Chapter 18: The Cabin

9th Grade: February 26th - March 2nd, 1986

Waking up beside Father Reinhold in the same sleeping bag was a little startling.

We had spent half the night praying passionately to our Lord in a telepathic four-way that rivaled some of the three-ways Suzi, Joey and I had had. And it was every bit as erotic as the three-ways, yet it was also strangely purifying at the end even though there wasn’t any climax.

Did I feel closer to the Lord? I guess so. But more so, I felt a tenderness for the three men, a sense of brotherhood and even more importantly, I trusted them. There had been nothing but selfless love within that four-way, and when I shared my own love for Jesus with them, they all seemed to relish the sensation. For over four hours, we prayed, reading from one of the dozens of prayer books stored there in that dark and chilly candlelit cabin.

The startling part about waking up beside Father Reinhold was how he was spooned around me with his left arm draped over me. I was trapped there unless I wished to wake him.

I relaxed when I realized I wasn’t cold like I had been most of the night. And Father Reinhold wasn’t pressed up against me like Joey would have been.

I realized what woke me was Father Becker adding wood to the stove. I watched him as he moved back to the cot and climbed in with Father Xavier. The men’s trust for each other was a lot like how I felt about Joey except Father Xavier was more like a father figure than a brother.

I had yet to receive any answers from Father Xavier. The moment we arrived, we entered the two-way’s prayer and just kept going. I put my own telepathy to use doing that. Father Xavier looked beat.

I had no idea what time it was. Once Father Becker was gently snoring, I drifted off again.

I awoke when Father Reinhold stirred and was pleased to find the cabin was warmer. At least I couldn’t see my breath in the faint light coming from the stove like I had most of the night.

I admitted to myself I felt better. The connection I felt with these men was a bit vague, but the hollowness I felt inside wasn’t gnawing at me like it had since Suzi’s confession.

Movement by the stove drew my attention to the fact that Father Xavier was up and appeared to be shaving. He needed the shave. In fact, he could have used a shower. The cabin only had one of those claw-footed bathtubs you had to manually fill, and the only water was from an old fashioned hand pump.

I carefully looked at my watch and saw it was a quarter till six in the morning. Father Reinhold moved again as I did that. I realized he had been awake but hadn’t moved as to not wake me.

I said gently, “I’m awake.”

Father Reinhold said softly, “I’m sorry if I woke you. I need to help Father Xavier prepare his bath. We won’t be leaving until after the sun is up above the trees and I’m sure you must be still tired. Just go back to sleep.”

“I’m not sure if I can, but I’ll try.”

I did dose off after Father Reinhold got up and started pumping water into a large pot. The smell of bacon woke me, and I found the three men huddled around the stove sipping from mugs while talking in hushed voices. I glanced at my watch and was surprised to see it was nearly eight o’clock.

The cabin wasn’t that warm. I doubt it reached above 55 during the day with the stove burning at its maximum like it was right then. Father Xavier was dressed in fresh clothes, so I guessed he had had his bath already.

I got up and greeted the men, then sat down on the bench beside Father Becker where I was promptly handed a plate of eggs, bacon and a small bowl of grey mush.

“What’s in the bowl, Father?”

Father Becker answered, “Porridge. You might know it as Cream of Wheat.”

“Cream of Wheat? But it’s grey.”

“That’s because it has a little bit of blueberry juice in it. It makes it look grey in this light.”

I found it slightly tart, but the fruity taste did help offset the fact it didn’t have any sugar in it like I was used to.

Father Xavier said, “Thank you for coming, Tim. Your contribution last night was just what I needed.”

Father Becker said, “The way you jumped right in and got into sync with us was like you had done these hundreds of times before.”

I said, “I have. I just never used it for prayer like that. That was ... amazing.”

Father Xavier said, “Tim, it wasn’t just your experience in using your telepathy. We felt you expressing your spirit. That usually takes months if not years to reach. It took me several years on my own to reach the point where I could share it with another.”

I shrugged and said, “I’m also an empath, so sharing my feelings with others must just come naturally to me.”

