Chapter 46: Rite of Passage

September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the kitchen.

“Steve? Do you have a minute?” Winter asked as I was carefully stacking charcoal on the grill to the exacting specifications required by Tom, Kurt, and Dave.

“Sure. Here? Or private?”

“Here’s fine,” she said, holding up her left hand to reveal a modest diamond ring.

“Congratulations. Last night?”

“Yes. I didn’t get in until late, so I couldn’t tell you. We reserved a place for November 18th. If it’s OK I’m going to start moving stuff to Kendall’s place in Bridgeport.”

“Of course it’s OK. Later this week we can sit down and work out an appropriate salary for once you move out. Will that be before the wedding?”

“Not officially,” she said with a laugh. “Dad needs his fiction even after I shacked up with you for two weeks!”

I chuckled, “Some dads are like that.”

“I’ll have all of my stuff out by the end of the month, then give the room and bathroom a good scrubbing from top to bottom, and it’ll be ready for Suzanne.”

“Cool.”

“Is it OK if I ask Birgit to be our flower girl? Kendall’s nephew will be the ring bearer.”

“Sure. She’s only grounded, not in solitary!”

Winter laughed, “Thanks. I’ll go talk to her now. I’m sure she can use some cheering up.”

“She was pretty unhappy this morning at breakfast,” I agreed, “but that can’t be helped.”

“It’s always strange seeing you play ‘mean Dad’ - it doesn’t really fit your personality.”

“I don’t like doing it, either, but some transgressions rise to the level where they have to be addressed in a way which is painful.”

“To her? Or to you?”

“Both,” I replied.

Winter left and less than a minute later Maria Cristina came to stand next to me.

“Make your plea,” I chuckled before she said a word.

“That obvious?”

“You’re part of Birgit’s girl gang, and she knows if anyone here could soften Pharaoh’s heart, it would be you.”

“She is really bummed and really repentant. I thought maybe the warden would consider parole or time off for ‘good behavior’.”

“It’s kind of difficult to not behave when you’re grounded.”

“Right, because prisoners NEVER get into any trouble when they’re in jail!”

“And your point is?” I asked with a wry smile.

“That you’ve made your point, she knows it, and now you can show mercy by letting her out of purgatory early.”

“And the indulgence?” I asked with a smirk.

Maria Cristina laughed, “I don’t think I can get permission for THAT!”

“No, you probably can’t, and you definitely shouldn’t ask. Mike Knox is a good guy, but that’s a bridge too far for most guys, especially conservative Naval officers.”

“True. I do have a mild dilemma which I’m not quite sure how to solve.”

“What’s that?”

“He’s Presbyterian and I’m Roman Catholic.”

“With a name like ‘Knox’, I’d be really surprised if he wasn’t Presbyterian!”

“Sorry, I don’t know much about what Protestants believe except they don’t like the Pope or Mary.”

“John Knox was a Scottish clergyman who led the Reformation in Scotland and founded the Presbyterian Church of Scotland. Have you talked to Lieutenant Knox about it?”

“Not directly, but he knows I go to mass every Sunday with my mom. He attends whatever kind of service his church near the base has on Sundays.”

“Most likely he attends a liturgy which, in form, isn’t all that different from yours. They’d have a minister who conducts the services which would follow a very similar pattern to the mass, though somewhat simplified. If he’s as conservative as he appears, then his church probably celebrates communion every Sunday, but they have a different opinion on Christ’s presence in the bread and wine. You believe in ‘transubstantiation’ which means that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ, although they retain the material qualities of the bread and wine. So you truly partake of the body and blood. Presbyterians believe Christ’s presence is spiritual, not physical.”

“Do you have any books on your shelves I could read to understand better?”

“Yes. There is a comparative theology book on my shelf, and you should also read the two-volume history of the Christian Church by Justo Gonzalez. Those are on the same bookshelf.”

