Chapter 42: On Being a Teenager

August 25, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

On Friday I met Leigh at Takumi for our last lunch before she’d start her Senior year of High School, which would limit our ability to meet for lunch.

“I’m glad you managed one more lunch before school starts,” Leigh said after the kimono-clad waitress took our orders.

“Me, too. So, what’s on your mind?”

“Eight million things! Every time I talk to you, I consider things I’ve never would have even thought about, and learn new things. But I have WAY more questions than answers. How do you deal with that?”

“By embracing the questions; embracing the chaos.”

“Loki!”

“Yes. Instead of fighting chaos, you allow it to flow around you while you remain calm, like in the eye of a storm.”

“But how?”

“For me, it’s a combination of knowing how to relax, which involves karate, getting into my zone when I program, and judicious use of the sauna.”

“But how do you handle all the unknowns?”

“By seeking answers, even if they are provisional, and understanding that I might not have answers before the end of my life. But that doesn’t mean the quest for answers is futile by any stretch. Perhaps one of my kids or one of the kids in the Rap Sessions finds the answers. Or if they don’t, I hope that my search has helped THEIR search. In the end, it’s not about answers, but about meaning. Figure out what gives your life meaning and do THAT. Nothing else matters - money, possessions, love, sex, and power are all nothing without meaning in your life.”

“Where do you find meaning?”

“In the quest for self-knowledge, in my wives, and in my kids.”

“In that order?”

“It depends on the moment.”

“What’s the most meaningful thing you do?”

“Cuddle my eldest daughter every morning that I’m home.”

“Really?”

“Really. Most people think Jesse is my kindred spirit, and that’s true, but only to a point. He and I don’t see eye-to-eye on everything. Neither do my wives and I. My daughter and I, on the other hand, are on the exact same wavelength.”

“Interesting. What do you two talk about? She’s what? Twelve?”

“Yes, she’s twelve. And we talk about literally everything.”

Which was almost true - Birgit talked to Katy about the one thing a father and daughter could never talk about, though I was sure that, one day, Birgit would broach the subject and I’d have to tell her ‘no’, clearly and unequivocally, and deny her for the first, and perhaps only, time in our relationship.

“That’s very different.”

“It is. So, where do you find meaning?”

“I’m not sure; I think that’s part of why I find you so intriguing. You challenge me in ways I’ve never been challenged before.”

“Good. The Rap Sessions are going to challenge you even more.”

“I’ve thought a LOT about the conversation we had last time; about the seduction.”

“And?”

“You got me for your cadre, as you called it. As I said, I can’t go back, only forward. It’s the other part of the seduction I’ve been wondering about. Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Well, it’s actually a statement - to be part of this, I mean TRULY be part of this, we have to sleep together.”

“I don’t sleep with my male recruits,” I replied with a grin.

“How many male recruits do you have? I mean TRUE recruits.”

“As many as I do in my inner circle at work.”

Leigh laughed, “I heard from Iris and Kassidy that your ‘Kitchen Cabinet’ as it’s called, is all women. And your company only has women as senior executives.”

“True.”

“Do you have close male friends?”

“A couple. And there are a couple of regulars at the Rap Sessions who I’m reasonably close to.”

“But they aren’t part of the cadre the way I’ll be? Or the way some of the others are?”

“No. Unfortunately, there have been a few who would have made perfect members of the cadre had they not had their lives cut short.”

“That sucks,” Leigh said. “So, is it true? The closest members of your cadre are current or former lovers?”

“Yes.”

The waitress brought our food and after I said «Itadakimasu», we began eating and the conversation continued.

“Which happens first?” Leigh asked “The philosophical or sexual seduction?”

“It depends, but it’s almost always philosophical.”

“And once that happens, the other is a foregone conclusion?”

“In most cases.”

“And you don’t ask them, do you? They ask you?”

“Generally.”

Leigh laughed softly, “I know about a hundred High School boys who would KILL to know your secret!”

“They’d never believe me if I told them.”

“Oh?”

“It’s the exact same way I achieved 6th Dan.”

“What am I missing?”