Father Reinhold asked, “An empath? Father, do know what he is talking about?”

Father Xavier hesitated before saying, “Father Adair, the one who ... abused me as a child, added an empath to our flock. In the end, that is what caused his downfall. His name was Adam and he captured all our hearts, especially Father Adair’s. Eventually, Father Adair’s love for Adam became so great he was overwhelmed by grief of how he had abused the boy and the rest of us, he killed himself.”

Father Reinhold and Father Becker were staring at Father Xavier in shock.

I was confused by this until Father Reinhold said, “You told us he was murdered.”

Father Xavier looked a bit pale as he said, “He was. He asked me to...”

Father Xavier took a deep breath and said in a soft but flat voice, “I stopped his heart. I murdered him and all the others. I thought I was setting them free, but all I did was murder my entire family.”

Father Xavier then looked at each of our shocked faces, and with a gentle smile and eyes filled with his tenderness and compassion, he said, “That is why I do what I do.”

Father Reinhold slid off his stool and knelt in prayer, and a moment later, Father Becker did the same. I looked up at Father Xavier questioningly, uncertain whether I should join them.

Father Xavier simply smiled at me and thought to me, <This is how they express their love towards me. They know they cannot worship me, so they express their feelings to the Lord and pray for his forgiveness.>

I thought back, <They love you like a father. Is that so wrong?>

<Tim, their love for me is far more than just for a father. When you cured those girls of the need, they surrendered a part of themselves to you and a connection was made between you. That connection grows each time they surrender themselves to you, and at some point, they become sensitive to your needs and wishes. They can’t help but do whatever they can for you.>

Father Xavier indicated the other priests and thought, <That’s why they are here. That’s why they help me find more boys in need. They love me with all their hearts. But I did not inflict this curse upon them. They chose to do this.>

The dream ... Was this what the dream meant? I looked down at two men praying, and I suddenly saw them for what they were.

Love slaves.

I asked, <And you did this through the joint prayer?>

<No, the joint prayer is like a drug. I use it to help guide others back to the path and then those like Father Reinhold and Father Becker help them through the withdraw. All those you have been sharing yourself with that way will have a similar dependence on you. You simply need to isolate yourself from them until they get through the withdraw. They’ll be fine.>

When he saw I had absorbed that, he added, <Your mother and the man who brought her to me are the only other telepaths I have ever prayed with before you. I helped them like I have helped all the others and I know that they didn’t have the ability we have that created the need.>

<What ability is that?>

<I call it the will ability mainly because that is what it responds to. But it has a mind of its own. When it decides to work, it rarely does what you expect. In your case, I believe that is what made the girl you first cured lose interest in you. You didn’t want her to be your girlfriend, so she didn’t pursue that.>

That was a relief to hear. One worry I had about having to share my heart with all those girls was the possibility of some of them wanting to continue after I cured them. I just hoped I didn’t become attached to any of them and end up with...

I looked down at Father Reinhold and wondered what his life would have been like if Father Xavier hadn’t accepted him like that.

Father Xavier said aloud, “Tim, while I am for the moment feeling better, I know I’m not out of the woods yet. The curse comes back if I don’t appease it regularly. The joint prayer only does that to a point. Your contribution last night helped push it back over the threshold, but it will come back just as strong unless...”

He looked down at the two men before motioning towards the cot. I placed my empty plate and bowl inside the basin next to the pump where they had put their dishes then followed him to the cot.

Sitting down next to him, I was startled when he put an arm across my shoulders and gave me a one-handed hug that way.

When he released me, he said, “You have no idea how grateful I am that you came last night. I can’t imagine how unnerving that was.”

“I had to come. It’s my fault you were suffering.”

Father Xavier said firmly, “It’s not your fault, Tim. You did not choose any of this to happen.”

“But Father, I sinned. I purposely sinned. I let my love for the Lord to be an excuse to let me do that. If I hadn’t, none of these people would be having this problem.”

“Tim, I understand your pain. Believe me, I understand. But you are still just a child and you have learned from your mistake, haven’t you?”

