Chapter 2

Reg stood up and called loudly, “Warning to everyone: our carriage will be shunted to connect us without notice as soon as the train arrives, for it is running late. Expect a few bumps as it does so.”

The girls made a point of sitting down and taking their babies in their laps, ready to hold them steady if there was a jolt. Elizabeth and Sidra held each others arms as they sat side by side. Jessica had wedged herself into a seat at an angle, to protect her unborn baby.

Reg heard the sound of a train drawing into the station, but didn’t know if it was their train or one on the other line going in the opposite direction. He held on to the seat support with one hand and Frances with the other, while she held Jimmy in her arms. A minute or two later, the train left again, so must have been going somewhere else.

They waited further.

Shortly there was a long rumbling sound as another train drew into the station, and the moment it stopped, they felt their own carriage start to be moved, as the shunter had been attached to them in advance of this move. They were pulled one way out from their platform as far as the appropriate set of points, then as soon as the points changed, they were reversed and shortly slowed carefully to a crawl and with a miniscule bump their carriage’s buffers hit the former last carriage of the train, and automatic linkage equipment clinked into place. Their shunter then decoupled and left.

Their carriage was quickly connected to the air brake system of the mainline train, and they were ready to go. Frances called out, “We are now part of this train, so from now on, all movements should be normal train moves, until we get to Sheffield, where we will be decoupled and left for several hours. You can all relax. To help you with that, there are W.C.s at both ends of this carriage, folks. Food and drink we will attend to later.”

Moments later, once the train driver had been notified that his extra carriage was correctly linked up, the train moved off. The driver wanted to catch up on his schedule after the delay twenty minutes before, when he was stopped by a signal and waited for a loose cow to be chased off the track by the farmer who owned it. The train had finally trundled slowly past to avoid scaring it as the farmer held the cow by a rope halter. He would afterwards have to get it back to the break in the field fence with the help of his stick, persuade it through, then make a temporary repair before coming back in the morning to make the job more permanent. Railtrack would be notified, and that national body would make some effort to get a more effective fence erected beside the rail line one way or another.

With the daylight having gone, the women concentrated on their babies or chatted amiably with each other. Sidra talked softly with her visibly pregnant mother, making sure that Jessica was comfortable.

Elizabeth sat alone, aware that Sidra had her mother to look after, and so she waited patiently, reading one of the science books that Reg’s wives had recommended: “The Flame of Miletus; the birth of science in ancient Greece and how it changed the world.”

The book opened her eyes on the old school view of ancient history as boring in the extreme for teenagers. This one made picking up knowledge fun, such as the various mechanical devices powered by air or water, that Hero describes in one of his books, such as a mechanism that made bird noises, or the slightly better-known aeolipile, where a heated hollow ball was spun by steam jets from the interior: the first true steam engine. And here Elizabeth had previously thought the steam engine was invented by Newcomen.

Life with the Robertson family was nothing if not interesting, she had found. This was vastly different from her formal schooling, where anything not directly applicable to domestic learning was ignored by the school. The teachers at this all-girls’ school were aiming to produce acceptable wives for up-and-coming young men, and not the academically-inclined young woman which is what she was rapidly becoming.

Elizabeth was by now accepted as the adopted daughter of Jessica and Reg, so that she was the new sister of her friend Sidra. The adults had somehow persuaded her grandmother to give official assent to the adoption. Cash is a great persuader.

Elizabeth was at first horrified when she discovered that the group of female university students all claimed to be wives of Reginald Robertson, then just as horrified to find that not one of them was officially married to him. Instead, they had agreed on a form of marriage they called a Commitment, which had no legal standing but was accepted as reality by everyone that mattered to them. The university administration had apparently quibbled about the girls calling themselves Mrs Robertson without producing a marriage certificate, but shortly afterwards they happily took on board a formally recorded legal name change to Mrs ... Robertson for each of them. As long as the official documentation that was produced fitted their recording system’s format, they were fine with the new names.

Elizabeth was learning swiftly that it was not the facts that mattered, but whether the facts were attuned to the record-keeping requirements of the organisation. Sidra had gleefully told Elizabeth about the switch to home-schooling for her. The law merely required a formal letter notifying the school of the pupil’s changeover to home schooling. There was no requirement to inform the school of the address where the home schooling was to happen, so it was done through a lawyer – Freda’s father – with the lawyer’s London business address being the only point of contact, thus hiding Sidra’s location from her abusive father. This top lawyer had also been able to go to court on Jessica’s behalf to get a divorce settlement without revealing where Jessica was now resident. Sidra was delighted at the way they had got some revenge on her brute of a father.

