Chapter 30: Confrontations

July 11, 2000, Iron Mountain, Michigan

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, Bethany” I said, feeling frustrated and confused.

“It’s simple, Jesse - you are so much more mature and have much more knowledge than the girls your age that you need to be careful.”

“Careful of what?”

“Taking advantage of girls.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, “Give me a break! Are you saying that because my moms and my dad taught me about sex and because other parents didn’t teach their kids, and because my parents raised me to be responsible and independent, I can’t have sex?”

“I’m saying you have to be very, very careful because you are so much more mature and have so much more knowledge, and I guess experience, too.”

“That doesn’t make sense! It’s not like I’ve tricked a girl into having sex or anything! And I know the rules - always use birth control, always have an STD test, and always make sure it’s what she wants to do. I would never do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

“But don’t you think you could talk a girl into doing something she didn’t want to do? Or get her so excited she did stuff she didn’t want to do?”

“That’s what consent is about!” I protested. “You said so! If I was like twenty years older than the girl, then I could see it, but the girls I like are my age or a little older!”

“But what about what happened with your friends?”

“Oh give me a break! Heather thinks blowjobs are disgusting and she was dumb to tell her mom what Paul said. All my friends agree! We talked about it! You’ve got me totally confused because I did what you said we should do!”

“And I’m trying to explain how you could take advantage of girls. And even with your knowledge and maturity, it’s possible for you to be taken advantage of.”

“So, wait! I can’t have sex with girls my age because I’m too mature, but I can’t have sex with older girls because I’m too immature?”

“It’s about life experience, too.”

“Now I’m TOTALLY confused,” I sighed. “Nobody took advantage of me and I never took advantage of anybody! And I wouldn’t!”

“Just think about what I’m saying, Jesse,” Bethany said.

I shrugged, “OK.”

I went to find my dad to see if I could make sense of what Bethany was saying. I asked him to take a walk so we could talk.

“You know Bethany is being extreme, right?” he asked.

“She thinks I’m you,” I said disgustedly. “I’m not! And she doesn’t believe me!”

“I think she’s being extreme even in my case,” Dad replied. “You and I have discussed consent, as well as being cautious. Just because you know more than most kids doesn’t create an automatic imbalance.”

“She thinks April abused me.”

“Bullshit! And how does she know?”

“She doesn’t know who, or even for sure that it happened, but I think something Mom One said gave her a clue.”

“Do YOU feel as if you were abused?”

“Right! A smoking hot woman in her thirties wants to have sex with me when I’m a virgin and I’m going to feel abused? I don’t THINK so!”

Dad chuckled, “My thoughts exactly! You know I was with a woman who was older than I was for my first time, too.”

“Only nine years,” I grinned. “In that way, I did better!”

Dad laughed hard, “Is everything a competition between us?”

“Except for what Mom One calls the ‘body count’!”

“I do want to point out that it is possible for a situation where there is a huge gap in knowledge, experience, and age to be abusive, but I certainly don’t think your situation with April was one of those, and neither was mine with my first. For girls who are around your age, I don’t think you need to worry at all, and given your personal standards, I highly doubt you’ll find yourself in the kinds of situations I found myself in or which I now find myself.”

“You mean teenagers when you’re almost forty, Pops?”

“Do you want to live to be fifteen?” Dad asked, trying to sound threatening, but he wasn’t.

“Mom Two asks that all the time when I give her grief!” I grinned.

“I’m sure she does. With regard to Bethany, I’m going to tell her I think what she was saying to you is ‘bullshit’ and I am convinced it is. Just be responsible and follow the consent and STI testing rules.”

“I will,” I said firmly. “And birth control!”

“Obviously! Is there anything she said that really concerns you?”

“No, because what she’s saying just doesn’t fit how I behave. And it’s not like my brothers and sisters are going to be in the kinds of situations she was talking about. Stephie is going to marry Nicholas, Matthew is going to marry Chelsea, and Albert is going to marry Jane.”

