Chapter 20

Monica hadn’t gone into detail, answering Bob’s question, but the only incest that she’d mentioned was between Bobby and his sisters. She had just started explaining that the reason he’d told her was because she’d tried to trap him with a pregnancy, when all his children came into the kitchen.

“Stop,” he said to Monica. “I want to hear all about it, but the girls need to hear the whole story.”

“Yes,” said Barbie. “And we promise to just listen. We won’t be bitches anymore. We promised.”

“Yes, we did,” said Julie, though her voice was tighter.

Monica wasn’t far ahead of these girls, in terms of age. They had grown up in a different town than she had, but in her experience, girls were girls. She was fully aware of what unsavory aspects a girl could display and, from what she’d seen, nobody could control that except the girl in question. Barbie had said, “We promised,” and that could only mean it was a promise to Bobby. If Bobby could exact that kind of promise from two teenage girls ... well, then, that meant they really did love him.

Without speaking about it, Bob got up and went back to the Keurig. He knew what his children liked. Julie got coffee with Splenda and creamer in it. Barbie got hot chocolate. Bobby got coffee, too, but his was black.

“First,” said Bobby, as they all sat down, “we have to tell you something about Wide Ford.”

Both sisters displayed emotion as Monica described life for a girl in Wide Ford, and how that affected the way they tried to get out. It was obvious, long before she cried and confessed that she’d tried to get pregnant, that she had seen Bobby as a target. Bobby, wisely, had sat between Barbie and Julie, and he’d captured a sister’s hand in each of his. When they jerked, or displayed anger, he squeezed, gently. At one point, he interjected, “All this is completely normal in Wide Ford. My landlady even helped plan it and she’s in her seventies.”

When Monica started talking about how Bobby got under her skin, and she started to really like him, and then felt bad about trying to trick him, Julie relaxed and Barbie sat back in her chair.

“And then, after we spent some time together ... um ... in bed ... and he was so loving and so giving, and cared so much about what I was feeling, I couldn’t stand it anymore and I told him about what we were doing.”

She stopped. She looked tired. Bobby took over for her.

“And that’s when I said I had a secret, and that she needed to know it, too, because I already knew I was going to try to keep it going,” said Bobby. “That’s when I told her I was in love with my sisters, and about what we’d been doing.”

“Just like that?” gasped Julie. “You just told her?”

“I had to. She’d have found out sooner or later anyway. All anybody has to do is see us alone in this house and they’ll know something is off.”

“Okay, but you should have broken it to her gently, you idiot. You may as well have punched her in the face!“ Julie was suddenly in solidarity with her sister by another mother.

“I think it was better the way he did it,” said Monica. “I rip my Band-Aids off. And he is so loving that I could understand how any girl could be attracted to him. The only thing that really bothered me was when he said your father knew about it, and let it go on.” She glanced at Bob, whose mouth was hanging open.

“I didn’t tell her much about you,” said Bobby, staring at his father. “I thought you could explain your thought processes better than I could.”

“I see,” said Bob. He looked at Monica. “I can imagine your confusion. Maybe we can talk about that later, if you really want to.”

“I don’t know what I want,” sighed Monica. “I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not. If I’m not, then this is all just smoke in the wind.”

“Nope,” said Bobby. “We’re not breaking up, whether you’re pregnant or not.”

Monica whined, “I don’t understand that.”

“Hey,” he said, standing up and moving around the table to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. “I mean, I can’t let some other clueless guy get ambushed like that. And the thought of some other guy getting you pregnant makes me want to break something.” He leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

Had he stopped there, it’s possible they might have continued talking, but it’s just as feasible that there might have been a long, strained silence.

Bobby, however, didn’t stop there.

His hands slid from her shoulders down her front, where they cupped her breasts.

“Only my babies are going to suck milk from these boobs,” he said.

Pandemonium is defined as wild and noisy disorder or confusion; uproar.

Three girls, it seems, are fully sufficient to institute pandemonium.

For Barbie and Julie, their fury was directed at an unfeeling, prideful, infuriating satyr. Monica’s reaction was equal parts embarrassment and disgust that he would be that crass in front of his family.

In any case, there was now solidarity among all the women in the room. Jealousy and competition were put aside as all three joined forces to correct Bobby’s egregious behavior at a minimum, and think of some way to punish him severely, if possible. The sisters jumped up and surged around the table to beat at their brother with ineffectual fists. Bobby, thinking it was all a joke, gave the breasts in his hands a little squeeze. Monica’s hands came up to grip his wrists and her fingernails dug in deeply enough that the marks would be there for days.

“Get off me!” she yelped. As his hands moved, she stood up, turning to face him.

“I will never have the baby of a man who cannot behave himself in public!” she barked.

Bobby was pushed back and Monica was sandwiched between two girls who, half an hour earlier, would have happily strangled her. Now, however, they were solicitous.

“Come with us,” said Barbie. “We can talk somewhere private, where satyrs are not welcome.”

Thirty seconds later, only the men were standing in the kitchen. Bobby stared at his father, who had half a smile on his lips.