“My mom would die if I left the Catholic Church, but you know I’m not nearly as devoted to being Catholic as my mom is.”

“True, but you are devoted to la Santísima Virgen, and you still wear the medal that your grandmother sent you when you received your First Communion. I don’t think I’ve seen you without the medal since we first were together.”

“True. But I think I need to find out more about his church before I even try to talk to him about it.”

“A very good plan.”

“So, about Birgit?”

“Let me think about it,” I said.

She kissed my cheek and went back into the house. I finished with the grill and decided that I wouldn’t decide about Birgit until the party was supposed to start. I checked my watch and saw I had about an hour before Leigh was supposed to arrive, but everything was ready, so I went back into the house to see if my wives and daughters needed any help. They didn’t, so I went to my study and turned on my computer. I connected to the internet and brought up the chat program and was happy to see Suzanne was online.

NIKASteve: Hi! How are things today?
Petra1983: Just another manic Monday! LOL. Just kidding, nothing going on here. Ready for your party?
NIKASteve: Yes.
Petra1983: Val called again yesterday. I convinced her to come to the party today. Remember she’s not good with large groups.
NIKASteve: I remember. I’ll make sure I introduce her to Henry, Patricia, and Gabby. They can hang out in my study if Val is uncomfortable. And Belinda and Elizabeth, too. She really never went to any parties?
Petra1983: Really. No dates; no parties; no class trips unless they were required.
NIKASteve: How did you manage to become her friend.
Petra1983: I don’t take ‘no’ for an answer! Well, you know what I mean.
NIKASteve: You want to be nothing if not persistent!
Petra1983: Did you just call me retarded by comparing me to the Pakleds?
NIKASteve: Would I do something like that?
Petra1983: In a heartbeat! Anyway, does Birgit have AIM?
NIKASteve: Yes. But you have to guess her nym.
Petra1983: It has to have ‘pumpkin’ in it somewhere. Pumpkin88?
NIKASteve: Close!
Petra1983: DadsPumpkin?
NIKASteve: Good guess. And yes, it’s OK to chat with her. Right now she only chats with Katy and Abbie.
Petra1983: Abbie?
NIKASteve: Our former nanny. She’s in North Carolina now. Have you talked to Maria Cristina lately?
Petra1983: No. Why?
NIKASteve: She made an appeal to the warden to commute or reduce Birgit’s sentence to time served so she could attend the party. She felt I should soften my position.
Petra1983: ‘Soft’ is the LAST word I’d use to refer to you! So, Commander Data, what does logic dictate?
NIKASteve: I’m not THAT bad. Well, not any more.
Petra1983: Not any less, either! But I’m kidding. Bethany said you were better.
NIKASteve: ANOTHER troublemaker!
Petra1983: I sense a pattern - all the girls you love and who love you, you call troublemakers because they know too much about you!
NIKASteve: Maybe. 😉
Petra1983: I think you should. Mercy will be appreciated. A velvet glove for the iron fist.
NIKASteve: I do NOT have an ‘Iron Fist’! This is like the third time in her entire life Birgit has been punished!
Petra1983: Just consider it.
NIKASteve: I will. Doing anything today?
Petra1983: We’re grilling burgers. How typically American!
NIKASteve: My Swedish friends like outdoor grilling, too.
Petra1983: Reindeer? Moose?
NIKASteve: Both! But they like burgers as much as we do! Oops, Jess is at the door. Gotta go!
Petra1983: OK! L8r!
NIKASteve: L8r!

“Hey, Babe. What’s up?”

“I assume Winter spoke to you?”

“Yes. Is there an issue?”

“No. I was just making sure you knew it was ‘on’.”

“I do. She asked if it was OK for Birgit to be their flower girl and I agreed. I didn’t ask, but I’m guessing her dad wants the traditional wedding?”

“Top to bottom, including giving her away!” Jessica replied. “Do you think the girls will want that?”

