Chapter 14

I woke before everyone else. Surprising because of yesterday’s workout. My first stop was the outhouse. And to make sure I remembered the rules, Shadow was waiting for me at the front door. He had his usual ‘Good morning, Now open the door’ look. Once it was open, he was off like a shot, taking care of business. Myself, as I trudged through the snow, I reminded myself that I needed to come up with a better solution for this. Once I finished and returned to the porch, I chopped out the ice from the trough and scrubbed down. Invigorating, eye-opening, downright freezing. After priming the pump, I pumped out two pails of water. I drained the chamber. One thing I didn’t need was a frozen pump. While carrying the water inside. I saw that the snow had stopped, but it was still overcast, and I could smell more snow on the way. Shadow was waiting for me at the door. As soon as I let him in, he made a beeline to the kitchen.

Suzy passed me on the way out. I let her know that I had fired up the small heater. She mumbled her, thanks. And continued on her way. After feeding Shadow, I filled the coffee pot and started the first pot of the day. I stoked the stove and got a good blaze going, with the coffee warming, I went into the living room. Taking a moment, I surveyed the sleeping bodies. From behind me, a timid voice spoke up, “Sir?”

Turning, I saw one of the young ladies on the stairs. “Yes ma’am, what can I do for you?”

“I need to go, potty, sir. Where’s the bathroom?” Just then, Suzy came in. “Suzy will help you out, kiddo. She knows where everything is.” I could tell that Suzy was confused, just barely awake confused. “she needs the outhouse, Suzy. You ought to take a coat this time. I expect a traffic jam before long. You get a handle on that, and I’ll get to the morning chores.”

The noise and activity had the desired effect. People were rising and slowly recognizing the unusual surroundings. As needed, I directed traffic to the jakes outside or handed out hot coffee on their return. Finally, Suzy returned. I helped her with her coat and wrapped her in a warm blanket with a steaming mug of coffee. I gave her a quick peck and then turned to the assembled crowd.

“Now that you have taken care of your pressing morning business, we will begin a normal day. Now Suzy and I trade chores around here. Some days I cook, some days I take care of the homestead. I thought that today would be a good day for the ladies to learn about the barn chores and livestock.”

“You gentlemen may think that you have gotten out of the messy, dirty, stinky chores associated with the barn. Wweell, think again. Today you belong to Suzy. I’m not sure what she has planned, but I guarantee you will work, and maybe harder than you ever have in your life. What I hope you take from this is an appreciation for what your ancestors had to do every day of their lives.”

With that, I turned to the ladies. “Alright, I can tell you right now pj’s ain’t going to make it. So, grab your sturdiest clothes and get ready for work. You’ve got 10 minutes.”

They stood there looking back and forth at each other and then me. “Now!” I bellowed, “Move it, Move it. Move it.”

I was hard-pressed not to laugh as three cute little fannies scurried for the stairs. It got harder when they were back downstairs, buttoning, zipping, and tying with frightened doe looks on their faces, inside of the designated 10 minutes.

“Alright, ladies, follow me.” And like a troop of baby chicks, they followed me out the door.

The first stop was the porch. I pointed out the rope guides. One to the outhouse and the other to the corral. The next stop was the corral. When we got there, I showed them how the latch worked. And stressed to them to never, ever leave a gate open, anywhere. A closed gate is closed for a reason. Next was the barn.

I could tell as soon as we got inside, what their first impression was. The smell. Barns are not flower gardens or scented baths. But you can and will get used to the aromas. Your nose will get over its disgust, and fairly quickly at that.

The first thing was to lead the critters out to the pasture. This gave them a chance to get a little exercise. They knew this, and after being cooped up in their stalls, they took advantage of the freedom. Guunar was the most rambunctious, running from one end to the other as quickly as he could. Margarite sort of followed, except she tended to trot the fence line. Jughead was different. He tended to roll over and make mulish versions of snow angels. Then shake it off and move to a new spot and do it all over again.

After watching their antics for a minute, I gathered my helpers and returned to the job at hand. I figure that the most disgusting job was job one. I got the girls to work with shovels, pitchforks, and wheelbarrows, mucking out the stalls. Fortunately, for them, the 3 of them made quick work of it. Then we spread out fresh straw on the floor.

After we got the hay down and oat buckets filled, I asked them who wanted to look for eggs, and who wanted to milk the goats.

I laughed at the antics they went through trying to figure it out. Finally, they decided who was going to do what. Lucy and Susan were going to milk the goats, and Ann would hunt for eggs.

Knowing what would happen, I followed Ann into the coop. Sure enough, the first hen she approached pecked at her, which freaked the young lady out. I spent the next 5 minutes teaching her that she needed to approach these vicious predators from behind. That they really weren’t mean. Coming at them from behind, they were as dumb as rocks. Once she had the hang of it, Ann was off to the races. Seeing that I now had a professional egg plucker, I went to check on the other girls.

Milking goats isn’t much different from milking cows, just smaller and shorter. But these were city girls. I was reasonably sure they hadn’t even known that goats gave milk. I spent the next 15 minutes showing Lucy and Susan what they were doing wrong. Once they had the idea, though, they made quick work of it.

Next came the hard part. Getting the stock back inside. They couldn’t be left outside. Like humans, they would suffer. But the basic personalities involved could make short work of it if you knew the secrets.

I opened the barn door wide and gave out my loudest whistle. Jughead was immediately on his feet and heading towards his breakfast. Jughead was never a problem when he knew food was involved.

Next was Margarite. She was an easy touch. Mainly because she knew I had her butterscotch treat waiting for her.

The problem child, however, was Guunar. I don’t know if it was an effort to claim dominance or just plain stubbornness on his part. But the more you worked at getting him inside, the harder he would avoid it. Probably the worst thing to do was try and herd him in. That wasn’t going to happen, no matter what.

I let the ladies try, though. They chased him hither and yon in that pasture. Which was amusing, it was an acre of land. They tried individual tactics, they tried group tactics, they tried any other variations you could think of. And each time it seemed that they had him cornered, boom, off in the other direction.

I have found that most city folks think horses and other big animals are stupid. And that may be the case, on an individual basis. And to tell the truth, Guunar might not have been the brightest bulb in the chandelier. But he didn’t have a mean bone in his body. Given half a chance to play, he was just a rambunctious kid. The horse version of Dennis the Menace.

Finally, I took pity on them. It was getting close to lunch, and I was hungry. I gave out my “Guunar” whistle and raised my hand, palm up, and open. Guunar stopped, shook his head, and looked at me. Then he, ever so slowly, ambled over and took the peppermint pinwheel from my palm. Head up and clearly the victor, he sucked on his reward and calmly walked into the barn and his stall.

Between securing the barn and walking to the porch, I revealed the secret of Guunar and Margarite to the girls. I showed them the candies that they enjoyed.

Once we had taken the time to wash up in the water trough, we got back into the cabin. Breakfast was served. On the sideboard were bacon, ham, fire toasted bread, with bone marrow and soft cheese on the side, Scrambled eggs, steaming hot coffee. And something I’m sure these kids had never seen before, grits.

As soon as we were inside, Kyle spoke up, “Ladies first, Ms. Williams, please.”

What followed was a civilized, dignified country breakfast. Suzy led the way, followed by the girls. Kyle indicated that I was next. I deferred my position to him. After the boys had served themselves, I stepped up and made two plates. Setting the one to the side, I sat down with the rest and started eating.