Chapter 71: Spring Break, Part II

March 15, 1984, Gettysburg and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

"You're OK?" Clarissa asked when she and I got out of bed on Thursday morning.

"Yes. Just kissing was fine, Lissa. Let's get our showers and meet Jocelyn. We need to get on the road by 6:30am so we can be in Philadelphia by 10:00am."

We both quickly showered and dressed, then we met Jocelyn in the hotel lobby. We went across the street for breakfast and, from there, straight to the car so we could get on the road. We followed US 30, though I wasn't taking it quite as leisurely as I had the drive to Gettysburg. We made a couple of stops for Jocelyn and arrived in Philadelphia as planned. We found a place to park, then made our way to Independence Hall, where we bought admission and waited for our guided tour to begin.

As with the guided tour at Gettysburg, our guide was extremely knowledgeable and engaging, and provided us with a very good overview of the Second Continental Congress, as well as the history of the Liberty Bell. When the tour was finished, we asked for a recommendation for lunch and, on our guide's advice, walked about six blocks to a small diner where we had excellent Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches. It violated the Lenten fast, but given the girls really wanted to eat there, I didn't make an issue of it and very much enjoyed the sandwich.

After lunch, we spent the afternoon walking around Philadelphia and had a very good dinner at a modestly-priced diner, then walked back to the car for the drive back to Gettysburg.

"Did you say something to Clarissa about holding hands?" Jocelyn asked as we got back to our room.

"Yes."

"I didn't mean to cause you trouble or create a division."

I took her hand, and we went to sit in two chairs by the small table.

"You didn't. You were doing what I would expect my very close friend to do — make sure I have my head screwed on straight. And before you ask, no, I do not think you're trying to manipulate me or put yourself between me and Clarissa. If there's anyone besides Clarissa I depend on for advice, it has to be you. Clarissa likes you, and we fully expect to have a good trio."

"Like Dale, you, and me?" Jocelyn asked.

"He's not coming back, and our trio got us through High School."

"And we'll triple date?" Jocelyn asked.

"You plan to find a boyfriend, and then we'll either double or triple, depending on what happens between Clarissa and me. And yes, she and I talked last night."

"I feel like I'm an interloper and that I'm causing you trouble you wouldn't otherwise have."

"Do you think failing to talk to me about something as important as this would make you a better friend?"

"Well, no, not if you put it that way."

"And as I said the other night, if YOU can't talk to me this way, then who can?"

"Clarissa, but not about this specific topic, in the way I think you need to be talked to."

"And do you think making sure I'm clear of mind is a good thing or bad thing?"

"Good, of course. And stop acting like a damned lawyer!"

I chuckled, "Blame my mom; she taught me this rhetorical method growing up!"

"I know; I guess I'm just not used to you actually using it on me. You really have changed in the nearly three years since we graduated. And for the good, Mik. You're very much turning into the man I hoped you would. And if not for the accident..."

"Jos, do you still want to marry me?"

She looked deeply into my eyes and held the gaze for a moment.

"We both know that's not possible at this point," she replied, her voice just above a whisper.

"Do we?" I asked gently.

She was quiet for a moment, then spoke softly.

"May I draw a parallel?"

"Sure."

"I don't think you can change who you are any more than Clarissa can change who she is. Deep down, where it really matters, where the real Mike is, you have a burning, visceral need to have biological children. And while you acknowledge that events may arise which prevent it, you won't do anything to knowingly prevent it from happening. And I think it would be foolish in the extreme for us to even try. Not marrying you is a far better choice than taking the risk that it would all be blown apart in the future or that you would be miserable and regret your decision for the rest of your life."

"And you see Clarissa in that situation with regard to her sexuality."

"I do. Maybe there are some creative solutions that the three of us could work out, but your faith and your participation in your church rule them out. I just can't see you hiding things from your priest or bishop."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked with a silly grin.

Jocelyn laughed, "I suppose because I implied it, it's not fair to call you a 'pig'. But some arrangement where you married one of us, and your sexual fulfillment came from me, she had your children, and the three of us supported each other emotionally, as a trio."

"That would be pretty much impossible to hide, even if I wanted to," I replied. "Though if you're suggesting the three of us share a bed..."

Jocelyn laughed softly, "I thought your fantasy was having Violet on the pool table!"

I chuckled, "It is. And we've discussed my reaction to my threesome, but I suspect you're not suggesting that."

"I'm not sure I could make love in front of another person, and I think your experience bears that out."

"Probably so."

"And, to be honest, I'm not sure that would work well for any of us. Clarissa would need some outlet for her sexuality, and I can't sign up for that. So, I'm not sure, even if you weren't faithful, that there is any kind of solution that, in effect, allows the three of us to eat our cake and have it, too."

"And the answer to my question?" I asked.

Jocelyn smiled, "Do you plan to live out your fantasy with Violet?"

"A few people have suggested that I'm trying to work my way up to it," I grinned.

"And if you do, and it goes badly, you can chalk it up to a mistake and move on. Marriage can't be like that."

"I'd say that's true on both accounts, but mistakes can have far-reaching consequences we never anticipated."

"Like deciding to go to Purdue and changing my mind?"

I took a deep breath and let it out.

"You were right about one thing," I said carefully. "And that was that in order for me to grow, we had to be apart. It sucks, but I guess I'm not sure the alternate-universe 'Mik and Jos' would have been better off. What would have happened if, at this point, nearly three years from graduation, I was basically still the same person I was back at Harding High?"

"I'd have never been able to consider marrying you, despite us being lovers, assuming we kept doing that, which we probably would have. And you would never have had your relationship with Clarissa, or one with Milena, or the others that have helped shape you. You'd be a totally different person, and I have no idea how I might have responded to the evil Mik with the goatee!"