“I sure hope I have. But how do I repair the damage? How do I find the love I need to fix them? They’re all reaching the stage where they have to act out their fantasies.”

Father Xavier gave me another one handed hug and said, “I think the problem lies with your guilt. You must love yourself before you can truly love others. Or to put it another way, your will is punishing you because you feel you need to be punished. Until you can forgive yourself, I don’t think you’ll be able to help them.”

I sighed, “Love myself. I ... I despise myself, Father. I’ve done so much harm for a few minutes of perverted entertainment.”

“We are imperfect and we make mistakes. Tim, I know you are a good person or you wouldn’t be here.”

“I try to be Father. I don’t know to make myself feel better. Father Reinhold thought you wanted me to take their sins somehow.”

Father Xavier stiffened and said, “Father Reinhold doesn’t know enough of the details of how that works.”

But then he frowned and I could tell he was thinking about it.

After a minute he glanced at me, and with his frown still on his face, he said, “You are barely managing the guilt of your own sins. How much of that is due to you being the source of why they are committing sins themselves?”

I frowned myself as I weighed that. To be honest I really wasn’t bothered by them committing sins. Jesus would forgive them if they accepted him into their hearts. The problem was most of them didn’t believe in that.

I looked up at him guiltily and said, “Not much.”

His frown lightened as he said, “Hmm. Perhaps ... Perhaps you should become their shepherd.”

Father Xavier looked in my eyes and asked, “In the past, I helped others by forcing them to feel the weight of their sins and when someone confesses to them, they take their sins as their own. Despite the way it sounds, it gives you a better perspective on your own sins and the self-sacrifice is spiritually rewarding.”

I asked, “So I would become their shepherd by taking their sins from them?”

“They would need to feel the sorrow as we do. You would have to commit more sins to achieve this.”

Father Reinhold had stepped over to us without us noticing him until that moment.

When Father Xavier’s eyes met his, Father Reinhold said, “Tim has the moral obligation to limit their corruption and we cannot help him every minute of the day. Father Hennessy and I feel you should give him what he needs to save those who can be saved.”

Father Xavier sighed and said, “It’s not that simple, Andrew. He would have to force all those afflicted to feel their sins and for them to feel the relief when they confess them and he forgive them. That has a brainwashing effect of exulting Tim as their savior. And it would have a similar effect on Tim as well.”

I said, “I’m still fuzzy on what that will accomplish.”

Father Xavier said, “Your guilt and sorrow is for making these people miserable and causing them to do things they would have not done had you not been involved. In order to fix them, you must be able to get past your guilt. To do that, you must feel you have paid your penance.

“By taking their sins as your own, you will, in effect, take responsibility for what you did to them inadvertently. This will ease your guilt and the sorrow you take on will become easier to deal as you move towards the true path.”

Father Reinhold said, “It will force you to be focused on minimizing their sins as well as your own.”

Father Xavier said, “But I am concerned about the long term effects. Once you become their shepherd, you will find it difficult to stop. They will become dependent on you.”

I asked, “But what if they didn’t know who I was? What if they saw me as someone else? My father and I have been talking about how to make the girls who don’t already know about my telepathy see me as someone else so that when this is all over, they don’t know who I was.”

“That would help them. But what about yourself? Having people treat you as their savior is ... Well, you don’t want to lose your humility like my master had.”

I grinned and said, “Father, I realize because you’ve never been married that you wouldn’t know this. The one thing you can always count on to keep a man humble is a woman. That’s what Joey’s dad always says anyway.”

“But what woman could do that for you?”

“Normally I would say my mom or Suzi, but I don’t want them involved. Jessica would be my choice. I’ve already given her a lot of administrative control over the others and she seems to handle it just fine.”

Father Reinhold asked, “But if she afflicted as well, how would she be your voice of reason?”

I shrugged and said, “She doesn’t need to confess her sins to me. She already feels the sorrow for what little she’s done and doesn’t need me for her shepherd. She can confess them to one of you and I think that would be enough for her. But she would need to be at least equal to me in the eyes of the others.”