“Stephie will, I think, because marrying Nicholas implies a traditional military wedding. Birgit will, because she’s Birgit. Ashley is very traditional and very conservative, so I’d count on it.”

“How in the world, in this house, did we end up with a daughter like that?”

“A reaction to all the rest of us being uncontrolled libertines,” I chuckled. “Ashley took one look at that and decided ‘no thanks’!”

“She’s also the most sensitive of the kids. I had thought it would be Stephie, but she’s become tougher while Ashley is even more sensitive and emotional.”

“If Stephie is going to be the wife of a naval officer, she’s going to need that toughness.”

“Charlie had a rough time while Clayton was gone.”

“That’s what our little bunny rabbit has to look forward to.”

The doorbell rang, which I was sure signified Leigh’s arrival.

“Ah,” Jessica said with an evil smile, “the virgin sacrifice is here!”

“I think Kara is rubbing off on you,” I grinned.

“We both like when she rubs off on us!” Jessica said gleefully.

I got up and we both left my study. Jessica went back to the kitchen while I went to the front door where Stephie had just invited Leigh into the house.

“No problem getting here?” I asked.

“No. I will probably want a ride to the L when the party ends.”

“We can probably do better than that,” I replied. “We have guests who live in Bridgeport and just north, so someone could take you home if you wanted. I’ll make sure you meet Patricia and Henry, because they live really close to you.”

“Cool. Who is this?”

“This is Stephie,” I said, “my daughter by Kara.”

“Nice to meet you!” Leigh said to Stephie. “I’m Leigh. I’m a green belt.

“Cool! I just got my purple belt!”

“How old are you?”

“Ten!”

“That’s really good.”

“Mom is a black belt and my sisters are brown and blue. What dojo do you go to?”

“Sensei Ichirou’s.”

“He’s really nice! I like Sensei Molly and Sensei Sharon, too!”

“I agree.”

“I need to go help Mom with the food. Have fun with Dad!”

Stephie scampered back to the kitchen and Leigh stood with her mouth agape.

“They know?”

“Not much is hidden in this house,” I replied.

“She’s ten!” Leigh protested.

“And has a completely age-appropriate sex education, though our judgment on age, not the usual one from society. That can’t possibly surprise you at this point.”

“I guess not, but it’s just weird to have a ten-year-old tell me to have fun with her dad!”

“Welcome to the Twilight Zone, otherwise known as Cirque du Steve!”

“‘de Steve‘.”

“I know, but my friend Jorge coined it and I’m not going to change it. He was killed by a drunk driver several years ago.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“It’s OK. I didn’t even know it was bad French until earlier this summer. Now THREE people have mentioned it.”

“You two were close?”

“Very. But let’s set that aside. You have three basic options - we can sit and talk for a bit and take things slow; sit in the sauna and also use the whirlpool; or just go straight to the guest room. And remember, you can say ‘no’ at any time if you feel you need to.”

“There’s kind of a point of no return!”

“That’s true, but you can still say ‘stop’ even then.”

“Has that ever happened?”

“Sort of, but it’s complicated. How about I get us something to drink and we go sit in the ‘Indian’ room?”

“‘Indian’ room? Like Apache or Cherokee?”

“No, like Gujarat or Andhra Pradesh. The main decor is from the subcontinent. Let me take you there and I’ll get drinks. Lemonade OK?”

“Sure.”

I led her to the ‘Indian’ room then went to the kitchen to get lemonade for her and San Pellegrino with lime for me. I took them back to the ‘Indian’ room, handed Leigh her glass, then shut the door. I put an instrumental CD with Indian music into the boombox and turned it on. I lit a stick of incense, and then moved over to the floor cushions where Leigh and I sat down, cross-legged, facing each other.

“I like this room,” she said.

“A friend of mine helped me decorate it about sixteen years ago. Unfortunately, her husband is very conservative and doesn’t approve of her having close male friends, and he really doesn’t appreciate my lifestyle.”

