Chapter 50: What Does it Mean to Be an Adult?

September 10, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

“It’s good to see all of you again,” I said when the Rap Session began. “We have a couple of new faces here - Leigh, Val, and Nicole are joining us for the first time. Leigh and Nicole are in High School, and Val is studying astronomy and physics at Northwestern. We also have a special guest, Commander Aimee Shaughenessy, a dear friend who works at the Naval Research Laboratory. She flew in for the weekend to give Albert his first flying lesson.”

“Whoa!” Becka declared. “Hella cool!”

“Where are Elizabeth and Ben?” Mattie asked.

“Ben called about ten minutes ago to say that Elizabeth believes she’s in labor, so they won’t be here today.”

“And here I thought wild horses couldn’t drag her away from a Rap Session!” Claire declared, causing general laughter.

“Babies tend to be in control of your life!” Patricia said. “Pretty much everything Henry, Gabby, and I do revolves around Jorge Louis!”

“Is he here?” Nicole asked.

“Yes, but the young women of the house absconded with him as they love to do with cute toddlers! I believe he’s joined Birgit and Maria Christina next door with their Girl Gang.”

“Give him ten years and being surrounded by that many women will be heaven!” Brenna declared.

“He doesn’t exactly object to their attention now!” Henry said with a grin. “Sort of like the first Jorge, for whom he’s named.”

“He did appreciate female attention, for sure!” Cindi said with a wink.

“Who doesn’t?” I asked, smirking.

“What happened to Matt and Bill?” Becka asked.

“College in New York and Texas, respectively,” I said. “The others who are missing went to out-of-state colleges as well.”

“Nicole, do you mind if I ask how old you are?” Sophie asked.

“Fourteen. I won’t be fifteen until March. Natalie is my older sister, and she’s chaperoning. I played hockey on Jesse’s team until the end of the school year. Now I’m on the High School team.”

“Steve, I thought the cutoff was seventeen,” Sophie said.

“It is, generally, but Kara and I are friends with the Heaths, and they agreed that Nicole could attend. I’ve been mentoring Natalie for a few years. For those of you who don’t know, because she said so little last Spring, she’s majoring in Russian History at UofC.”

“I’m the outspoken sister!” Nicole said. “Natalie is quiet. I’m not!”

“She’s a hockey player and they NEVER shut up!” Natalie said.

“Ladies,” I chuckled. “Do I need to blow the whistle and send you to the ‘sin bin’ for chirping at each other?”

Everyone laughed and I was totally unsurprised when the sisters stuck their tongues out at each other. They loved to tease each other and it was always good-natured.

“Our topic for today,” I continued. “Is what it means to be an adult. Anyone care to venture an answer? Besides Patricia, that is!”

“I think I know this from what we talked about last Spring,” Sophie said. “It means when you have moral agency and are able to make your own decisions and choices.”

“That’s a good beginning to the answer. Are all of YOU adults?”

“My mom doesn’t think so!” Nicole declared.

“And yet she let you come here today, didn’t she? Which means she thinks you’re at least mature enough to handle the conversations.”

“You are officially a pain in the butt!” Nicole declared.

“I try,” I grinned. “What else?”

“Responsibility,” Holly said. “You have to accept the consequences of your actions and deal with them.”

“Good. Anything else?”

“Being a good citizen,” Benji said.

“Meaning what?” Patricia asked.

“Promoting equality and justice, caring for the poor, promoting non-violence, paying your taxes, and ensuring civil liberties.”

“He sounds like an ACLU lawyer!” Gabby laughed. “But he’s right.”

“He is right,” Patricia agreed. “Though we might disagree on how those things are done, we do have some level of obligation to our neighbors. Even Steve agrees with that!”

“Even?” I chuckled. “But yes, I do, though I prefer charity over compulsion through taxes. Let’s save that discussion for another time, shall we? Anything else?”

“Raising your children to be productive members of society,” Sean offered. “Well, if you have kids.”

“Steve, what do you think about what Hillary Clinton said? That it takes a village to raise a child?”