Father Xavier mused, “Like Eve to your Adam.”

Father Xavier then looked at the time before saying, “Tim, I don’t want you to make this decision today. I want some time to think about it and you need to discuss it with your parents and Jessica. This is not a decision you can take lightly. I will have to use my telepathy on you to give you the proper perspective. It’s nothing that can’t be undone, but you will be changed by it even after its removed.”

I nodded, not liking the sound of that.

Father Reinhold said with amusement, “I guess it’s a good thing you are joining us at St. Joe. I imagine once you have a taste of saving people, you’ll want to join us in our work.”

Father Becker said, “Having someone else who can perform the joint prayers at St. Joe and St. Mary would help immensely.”

Father Xavier said, “Let’s not put any more pressure on him. Tim needs to make this decision with his parents.”

I had already made up my mind, but I accepted I needed to make at least my Mom and Joey understand before I went through with it.

Getting up the hill was treacherous even with the sun out. The road hadn’t been maintained in decades and in some spots, there was very little of the road left. It was weather like this where everything froze and then thawed in the sun that had aged it. What made it so dangerous was the way it zigzagged up this steep hill where parts of the road had groundwater draining across it making it really slick. Going down wasn’t that bad, but getting back up was tricky because of the way the water went sort of sideways. If you didn’t have enough momentum to get across the slick spots, you could end up sliding off the road.

With the sun up, it was even slicker, but you could see what you were doing. That’s what Father Reinhold said anyway. I held my breath several times while we were trying to cross the biggest chunks.

Father Reinhold and I spent most of the ride talking about St. Joe. He didn’t know Lex by name or description, but then he taught mainly junior and senior level mathematics. Yeah, a priest who taught math. At least he didn’t teach science. They left that to the teachers.

Despite what Father Xavier had said, we did talk about how I could help their cause. I was surprised at how open he was being, but then because of my telepathy, I suppose I would have found out soon enough once I started there.

Father Xavier had a network of people who he had helped that funneled those in need to them. When those people were in high school, they stayed in the dorms at St. Joe or St. Mary while they were being helped.

Because of the uncertainty of what I’d do, I didn’t want to go back to school that day. Instead, Father Reinhold took me to St. Mary and after I called my mom to let her know what was going on, he gave me a tour. I met one of the girls they were treating there and was a little disturbed by how she looked at Father Reinhold like he was her soulmate. The little imaginary hearts popping up around her reminded me of how Sandi had looked at me before I had...

I diverted my attention away from that train of thought and quickly moved on.

I was a boy in catholic tiger country. We were in the hallway when the buzzer sounded, and in seconds, I found myself surrounded by curious and interested eyes as they went past us. Father Reinhold moved us to a spot where we’d be out of the way. Some of those eyes were hungry, and each time my eyes met theirs, I felt that ... connection form like I had done at the mall.

The damn power-lust was flowing through me, and I couldn’t stop meeting their eyes. By the time the halls cleared, I had at least twelve girls’ minds buzzing in the background of my head.

As the buzzer went off again, Father Reinhold said, “You look pale. Are you alright?”

I gasped to Father Reinhold, “Father, I need to leave. I need to get far away from here.”

“St. Joe?”

“Maybe. If I can get in a large group of people, I might be able to lose them.”

Father Reinhold stiffened and asked, “Lose who? Is there another...”

He whispered, “telepath?”

When I explained, he relaxed and said, “Tim, are you saying you don’t have enough self-control not to fantasize about these girls?”

I looked him in the eyes, formed an empathic connection and shared the power-lust which was still through me flowing, though at a considerably lesser level.

When I closed the connection, I said, “I don’t want to spend all night tonight resisting that.”

With a look of concern, he nodded, but then he said, “But the Lord may be testing you with this. Why else would you not be able to release them from your mind?”

“Father, it’s been a while since you were fifteen. Trust me. A part of me doesn’t want to release them.”