“Did you do that on purpose?” asked Bob. “To get them to bond with her?”

“Do what on purpose?” asked a very bewildered Bobby.

“Son, you grabbed her breasts,” sighed Bob.

“So what? I do that to Barbie and Jules all the time!”

“Oh, you have much to learn about women, Grasshopper,” said Bob.

“I don’t get it,” said Bobby.

“Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure they’re going to explain it to you. Now, am I right in thinking she doesn’t know about me and the girls?”

“I figured what I told her was bad enough.”

“I agree, but we might have a problem.”

“What?”

“She’s in there with them. They’re going to talk about you. What if they think she knows everything and talk about me, too?”

“Shit,” groaned Bobby.

“We need to find a way to tell the girls not to do that.”

Bobby thought.

“I have an idea,” he said. “I’ll need your help.”

“Anything,” said Bob.

Thirty seconds later the men were standing outside Barbie’s room, where they could hear female voices from within.

“I’m not so sure about this idea,” whispered Bob.

“Just make sure Monica and Barbie can’t chase me,” said Bobby.

“Okay,” said Bob. “I hope this doesn’t backfire.”

“Jules will listen to me,” said Bobby.

The plan was simple. Bobby opened the door and went in.

“Excuse me,” he said, as if nothing was odd. “I need to have a quick word with Julie.”

Then he picked up his squalling, kicking older sister and put her over his shoulder. He picked Julie because she was lighter and, in his estimation, would be easier to handle. As soon as he was out of the room, Bob blocked the doorway, with his hands up. He babbled that Julie would be right back, and that everything would be fine.

Bobby only took his screeching sister twenty feet, to Bob’s bedroom. Then he set her down and spun her around, clamping his hand over her mouth to silence her.

“Listen to me,” he hissed. “Monica doesn’t know about you two and Dad. She thinks he knows about you and me and Barbie, but that’s all. So please don’t blow his cover in your little whatever it is in there. She’ll probably find out some day, but she’s been shocked enough already, okay?”

Her removed his hand from her mouth. She relaxed a little.

“Let me go,” she said, her voice firm.

He did.

“We had to find some way to make sure you knew what I just told you,” said Bobby. “This was the best thing I could think of. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t accept a request to speak with you.”

“You were correct,” she growled.

“If it helps, I also wish that only my babies would ever suck milk, from your boobs, too,” he said, hopefully.

She stared at him.

“You are such a prick sometimes!” she yipped. “Can I go, now?”

He stepped aside.

“I love you,” he said, helplessly.

“I don’t know why, but I love you, too,” she growled.

Then she marched past him and returned to Barbie’s room. She found two girls trying to get past Bob. She ducked under his arm.

“I’m fine,” she said. “My stupid brother tried to apologize to me and that was the only way his retarded mind could think of as a way to try.”

She pushed her father into the hallway. “I managed to convince him to find some other way to apologize to you two.”

She closed the door, but Bobby saw her pulling at Barbie’s wrist before he couldn’t see anything anymore.

All he could do was hope that Julie would pass along what he’d told her.

The “other way” Bobby (Bob, actually) thought of to say, “I’m sorry,” was to go out and get a carry out feast, along with three big bouquets of flowers. They couldn’t afford roses, but there were some beautiful dyed carnation selections. The Christmas season was obvious in the colors in the arrangements.

When they got home, the girls were still ensconced in Barbie’s room. Instead of barging in again, Bob texted both daughters that dinner was ready. As he did so, he gave himself a mental slap to the forehead. He could have told them not to blow his cover in a text message.

They unpacked the food and started nuking things to keep them hot. Bobby set the table and had just finished when the girls trooped into the kitchen.

“Something smells good,” said Julie, as if everything was fine.

“Flowers!” squealed Barbie, as she surged forward to claim a bouquet.

“I’m sorry,” said Bobby, his voice solemn. “I was rude.”

“That went way beyond rude,” said Julie. “But we understand. Men can’t control their urges.” She picked up a bouquet of flowers and smelled it.

Bobby got the third bouquet and handed it to Monica.

“I’m sorry,” he said, softly. “I mean that.”

She took the flowers and leaned to reach his ear.

“You’re a dick, but I forgive you,” she whispered.

“I am, and thank you,” he replied, softly.

“Let’s eat! I’m starved,” said Barbie.

What had gone on in Barbie’s room was a very normal, very common hen party, except there was no bride-to-be, in the traditional sense, no alcohol and no male stripper. What there was, was a lot of complaining about men, and how clueless they are. Along the way, Julie and Barbie learned that Monica had very strong feelings for Bobby, and Monica learned that Julie and Barbie were just normal girls. Well, normal except for the abnormal love life they had enjoyed. The sisters learned more about how hopeless a girl can feel in a town like Wide Ford, and Monica learned how helpless his sisters felt when Bobby was in town. They would never admit it in any other setting, but if Bobby crooked his finger at them, both of them had a very strong emotional response. She got that, and talked about it.