“I don’t disagree with her,” I replied. “But I want to choose the village, not have it imposed on me by others. All of us are raising the ‘cousins’ as a village, and that seems to me to be the best approach. The problem comes in when outsiders decide they want to enforce THEIR beliefs on our village. I disagree, by the way, with Bob Dole who said it takes a family, not a village, specifically because he rejected the ‘village’ concept. While the family has primary responsibility, the village is necessary to raising healthy, well-rounded kids.

“If you think about it, even without the ‘cousins’ concept, we have our own village, which includes the karate dojo and Boy Scouts, not to mention schools. Granted, my kids go to public school by my choice, but I could easily put them in private school if I wanted to, or try to homeschool them if I were an idiot.”

“Who says you aren’t?” Claire asked, causing everyone to laugh.

“Do you see me homeschooling my kids?”

“Well, no.”

“«Quod erat demonstrandum»,” I grinned.

“Is it OK to ask why you say that?” Holly inquired. “I mean, Kara is a professor, Doctor Jessica is, well, a doctor, Jennifer has a Master’s in electrical engineering, Josie has a Master’s in Public Administration, and you run your own company after graduating with a 4.0 GPA. What’s the issue?”

“None of us are trained pedagogues,” I replied. “While I put zero weight behind teaching certificates issued by the State, the schools don’t hire anyone without a proper education. I may disagree on methods, and to be honest, I’m becoming leery of the indoctrination that’s happening to students studying education, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet. And if I were so inclined, then it would be for private school, not homeschooling.”

“But between all of you couldn’t you cover all the subjects?”

“Probably, but when would we do that? All of us have careers and work. It would be a disservice to our kids to even try. But I’m not saying nobody should do it, I’m just saying I don’t think it’s a good idea. Maybe that day will come, but when it does, I’m much more likely to form my own co-op school with the parents of all the ‘cousins’ and hire professional teachers. Similar to a private school, but with a much smaller enrollment. Anyway, is there anything else?”

“I had a teacher who said that having kids was environmentally unsound,” Nelson said.

“Let me guess, he mentioned Paul Erlich, right?”

“Yes.”

“Ask him how many of Paul Erlich’s predictions came true. Just so you know, the answer is zero, and the population is far larger than Erlich imagined it would be at this stage. Is it possible to overpopulate Earth? I suspect it is, but birthrates are declining across the globe, and if the trends continue, we’ll actually start seeing a population decrease once the kids of the Baby Boomers begin to die. I figure around 2080, roughly. At some point, the US would need to bring in immigrants in large numbers similar to the late 19th and early 20th centuries to stabilize the population, which then would put less pressure on other countries.”

“What about environmentalism?” he asked.

“We’re getting off topic, but the single biggest thing we could do is shut down all the coal, oil, and gas generating plants in favor of nuclear plants. But the environmentalists refuse to consider that option because they completely misunderstand what happened at Three Mile Island.”

“Chernobyl?”

“When you intentionally disable all the safety systems on a poorly-designed nuclear plant which is already having trouble with its safety systems, that’s what happens. We don’t have any reactors like that in the US. France, if you don’t know, gets far more than half their electricity from nuclear power. And a whole bunch of Aimee’s colleagues have safely run mobile nuclear reactors for close to fifty years without a single incident, and they’re maintained by a bunch of kids between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four without so much as a college education.”

“Steve’s right,” Aimee declared. “Military reactors on carriers and in subs have a spotless safety record. And he’s right about Three Mile Island - it was a non-event which the media blew completely out of proportion. There was no significant level of radiation attributed to the accident outside of the facility. The vast majority of the radioisotopes released were the noble gases xenon and krypton. Kara can tell you more, I’m sure, but the average dose of radiation from the dispersed gasses was 1.4 millirem to about two million people. And before you freak out, background radiation is about 100 millirem, and living in Denver exposes you to something like 80 additional per year. A chest x-ray gives you 3.2 millirem, which is twice what anyone received from the accident.”