Our three towns roughly formed an 8O rotated where the 8 was below the O. The O was Lindenville and Mehlberg was the left loop of the eight. Lindenville isn’t actually that much larger than Mehlberg, but Oakley was smaller than Mehlberg and is a bit further south. Lindenville had two high schools, but they were smaller than the other two towns.

The point of all that is St. Mary and St. Joe were a fair distance apart, but they both were situated on the southern border of Lindenville. St. Joe was directly north of Oakley, where St. Mary was at the southwest corner of Lindenville sandwiched between Lindenville and Mehlberg. The main highway connecting our three towns went right by both of them.

We headed to St. Joe. At that time of day, it was an easy fifteen-minute drive, and to my relief, the connections dropped away before we reached the parking lot.

I spent the rest of the day with Father Reinhold and even held a joint prayer session with him and three other students. Two out of the three were gay drug users. I would learn later that they favored helping the troubled gay boys over others as they had higher success rates with them.

I may have escaped the connections with those girls, but my damn mind found five boys to replace them, all seniors. I didn’t tell Father Reinhold about that. I wasn’t tempted to fantasize about them like I had been with the girls. The power-lust was just as strong, but without the other temptation, I figured I’d be able to handle it.

Joey stopped by when he came home from practice. He called Suzi from my house and through him, I filled them both in on what Father Xavier told me. While they were relieved to hear the condition Suzi had was temporary, they didn’t like how I insisted I had to break all contact with them until they were back to normal.

Joey and Brad had their last game that night and the twins showed up in a limo to take them and Suzi to the game. They had assumed I’d go with them and it took me a few minutes to explain to them why I couldn’t. Their arrival had interrupted my explanation of what the Fathers were suggesting to my mom and Joey and Suzi.

Joey didn’t like it one bit mainly because he didn’t want to lose me. Suzi was more practical about it, but she too didn’t support the idea. My mom, however, wasn’t opposed to it.

She said, “Joey, while I never experienced what they’re proposing, I trust Father Xavier. Whatever you might think of him, I wouldn’t have moved here and raised Timmy the way I have if he hadn’t helped me. He’s not trying to recruit Tim. The others might be, but Father Xavier won’t stand for it. Tim isn’t alone in the world and those are the people he finds and makes his own.”

I said, “Makes his own?”

My mom looked at me with a patient look of exasperation and said, “Timmy, he’s a telepath. Who do you think put the commands in my head to give me my faith? He did the same to Andrew and I’m sure he’s done the same to others too.”

“But he said he didn’t force anyone.”

“I think he meant about following him into becoming a priest or nun. I know he removed Andrew’s commands before we moved out here and it caused Andrew some stress. Commands are like braces for your teeth. They force the teeth to move to where you want them and hold them in place. Once they’re removed, the teeth can move around again. Depending on what it was and how much time had passed, they might not move much or they might try to move right back to where they used to be or something in between. That’s how he explained it to me. It took me nearly four years to accept my life as it was without all the stress his commands produced. At that point, my teeth were straight enough that he offered to remove them. I refused, but only because I couldn’t risk corrupting myself again. At least not until you’re old enough to take care of yourself.”

After digesting all that I said, “So what are you saying, mom? Are you against it or not?”

“I think it should be up to you, sweetie. I don’t think any harm will come to you if you go through with it. Your father will be upset, but I think we can both agree he doesn’t get a say.”

I said, “He might not get the final say, but he is my father and ... I owe him for all he’s done to help me in this to at least talk it through with him.”

My mom smiled and said, “I think you’re starting to like him.”

I rolled my eyes and said, “I never said I hated him. I just hate what he represents. Can I go back with the twins tonight? I want to get this over with.”

“I’ll check with your father, but it might be easier if you just did it over the phone.”

Joey said, “Suzi said you should discuss it with Jessica too. If you’re not going to listen to us, maybe you’ll listen to her.”

I sighed and said, “Joey, do you really think I’ll change so much that I won’t want to spend time with you afterward?”

“If you move away and we’re not going to school together, yes. Especially if you end up doing that ... that ... three-way prayer thing with fagot druggies instead of us!”