“I didn’t seek the promotions, I simply focused on the principles of Shōtōkan and measured my success by whether or not I’d improved from one day to the next. Others judged whether I was worthy of an honor I never sought. I only sought to be the best I could be.”

“You focus on philosophy and spirituality and just let the other thing happen. And by not appearing to want it, you make the girls curious, and once they’re curious, they’ve crossed an inflection point from which there is no going back. And if they elect NOT to sleep with you, it’s because they can’t actually go where you’re going to lead them philosophically and spiritually.”

She’d perfectly described exactly what had happened with Natalie in Russia and Suzanne here in Chicago. They were the TRUE members of the new group which was forming, along with Liz, and Leigh was trying to decide if she was the next member.

“That’s an astute analysis.”

“This isn’t exactly how I envisioned losing my virginity, but I don’t see any way forward without it.”

“Is that because you want to or because you feel you have to?”

“Are those any different, when it comes right down to it?” Leigh asked with a bemused look. “Call it a new kata I need for my next belt in life.”

“A required routine, but you don’t do it BECAUSE its required, but because you want to take the next step. A subtle difference, but an important one. You can stop at any point, but you elect not to, and thus you do it because of you; because of an internal as opposed to an external compulsion.”

“So, how does this go?”

“You’ll need a clean STD test.”

“And the Pill? I can’t imagine you like rubbers.”

“I don’t, but I have used them in the past when necessary. Now, they’re unnecessary, as is the Pill, because I had a vasectomy in ‘91 after my youngest daughter was born. Are you sure?”

Leigh smiled, looked deep into my eyes, and nodded, “Yes. I want to go to bed with you.”

August 26, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

“So what do you think?” Cynthia asked as we lay naked and sweaty in my bed mid-morning on Saturday, when Mom One and Mom Two were out for the morning.

“About what we just did? Or about Libby?”

“Both, I guess,” Cynthia replied.

“The karate belts were interesting, but I’m not sure I like being tied up. You?”

“It was exciting, but not something I’d want to do a lot. And Libby?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Come on, Jesse, you know it’s a fantasy every guy has!”

“Duh! But as Dad says, sometimes you have to just put those fantasies in a corner of your mind and not act on them.”

“You don’t want to try it? Just once?”

“I want to, I’m just not sure it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

What I couldn’t say to her was that it was something that I knew Francesca would never tolerate if she ever found out about it. That would mean I probably could never get back together with her. She wouldn’t be happy with all the stuff I was doing with Cynthia, but I felt a threesome would be crossing a very different line. The question I had to ask, was did I want to cross that line and give up on Francesca.

“It’s complicated,” I said.

“You’re thinking about what Kelly would say, aren’t you?”

I didn’t particularly care what Kelly would say because I wasn’t sure I wanted a girlfriend for the same reason I wasn’t sure a threesome was a good idea.

“Kelly doesn’t know and I would never tell her. She thinks we just play video games.”

“We do!” Cynthia giggled. “But I also play with your joystick!”

“My ‘hardware’ and your ‘software’?” I asked with a silly grin.

“Lots of input and output? Think you can do it again before we shower?”

“Perhaps, if you can think of a way to make me hard...”

Cynthia licked her lips and moved down to take me into her mouth. I propped myself on my elbows and watched as she sucked me until I got hard, and then we fucked really hard before going to the shower.

“Just think about the threesome, Jesse. Libby REALLY wants you to pop her cherry!”

Libby WAS cute and the idea of having sex with both her and Cynthia was enough to make me get hard again, even though Cynthia and I had already done it four times! Cynthia noticed, giggled, and sucked me until I spurted into her mouth. She stood up, and we kissed.

“You like the idea,” she giggled.

“Yeah.”

“So you will?”

“Let me think about it a little more, OK? It’s still too soon after she started on the Pill to be safe.”

“OK.”

We finished our shower, dried off, then went downstairs to play video games and eat lunch. After lunch Cynthia went home and I went to the main house to talk to my dad. I found him in his study reading A Clash of Kings.

“Any good?” I asked.

“The storyline is pretty good,” Dad replied, “but I waited over a year after this came out to read it because Martin’s writing is just so-so and I had other things to read.”

