Chapter 1

I missed her.

Why? I don’t know. But during the 4 months I’ve lived in my condo on Alki Beach, twice every day she walked her dog past me as I sat on my covered porch. I always had a fresh bowl of water by the sidewalk for the many dogs that walked by with their companions. Her cocker spaniel routinely stopped to drink. Then she disappeared about a week ago and I wondered if I’d ever see her again.

She always dressed the same. Her baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants completely hid any hint as to what was underneath. She could have been skinny or plump. There was no way to tell. She always wore one of several different beanie hats that were pulled low to just above her eyes. I think she had eyebrows, but I’d never seen them. Her long, flowing dark brown hair came well below her shoulders—almost to the middle of her back. Observing her, I couldn’t tell if she was 20 or 50 years old. She hid herself well in plain sight.

The first several weeks after I moved in, I wasn’t sure if she even noticed me. Then one day I briefly caught her eye and I said, “Good morning.” She said nothing. I took it as a personal challenge, so I greeted her every morning and every evening.

After several unsuccessful attempts, she finally returned my greetings, although somewhat grudgingly. Two times a day, we shared the same few words, ‘good morning’, and ‘good evening.’ Eventually, she almost smiled. As the weeks went on her smiles were more freely given. But still, the same greetings and no more. I sensed that if I approached and confronted her that it would be a mistake. So, every day I sat in my porch chair and just greeted her.

Then, she stopped walking by. Did I scare her or upset her somehow? I wasn’t sure.

I missed her.

But now I see her approaching. She’s back. I was determined that today we would grow our dialog past our limited shared interaction.

“Good morning,” I projected so I knew she heard.

“Hi.”

I was thrilled she expanded our repertoire of words to include a friendlier greeting.

“I missed you,” I offered hoping she’d realize I noticed without being threatened. It seemed to startle her a bit.

“What?”

“I said I missed you. I haven’t seen you for a while.”

“Oh,” she said with a confused look on her face. “I was sick. See you later.” She left no room for more interaction.

“Goodbye,” I replied almost as if it was between a statement and a question. I was thrilled that I broke through. It was if I’d won a great victory.

My sense of victory was short-lived. As she walked away, another wave of depression and anger hit me like a ton of bricks. Was this what my life had become? My greatest victory in the past 5 months was getting a strange woman to say a few words? I was pissed. I was pissed about the turn of events in my life. I was mad that God let them happen. And now, I let some strange loner of a woman get into my head. I was pathetic.

Seven months ago, I was living a fast-paced life in a brokerage firm in New York. Money-wise, I was set for life. I was happily married and could see my life unfolding into its joyful next phase now that both of my children were out on their own. Then Nancy, my wife of 25 years, blindsided me and ripped my world apart. She wasn’t happy, she said, and it had to be my fault.

And my so-called friends? Ron, the guy who I thought was my best friend and confidant, gave me hell for cheating on Nancy. That was news to me! I never looked at another woman much less cheated. Nancy was spreading lies to make herself the victim, and Ron and the others believed her? Ron knew me. They all knew me but they bought into her deception. They gave me no benefit of the doubt. Now I knew where I stood, so to hell with them.

Then life decided to gut-punch me one more time when my beloved dog, Laika, had to be freed from her suffering. She was free. I was held captive by all-encompassing loneliness.

I decided to embrace being alone. If that’s where life dumped me, then let it define me. Money—I had. Friends, romance, close human contact—all eluded me. So be it. I needed to start over, away from all the hypocrisy surrounding my ex-wife and former friends.

My idea of a fresh start in Seattle seemed ideal at first. Yeah, I missed my kids back in New York, but we talked regularly. But most important—I was away from all the treasonous people that threw me away.

After the first six weeks in my self-imposed exile, reality started to sink in. This fresh start was turning horribly stale. The concept of a new life sounded so ideal, but the emptiness was now consuming me. I felt trapped, caged in by bad choices, left to dry up on a deserted island even though I was surrounded by humanity. None of the people around me knew me or cared about me. The few people remaining that I cared about were all in New York. I had no one within 3000 miles to knew me much less loved me.

So, this is what I chose. I’m a hermit living in a crowded city. I had no purpose—nothing that gave my days meaning. I’m the grouchy old man no one wants to know. My anger changed me. I couldn’t live like this—it’s not me.

But right now, it is me. Damn.