Kara nodded, “That’s right. You’re more at risk for cancer from the naturally occurring radon in the Chicagoland area than any of the people around Three Mile Island. The extra exposure was less than what you’ll receive from your lifetime dental x-rays. And if you’ve ever had a broken bone, those x-rays far exceeded anything from Three Mile Island.”

“So, back to our discussion on being an adult?” I asked, receiving nods in reply. “What are the social signs of adulthood?”

“A driver’s license with a blue background for your photo!” Natalie said. “I just got mine!”

“A voter registration card,” Luisa said.

“My dad always said ‘a mortgage’,” Liz said.

“I guess we’re still kids because we live in an apartment,” Henry replied with a grin.

“I think my dad was teasing; I’m sure you could say a lease, too.”

“Confirmation was the sign for most of European history since the fall of Rome,” Patricia said. “And we talked about similar rites in other traditions.”

“But that’s at twelve!” Sophie said.

“And you just proved the point Steve is about to make!” Leigh said. “Modern society has decided that teenagers are no different from toddlers and modern society wants to keep them that way.”

“The very concept of ‘teenager’ didn’t exist until after World War I,” I said. “And all the way through the 70s, teens were treated as young adults. Then things started moving the direction we’ve discussed.”

“It’s not a public sign,” Leigh offered, “but losing your virginity.”

“What?!” Holly gasped. “Are you saying you can’t be an adult without having sex?”

“No, but it IS a sign of transition from childhood to adulthood,” Leigh countered.

“Remember,” I said, “that is a very personal decision and while I agree with Leigh, you have to make your own decision in that regard, as we’ve talked about in the past.”

“She’s still trying to get her head around what happened last Spring!” Becka said.

“Becka, please don’t,” Henry said gently. “I guess I need to play Jorge’s traditional role!”

“Sorry,” Becka replied.

“You didn’t hand out surveys, Steve,” Mattie said. “Why?”

“First of all, there are only a few new people, and second, I think we know the trend pretty well at this point. Any other signs?”

“Going to college,” Val said. “At least that’s how it felt for me. Mom and Dad are in Colorado and I’m here. And Northwestern pretty much leaves us alone if we don’t get into trouble.”

“Getting my pilot’s license,” Aimee said.

“Steve?” Sophie asked.

“Some people, my eldest daughter included, would say I never grew up!”

Everyone laughed.

“I’d say when I got onto the plane to fly to Sweden,” I continued when the laughter died down.

“Kara?” Cindi asked with a smirk.

“Sharing my virginity with Steve when I was sixteen!”

“Going on vacation without my parents for the first time when I graduated from High School,” Liz said, looking at me but not otherwise giving an outward sign as to what had happened, even though most people in the room knew about us.

“Most of the things we’ve mentioned happened when we were sixteen to eighteen,” I said. “But when did your parents think you were an adult.”

“They don’t!” Claire laughed. “I’ve worked for you for five years and my dad STILL thinks he can tell me what to do! I have my own condo, a boyfriend, a cat, and a Porsche, for heaven’s sake!”

“Steve must pay REALLY well!” Patricia declared. “I don’t have a Porsche!”

“You chose civil rights, not ambulance chasing!” Claire teased. “I chose computers and listened to Bo DeWitt’s investment advice! And I haven’t had a kid yet!”

“Don’t EVEN get me started on personal injury lawyers,” Patricia groused. “You’ll notice that even with all the lawyers Steve is friends with, not a single one of them is a personal injury lawyer.”

“I know a few lawyers who might want to personally injure him!” Cindi declared. “Usually after he and his lawyers eviscerate them in legal proceedings.”

“Did you really know that woman who murdered the lawyer in Texas?” Brenna asked. “Or I guess had him murdered.”

“I did,” I replied. “And the lawyer, too. He came after me several times. I beat him every time. I found out later he was Outfit-connected and so was the woman who had him killed. She didn’t actually pull the trigger, but he was her second target.”

“Crazy!”

“So, how about the rest of you?”

The consensus was mostly when they graduated High School and went away to college, but there were a few others similar to Claire. And of course, there was my mom who was worse, as she STILL didn’t think I was capable of running my own life.

