Chapter 73: Sing, Sing A Song

March 30, 1984, McKinley, Ohio

"What are we doing with a full day off?" Clarissa asked when I returned from my run on Friday morning.

"I had no plans except to relax until our concert tonight. Most everyone has at least one exam today, so it can just be us, if you want."

"Get your shower and come back to bed."

I quickly showered, dried off, and climbed into bed with Clarissa. She snuggled close, and I put my arm around her as she got into our usual cuddling position, with her left arm and left leg over me and her head on my chest.

"Would you be upset if I told you this would be what I missed the most in a future where we weren't married?"

"Of course, I wouldn't be upset. It's no surprise, really."

"Because of what happened in Marietta?"

"More because of your reaction to what we did than what we did. Being tentative and feeling out of sorts seems to be somewhat common, if we follow your logic about feeling like you were fourteen."

"You mean because I haven't talked to you about it? I mean, except for the next morning? And then slept in my room two nights?"

"I knew you were uncomfortable with the entire idea when we did it, but I also knew you felt we had to at least try. And all things considered, I'd say you were correct. We did what you needed to do. And I'm happy about that."

"And what is it you need?" Clarissa asked.

"You in my life, as my closest friend and confidante. Let's not do anything to mess that up, please."

"Could we? At this point?"

"I would never have imagined Jocelyn and I could blow apart our relationship, and yet we did. Granted, there was an outside force, but we did blow it apart, not the elderly driver of the car who hit Jocelyn. So, yes, I think we could, which is why I'm cautious and on guard about our relationship."

"But you'd do anything I asked."

"Yes, and so would you. Not because you would do anything, but because I would never ask you for something I felt you couldn't do."

"But you have no such restrictions on me asking you."

"I wouldn't do anything I felt would hurt you, but I also don't think you'd ask for something like that."

"Probably not. Have you thought about why I couldn't have orgasms from intercourse?"

"I just assumed that your apprehension and nervousness, combined with the fact that you're a lesbian, interfered with physical pleasure. You didn't have difficulty having orgasms during cunnilingus, and oral stimulation of your nipples seemed to give you pleasure."

Clarissa laughed softly, "Nice word choices! But I guess I said 'intercourse,' so you responded in a similar fashion."

"One possible solution, which you might not have considered, is spooning, which would allow me to manually stimulate your clitoris while we engaged in intercourse. But I don't think the issue is whether you have orgasms from intercourse or even whether or not we have intercourse. It's a question of me meeting a very, very specific physical, psychological, and emotional need. And THAT is your struggle."

"Why do you think that?"

"You didn't have feelings of revulsion, or at least you didn't express any, with regard to fellatio or intercourse, and you didn't have a panic attack, or whatever, at the thought. Sure, you felt uneasy, nervous, and maybe a bit scared, but that's not really a source of concern. I think you COULD have sex with me again, even long-term. The question in your mind, at least as I see it, isn't about being ABLE to have sex with me; you proved you could. It's a question of whether sex with me meets your deepest-seated need with regard to sexual intimacy. And neither of us is sure I can meet that need."

"I think you're right."

"And to sort that out, I think you need to have at least a second lover."

"Are you telling me to get laid, Petrovich?"

"You've told ME to get laid!"

Clarissa laughed softly, "So I have. You think I need to test my feelings?"

"I do. I think that will tell you and us what we need to know."

"I suppose it might. You're talking about a fling, aren't you? My version of Emmy?"

"If you want to look at it that way, yes."

"I have a condition."

"I'm listening."

"Actually," she giggled, something she rarely did, "two."

"Go on," I chuckled.

"First, though it's not what I was originally going to ask, you agree to have your fling with Violet!"

"Which you assumed I was very likely to do anyway," I replied. "Though I'm still not sure. What's the second condition?"

"That after we each have our fling, you and I spend an entire day in bed, making love. You show me every possible way we can love each other physically. Either the first time for the rest of our lives or the last."

"Nothing like making it dramatic, Lissa," I replied.

"But it's true, right?" she asked.

"Yes. And we agreed to be open and clear about everything."

"So we each have our fling, then we put everything to the test."

"I'm curious about why you think I should have a fling."

"Fulfill the damned fantasy, Petrovich! You'll regret it forever if you don't! Nobody is going to get hurt, and you're going to enjoy it!"

"Assuming the fantasy matches reality."

"I think this one will. It's right in your wheelhouse. The threesome wasn't. Not to mention you WANT to do it, and even DREAMED about doing it!"

"True."

"Then do we have an agreement?"

"I take it you have someone in mind?"

"Yes. A bisexual girl who I'm VERY attracted to."

"Interesting."

"Not going to ask?"

"You'll tell me when you think you need to tell me, if you need to tell me."

"Trust?"

"Implicit. If you say you did, then you did; I will never doubt you or question you."

"If that's not true love, I'm not sure what would be."

"I hope there is never any doubt at all in that regard, and I mean ever, as in forever."