My mom said, “Sweetie...”

Joey turned towards her and exclaimed, “Don’t sweetie me. Your mind isn’t normal. You just admitted it wasn’t. And now you’re going to send your son to have that preacher fill his head with nonsense and we’ll never get our boyfriend back!”

I was shaking my head, but before I could say anything, Joey slammed the phone down and stormed out through the garage door.

I didn’t go after him as I expected Suzi to call back. But when she didn’t, my mom tried calling Joey’s house but the line was busy. We assumed it was Suzi talking to Joey.

My mom convinced me to let him be. Instead, I called Jessica and offered to take her to dinner with my mom, and then I went with the twins to pick up Brad so I could tell him what was happening myself. I didn’t think he was affected like Suzi and Joey, but I didn’t want to take any chances.

Brad was surprisingly accepting of what I was planning to do mainly because he’d had witnessed enough of Joey’s mood swings whenever I wasn’t spending much time with him to see I wasn’t talking bullshit. But Brad was worried about what would happen if Sandi needed help and I wasn’t around to take care of it. I assured him he’d be fine, but if he needed help, he could always contact my mom.

After returning in the limo, I found my mom was over at Joey’s talking to his mom. My mom came home a few minutes after Brad and the twins went over to collect Joey.

At dinner, Jessica gave me the low down on how everyone was managing. I was either going to have to spend half the next day giving people brain fucks or I needed to find some more guys to service all the girls needing relief of some sort.

When I covered what I was calling the Adam solution, Jessica interrupted me and asked, “Wait. He’s suggesting you become some kind of Jesus for these people?”

I said, “He actually called it becoming a shepherd, but in a way, yes.”

Jessica shook her head in bewilderment and asked, “I really think that’s a terrible idea. The whole do not worship others is first to mind.”

“They’re not going to worship me. We’ll be worshiping God together. Think of it like being a modern Moses or something.”

“I don’t know...”

My mom said, “The only worship I did while he was helping me was to the Lord. Jessica, I’ve been through something very similar to what you all are going through, and my faith was forced upon me very much like how they’re talking about doing here. There were days that only my faith kept me from leaving my little boy on the doorstep and running off. With your help, Tim won’t lose his perspective on what is right while he gives them something to fight the urges they are slowly losing ground to.”

I nodded and said, “Sating their need is only slowing it down, not stopping it. I could try and command them all not to have sex with anyone, but that will just make them miserable.”

Jessica asked, “What about stopping them from fantasizing? From what Launa told me, that’s what progresses them.”

“But that’s how they sate the need. Doing the same thing eventually doesn’t do anything for them. Expanding the fantasy and acting on it does.”

“So what exactly would I do?”

“Pretty much what you’re doing now only you’ll be involved in all the group sessions.”

Jessica exclaimed, “Group sessions?”

My mom and I laughed and I said, “Not group sex. Group prayer. Telepathically linked group prayer.”

My mom said, “Timmy, that will likely cause her to become slightly addicted to you. That was the hardest part about moving and going to our current church for me.”

I said, “Then I won’t link her to me. I’ll link her to one group and I’ll link to another.”

My mom said, “She will still form the addiction. They all will. Who is going handle getting them over that?”

I sighed and said, “I don’t know.”

Jessica said, “We could do it in batches. The first batch is helped by the others, then when one batch has recovered, they help the next.”

I said, “I’m sure Father Xavier will know. If nothing else, he has plenty of people who have been through it already.”

After we finished dinner, we took Jessica home. I walked her to her door, but then my mom ended up going inside for a chat with Jessica’s mom.

As Jessica waited with me in the living room, she said, “So you’ll be Adam. I’ll be your Eve. Will you be sating my need when I need it?”

“I don’t think so. I take it Jonathan or Kevin has been helping you there? You’re past due.”

Jessica said a little guiltily, “Kevin has assisted me a few times. I should go to confession about it, but if I’m not going to stop, it’s difficult thinking about discussing the penance.”