“So it’s not The Sopranos?”

“Not even close! You like the ‘Harry Potter’ books far more than you liked A Game of Thrones. Are you reading the new book?”

“I finished Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last week. You heard they’re making a movie from Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, right?”

“I did. What’s up?”

I shut the door and went to sit in one of the comfortable leather chairs.

“How do I decide whether or not to do something?”

“I’m assuming you’re not considering bank robbery or presidential assassination?” Dad asked with a grin.

“Well, not bank robbery, anyway!” I replied with a grin. “The other depends on who wins in November. But you’re a good person to ask.”

“That’s not how I see it!” Dad replied. “If it’s about a girl, I’m probably the LAST person you want to ask.”

“Or I could listen to your advice and do the opposite!” I teased.

Dad laughed, “You are your mother’s son, that’s for sure! What’s bugging you? Francesca?”

“I should have known you’d guess. I keep thinking about her even though I can’t see her.”

“And that’s keeping you from doing something you want to do? Are we talking about Kelly or someone else?”

“Kelly is part of it, but there’s another thing.”

“You think you’d be betraying Francesca if you had a steady girlfriend? But you and Cynthia working your way through The Joy of Sex is OK?”

“Maybe I should talk to Mom One about this.”

“Because, all kidding aside, you think my judgment is flawed,” Dad said.

“I guess I don’t see the need to have a hundred girls, or whatever the number is.”

“And had Birgit Andersson not died, my life would have turned out very differently. Or if your mom hadn’t been confused about her sexuality and had actually been straight. Or a host of other things that might have gone differently. I’m not blaming anyone, Ducky, I’m just saying that my life experiences were far different from yours in some ways, but similar in others. The one difference, at least right now, is that you think there is a chance you and Francesca might get back together. A storm in the Baltic made sure there was no chance for Birgit and me. I guess the question you have to ask yourself is whether or not you want to basically put your life on hold for four years. Well, other than playtime with Cynthia. That’s what it is, right?”

“Yes.”

“If it weren’t for Francesca, would you want Kelly for your girlfriend?”

“I think so. I mean, I like Larisa but she’s still too young. I know Amber is interested, but would YOU want Penny for your mother-in-law?”

Dad laughed hard, “Hell no!”

“And believe it or not, I don’t prefer redheads.”

“Son, there is no way, NO WAY, you came from my loins!”

“I doubt you’re going to punch Mom One in the mouth, though!” I grinned, completing the quote from Smokey and the Bandit. “But seriously, I like blondes!”

“You have met my wives, right?” Dad asked with a grin. “And your Aunt Elyse?”

“Blondes and strawberry blondes! But you have a thing for Aunt Kathy!”

“Since sixth grade! But back to your question, I can’t tell you what to do, but four years from now you’ll be a very different person, Francesca will be a very different person, and the world will be different, though how different we can never know.”

“You’re saying I should forget about her?”

Dad shook his head, “No, I’m saying don’t put your life on hold for her. Live your life, and when you graduate from High School find Francesca if she hasn’t found you, and see what happens. You know Mom One and I were apart for four years, and yet, here you are!”

“Mom Two says that you and Mom One are a textbook example of how NOT to have a relationship.”

“Mom Two is right,” Dad said. “But you know why.”

“Because dumb people couldn’t deal with people being gay or lesbian! Mom One is lesbian, and yet, here I am!”

“May I give you one piece of advice?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t worry about whether or not you are following in my footsteps, or comparing yourself to me. Be Jesse Stephen Block, and live your life the way YOU think is right, without worrying about becoming your old man, which I know is something you don’t want to do. I raised you to be your own person, and I want you to be your own person, not a clone of me, no matter what other people think. And being your own person might well mean doing SOME of the things I’ve done. Or maybe not. But Jesse, don’t worry about what I’ve done or not done, because it doesn’t matter.”

“Do you regret what you’ve done?”

“No, not at all. But what was right for me isn’t necessarily right for you. And that’s true of any advice you might get from Mom Two.”

I laughed, “You know I’ll ask her because she often disagrees with you.”