"I can't imagine how I could doubt you love me, Petrovich. And if that doesn't work out, maybe I'll find Leslie and Jennifer and have a threesome of my own!"

I laughed, "Now THAT would be interesting. But you know my take on that."

"I do. But I don't have the same fantasy in mind, so it might be different. But I think my first idea is better."

"Whatever you think, Lissa, I mean that."

"Thanks. Did you decide what to do tonight?"

"I'll pick someone to sing to," I replied.

Clarissa laughed softly, "Because it's been nearly two weeks since you had sex, and you need a groupie?"

"I don't NEED a groupie," I replied. "Consider it like 'catch and release' fishing!"

"Well, you certainly have a long fishing pole and a fantastic lure in your singing voice!"

"You are bad, Lissa! Shall we have breakfast?"

"How about another twenty minutes of cuddling?"

"I'm all yours!"

About twenty minutes later, we got out of bed, Clarissa showered, and then we headed to breakfast. After we ate, we went back to my room to hang out, and our friends drifted in and out for the rest of the day until the gang assembled just before dinner, everyone having completed their midterms. We all went to the cafeteria, then returned to the dorm where José and I had a quick practice session with only Clarissa and Rebekah as our audience, then had Kimiko come in to help us practice with what would be our first number. After running through it twice, we went out to the lounge to get ready for our concert.

Just before 7:00pm, a large crowd had gathered, at least for the lounge, and I scanned to find someone to sing to, settling on a very pretty blonde from New Hampshire named Charlotte Peterson, a Freshman from the 5th floor of Rickenbacker who was there with two female friends. My target chosen, I concentrated on our opening number, which José had suggested and convinced Kimiko to help us learn. As the minute hand reached the hour, I nodded to José, and we began playing «上を向いて歩こう» (Ue o Muite Arukō; I Look Up As I Walk), better known in English as Sukiyaki.

I knew the tune because I had an album by A Taste of Honey from 1980, which had the song, albeit with very different words from the translation of the Japanese that Kimiko had given us. She had written out the Japanese words in rōmaji, a way of writing the phonetic sound of Japanese in 'Roman' characters, or what I would call the Latin Alphabet. She told us that everyone in Japan had to learn how to write that way in school, but it was rarely used except in cases where foreigners would need to be able to read, such as street signs or passports.

The song, at least in Japanese, was effectively a protest song against American troops in Japan, and to me, it conveyed exactly the feelings Kimiko had about Japanese culture. The version I'd heard, by A Taste of Honey, was about a love gone bad. That idea fit, in some ways, my relationship with Kimiko, as our days as lovers seemed to be over, though we remained close friends.

When we finished the song, we were rewarded with loud applause, and when it died down, we shifted to our more usual repertoire. First, we played Estudio en Mi de Rubira, with me playing rhythm for José as I usually did. When we finished that, it was my turn to take over, and we played Every Woman In The World, and I sang to Charlotte. I caught Clarissa's smirk out of the corner of my eye as she quickly figured out who I was singing to.

Next came Piano Man, followed by The Entertainer, and She's Always a Woman. By the time we finished the third Billy Joel song, I knew I had Charlotte's full attention and probably had her right where I would have wanted her had I truly been trying for a groupie. It was time for José to lead again, doing our jazz riff of Piel Canela, which lasted nearly ten minutes and was met with huge applause, as we'd gotten a lot better.

We took a break, and I was aware that Charlotte's eyes never left me as I got a drink, then went to sit down. José led off the next set, singing Yesterday and Horse with No Name, which I'd taught him, and then I took over with Keep On Loving You.

"Next," I announced, "we're going to do a sing-along, and we want ALL of you to sing with us!"

I led off with Sweet Caroline and José played rhythm as everyone sang the song enthusiastically. We applauded ourselves when we finished, and I nodded to José, who led off, once again, with Estudio en Mi de Rubira, but this time we riffed on it for about ten minutes before we each sang one more song — José sang Keep on Loving You and I sang Earth Angel.

The gathered students demanded an encore, so José and I played our pre-planned encore, a silly duet of I Got You Babe, with me singing falsetto while we both sang to Robby and Lee. We'd only practiced that privately, so not even Clarissa knew it was going to happen. Robby and Lee were laughing so hard they nearly fell off the couch. When we finished, both barely able to keep from laughing as we sang, there was raucous applause and cheering. We put our guitars away and grabbed some Cokes from my fridge, then went back out to our adoring fans.

"That was the funniest thing I've heard in a LONG time," Robby said, clapping his hand on my shoulder.

"For sure!" Pete said, shaking his head. "I thought Fran was going to wet her pants she was laughing so hard!"

"I think Sophia DID wet her pants," Lee declared. "She ran off to her room! How did you guys come up with THAT schtick?"

"We were talking about groupies and singing to girls to get them into bed, and well, one thing followed after the other!"

"I knew it!" Lee grinned. "You're trying to steal my boyfriend!"

"Maybe not," I chuckled.

"I do have to say it's cool you guys can do that without completely freaking out. We get grief if we hold hands or put our arms around each other in public."