Once Sidra was satisfied that her mother’s pregnancy was not being caused bother by the long train trip, she returned to sit beside Elizabeth to gossip about the women and their babies. The actions of young babies were always a topic for amusement, as long as you kept out of the way when a baby regurgitated its meal over whoever was holding the child at the time.

Sidra told Elizabeth, “Mum said the wives all have a change of clothing handy for such mishaps; they have experience of that at home, so are ready to cope with it. I was helping Francis change Jimmy’s nappy when the little blighter, lying on his back, let fly with a shower of pee into the air! We just stood by until it was over and Frances proceeded as if nothing had happened. I got the job of wiping dry the bathroom lino. Such events are why the nappy changing happens in the bathroom with a table specially for that job and a floor covering to cope with any eventualities. Another thing: baby poo, once it starts coming in fully, can stink abominably on occasion.”

Elizabeth decided she would steer clear of stinky nappies.

“Hey!” exclaimed Reg to anyone who would listen. “I was browsing the internet for material about Scarborough and discovered an astonishing fact: Scarborough station has the longest platform seat in the world! It is fixed to the back wall of platform one, and the damned thing is 139 metres in length. I have never heard of such a thing; never imagined a seat of anything like that length. And it is not new. It has been there for ages and ages, well before anyone started thinking in terms of longest.”

He went on, despite being ignored, “That station, despite being at the end of a branch line, at one time had nine platforms; imagine that! It dates back to the 1800s when train excursions to holiday resorts were all the rage. Even recently, someone told me that the winter population figure still doubles when the summer visitors turn up. They have a great sea battle in the lake at Peasholm Park, featuring the smallest manned navy in the world: some of the larger ships are operated by men, sitting inside the larger model ships to operate their controls.”

Jemima called to him, “Reg: You have to go with us to see mum and dad; you won’t have time for sightseeing in Scarborough.”

Reg dissented, “I don’t see why I couldn’t get a day out in Scarborough during our fortnight’s stay. You really don’t want me hanging around the farm all the time, Jemima. It is you and Hermione and particularly your children that are the focus of the visit, remember. And as far as your parents are concerned, you are not married to me and I am not the father of our babies, so it would look odd if I hovered around and ignored my official wives in Scarborough.”

“You are still our hero, Reg, so it is fine for you to come with us. Our parents know that.”

“Yes, but only for a day, and later for visits with my wives, for them to show off their own children. Surely I can have a little fun looking at attractions other than you girls? There is supposed to be a sea life centre as well. Scarborough hosts a number of festivals, I saw, including one for science fiction, but I don’t think it is at this time of the year.”

The discussion subsided, with Reg not sure whether he had permission to go sightseeing or not. Unlike a man with one wife, getting permission to do anything on his own involved negotiating with all his women, married or not.

Eventually with nothing to see outside but lights flashing past, Reg adopted the reading strategy, and embarked on a book published by New Scientist magazine - “Question Everything: 132 science questions and their unexpected answers”, and was soon absorbed in the text.

A fairly boring journey was helped out by drinks and some food heated up in the microwave, but the girls found their children absorbing as long as the babies were awake. Sleeping babies were conducive to dozing mothers. Occasion aly there would be the train announcement of the next station.

Eventually the train arrived at Sheffield, and a shunter engine conducted the process in reverse, parking them in a siding for a few hours until their cross-country connection arrived, still during the night.

Reg was keen to open a window and listen to the sounds of the dark station. There was the occasional movement of a shunter engine, and a few desultory conversations on a platform between rail staff, but otherwise the night was quiet. It enlivened a little when a rain shower poured down outside the station, and the noise of rain pummelling the station roof became the only noise within earshot. He gave up and closed the window; then tried to snooze.

It was curious: he could snooze while the train was hurtling steadily along the tracks, but not when the carriage was standing in a siding. He reckoned it was his mind waiting impatiently for the next train movement to happen.

Without him noticing, his comfortable seat lulled him to sleep, and it was only the sound of a train coming into the station that woke him. Twice this happened without it being the train they were waiting for, and he slipped off to dreamland again. Then a hungry baby woke up and started crying. He started to get annoyed, then remember it was his own child crying, so got up to check that its mother was on the job. This time, she was, but in other circumstances he would pick the baby up and cuddle it if necessary until its mother was awake enough to breastfeed it. The baby’s cries stopped as it began to suckle, and he slept again.

He was jerked awake by a shunter engine connecting to their carriage in preparation for joining the next train. It was ten minutes before that arrived, and they were moved to be added to the end. Everyone woke up during this transition, but within a couple of minutes they were on the move again, for not many passengers alighted or got off in the middle of the night.

Reginald moved to sit beside Jessica, to give her company. He asked if she was comfortable, and she agreed that she was. “It is only when the baby moves that I can get a little uncomfortable for a while, but it soon settles down and that is fine with me. I had forgotten how much unborn babies can move about in the womb.”

