Chapter 24: Pseudoscientific Psychobabble

June 25, 2000, Chicago, Illinois

“Two important points,” I replied. “First, have you thought about birth control?”

“Yes, but only insofar as I’m absolutely positive you’ve taken that into account and there is no way you’d risk getting me pregnant. What was your plan?”

“I’ve had a vasectomy.”

“That neatly resolves the concern.”

“It does. Second, being tested for STI is mandatory, no matter how many, or few, partners you’ve had. That rules applies to everyone, including virgins, because there are ways to get STIs without having intercourse.”

“I did pay attention in sex ed, though they called them STDs,” Suzanne replied with a smile. “The information was pretty limited, so I went to the library and looked up answers to questions my teacher simply wouldn’t answer.”

“Sorry, I should have realized that from everything you’ve said. I know how bad sex ed in schools is these days, but I should have expected you to be extremely well-informed. The new phrase is ‘Sexually Transmitted Infection’, because ‘infection’ is supposedly less stigmatizing than ‘disease’.”

“You’ll have to forgive me for not being quite intuitive enough to know in advance I’d need a test. It simply didn’t dawn on me because you’re the first guy I’ve ever felt was worthy. I assume I can get a test before I have to go back to Colorado?”

OF COURSE she was a virgin! As my sister always said, I was the luckiest dumb boy in the long and storied history of dumb boys.

“You can get a test tomorrow, and I can tell you where to go to make sure you have the results by Friday at the latest. You should stay today, and spend time with Kara and me, and then meet Jessica when she comes home from work. The rest of the family will be here then, including my sister and her kids. What time did you tell your dad you’d be back?”

“11:00pm, so sure, I’ll stay. Are there any rules I need to know about?”

“House rules? Or did you mean about going to bed together?”

“Both, actually.”

“The house rules are pretty simple - respect the privacy of each person’s room, no drugs, and no underage drinking, except for kids served by their parents. If you were living here, then the rules about keeping your calendar updated and letting people know where you were going to be and what time you’d be back would apply, as would doing your share around the house. The calendar rules apply to everyone, by the way, including all adults. Other than that, things are pretty casual here.

“With regard to going to bed, the bed in the master bedroom is reserved for my wives and me, and obviously we need to be smart about what is said and done in public, but otherwise, other than the STI test and some rules designed to prevent issues with our workplaces, I’m basically free to decide what to do. You can ask Kara about it if you wish.”

“So you really are that free,” Suzanne stated.

“I am. Let’s go to the ‘Indian’ room and talk with Kara and then we can have lunch.”

“‘Indian’ room?”

“Named for the decor,” I replied. “A friend of mine from India helped me pick out the furnishings about seventeen years ago.”

We left my study and went to the ‘Indian’ room. I shut the door and we sat down on floor cushions.

“Suzanne is going to stay for dinner,” I said. “And once she moves to Chicago, she’s going to begin attending the Rap Sessions.”

“What do you plan to study?” Kara asked.

“I’m thinking political science for pre-law, even though Steve has an issue with it! I’m not sure which university yet - I had planned to apply to Loyola and Northwestern, but after meeting Steve, I’m thinking I might apply to University of Chicago as well. Dad doesn’t care which school, just that it’s in Chicago.”

“You know, I never asked how often you come to Chicago.”

“Spring Break, three weeks during the Summer, and then either Thanksgiving or Christmas which I alternate between my mom and my dad. This year it’s Christmas in Chicago and Thanksgiving in Colorado.”

“Kara, would you like to know what Suzanne helped me discover?” I asked.

“What?”

“Ready for some ‘Sci-Fi’? Or ‘the universe is way more complex than we thought it was’?”

“Oh, sure, why not?!” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

“I’m not the source of the vibe; the girls are. The best analogy I can think of is an RFID tag. The energy from the girl causes the vibe. It starts out as desire, but then turns into a sense of belonging for the girls who are not simply ‘dalliances’.”