Now, this strange woman has invaded my priorities. Perhaps drowning in my emptiness caused this mystery woman to capture my thoughts. I couldn’t say I was attracted to her since I really hadn’t seen her or had a meaningful conversation. What little I could see of her face was pleasant. She was natural. I never saw a hint of makeup. I realized that if I saw her out on the town dressed for dinner or some occasion that I’d never recognize her.

“Enough,” I shouted to no one. Staying on the porch in my usual spot, I opened my laptop and reviewed my investments to try and increase my nest egg. I followed my daily routine as my mood darkened and my anger simmered. I worked in the morning, then walked to my favorite place, The Chowder House, for lunch.

As I sat at the bar eating lunch, I considered that the bartender, Chuck, was one of the few people in Seattle that knew my name. I pondered that for a few moments and realized it was his job to be friendly. The realization hit me that my relationship with Chuck existed because that’s what he was paid to do. Basically, he was the equivalent of a hooker, but dealing in social intercourse rather than sexual. Certainly, he would talk to me. My daily twenty-dollar tip paid for his services.

I felt pathetic.

My normal day continued. After lunch, I took my long walk to the gym, where I lifted weights and pummeled the punching bag imagining different faces as my targets. One face dominated my fantasies. I’d never hit a woman, even Nancy, but a man can dream—can’t he?

As per my routine, on the way back to the condo I stopped to buy a sandwich to eat later for dinner.

My condo. That’s what it was. As I thought of that, another dagger of reality plunged itself into my solitary existence and fed my anger. My condo was just a place to live. I never thought of it as home. My not-so-loving wife destroyed my security and the only home I ever wanted. I was homeless. Money—I had. A home was what my soul craved and needed.

I wasn’t made to be alone. Seattle was a mistake.

By five in the afternoon, I just sat and gazed out over Elliot Bay while drowning in my anger and self-pity. I don’t know why I chose to live at Alki Beach. I don’t consider myself a beach person. But it was peaceful, and everything I thought I wanted was nearby. The view was always calming. Now the fear that this was my life for the rest of my years caused me to shudder. I sat for several hours dwelling on the pitiful state of my existence when my mind was pulled to the present.

“Good evening,” she said almost cheerfully.

“Hello again. Another lovely night for a walk.”

“Yes. I always mean to thank you for providing water for the dogs walking by.”

“Like many folks here in West Seattle, I love dogs.” I was thrilled to finally talk with this stranger.

“Princess is appreciative. Do you have a dog too?” Her question was innocent, and yet pained my heart.

“I did. I just lost her,” I replied with a grimace.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I know that it can be hard to lose a best friend. I need to go. Bye.”

Words were sticking in my throat, so I simply waved.

As she left, I was pleased with myself for finally talking with her. At the same time, when that brief interlude ended I felt lonelier than ever.

As darkness fell, I started to move inside the house when my phone buzzed. I was glad to see the screen announced my son, Jake, was calling.

“Hey, Jake!”

“Dad. Good to hear your voice. How are you?”

“I won’t lie to you. Life still sucks. How are you and your lovely wife?”

“Brit is great. We’re both great. I just wanted to check in with you, but I gotta tell you these weekly calls from 3,000 miles away aren’t nearly the same as having you around.”

“I know. I’m having second thoughts about moving here. I think I overreacted to get away from your mother and her poisonous friends.”

“Casey and I tried to warn you, Dad.”

“I know. I should have listened. How’s your sister doing? I haven’t heard from her.”

“She started her new job, but she misses you a lot. She’s feeling guilty that she hasn’t called you for a few weeks, but it really upsets her when you do talk. You know your emotions are very transparent, Dad, especially to her.”

“Damn. I’ll give her a call. I’m not sure I want to know, but how is the ... sorry, I was going to say something unkind. How’s your biological birth canal?”

Jake laughed. “What unkind name were you going to call her?”

“I hate the word, Jake,” I chuckled.

“Give me a hint,” he prodded with amusement.

“Alright. What do you call a slut’s vagina?”

“Dad! You weren’t going to call her the ‘C’ word, were you?”

“Sorry, Jake. I almost couldn’t stop myself.”

“I’ve never known you to even think that way, Dad.”

“Sorry, Jake. A lot of me doesn’t feel like myself these days. So, how is the ‘C’ word?”

We both shared a laugh.

“Casey still won’t talk to her at all. I’ve accepted her calls a few times, but for some reason, she doesn’t like it when I answer with, ‘what, you heartless bitch?’ The call always goes downhill from there.” He laughed, but I knew that he was telling the truth.

