says I’ll start games later in the season.”

“I know I’ve given you grief about being a Freshman, but Jerry is totally useless! You heard Shelly broke up with him, right?”

“Hard to miss when she threw his class ring at him in the middle of the cafeteria! But so?”

Mia smirked, “You don’t go in the girls’ locker room so you didn’t hear her complain that he screws worse than he tends goal! I bet you’d be better than him, and you’re a virgin!”

I had to struggle mightily not to laugh out loud, and the first crazy thing that popped into my head was something my dad would have said - asking her if she was willing to test her theory! I actually wondered what she’d say if I told her not only that I wasn’t a virgin, but that I had a ‘friend with benefits’ and that in a week I was going to have a threesome! That would blow her mind, but I guessed she wouldn’t believe me, even if I was willing to talk about it. But I could tease her without giving anything away.

“But how would you know for sure unless you did it with both of us?” I asked.

Mia laughed, “The chances that I’d let Jerry’s pin dick anywhere near my coochie are ZERO! I’ll just take Shelly’s word for it!”

“She might just be saying that because she’s ticked off,” I said.

“Oh, she’s ticked, but I think she’s telling the truth. But how do we get you the starting job?”

“I think it just has to play out,” I replied. “I’m already getting equal practice time with him, which wasn’t true before this week.”

“Don’t you want the starting job?”

“I do, but I have to be a team player! If we aren’t all team players, it won’t matter how good anyone of us is!”

“I get it, but you have four years! This is my last year and I want to play hockey in college. If the team sucks, it’s tough to get noticed. There are almost no scouts for women’s hockey and almost no programs. I think I’m going to say something to Coach.”

“I guess, if you think you have to. Don’t be dumb, Mia.”

“I won’t, because you were right about how good you are!”

And she had NO idea! When we got back to school, Mom Two was waiting to pick me up. I loaded my gear into the trunk of her car and we drove home. When we got there, I took my gear to the basement and hung it on the special drying rack, then changed, and went to the main house. Kelly arrived a few minutes later and we had dinner with my dad, his wives, and my sisters. Maria Cristina was on a date, and Albert had left on a camping trip with Peter and Nick.

After dinner, dad left to meet one of his girls, and my aunts and sisters went next door to hang out with a bunch of the girl cousins and some friends, which left Kelly and me alone in the house to watch Never Been Kissed which had arrived from Netflix on Wednesday. I popped some popcorn, got us a couple of sodas and put the DVD in the player.

“How the heck can you be twenty-five and never had a kiss?” I asked when Josie Gellar, Drew Barrymore’s character, revealed that information.

“Not everyone is like your family!” Kelly replied.

“OK. But how many of your friends haven’t at least had a ‘good night’ kiss?”

“None, I guess. But be quiet and watch the movie!”

“I’ll rewind. Sorry!”

I clicked the button on the remote twice to go back thirty seconds so Kelly could hear the dialogue we’d talked over. After a few minutes, she snuggled close and I put my arm around her.

“What time do you turn into a pumpkin?” Val asked as I opened the door to the apartment.

“I have to meet the men for breakfast tomorrow morning,” I said. “But nobody expects me home at any specific time.”

I shut the door behind us and we took off our light jackets.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. What?”

“How do I go about finding a boyfriend?”

“Turn off the ‘stay away from me’ vibe and start talking to guys. Maybe offer to tutor a guy you think is nice who’s struggling in one of your science classes, though you’ll need to suppress your ‘smartest girl on the planet’ persona just a smidge so you don’t intimidate them; not turn it off, just attenuate it. And start going to parties.

“And that’s it?”

“Trust me on this one. All you have to do is be nice and you’ll get asked out. And I know you’re an introvert, but if you do go to a party, you could ask a guy to dance.”

“That is SO not me!’ Val protested. “I hate large groups and I am not good at just going up and talking to people.”

“So learn how. That’s the stuff you’re supposed to learn in High School, and you didn’t take the opportunity.”

“Nobody would have been interested.”

“So you think, but I think that if you had shown the slightest bit of friendliness, things would have been different. Didn’t you tell me you purposefully avoided any social interaction? Well, there was Suzanne, but she forced that on you.”

“Yes, but I don’t know.”

