Aftermath, Part One

Aftermath, part one

May the first. To many people it was a happy day, a common holiday and a day of celebration. It was also her birthday. Nowadays, I made sure that it was during the morning that I made the trip to that medical institution - I just couldn’t say the words ‘nursing home or hospice’, not even inside my head. If I spent the morning there, then I would be able to spend the afternoon with Oona. That fifty-kilometer trip back home was just long enough to reset my head. Barely enough. On the other hand, those afternoons and evenings with Oona were the things that had kept me sane for all these years.

Even if I visited the place only twice a year now, all the people there knew me. Why wouldn’t they - she had been the most long-term patient for some time now. Against all odds, she had kept on breathing, refusing to die, just lying there with her empty eyes occasionally open. I knew that some of the staff didn’t want to visit her room, and for sure I didn’t want Oona to see her. Oona had seen pictures of her, pictures from the time when she still has the happy and lively person she used to be. She. Just when did I stop thinking about her as Elisa?

Once again I was in her room, with my work face on and walls raised. That was the only way I could be there and stay sane. I told her - her, not Elisa - about Oona, about how she was growing and what she was doing. I forced myself to touch her hand, since it didn’t really feel like touching another human anymore. It hadn’t felt like that for some time. Still, I squeezed it gently for a moment before pulling my hand away and looking at her. Something in that shell of a human still reminded me of the woman I had once married, but it was like a fading image.

“You know that she’s not there anymore, don’t you?”

Miss Sergeant Koskinen. Had she been a really unpleasant person she would have been like a bad penny. I shrugged.

“Intellectually, I do, Miss Koskinen ... May I ask what you are doing here?”

For the first time I saw her look really uncomfortable, almost ashamed. The police sergeant who had thus far always been so professional and calm. Well, being in this very room did it to the best of us, quickly.

“I’m sorry. I know that I have absolutely no right to interfere ... I just want you to know that I may know a bit of about how you feel. I had a friend, a very close friend, who was abused, and raped ... and she couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t help her, I tried but...”

It was like a lamp had been switched on inside my head. That was the reason she was interested in this case - it wasn’t about me, but about Elisa. What had happened to her.

“Did they get him?”

“Them. There were two of them. Yes, they were caught and all they got out of it was a slap! Short probational sentences ‘because she hadn’t resisted them forcefully enough’ and she couldn’t show many bruises. Shit, she was one hundred and fifty centimeters tall and weighted barely fifty kilograms while those fat bastards were both over one hundred and eighty and weighed twice what she did and they could hold her in place without breaking a sweat. Two days after the trial was over she jumped in front of a train.”

“I’m sorry for you.”

It was her turn to shrug. “I’m mostly over it. I have a new, good relationship now. But she was my first real love, as I was hers. At least I was able to bury her.”

I didn’t know what to answer that so I remained silent. A very small part of me silently wondered if I should look shocked about the fact that she confessed being a lesbian, but I soon decided against it. She continued before I was able to say anything.

“Do you know that Supo believed that she was actually co-operating with the kidnappers? They didn’t even really want to solve the case because they were so happy to feed that bullshit data to those people. Once she was found, pregnant and hurt, they couldn’t wash their hands of the case quickly enough. That kind of behavior makes me sick - and I probably don’t even know half of it.”

I looked at Miss Koskinen - Miss Sergeant Koskinen - and even my most suspicious business persona couldn’t find anything fake in her statement.

“I guess that, in a way, Supo was right, I’m sure that she was co-operating with them at first, but then they are wrong with everything else.”

I turned to look at Elisa - or the empty shell that used to be Elisa. Miss Koskinen was right, I needed to let go. Maybe now it was the time to do that.

“She - Elisa - was simultaneously a smart and a stupid person. She understood things and figured out things fast, much faster than I did - and at the same time, she could be way too trusting towards people. We once argued over it, because she just couldn’t understand my belief that there are some people who are just bad. No, she wanted to trust people and she wanted to see something good in everyone. I knew that and I should have been more careful when bringing her around to see some people I didn’t fully trust.”

I wiped away some hair from her face. That hair had once been so bright and shiny, floating around her face. Now it was limp and lifeless. Like the rest of her.

“You know, once he managed to seduce her, I immediately started divorce proceedings and resigned from the company. I had accumulated more than four weeks of holidays and overtime and therefore I didn’t need to spend a single day working for them. I was so hurt that I was ready to sell the apartment we had bought together and move away the first possible moment. In fact, I already had two offers from other companies, one from Sweden and one from Germany. I was ready to tell the German company that I’d come there when Elisa disappeared - and then came the demands.”

I looked at Elisa’s hand that had once been so delicate. Now it looked like a hand of a woman in her eighties. A bit crumpled and skewed.

“Back then I was so angry that I didn’t even consider not telling the police even if I was asked. After all, I was divorcing her and moving away because she had betrayed me. But because of those special demands Supo was contacted almost immediately - as you probably know. They immediately took over the case and demanded that I cancel my resignation and continue working for that asshole while they figured out a way to provide some useless information to the kidnappers. They co-operated with that asshole’s father who was the owner of the company back then - all that for Elisa’s sake, as they said. So that I’d get her back. By then I had cooled off somewhat and also started to think if I had been too harsh towards her.”