“You and Casey need to get over what she did to me at some point.”

“She did it to all of us, Dad. Last month she said she started dating another guy—the fourth I think. He lasted a few weeks. She was all pissed because he took her for a few thousand and dumped her. I laughed at her and told her it serves her right.”

I smiled a bit at that.

“Jake, I know you’re bitter. Hell, I’m bitter too. But for a woman her age, she’s really naïve and vulnerable. If you care for her at all as your mother, you need to watch over her.” I forced myself to pretend I was taking the high road. Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing her crash and burn.

“Maybe, if some guy takes her for everything and she ends up homeless, I’ll give her a blanket,” he exaggerated. “Look, I’m having trouble looking past what she’s decided to do, Dad. How could she throw us all away and blame it on some hokey midlife crisis?”

“I can’t begin to understand what is going through her brain, Jake. The devil on my left shoulder wants to rejoice in her misfortune, but I still care for the damn woman. I don’t turn those things off easily. I’ll never take her back, I still think she’s a ‘C’ word, but I don’t want her harmed either.”

I said the words almost trying to convince myself. I searched my heart for any shred of concern for Nancy. If it’s in there somewhere, it’s well hidden. But I don’t want Jake and Casey to totally lose connection to their mother, even if she is a total ass.

We said our goodbyes, and I disconnected our call while feeling a hint of warmth in my chest after talking to Jake. As the last sound of his voice faded into memory, the cloud of solitude darkened my mood once again.

I prepared for bed while cursing Nancy for what she did. The kids were really bitter. I felt guilty leaving them in New York to deal with the fallout, but I had to get out of there. Even so, I was starting to regret the severity of my separation from the east coast. My head hit the pillow with hostile thoughts towards Nancy flooding my mind. It would be yet another restless night.

The next morning started like every other. I always thought the movie ‘Groundhog Day’ was fiction, but it seemed too real in my life as it is right now. Every day was the same, meaningless series of stagnant events. I had my morning bowl of cereal and took my spot on the porch.

Like clockwork, at 7:48 the mystery woman strolled past my condo.

“Good morning. How’s Princess today?”

She smiled at me. “My baby is doing great. How are you?”

I felt warm now that we’ve broken the ice. Perhaps the “Groundhog Day’ chain would be broken.

“I’m okay. Same as always.”

She gave me a strange look before she floored me with her observation. “Forgive me, but you’re sort of an ‘odd duck,’ aren’t you?”

I’m sure I looked shocked. I had to know where she was taking this.

“Me? What do you mean?” I smiled hoping she wouldn’t think I was offended.

“I’m sorry. That was rude of me.” She seemed to shrink into herself as she realized she may have crossed the line.

“No,” I pleaded, “don’t be sorry. You’re probably right, but what led you to think that? Please?”

“I’m sorry. It was an inappropriate thing to say to a stranger.”

“Well, my name is Steve Watson. So now that you know my name, we’re only half strangers.”

She chuckled. “Okay, Steve. I’m Blake Peller. And now that I’ve put my foot in my mouth, I don’t know how to get it out!”

“Blake, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Would it help you if I confess that I think you may be an odd duck too? Then we can discuss our ‘duckiness’ together.”

She laughed at that. It struck me that, when she laughed or smiled, she was very attractive. For the first time, I noticed the depth of her hazel eyes and her natural, long eyelashes.

She was captivating.

“You’re probably right, Steve.”

“Would you join me for some coffee or tea and we can chat a bit?”

Her face dropped a bit. “I wish I could, but I need to get to work.”

“Can you talk tonight during your evening walk?”

“Unfortunately, my office is having a party tonight, so I won’t be taking my usual stroll.”

“I understand,” I said clearly disappointed. “Tomorrow is Saturday. If you don’t have work, could you stop and talk a little while? It would really help my self-esteem to know why you think I’m odd.”

She debated with herself for a moment and then smiled. “Okay. Coffee at 7:45?”

“Cream and sugar?”

“How’d you know?”

“That’s the standard for odd ducks.” I laughed and she seemed fittingly amused.

“7:45, then. Bye, Steve.”

“Have a great day, Blake.”

As she walked away, her gait seemed different—lighter with a bit of bounce. My mood was somewhat better too. After four months, it seems I might actually have found my first Seattle friend that didn’t need to tip twenty-dollars to be friendly.