We wrapped up the session and Kara and I served snacks.

“I guess with Nicole here, no naked saunas?” Claire said quietly to Kara and me.

“We could, she just couldn’t participate. Natalie never did because her boyfriend would lose his mind. He’s a really nice guy, just super conservative. Her being naked in front of a bunch of other guys would send him around the bend!”

“Which explains why she doesn’t invite him! I did notice Sophie had her very first real slow dance at the party!”

“She’s come a very long way since she first joined us,” I said.

“Holly hasn’t really progressed.”

“And yet she’s still attending. Give her some time.”

“I’m going to go say ‘hi’ to Val. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her at the party because she spent all her time talking physics and astronomy!”

She walked away and Leigh came over to talk to us.

“That was fun,” she said. “I’m glad I listened to Ailea!”

“Me, too!”

“See you the same time in two weeks?”

“Absolutely!”

As people started filtering out, Ben called to say that Elizabeth was in labor and that they were heading for the hospital, so I let everyone who was still there know. Natalie and Nicole waited until everyone had left then came over to talk to me.

“Would it be OK to use the sauna?” Natalie asked. “Just the four of us?”

“If you’re both OK with it,” I said.

“It was Nicole’s idea!” Natalie said. “We’ll just add this to the list of things my parents do not need to know!”

“I’ll go turn on the sauna,” Kara offered.

She left and Natalie and Nicole helped me clean up from the snacks and rearrange the furniture. About ten minutes later we all went downstairs, undressed, and went into the sauna. I ladled water onto the rocks from the wooden bucket which Kara had filled, and steam hissed up, filling the room. The four of us sat down on towels which Kara had set out and relaxed in the moist, warm air.

“I am SO having a sauna in my house,” Nicole said. “This would be PERFECT after hockey games!”

“You’re going to keep playing?”

“College, for sure, but there really aren’t any professional leagues for women in the US. I can play rat hockey or pickup games at that point. Maybe I’ll even coach. I have a long time to figure it out!”

“You heard that the Islanders offered Cammi Granato a chance to come to their training camp a few years ago, right? She turned them down.”

“I wish she hadn’t, because then maybe the NHL would allow women players. No boy can beat me!”

“At your age, I agree. The problem is that Jesse, for example, is going to be six inches taller and sixty pounds heavier, most likely. As much as I’d like to see it, the league will likely never go for it because of the injury risk.”

“But isn’t that up to me to decide?”

“I agree; the NHL and their insurance carriers don’t.”

“I want to know what you’re going to do if you get boobs the size of Kara’s!” Natalie teased. “Or Cindi’s! You’ll topple over!”

“Mom has pretty small boobs and so does Grandma, so I’m not worried!”

“One of the few girls I know who DOESN’T want larger breasts!” Kara teased. “But Steve prefers your size, Natalie.”

“I know!”

“You should get Jack here,” Nicole said to Natalie. “Maybe he’d loosen up in the heat!”

“I think he’d have a fit if he saw me naked with Steve in here. And seeing Kara would probably give him a stroke!”

“He’s really that conservative?” Kara asked.

“Yes. He’s pretty much the polar opposite of Steve when it comes to nudity and talking about sex.”

“Missionary position, under the covers, and with the lights off?” Nicole teased.

“You know that’s not true!” Natalie replied.

The two of them were so close that they shared pretty much everything, and Natalie had all the details of my time with Nicole, just as Nicole had them about my time with Natalie. I was sure Natalie had shared about Jack, too.

“How was your first week of college, Natalie?” I asked.

“OK. I really like the professor I have for Russian. She’s new at the university, but she taught in Boston for about ten years. She’s originally from Volgograd, though it was Stalingrad when she was born.”

“And it was Tsaritsyn before that. I should probably arrange to meet her. Do you know her, Kara?”

“Only by name - Nadya Filipovna Gromyko. She’s a few years older than we are, I think.”

“Well,” I said, “if the city was Stalingrad when she was born, she has to have been born in 1961 or earlier.”

“How about your other classes?”