“The fact that you asked me how to go about finding a boyfriend says pretty much everything! But if you’re unsure, which I totally understand, then just take a baby step and make a friend. Your roommate or someone on your dorm floor? Or your lab partner? Just one friend. That’s where it starts. And do stuff you’re OK with like going for a cup of coffee or going to a movie. Walk before you run.”

“I suppose.”

“If you can go from having never been kissed to fulfilling a fairly extensive sexual checklist in one night, I think you can handle making a friend!”

Val laughed softly, “You told me I was being a good research scientist!”

“My point is, once you made up your mind, you were very determined. Do the same thing with making a friend. Decide to do it and then make it happen. And take it from there. You made friends with Elizabeth and Belinda, right?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Then take that experience and put it to use. It’s just a matter of setting your mind to it. You are extremely intelligent, but don’t outsmart yourself.”

“I’ll give it a shot.”

“Good. Did you have a plan for tonight?”

Val nodded, “I want you to fuck me until you can’t get hard again!”

“I loved the ending!” Kelly gushed when the credits began scrolling up the screen. “She totally did the right thing. Love is WAY too important to ignore! Did you like it?”

“It was OK,” I replied. “But I know you wanted to see it. You’ve watched movies with me that I like a lot.”

“Why do boys not like love stories?”

“Because blowing things up and flying through space are a lot more interesting!” I teased.

“And you like those more than kissing?” she asked.

“You didn’t ask about kissing and stuff! You asked about love stories!”

“You like watching movies where they kiss a lot?”

“Not nearly as much as I like kissing!” I smirked.

“Don’t be rude!”

“What? Don’t you like kissing?”

“I know that smirk, Jesse Block! You meant sex, and you know it!”

“No, I didn’t! I meant kissing, and nothing more! And you’re the one who’s always bringing up sex!”

“I am not!” Kelly protested.

“Yes, you are! We’ve had a couple of kisses and I haven’t once said anything about sex. Paul did, and so did some of the girls, but not me!”

“You and Francesca did it!”

“You can assume what you want, but I’m not answering that question one way or the other. It’s nobody’s business except for Francesca’s and mine.”

“Oh, please! Then why did they move? Why did her mom forbid her to see you?”

“Maybe she was worried we would do what you think we did.”

“You didn’t?” Kelly asked in disbelief.

“I can’t answer that question, either!” I said firmly.

“Not even if you were my boyfriend?”

“If I was your boyfriend, I wouldn’t be with other girls. But I wouldn’t say who I’d done it with before, if I had.”

“Your dad has two wives and lots of girlfriends!”

“So?” I asked, slightly annoyed. “That’s my dad’s business. I’m not like him.”

“You’re sure?” she asked, revealing what was actually bugging her.

“No, I’m not. You know I wasn’t interested in anyone but Francesca, and she was my girlfriend. I’m serious about that; I really wasn’t interested in any other girls.”

Of course, there was April, but that was different, just like Cynthia was different. I didn’t think I only had to have sex with one girl in my entire life like my aunts thought, or like some of the girls in our group thought, but I also didn’t think Dad was right to have lots of girlfriends after he got married.

“But now?” Kelly asked.

I shrugged, “I can’t see her, and I tried to get in touch with her, but it’s impossible. That’s when I asked you out. I knew you liked me, but I was with Francesca so it didn’t matter, if you know what I mean.”

“Sure. Cheating is the worst! But I guess if your aunts are OK with it, it’s not cheating.”

“It’s not. They made a deal when they got married. But you know my moms are only with each other. That’s how I think it should be once you get married.”

“And before?”

I shrugged, “That’s up to each person. I don’t think you have to wait until you’re married to have sex, but some people want to wait, and that’s OK with me. Do you want to go play pool?”

“Sure. I don’t have to be home until 10:00pm.”

“How long did it take for you to get so good at this?” Val asked as we got out of bed to get a drink after our third wild and frenetic fuck.

“By the end of the summer when I turned fourteen.”

“Jesus!” she gasped. “Seriously?”

“All the stuff we’ve done, and more, by the time I was fifteen.”

“More?”

“Multiple partners at the same time.”

“AT FOURTEEN?”

I chuckled, “Just lucky, I guess.”

“OK. Now I have to ask, what else?”

“Bondage, light flogging, pegging, a video.”

“Wait, that thing before the video, is that what I think it is?”

“What do you think it is?”

“A girl doing a guy with a fake dick.”