Reginald tried to comfort her. “An hour or so more, and we will be at York, then another hour to Scarborough, where our minibus should be waiting for us to take us to our hotel. Anyone who wants more sleep can use the bedrooms then. I am not sure how anxious Hermione and Jemima are to get to their parents, but they can use the minibus if they want.”

Now that the new train was underway, everyone settled down again. This train would take them all the way to Scarborough, so there was no more shunting of their carriage between trains. Reginald was pleased that their journey was on its final leg, with just a few stations to stop at, notably the big station at York. His Google search told him that in the 1980’s it had been reduced from 15 platforms to 11 with platform five being the one presently used for Scarborough by the Trans-Pennine Express service that they were currently attached to. He wondered what it must look like with their carriage hung onto the diesel-powered DMU train; not pretty, he thought.

This was his first pass through York station, so he was keen to see the huge curved iron and glass canopy that covered almost all the platforms. Constructed in 1877, and at the time the largest station in the world, it was one of those Victorian architectural wonders that had stood the test of time.

He took his smart phone over to show Sidra and Elizabeth, for he thought they would be interested in some historical facts. He showed them what he had found, so that if they were awake when the train got to York station, they could look out at the magnificent edifice.

Elizabeth was amazed. “The largest in the world!”

Reginald cautioned her, “You have to watch for a lot of these claims, for many of them were valid at one time, but not at another. York was the largest in 1877, but larger ones were built in the years following, as railways expanded all over the world. Then you should watch the words that are used. Is it largest in size, or largest in number of platforms, or does it refer to the canopy over the platforms?

Take a close look at adverts on TV, such as ones that make claims for their product, saying for example, ‘tested by reputable scientists’.That sounds great, doesn’t it? But when you read the words again, all it says is ‘tested’; it doesn’t say that the product passed their tests. You are intended to assume that ‘tested’ means it passed these test, or else why brag about it? It probably failed the tests, but they can get away by just saying it was tested, as that is a fact. It is simply an irrelevant and misleading fact, as it doesn’t tell you anything useful about the product.

You should look at every advert with a sceptical view. What EXACTLY does the advert say? A cosmetic product: “17 out of 20 woman said they felt better after using it.” That is another misleading statement. The product is aimed at helping them with presumed facial problems, but it doesn’t claim to do anything of the sort, only that women FELT better after using it. I usually feel better after washing my face with soap and water, but that says nothing about the quality of the soap and water, only about my personal feelings.

Sidra laughed in delight at the astonished look on Elizabeth’s face. “I thought it was only me and my jaundiced view on life, that I didn’t like these adverts. From what you say, Reginald, it was a deliberate attempt to mislead the customer!”

Reginald held up a hand. “Technically speaking, it is not misleading, as the advertiser does not say that the product does things it doesn’t do. It is merely a statement of what women said about themselves, in juxtaposition with their product. The viewer makes their own judgement, they will claim if questioned.

That is the sneaky bit, for adverts have to be truthful about the product, and they are, about the product! It is nothing to do with them, what women happen to say after using the product, you see.

One that I noticed is factually wrong, but they can claim to be ignorant on the point. The advert was for a Hair Food which was supposed to make your hair lovelier.”

“So what is wrong with that, Reg?”

“Hair, once it has been produced, is clinically dead, so you can’t feed the shaft, the long part we call hair, once it has been produced. The only way to feed hair is eat well, so that the hair follicles in your skin can produce healthy shafts. Any claims made for a product only affect the surface of the hair, as a cosmetic effect, not feeding it at all.”

Elizabeth blurted out, “That is fiendish! They make you think one thing, when they actually say another, or the name claims supposed facts that are impossible?”

Reg added, “The same thing applies to news reports on TV. Listen to what the headline says, then listen intently to the words of the actual report. At least half of the time you will find that the report does not back up the headline claim. The headline is just to catch your attention. One recent example was that a chain coffee store had made an ‘unfair’ charge for training, and it was the franchise owner that was responsible. The actual story revealed that, A. The chain’s terms left it to the franchise holder as to staff conditions and service; B. The staff contract at the specific store stipulated that there would be a charge to cover costs of training, and C. other charges complained about were also listed in the staff contract as their personal responsibility. Therefore the staff were really complaining about a contract they signed voluntarily, and which had nothing to do with the named coffee franchise chain. The word ‘unfair’ really meant ‘not what I expected’ but the headline made it seem as if the charge had been unfairly imposed on a duped member of staff. Either the staff member hadn’t read the contract properly, or did, and moaned about it being legally applied. The basis of the story was misleading and founded on a member of staff stupidly signing a contract without apparently reading the details.