“I thought they were already married!”

I laughed, “Maybe like Mom One and Mom Two, but not legally. They will, though; I mean Albert and Jane. And, seriously, we all know that Matthew is going to marry Chelsea. I wonder if Bethany thinks that Chelsea is ‘abusing’ Matthew and has coerced him into marrying her!”

“Riiiight!” Dad answered. “Well, he was resistant at first.”

I laughed, “Then he figured out she was pretty cool and THEN he decided that he was very interested in ‘kissing’!”

Dad chuckled, “You guys haven’t used that word to mean ‘sex’ in a long time!”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“Do you think the government will ever let Mom One and Mom Two get married? Legally, I mean.”

“Maybe someday, but I think it’s going to be a long time before that happens. And you know your moms don’t care about the piece of paper any more than I do.”

“They bitch about their taxes and how benefits like health insurance work.”

“That part is completely unjust,” Dad replied. “But until the State of Illinois gets its head out of its butt, there isn’t much that can be done.”

“What about the Feds?”

“They don’t decide who is married,” Dad replied. “That’s purely a State issue, and if a state lets gays and lesbians marry their partners, then the Feds have to recognize the marriage, just as all the other states do. My biggest fear is that Congress will fuck it up, and then the courts will fuck it up worse, instead of simply allowing the Constitution to work.”

“You mean because, say, Ohio has to recognize marriages performed in Illinois, they have to recognize same-sex marriages if Illinois were to allow them.”

“Absolutely. They can’t simply say that some marriages are OK and others are not. So once one state allows it, then people just go there to get married and that’s the end of it. Eventually, all the states will accept it. And the Feds have zero to say about it. The only way to stop it, once any state allows it, would be to amend the Constitution and I can’t see that happening. Back on our original topic, did our talk the other day help?”

“It did. I decided that all I can really do is see what happens in the future, but I can’t count on it. I was thinking maybe when Francesca and I get our driving licenses it might be possible to meet somewhere, but I don’t even know how to get in touch with her, and if I did, her mom could call the cops. So, in the end, I’m going to hang out with my friends, go on dates, and just do normal stuff.”

“I think that’s a good plan. OK to change topics?”

“Sure,” I agreed, wondering what he was thinking.

“Have you thought about being an exchange student?”

“Not really. If I was going to do something like that, I’d think about playing Major Junior hockey in Canada. I’m probably good enough to get onto a team, but I don’t think I’m good enough to make the NHL. If you think about it, there are only about sixty goalies, from the entire world, in the NHL. I’m good, but I’m not sure I’m in the top 60 in the world in my age group, and goalies in the NHL range from twenty to forty! I’ll play in High School, maybe in college, and get a job. Maybe coaching or front office for an NHL team.”

“That would be cool. I have some friends who can put you in contact with the right people when it’s time.”

“Eight years! Four in High School, four in college.”

“Time goes faster than you think, Little Duck. Shall we head back?”

“Yes.

“Jesse came to talk to me,” I said to Bethany after Jesse and I returned from our walk.

“And you’re upset because I talked to him about the knowledge gap.”

“About HOW you talked to him about it. While I understand what you’re saying, I seriously disagree with the way you’re applying it. If we follow that to its logical conclusion, only two clueless virgins born on the exact same day are permitted to have sex AND from that point on can never have sex with anyone whose experience doesn’t exactly match theirs, which is not possible unless they stay together for the rest of their lives! That’s nuts, and it’s playing right into the hands of the ‘Junior Anti-Sex League’ that’s being formed by parents to control their kids! If you want to talk to ME about it, fine, but please don’t make my kids’ lives more difficult than they already are!”

“Do you agree your kids are in a position to take advantage of other kids?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Bethany! We’re talking teenagers experimenting with sex! What happened to your viewpoint that you wrote in Smart Teens; Smart Choices? I don’t have my copy handy, but you called it ‘natural, normal, and healthy’ so long as they practiced safe sex. And you cautioned parents to tread lightly in interfering!”