"Fuck society," José said. "They have their heads up their butts, and that isn't OUR problem. You two are our best guy friends here, and we don't care who knows it!"

"What he said," I agreed. "And I need to go talk with someone!"

José laughed, "Have fun!"

I winked and went over to where Charlotte was standing with three other girls.

"Hi!" I said. "I'm Mike."

"Charlotte, Ann, Stacy, and Tracy," Charlotte said, nodding first to a brunette, then to a redhead, then to a blonde. "You're awesome! I wish we'd come to the earlier concerts!"

"Why didn't you?" I asked.

"We figured the Freshman concert would be lame, so we skipped it, and nobody told us about the ones you did here. We skipped the other concert, and people told us how great it was, so when we heard you were going to play, we decided to come up and hope there was room. I can't believe there are over a hundred people here!"

"There would be more if we had more room," I said. "But we didn't want to do anything formal this semester. We did get asked to do the Freshman concert in the Fall."

"Are you going to do another one of these?" Tracy asked.

"Probably the first Friday in May," I replied.

"Are you going to be RA next year?" Ann asked.

I nodded, "I was rehired for the Fall, yes."

"We should try to move to this floor, Char," she said. "It seems WAY cooler than five!"

"It's a bit late to do that," I said. "But you can go to the housing office on Monday and try. Who are the roommates?"

"Stacy and me," Charlotte replied, "and Ann and Tracy."

"Would you like a Coke?" I asked.

"Uh, sure," Charlotte said.

I struggled not to even smirk when Ann used her shoulder to encourage Charlotte, who followed me to my room. I offered her a choice, and she chose a root beer, which I opened for her and handed to her.

"You sing really well," she said.

"Thanks."

"Were you really singing to me?"

I nodded, "I was. It helps to find a pretty girl to sing to."

"I see you with a really pretty dark-haired girl all the time."

"Clarissa? She's a very close friend who just broke up with her girlfriend."

"Girlfr ... oh! Uhm, well, uhm, I didn't realize."

"It's not like they have to wear a uniform or have it tattooed on their foreheads! Did you know about Robby and Lee before we sang to them?"

"I thought that was just goofing around. I've seen those guys together, but I thought they were just friends."

"That wouldn't have made the inside joke nearly as funny," I said. "Our other close friends were the ones rolling on the floor laughing."

"I guess that was a surprise?"

"Totally. Only José and I knew about it. Want to listen to some music?"

"Sure!"

"There are a couple of shelves full of albums from my collection. Pick something you like."

"Oh, wow!" she gasped. "It's huge!"

I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"Oops!" Charlotte said, blushing slightly. "That didn't come out quite right!"

"I shouldn't have laughed," I replied. "But I couldn't help it."

"If your voice is up to it, I'd rather hear you sing."

"I think I can manage," I replied. "On the desk is my sheet music. I can play anything in the three-ring binder. Things in the folder are pieces I'm still learning to play; those are mostly classical."

She went over to the desk, flipped through the three-ring binder, and handed it to me. I nodded, took out my guitar, and sat down in one of the chairs while she sat on the couch. I played Only the Good Die Young and then her second selection, I Write the Songs. When I finished, she asked for Keep On Loving You, which I played, ensuring I looked into her eyes as much and as deeply as possible.

"Totally awesome," she said.

"Thanks, and now I think it's probably better if you take advantage of my huge ... album collection."

Charlotte laughed and blushed again, "I'm never going to live that down, am I?"

"I'd never tease you in front of your friends without you agreeing it was OK."

"Cool!"

She looked over the collection and chose If You Leave Me Now, a compilation album by Chicago. I took it from her and put it on the turntable. The first song was the album's title track, and when it started playing, I turned to Charlotte and held out my arms.

"Care to dance?" I asked.

She nodded and melted into my arms, pressing herself against me, giving me a very good idea of what was hiding under the loose blouse and baggy jeans. I had knowingly and purposefully activated my weakness, with the intent of not following through, but with Charlotte's body pressed against me, the fact I actually hadn't had sex in two weeks, after having it very regularly, tempted me to throw caution to the wind and have fun with Charlotte.

About halfway through the song, she lifted her head from my shoulder, and her eyes invited me to kiss her, which I did, tasting strawberry lip gloss before our tongues met and twirled around each other. As our kiss deepened, I slid my hands down her back and cupped her very firm butt. Charlotte didn't object and, in fact, flexed her hips a bit to rub against me.

We continued kissing and dancing as If You Leave Me Now gave way to Saturday in the Park, and my power to resist gave way to a burning desire to take Charlotte to bed and ravish her. I wasn't sure what HER goal was, so I decided to test things by sliding my right hand up from her butt, under the edge of her loose blouse, and onto the smooth skin of her lower back. When Charlotte tugged my T-shirt from my jeans and slipped her hand under it, I knew I was on the right track.

I was contemplating my next advance when there was a sharp knock at the door. I broke the kiss and reluctantly released Charlotte.