For the rest of the day, I felt more energized than I had in months. I didn’t know what Blake would become in my life, but I communicated positively with a very lovely person of the opposite sex. Obviously, it wasn’t a date. I didn’t even know if I wanted to date her or anyone else, for that matter. She may not even be available, but I sensed she was by her demeanor. Plus, why the hell would she be interested in dating an old grouch like me? No, dating wasn’t the point. I was solving a mystery and seemed to have made a friend.

The deserted island felt less lonely today.

I got up a little early the next morning and prepared a pot of Seattle’s finest coffee. I was nervous. Why was I nervous? How did Blake get under my skin like this? I didn’t have a good answer.

I saw her approaching from her usual direction. If Princess hadn’t been with her, I’m not sure I would have recognized her. She wasn’t wearing her usual hat, and she chose jeans and a tee-shirt instead of her sweatshirt and pants. She was wonderfully shapely. Some guys would write her off as a little pudgy, but not me. I found her to be perfect. If I had to guess, I’d estimate she carried about 135 pounds on a five-foot-four or five frame.

“Good morning, Blake! I’m glad you’re able to join me.”

“Hi, Steve. I smell coffee!”

“Come on up to the porch. I’ll close the gate so Princess can roam a bit.”

We exchanged pleasantries for a few moments as we enjoyed the coffee and some scones I picked up from a fantastic local bakery. I couldn’t help but notice she wore just a little makeup. The woman sitting across from me was no longer a frumpy stranger. She was very attractive and I felt my insides stir a bit.

“Okay, Blake. I let you off the hook a little. Now, tell me—why am I an odd duck?”

“Steve, I still am sorry for a poor choice of words, but some things I’ve noticed about you don’t add up.”

“You have my attention.”

“Well, to start with, you’re a young, attractive guy living in a million-dollar-plus condo who doesn’t seem to work for a living. You’re always on this porch.”

“You’re right except about the young and attractive part. That’s a good start.”

“To be fair, I can’t guess your age. But you’re a good-looking guy.”

We both blushed. “I’m not used to compliments on my appearance, but I’ll accept your opinion for now. And, I’m forty-six.”

“Like I said—young.” She smiled.

“Okay. Let’s get all my ‘oddness’ on the table before I respond.”

“Good. Alright. You live at the beach, but I never see you on the beach.”

“Point taken, although I have an answer. What’s next?”

“I could be wrong or off base, but when you don’t know I’m looking, I noticed ... I noticed you may have the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen.”

Her words hit me hard because I knew she was right. As warm as our conversation had been, her words hardened me. I felt my face contort involuntarily with anger and pain.

“Oh, gosh. Steve, I’ve upset you! I’m so sorry.” She teared up as she placed her hand over mine.

I regained composure, fighting the anger that wanted to surface. “Don’t be sorry, Blake. You’re obviously an observant young woman and I haven’t hidden some things as well as I thought I had.”

“I’m an idiot for saying that, Steve. We don’t know each other well enough for me to poke sensitive subjects.”

I battled all the thoughts and emotions flooding my mind. In my former life, I would have bared my soul to my former best friend, Ron. Jake and Casey were too raw themselves to burden. Blake somehow seemed to project concern for me. She seemed to care more for me than our brief relationship would justify. I wanted to encourage her to keep caring, but I wasn’t ready to dump it all on her shoulders. Not yet.

“Blake, I don’t know why, but somehow I find myself wanting to trust you. I’m not ready to share everything since we’re just getting to know one another, but, believe it or not, right now you’re my only friend within 3,000 miles. So, let me answer some of your questions about me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Just remember—eventually, it will be your turn in the duck seat!”

“Okay,” she said with a laugh.

“First, I’m mostly retired. I worked on Wall Street in New York and did well, so when things in my life changed, I retired and came out here. I do some personal investing, but I don’t really need to work.”

“Okay. That makes sense. That’s one down.”

“Regarding your second keen observation, I actually don’t like the beach. So I guess an additional odd-duck question is—why did I buy a beachfront property? The answer to that is: I don’t know.”

She laughed and I realized how absurd my choice of location seemed.

“But I do leave the porch. I walk to a restaurant every day for lunch, then take a walk and go to the gym in the afternoon.”

“That explains why you look kinda buff. So, two down, Steve. You don’t have to answer the third if you don’t want.” Blake looked concerned that she overstepped our budding friendship.