Many stories are like that: A headline that seems to say one thing, followed by a story that says something different!”

Elizabeth challenged him, “But surely the news people aren’t trying to mislead us?”

“Correct, Elizabeth. That example is a case of sheer stupidity on behalf of the news journalists. They rush to get the news items ready, and they don’t stop to think about what they are saying.

One I noticed was about the nuclear clean-up at Dounreay. The headline to the story said: ‘57,000 Tonnes Of Hazardous Materials Finally Dealt With At Dounreay’, but the text of the story said that it was 57,000 LITRES that were cleaned up, not tonnes!”

“But that is so stupid!” Sidra interposed. Reg agreed, “Yes, and the report is still there to be seen, but how many people just read the headline and didn’t bother to read the actual story? Many, I’ll bet.”

Another case involved planes apparently not being able to attack a forest fire because the flames were too high. It was actually the smoke that prevented the planes flying low, as it was too dangerous in rugged terrain due to poor visibility.”

This led to a discussion about visibility while flying, and how planes land at an airfield in bad weather. Elizabeth knew about GPS and asked if that would be what the planes used. Reginald chuckled.

“Depends on the date, Elizabeth. When GPS satellites were put in orbit they were for military use only. Pressure to make the data publicly available got the military to release the data years later, but not with the accuracy that they used. What the civilians got was less accurate, so a plane using that data could be either a metre above ground or a metre below ground: not so helpful for landing a plane.

No, the pilots stuck to their own instrumentation: the altimeter, which told them how close to the ground they were. They could see the airfield they were approaching, and the altimeter told them where the tarmac was.

It took many years before public GPS from commercial systems was ready: satellite tracking able to be accurate to within an inch or two. Nowadays, your smart phone can be tracked through signals to and from cell towers. The signal strength says how far from the tower you are, so with two of these, you get an approximate position. Three allows simple triangulation to pinpoint your phone. That can be evidence in court of your location when you sent a message.”

It did not seem too long before they were drawing into York station below the immense canopy above the curving rail lines. The train would keep to its normal halt time, as their carriage was staying coupled.

Or so they thought. They had another change of train, to put them on the train to Scarborough half an hour later. Fortunately a shunter engine was ready and waiting, and they were shuttled to their final train on a different platform.

Before long their York-Scarborough train was on the move, this time on the final leg of their rail saga.

Morning was starting to dawn as they left York and they started to see parts of the Yorkshire countryside on either side of them. This section of their journey had more twists and curves in the line than he expected. At least they had nice country to view as the train speeded up. A few minutes later a sudden thump transmitted itself through the train and the carriage started to sway side to side.

What the hell is going on?, Reginald thought.

The carriage began to bounce up and down as the whole train performed some peculiar movement, the first section of the train hitting some obstacle and suddenly reducing speed as the driver tried to regain some control as the wheels lost touch with the track and jumped onto the wooden sleepers. Being a lightweight structure, the train was unable to remain steady and slowly the first section toppled to one side. The dragging effect hit the second carriage and it too began to fall on its side.

The time taken for all this enabled the remainder of the train to stay on the track, with its front wheels perched on the sleepers, the next bogie still on the rails. By the time all this swaying and falling had completed its actions, the complete train was at a standstill.

The final carriage with the Robertson clan aboard settled back down on its wheels, being of sturdier construction that the rest of the train. With the connecting door being shut and locked, it was only the protective seal between it and the next carriage that was torn. All other connections, including the train intercom, remained intact, but for the moment there was no public announcement from guard or driver.

Reginald now panicked at the though of some of his family being harmed by the abrupt movement of the carriage in all directions; he was no longer certain of all the gyrations that had occurred. All he could think of was his ladies and the babies.

His hearing which seemed to vanish during the event returned with a vengeance as a horde of screams rent the air of their carriage, to be echoed by distant noises from elsewhere.

Reginald at first started to run through the carriage to check on everyone, but after a few steps his brain told him to stop and do things in a more organised manner.

“Everyone! Check the person nearest you, and report her condition. Stand up if someone is seriously unwell.” That got half the coachload reporting; it didn’t matter which half. The reporters could report on themselves as they were by definition less seriously hurt.

Only two were identified as serious, and Reginald headed over. They were both in the same general location. One was Prudence, with blood coming from her forehead where she had struck a sharp object. The other was their babysitter, who was holding her lower leg tightly, holding in her pain. She was nearest to Reg so he spoke to her.

“Sorry, dear. I neglected to ask your name; can you let me look at your leg, to see if it is bleeding or broken?”

“I am Sandra, Reginald. My leg is very sore, that’s all I think. You can look.”

She exposed her shin, and Reg could see a large scrape along her skin. It looked to be only the surface that was harmed.