The tickets went unused and the hotel suite stayed empty. Phone calls went straight to voice-mail.

My wife, our two kids and my parents did not attend my unit’s redeployment ceremony at Fort Stewart, Georgia. Fifteen months in Iraq, seven months since I last saw them on my mid-deployment leave. I talked to them over a week ago from Kuwait confirming their attendance and my love. My wife had mentioned ‘payback’ before hanging up. Now, nothing. Have to think about this.

Put on a happy face. Stood through the speeches by the pols and stars, handed out the awards and decorations, received a few, dismissed the troops. Shook a few hands, gave a few hugs and that was that. No-one from the rear detachment had seen or heard from my family in over a month. Strange.

Got a room in the VOQ for the night, being an O-5 has some benefits. Set up an appointment with the post PAC’s deputy commander, a GS-13 I have known since I was a 2LT, for the following morning.

Nothing good came out of the meeting except sympathy. The wife had my duly notarized, authorized, legal unrestricted power-of-attorney on file and in-hand, and she used it. Called the bank – accounts and safety deposit box emptied. Cars sold. Boat sold. The main house in Sunbury, sold. The vacation cabin in Boone, NC, sold. Whole Life insurance policies borrowed against. Credit cards max’ed out. Wife, kids and dogs, gone. Well now.

The only thing she didn’t get was my mid-monthly pay as it didn’t hit yet. Revoked the Power of Attorney. My S1 was TDY, no help there. Opened a bank account with Navy Federal and switched my Direct deposit. Called USAA, listed the credit cards as stolen and checked on the current address for each of the insured. Called my CSM, XO and S3 to let them know I would have to take my 14 day leave to take care of personal business. Checked J.C. Lewis Ford on Oglethorpe to see what used cars they had on the lot. Life goes on.

Called my boss’ secretary to schedule an appointment to do the same. Called my boss’ wife, the head of the brigade’s family support organization, to see if she knew what was going on. She did. Interesting. Had a face-to-face. Her glare was worse than her husband’s. She told me that if I had pulled that on her – I would be dead. Later in the day after being clued-in, my boss agreed. Sucks to be known as a perpetual smart-ass and joker.

Went over to the post JAG Office to get a recommendation on a divorce lawyer.

Note to self: never, ever feed your four Rhodesian Ridgebacks a crockpot full of your special ghost pepper-based chili right before you leave on deployment.

There will be consequences.