“And you and Stephanie?”

“What about it?” I asked, exasperated. “That has nothing to do with the situation we’re talking about, and you know that what I did was basically a product of emotional and mental abuse. I’m still responsible for what I did, but it has zero to do with what we’re talking about at the moment. The problem with Francesca wasn’t a knowledge gap. The problem with Heather wasn’t a knowledge gap. The problem was, in both cases, insane parents. Those parents are doing what my mom did to me - emotionally abusing their daughters because they, the parents, are freaked-out by their daughters being interested in sex or being around boys who are interested in sex. It’s nuts, Sweetheart.”

“You’ve never really understood me because you seduce teenage girls and think nothing of it!”

“Bullshit! First, I didn’t seduce you; YOU came to ME. Second, it’s been a long time since I simply fucked whomever was brought to me; a LONG time. Third, despite your accusation, I have not taken advantage of anyone. I followed YOUR consent rules! And I’ve taken it to an extreme in some cases, which, by the way, have been few and far between the last three years. Without going into specifics, the AVERAGE time from the girl deciding she wanted to be with me until we were actually together was better than two years! So don’t give me this ‘seducing teenage girls and thinking nothing of it’ bullshit! Fourth, there is absolutely nothing wrong with an experienced person having sex with a virgin. Being inexperienced is NOT the same as being clueless. Not one of those FEW girls I’ve been with the past few years was clueless. And fifth, if ANYONE understands Bethany Krajick, it’s me!”

“Are you done with your rant?”

“I’m just getting started!” I growled.

“You do remember what happened to Vizzini, right?” Bethany asked.

“Well, you can be damned sure I’m not going to drink ANY wine you’re pouring at the moment, and neither are my kids. And if I find out you’ve been talking to the ‘cousins’ the same way, I’m going to talk to Kathy, Melanie, Jackie, Cindi, Julia, Charlie, and my wives and put a stop to it. I’m not fucking kidding!”

“Done now?”

“Are you?”

“Will you at least admit it’s possible?”

“I’ll concede you could come up with an edge-case scenario which fits your theory. That said, telling Jesse he has a power disparity over every girl is, as I said, nuts. It’s not true, at least in the way you mean it. I don’t have a problem with encouraging caution, especially outside the ‘cousins’, and you know I’m fully behind your theory on consent and your guidance on safe sex.”

“You do realize the ‘cousins’, as you call them, are their own problem?”

“Oh for the love of ... stop it! Now! We’ve raised healthy, intelligent, well-adjusted kids who understand that sex is not evil or dirty or anything like that, and you’re trying to wreck it! What the fuck, Bethany? This goes against EVERYTHING you and I agreed upon which led to you losing your virginity with me. You are, in effect, agreeing with Andrea Dworkin who said that ‘penetrative intercourse is, by its nature, violent’. And while she denied believing that all sex is rape, I’d say if you consider intercourse violent, and rape is violence, that is the logical conclusion. In other words, you’ve decided that ONLY rape is possible! Jesus, Sweetheart!

“I think you’re suffering from the ‘if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail’ syndrome. You deal with rape, incest, and abuse full-time and so all you see is abusive behavior. The way you’re dealing with Jesse is basically saying that because he has a penis and knows how to use it for its intended biological purpose, he’s a rapist! That’s NUTS! I’m going to ask you a VERY blunt question and I want a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. No shades of gray, not hemming and hawing. Did I rape you when we engaged in intercourse in the apartment back in Milford? Just ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”

“That’s not a fair question!”

“Attempting to provoke me with that word won’t work, Doctor Krajick. Answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Did I rape you that day in Milford?”

Bethany averted her eyes and I knew she realized the answer her new philosophy required, but which she could not bring herself to say.

“I want you to do two things,” I said quietly. “The first is talk to Jennifer about her experience with a girl named Jocelyn she met at Stanford, and the second is to talk to Doctor Mercer.”