“Getting two differing opinions is a good strategy for life,” Dad said. “I do that with people at work, and so does Samantha. But in the end, only you can make the final decision. Do what YOU think is right and what YOU want to do. That’s what I’ve tried to teach you from the time you were born.”

“What do you do when you aren’t sure?”

“Gather as much information as possible, think about it, then pick the option that seems best at the time. Sometimes inaction is best, but I usually find that action is best. It results in fewer missed opportunities.”

“And when it has bad results?”

“You learn from it and you move on, even when it’s not easy.”

“What about complicated issues?”

“Break them down into smaller issues and work through them. It’s like playing Hold ‘Em - you have to make a series of decisions, based on limited information. You win when you know the right time to go all in or release your hand. You don’t always get it right, but you get it right often enough to be successful. It’s that way at work. It’s that way in the stock market. It’s that way in life.”

Dad was right, and despite going back and forth on the issue in my mind, I knew I had to do what he suggested - not worry about Francesca until I could actually do something about it. That didn’t make things easy, though, because if I decided to have Kelly as my girlfriend, I couldn’t have Cynthia as my sex buddy. I still needed to think about that one, but I also knew Cynthia wouldn’t be angry. She might be disappointed, but she wouldn’t be angry because it was ‘just sex’, as she put it.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome. Go talk with Mom Two!”

“I don’t think I need to now. I think I know what to do.”

“Good.”

I left his office and went back to the house to get ready to go out with the gang.

“Is everything OK with Jesse?” Kara asked when she came into my study about ten minutes after Jesse left.

“Yes. He’s just trying to figure out how to live his life not in my shadow while applying the lessons I’ve taught him.”

“He’s still struggling with Francesca?”

“Yes, but I think he’s going to release his hand.”

“A poker term, right?”

“Yes. Maybe he gets dealt better cards at eighteen; maybe Carol comes to her senses before then.”

“It’s more likely you become a monk than Carol comes to her senses!”

“Stranger things have happened!” I replied.

“I hope you mean Carol, not you becoming a monk!”

“Obviously!”

“How late will you be tonight?”

“I shouldn’t be too late. Alex squeezed us in at 5:30pm, which means I should be home no later than 8:30pm, and probably before then. Why?”

“I was just curious. What’s up for tomorrow?”

“Other than a phone call from Suzanne’s friend, I have no plans except to spend time with you and the kids, and then have our extended family dinner.”

“And for the next three hours?”

“I’m at your disposal.”

“Let’s go next door and cuddle and make love.”

“That’s a GRAND idea!” I agreed.

Just over two hours later we went through the empty house to the master bedroom where we took a joint shower, and then I dressed for dinner with the Atkinsons. I kissed Kara goodbye, then walked out to my car, got in, and headed for Bucktown Bistro. The drive was easy because it was a Saturday, and I arrived early, which gave me a chance to flirt with Sam for a few minutes before Laurel and her parents arrived.

“Hi, Mr. Adams!” Laurel gushed.

“Hi, Laurel! Hi Drake. Hi Wendy.”

“Hi, Steve,” Drake said. “Thanks for allowing us to buy you dinner.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Laurel says you had to pull some strings to get reservations.”

“Alex and I are friends. We just traded favors.”

“And I got the better part of the deal!” Alex declared. “I’m Alex Saunders; welcome to my place. Let me take you to your table.”

He led us to one of his best tables, which was the one my wives and I usually had for our anniversary. He explained the menu, told us about the special, and let me know he had some interesting new ideas for me. He called a waiter over to take our drink orders, and then left.

“What was he talking about?” Drake asked.

“I have dietary restrictions from my doctor. Alex knows them and comes up with some pretty amazing options.”

“You’re sick?” Laurel asked.

“Not really. It’s just a confluence of minor conditions that mean I need to limit my carbohydrate intake. But it has no real effect on my life other than watching what I eat, which we should all do anyway.”

“If you don’t, you’ll end up with the ‘Freshman fifteen’, Princess!” Drake said.

“How do you stay in shape, Steve?” Wendy asked. “I mean besides karate?”

“I run every weekday morning.”