“You do realize that Bethany would call that pseudoscientific psychobabble, right?”

“And yet, even SHE can’t explain our shared dream! There IS something more at work. But in all seriousness, it’s an analogy and any analogy breaks down if you push it too far. I wasn’t trying to claim some sort of actual electrical field exists!”

“So what is it, then?”

“I’d say a mix of conscious and subconscious signals - body language, word choice, tone, pheromones, and probably some other things we’d don’t fully understand. And those signals go both ways. I think what I’m saying is that I pick up on those signals and respond to them with what you all call my ‘vibe’, but following the analogy, the ‘vibe’ comes from my reaction to the girl’s signals, in the same way a coil in an RFID device reacts to an electromagnetic field.”

“I was a bit worried you were going down some weird supernatural path,” Kara replied.

“Well, we’ve discussed the idea of linked personalities or a universal consciousness at the Rap Sessions and that shared dream Bethany and I had has factored large in those comments. Even Elizabeth admits there is far more to the universe than her physics education and research are able to explain, at least at this point.”

“How did you come up with this new theory?” Kara asked.

“When Suzanne and I were talking about the vibe, and I realized that while I can turn it off, I have no idea how to turn it on, and it dawned on me that perhaps it’s the girl who activates it. It also explains girls who aren’t interested - they don’t provide the signals - the energy - to turn it on. And before you object, think about the subconscious signals you were sending me on that first day in Mrs. Brewer’s chemistry class. Or the conscious and subconscious signals Jess was sending in the locker room at Indiana University Hospital. Or Elyse at her aunt’s wedding. Or Jennifer while we played chess.”

“That actually makes some sense, and it fits into your holistic worldview of everything being related and everything being connected.”

“And, in a weird way, it fits Newtonian physics - action and reaction. Inertia. But also the randomness of quantum physics.”

“You might have a point,” Kara replied thoughtfully.

“What am I missing?” Suzanne asked.

“About twenty-five years of history!” I replied. “This goes back to eighth grade, or maybe even seventh, when Kathy Jaeger and I first had crushes on each other but didn’t act on them.”

“You mean a crush is a result of all those signals?”

“Yes, exactly. Or love. Or sexual attraction. Or friendship. We constantly receive those subconscious and conscious signals and react to them. And our reaction causes the other person to react, almost like a feedback loop, where the signals continue to intensify unless you break the loop by moving the microphone or reduce the gain.”

“I think you just explained why Michelle had to leave,” Kara said. “Both times.”

I nodded, “It sure makes sense. And it explains some others as well, for whom the feedback loop was too intense for them, either because they didn’t want it or couldn’t handle it.”

“Kelly Linden as an example of the first one, Carla Rizzi for the second,” Kara replied. “Michelle’s was neither, she wanted it and could handle it, but ultimately, she had to break the loop when she couldn’t have you the way she wanted.”

“I’m curious,” Suzanne said. “These women you’re talking about, are they recent? Or in the past?”

“Is that important?” I asked.

“Humor me?” she requested.

“Actually, Kara covered High School, college, and recently with those three women. And we can turn that around, too by adding another name - Becky. She did everything she could to intensify the feedback loop in the hopes it would be enough to overcome the things she didn’t like about me. In the end, I was the one who had to break the loop, consciously and actively, because I couldn’t give her what she wanted.”

“How often does that happen?” Suzanne asked.

“Which? Me breaking things off or the girl?”

“You breaking things off.”

“I suppose it happens often enough, but usually I set limits in advance to control or attenuate the feedback loop. There are always limits, it’s just that the limits are different in different circumstances.”

“Is that what you meant when you said something about ‘dalliances’ versus ‘long-term affairs’?”

“Yes. And where I have a free hand with ‘dalliances’, which usually are limited to one or two encounters, longer-term relationships have to be discussed with my wives and Maria Cristina.”

“The medical student who’s living with you?” Suzanne asked.