“You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

“Was that EVER a question?” I teased.

“You know what I mean,” she said softly.

“And I meant what I just said. We’re both crazy and have been since before we met, but neither of us is clinically mentally ill. Just do what I ask, please.”

“Who was Jocelyn?”

“Ask Jen,” I replied. “And ask Jen about what her friend Jocelyn said about me back in the day.”

“When was this?”

“Our Freshman year. Will you agree to do those two things?”

“I feel as if I don’t have a choice.”

“If talking to Doctor Mercer or Jennifer concerns you, then you have to ask yourself why that is.”

Bethany nodded and left the room. A minute later, Kara and Jessica came in.

“What was that about?” Kara asked.

“The thing that’s been building for some time. She talked to Jesse and gave him a dose of her ‘power disparity’ theory. I needed to counter that.”

“How did this happen?” Jessica asked.

“You know how, in the past, only certain people could truly call ‘bullshit’ on my thinking?”

“Elyse, Kathy, Jennifer, and Bethany,” Kara said.

“And Sofia,” Jessica added. “But you’re much better at listening now.”

“Bethany has become such an authority in her field that nobody dared to call ‘bullshit’ on her demonstrably bullshit theory! Well, I did, and in a way that forced her to stop and think.”

“What did you say? I mean, if it’s OK to ask.”

“I simply asked her, requiring a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, if I had raped her when we had sex the first time in the apartment back in Milford.”

“Tiger!” Jessica gasped.

“It’s a legitimate question,” I replied. “She’s spends so much time with victims of sexual abuse that she’s seeing sex as abusive in almost every case. She’s gone down the same line as Jennifer’s friend Jocelyn did almost twenty years ago.”

“Jocelyn?” Kara asked.

“A different one; not Ben van Hoek’s law partner. A radical feminist in the Andrea Dworkin school of thought, which is where Bethany has ended up, at least with regard to sex, by making a series of logical, yet fallacious, arguments. Jess, I know you’ve run into that when trying to diagnose complex cases and getting it wrong.”

Jessica nodded, “Where each step, and each decision, is perfectly logical, but we’re missing some key piece of information or giving it too little significance or, in a case like yours, have no experience with whatever we’re encountering. I know you remember that rare case from years ago.”

“Yes, you all did everything right, at least according to your training, and still the patient died. And no fault was found because what you did made sense in your minds according to your training and experience. That’s what’s happened to Bethany. The woman who wrote Why Me? and Smart Teens; Smart Choices is NOT the woman I talked to five minutes ago.”

“What are you going to do?”

“With Bethany? Continue to call her out for her bullshit, and not mince words. I should have done that sooner instead of trying to use finesse. I already talked to Jesse and I don’t think he’s messed up. I do need to talk to Jennifer and Josie, but that can wait until we get back to Chicago.”

“Is Jesse OK?” Kara asked.

“He was just confused about what Bethany was saying, but we talked it out. The thing is, none of my boys are anything like me.”

“True,” Jess replied. “And neither are Stephie or Ashley.”

“And Birgit?” Kara asked with a smirk.

“Your sex drive, my philosophy, and no belief that she should only ever be with one man? What do you think?”

Kara, Jessica, and I all laughed, then went to find the kids.

July 13, 2000, Iron Mountain, Michigan

On Thursday evening, Kurt, Tom, Eduardo, Don, and I were invited to join Grady and Bill Jr. at the Billings’ farm, while Ellen, Jodie, and the kids were invited to our rented farmhouse. Before we left, Tom pulled me aside.

“Is everything OK between you and Bethany?” he asked.

“Just a philosophical disagreement and we’ve had disagreements in the past,” I replied. “We’ll get past this. Is she OK?”

“She’s a bit out of sorts. She wouldn’t say what the issue was.”

“As I said, it’s a philosophical disagreement. I suggested she talk to Jennifer and Fran Mercer. She will.”