Chapter 3

My Daddy started talking to me in a calm sweet voice as he turned me over to get to my hands. He unwrapped the duct tape from my wrists and I let out a moan of pain as I moved my arms forward. I rolled back over onto my back and my Daddy was looking down at his naked 15-year-old daughter. I closed my eyes and turned my head. I was ruined to him. How could he ever love me the same again? I felt a blanket moving over me. I started to cry again.

I am starting to get a little worried as I walk through the scary neighborhood. How far was the diner? It didn’t seem like it had been that far but am I even headed in the right direction? I am such a loser. I am probably going to walk right into more trouble. I look around at the houses and think that is a pretty likely outcome. I just keep walking.

The police came and then the ambulance. There were a lot of people in our living room and most all of them saw me naked. Either the detectives when they said they needed to see my body for signs of assault or the paramedics when they examined me or the police officers who were just standing around when I was lifted onto the gurney. Whatever let’s all look at the little raped virgin. Don’t see that every day.

The rest of the day was a blur. A lot of people talked to me and I remember none of them. I am sure they gave me great information and advice, but I heard nothing. The feeling of the knife in my pussy, my nipples being twisted, and the searing pain when he ripped through my virginity. That is what went through my head the rest of that day. I woke up the next morning and I was very sore. I was in bed for two days before I had the strength or desire to get up.

I remember that was the first time I felt the intense apathy hit me. My Mom asked me if I wanted a shower, and I didn’t really care one way or the other. I had been cleaned up obviously but not really. I didn’t care if I took a shower or not, I could scrub forever and never wash the feeling of him off of me. I just shrugged. She eventually stopped asking me questions. She got tired of all the shrugs. She just started doing. The warm shower did feel good.

The first week passed quickly and I did go back to school the next Monday. No one at school knew anything, just that Taylor went through something and she was different. I did get dressed nicely, well Mom dressed me nicely. I remember looking in the mirror and recognizing the girl who used to be Taylor. But the eyes were different, and that girl looking back at me was not me.

I keep walking and reach the end of the street. I look both ways, unsure of which way to go. I feel hopeless, I will never find my way back home. I want to sit down and just cry until someone comes along and rapes me or kills me. I sit on the curb and put my head in my hands. Finally, I hear an engine, I look up to see who is there to hurt me. Denny pulls up beside me and looks at me. I get up and start walking.

“Come on honey, let me take you back.” He says.

“Fuck you, I might mess up your precious seat again.” I say and keep walking.

“I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and I was an idiot.” He says.

I stop and look at him. I shake my head and keep walking.

“What do I need to do to convince you? I like you. I was stupid, can we start over?” He says.

He pulls up next to me. I stop and think about my situation. Get on the bike and get back to the diner or keep walking and most likely get raped and killed. I seriously consider the raped and killed option before I swing my leg over his seat and scoot up behind him. He has me at the diner in a matter of minutes. I get off the bike and climb onto mine. I pedal away, my sloppy pussy sliding all over my seat. I don’t even look back at him.

Mom is sitting at the kitchen table when I walk in. I must look horrible because she gasps as I walk into the kitchen. I remember our shopping trip as soon as I look at her.

“Oh Mom, I am so sorry.” I say.

“Where have you been? I called Max and he said you got on a motorcycle with a boy.” She says.

I don’t know what to say. Well, Mom I took a ride to a biker house and got gang fucked. No, that won’t go over very well. Well, Mom this boy paid me $500 to fuck me and two of his friends fucked me accidentally. Not much better.

“Taylor, where were you and what were you doing?” Mom says, her voice rising.

I can feel my agony rising and I start to cry.

“What has happened to you? Talk to me.” She says.

“Oh, I don’t know Mom, maybe I got brutally fucking raped in my own living room? That would be a good place to start.” I say and turn to leave the room.

I hear her crying behind me, and I think I hear an apology before I hit the stairs. I go into my room and fall onto my bed. I cry for a while and then curl up into a ball. I feel something stabbing me and I reach into my uniform pocket and pull out the wad of money and a piece of paper.

Sweetheart, Don’t give up.

I fall asleep crying, holding the crumpled paper. I wake up and I feel crusty. The cum has dried on my thighs and it feels gross. I am so dirty. I crawl out of bed and slip out of my uniform. My panties and bra are gone, and I have no idea where they are, typical slut. I walk into the bathroom and take a shower. The warm water brings me back to life for a moment. I finish, slip into my robe and go into my room. My uniform is on the floor and it is filthy. I pick it up and carry it to the washing machine. I stuff it in and start the washer.

I should be hungry but I’m not. I sit in my room and comb my wet hair while the washer finishes. I move the uniform to the dryer and go to bed. I am asleep the minute my head hits the pillow. I dream of my rape again and wake up the next morning screaming. My Mom is at my side, hugging me.

“Baby, it will be ok.” She says and holds me.

I stop screaming and just sit in my Mom’s arms. I look at the clock and see it is 6:10.

“Mom, I have to work at 8:00 but can we go shopping after please?” I whisper.

“Yes, baby, yes. We will go as soon as you get home.” Mom answers and continues to hold me.

“Thanks, Mom.” I say and think my voice sounded a little excited.

I shower again and go back to my room. My uniform is on my bed, perfect again. I put on my set of yellow lace bra and panties and slip my uniform on. I am at work by 7:30 and Max is glad. The place is packed. I put on my apron and get right to work. I run around like a wild girl the entire morning. I am so thankful for that as the memories don’t have time to haunt me. My shift ends before I realize it and I jump back on my bike and head home.

Mom and I hit the mall and I am almost perky. Deep down I still feel a little worthless and used but I try hard to not let it show. Mom seems happy and we do find a pretty white sundress that I could wear to the spring dance. It is relatively short and shows off my pretty legs. The top has straps, but they aren’t spaghetti. It really is very cute, and I do like the way I look in it.

The next week in school goes by without incident. No one messes with me but then again no one talks to me either. No one knows what to do. I am not the same and they cannot figure out what to do with me, so they just ignore me. I can see it in their eyes. I have turned into a stuck-up bitch who doesn’t have time for anyone anymore. Oh well, if that is how they want to justify it so be it. It will probably be better that way.

Life at home is stable at best. My parents are confused on what to do. Mom is trying to ignore it and pretend nothing ever happened. Daddy is reacting exactly how I feared. He looks at me with sad eyes. I am not his little girl anymore. He has seen me raped and naked on our couch and that is what he sees now when he looks at me. I can tell. He is trying hard to smile but he is very sad. I go to my room and cry at least twice a day after he looks at me and tries to smile. Stable, at best.

The school year is coming to an end and my mom planned a get-together at our house for Easter. The party is planned for a Saturday. The entire family is coming. It will be the first time they have gathered since my birthday. I am scared. I know the memory will return and I will have to go through it all over again. None of them know what happened. Mom and Dad have decided to keep it between us. Well, except for my therapist of course. That is always a treat. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that losing your virginity to a rapist in your living room is going to mess you the fuck up. I don’t understand why we have to pay someone to tell me that.

The day of the party arrives, and I feel ok. I decide to put on my pretty new dress, and I have to admit to myself I look very cute. I have to wear my sheer white panties, so they won’t show through the light material. I don’t wear a bra and the dress looks really nice. It comes down about 4 inches above my knees. I straighten my blonde hair and it falls softly over my shoulders. I take a deep breath, try to put on a smile, and go downstairs.