“She’s not quite a med student,” I replied. “She takes her MCAT next month, and then she has to apply to medical school for Fall of 2001. We expect her to be here for another six or seven years, but that could change.”

“Why would it change?”

“At some point, she’ll marry and have a family. That’s been her desire all along. She won’t cease being part of our family, but obviously the physical part of our relationship has to change.”

“Why obviously?” Suzanne asked.

“Truly sharing is a very difficult thing, and in my entire life, I only found two women - Kara and Jessica - who could share in the necessary way permanently. One thing I can’t do, for obvious reasons, is have kids, so if the girl wants children, she has to either find another guy or resort to medical options. And I’ve found the maternal instinct is extremely strong, even in some women who swore they’d never have kids.”

Abby was the one that came instantly to mind.

“But a woman who didn’t feel a burning need to have kids and who didn’t need to have a husband to be fulfilled?”

“That would certainly change the equation,” I replied. “You?”

“Call it a hypothetical question. I’ve gained more real knowledge from talking with you for a total of three hours than I did all Junior year.”

“So what are you looking for?” Kara asked.

Suzanne smiled, “Enlightenment. I feel as if I’m incomplete in many, many ways, but mostly in my understanding of the universe and how I fit into it. My thinking about that was sparked by my American government teacher last Fall. The one thing I learned from him was to ask lots and lots of questions. And in doing so, I realized how little I actually knew. If I can use my own analogy, I’m like a beaker that is partly filled with water, which you could equate to knowledge. I think I’ve found a source of what might be limitless water, and I think, ultimately, the beaker will never ever be filled.”

“After three hours you’re considering something permanent?” Kara asked.

“If you found what you thought was the source of enlightenment, would you leave?” Suzanne asked.

Kara smiled, “No. I don’t believe I would.”

“Permission to come aboard?” Suzanne requested.

“Let’s hold that question until Jessica is here,” I said. “And I do need to talk with Maria Cristina, but I can do that tonight after everyone leaves.”

“Are you two going to disappear for the afternoon?” Kara asked.

Suzanne frowned and shook her head, “I wasn’t quite tuned in enough to Steve’s frequency and didn’t have an STD, sorry, STI test. May I ask about your question?”

“Why did I just casually ask if you two were going to have sex?”

“It doesn’t surprise me, but I’m curious about your thinking.”

“I wanted Steve and the condition was that he could have sex with other girls. I wanted a very, very close, intimate relationship with a girl as well. We found Jessica together. Well, Steve found her in Indianapolis, but I was the one who basically set up our trio.”

“You’re bi?”

“Not the way you probably mean,” Kara replied. “I don’t, generally, have any attraction to women, but with Steve, and in the very limited circumstances of our trio, I enjoy making love with both Steve and Jessica, and occasionally, when Steve is gone, just with Jessica. She’s never been with anyone except Steve and me. And I had one failed experiment which led to near-disaster. But we can talk about that in the future. In the end, what Jessica and I both needed was the situation we currently have, and the price, if you will, was Steve’s sexual freedom.”

“But you and Jessica don’t have the same freedom?”

“We do, but we chose not to exercise it. For me, I wanted Steve, and I believe I can only be with one man, so I elect not to use the freedom. For Jessica, she never found anyone before Steve she thought was worthy.”

Suzanne laughed, “That is exactly what I told Steve a few minutes ago.”

Kara laughed and shook her head, “What is it you always say, Snuggle Bear?”

“Snuggle Bear?” Suzanne asked.

“My nickname for him. You’ll find out why soon enough. I think it’s my turn to ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Your hypothetical question about marriage and kids - is that how you feel? Or was it truly hypothetical?”

“It’s how I feel, but obviously it’s not like I have a lot of relationship experience. That said, I don’t feel the need to have children the way so many of my friends do. Babies are cute enough, but I don’t go all gaga and dreamy-eyed when one is around like a few of my closest friends. As for marriage, I want to live my life my way, have the career I want, do the things I want, without having to compromise. Does that mean no long-term relationships? Who knows, but it sure means I won’t tie myself down.”