“Seriously? He controls her that way?”

“Only because she chose to submit to him,” I replied. “She’s mostly a traditional Indian girl with traditional Indian values. She wanted that kind of relationship. It was an arranged marriage, too.”

“No way!”

“They’ve been happily married for fifteen years and have two wonderful kids. I’ve seen her occasionally since then. And, in case you’re wondering, she’s one of the top architects in the city.”

“Weird.”

“That’s the second time you’ve used ‘weird’,” I replied.

“It’s also weird to be sitting here knowing I’m going to give you my virginity at some point in the next few hours.”

“Only if you choose to,” I said. “Nobody can commit irrevocably to sex, and that goes for married couples as well.”

“I kind of thought that was the point of marriage.”

“It’s one point. Another is having a partner to help you through life. Another is someone to care for and who will care for you. Another is to raise children, which could be by adoption, obviating the ‘need’ for sex. There are certainly other reasons as well, and a marriage might be for any, all, or none of those reasons.”

“Weir...” she started to say, but stopped herself, laughing softly. “I guess that’s the word of the day. Every single time I meet you, it’s like peeling away another layer of an onion. There’s always something new to discover.”

“If you approach life in that way, you’re in for a seriously fun adventure, what we would have called an ‘E ticket ride’ when I was your age.”

“I never heard that expression.”

“Back in the day, Disney sold individual ride tickets, labeled A-E. The most popular attractions, like the Matterhorn, Pirates of the Caribbean, or the Haunted Mansion, would be the ‘E Ticket rides’. An example of an ‘A’ attraction would be Sleeping Beauty’s Castle, a ‘B’ would be the Swiss Family Treehouse, a ‘C’ would be Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, and a ‘D’ would be the PeopleMover.”

“When did that end?”

“During the early 80s. The phrase ‘E ticket’ was slang in Southern California, which is where I picked it up, and most of my friends probably know it from me.”

“You’re from California?”

“Originally. I was born in Lynwood, near Los Angeles. We moved to Arizona briefly, and then to Ohio. I moved here for college in ‘81. How about you?”

“I live in the same house my parents lived in when I was born.”

“Cook County Hospital?”

“Yes.”

“Can I ask you how you envisioned losing your virginity?”

“When I was younger, and first understood what it was about, which was WAY older than your daughter, it was after a beautiful outdoor wedding ceremony in Hawaii. Later, on occasion, it was my Prom dress on the floor next to my bed, but mostly it was after my wedding.”

“What changed?”

Leigh laughed, “Are you kidding? YOU! Everything changed the day you walked into Sensei Ichirou’s dojo. I just didn’t realize it until a few weeks ago. Iris and Kassidy noticed, too, but I think they experienced something different. For them, it was total awe over your computer skills and willingness to teach them. Neither of them could even consider the path I followed.”

“Did you date much?”

Leigh shook her head, “No. My dad preferred we limit that to school events, and for other stuff to go out in groups. He didn’t forbid me from having a boyfriend, but I never met a guy I liked enough to do more than a bit of kissing after a dance or whatever. Iris and Kassidy don’t date, either. That’s pretty common for us - we just go out in groups and only kind of pair off for dances, but even then we hang out as a group at the dance.”

“So, Prom?”

Leigh laughed, “70s and 80s movies and TV shows. Things are so different now.”

“Did you just call me old?” I asked.

“You are more than twice my age.”

“I left my walker in the other room,” I said flatly.

“I didn’t mean it that way!” she protested.

“I know! And happy birthday!”

“Thanks! How old were you?”

“Fourteen. As you say, times were VERY different. The vast majority of my friends had steady boyfriends or girlfriends, and almost all of them had lost their virginity by seventeen. That was in the late 70s and before HIV, which changed the landscape in a significant way, and then the moral panic over teenage sex set in, due in part to HIV.”