“Steve, I think you may have found your ‘Number One’,” Kara said thoughtfully. “Or at least she’ll give Elizabeth a run for her money, and I think the physical intimacy will give Suzanne the position.”

“Who’s Elizabeth?” Suzanne asked.

“My main cohort in crime in leading the Rap Sessions. She’s a fairly hard-core atheist and determinist, and we get into some VERY interesting philosophical debates.”

“But you two never got together, despite her being that close?”

“She won’t sleep with a married man. That’s her standard, and that’s perfectly acceptable. For the most part, I won’t sleep with married women.”

“You’re worried about jealous husbands?”

“Cheating is simply unacceptable in my book, because it’s a violation of your word. I’m faithful to the promises I made to Kara and Jessica, and I expect others to keep their word and be faithful to their promises. IF, and this has happened with exactly one person, there is a situation where it wouldn’t be cheating, then I would consider it. But even then, I’d need to be absolutely sure that there was true consent.”

“True consent?” Suzanne asked.

“There’s a difference between, ‘sure, whatever’ and ‘yes, I am OK with you doing that and support you in doing that’, when talking about that kind of situation. Consent between individuals means more than acquiescence; it means positive consent. Allowing things to ‘just happen’ sets up a dangerous situation.”

“Going beyond what you wanted or intended?”

“Exactly. Other people can handle it however they like, but I am adamant on that topic, and believe everyone should adopt it. It removes all doubt. That said, it doesn’t eliminate the potential for regret, but it does place the responsibility exactly where it belongs - on the person who consented and then decided they had made a mistake for some reason.”

“That makes WAY more sense than anything I’ve heard from anyone.”

“You’ll meet the source of that thinking soon enough,” I replied. “My friend Bethany is one of the leading experts on teen sexuality and on recovery from sexual abuse. She’s authored two books. The first one was Why Me? A Woman’s Guide to Surviving Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Incest, and the second one was the one I call You Want Me To Do What and Put It Where?, but whose actual title is Smart Teens; Smart Choices.”

Suzanne laughed, “You call it that because of how bad sex ed is, right?”

“Yes. And I’m guessing in your research at the library you saw references to quite a few alternative activities.”

“Let’s just say that our sex ed didn’t even discuss oral sex, except during the section on STDs, and then it was just ‘you can get these from oral or vaginal sex’.”

“Which is true, but seriously lacking,” I replied. “Any exchange of bodily fluids has the risk of transmitting an infection. Yes, it might be exceedingly rare, but it can happen. And that’s why Jessica insisted from the beginning that we all be tested and that any new partners I have are tested beforehand. And I’m sure you know the risks she runs as a trauma surgeon working in the ER.”

“Sure. I’ve seen enough TV shows where they worry about accidentally sticking themselves with a needle or cutting themselves. Has she ever had a problem?”

“Not so far,” I replied. “But a few of her fellow doctors have had to take AZT as a prophylactic. Fortunately, all of them showed clean on their follow-up tests.”

“We should probably make lunch,” Kara said. “The kids will be ravenous!”

“How much do they know?” Suzanne asked. “I’m guessing it would be hard to hide from them.”

“We don’t hide anything,” I replied. “They know in a general way, and to a greater or lesser extent depending on the kid, specifics.”

“Don’t be surprised if Birgit just directly asks you if you’re having sex with Steve.”

“How old is she?”

“Miss Birgit is twelve going on thirty-two,” I replied. “And she is very much informed about the goings on at the Compound.”

“The Compound?”

“Jesse and his moms live in a coach house which is on the same property. It was, as you might guess, servants quarters back in the day. Someone split the property at some point, and when it became available for sale, my dad and I bought it and had the two plots combined. When Jennifer and Josie decided to move to Chicago, I offered them the coach house.”