I chuckled, "One of my favorite Star Trek episodes. I get your point, but I'm loath to say that the accident was a good thing."

"It wasn't, but it was transformative for both of us and as weird as this sounds, it might have been necessary to make us who we are today and ensure we COULD be together for life. Think about this possibility — there is no accident; you become a recluse and wait for me; I come to Taft, find you haven't grown at all, and decide we can't be together. Think about what that alternate universe would look like."

"I'd prefer not to," I replied. "I got a glimpse of it when you sent those Polaroids, and I didn't deal very well with it. But I could at least hold out hope of a restored friendship. In the alternate universe you just proposed, I might have been the suicidal one."

"So the answer to your question has to be 'no', even if there is a bit of fantasy that wishes it might be possible. I'd much rather not take that risk with our relationship."

"And that's why you're warning me about Clarissa."

"Yes. Maybe this is one time when the fairy tale comes true. And I suppose the only way to find out is to try. But be very careful, Mik. So many bad things can happen."

"Sometimes life sucks," I sighed.

"So do I! Want me to demonstrate?"

I chuckled, "I'd be an idiot to reject an offer like that!"

"I'll take that as a yes, despite you being an idiot at times."

"You should!" I grinned.

March 16, 1984, Marietta, Ohio

We made our leisurely drive back to Marietta, arriving late in the afternoon on Friday. Our plan was to sleep late, then make the short drive back to McKinley and arrive by noon, which would get Jocelyn home by 2:00pm and allow Clarissa and me to attend Vespers. We had a nice dinner and went for drinks, as we had done before, but when we got back to the hotel, Jocelyn and Clarissa asked if I would mind if they talked privately. I agreed, and they went into Jocelyn's room, and I went into the one I'd be sharing with Clarissa, assuming Jocelyn hadn't suddenly decided to become a switch-hitter!

I chuckled at that thought, but I also knew Jocelyn well enough that nothing like that was going to happen. They'd exchanged some quiet words at our various stops, so the request to talk without me present didn't really come as a surprise. I wasn't sure who initiated the idea, but ultimately, it didn't matter. I knew the topic of conversation — me — and I'd just have to wait for them to talk to me.

To pass the time, I pulled out my notebook, which contained all our shared expenses. I totaled everything, including the last night in the hotel in Marietta, then divided it equally by three. The amounts were, thankfully, within the budget I'd set for myself, though I felt the trip would have been worth digging a bit deeper into my savings, just as I felt the trip to Europe after graduation would be. Clarissa hadn't returned, so I pulled out my World Religions textbook, the one textbook I'd packed in case I had time to read. I'd read for a good thirty minutes before Clarissa came into the room.

"Studying?" she asked as she closed the door behind her.

"I had some time to kill, so I decided to read ahead for World Religions. How was your chat?"

"Jocelyn is the friend I needed in High School."

"I was fortunate that she was the friend I had in High School!" I replied.

"I thought that was after you graduated!" Clarissa teased.

"The statement is true either way," I replied with a grin. "I'm glad you two had a good talk."

"She has a very different picture of you from the one Tasha has. And obviously, both of them have a different picture from the one Liz has, for obvious reasons."

"And yours differs from all three of theirs."

"Yes, of course. We all see different sides of you; different facets of your personality, if you will. It's not that you're a chameleon but that you relate to each of the four of us in a different way. The one common thread is we all love you, and you love all of us, though again, it's a bit different in each case."

"And now I have FOUR women plotting against me?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"More like four women who all want the same thing — to be part of your life, in different capacities, and to have you as part of our lives."

"That must have been a heck of a conversation and intense, given it was less than an hour."

"You know we talked a lot back in West Monroe when we were there over break. And I've talked to Jocelyn and Tasha on the phone. And spoken with Kimiko, too."

"And the number of plotters grows!" I chuckled.

"And her perspective is VERY different because she sees you through very different lenses. With the others, it's basically shades of a color; with Kimiko, it's a completely different spectrum. She'd love to take you back to Japan, but she knows you would likely be unhappy living there for the same reasons she'd be unhappy living here."

"I actually envy how spirituality is simply a part of everyday life for everyone in Japan, without it being oppressive, even if it's not my personal spirituality. That said, there are many things in common, even if they go by different names and are understood in slightly different ways. But, in the end, I'd be the outsider for the rest of my life rather than an integral member of the community. And ultimately, at least in my mind, the community is what it's all about."

"Your church, your hometown, the eighth floor at Rickenbacker; you've made all of them your communities."

"Yes. And what's going to turn into a very close-knit group of friends who raise our families together, in whatever configuration happens to develop. And a close-knit group of doctors with at least Sandy, but possibly also Fran, and a year behind us, Sophia. And we'll meet other future doctors in medical school and doctors in Residency, and we'll add to our small group, but we don't want it to get too big."

"True. I like how we have two circles of friends," Clarissa said. "The smaller, closer, one, and the larger one. I'm curious; what about your fellow clergy?"

"That too, but like the doctors, it's which realm they're in — medical community, clergy community, or what seems to be developing with you, Jocelyn, and Tasha. May I ask what she said about you and me?"

"The same thing we've heard all along, really. She urged caution. She doesn't want you to be hurt by unmet expectations, and she doesn't want me to be hurt by pushing myself to do something which is potentially against my nature."

"And only you can answer the question that poses," I replied.

"You know Jocelyn's exact concern, right?"

"The same one I suspect Doctor Mercer has — that you'll somehow convince yourself that it is your nature when it's not because you think that's what I want. But as I said to Jocelyn, what I want is what's best for you; nothing more and nothing less. I'm not going to push back, Lissa. You tell me what you need and how you want to move forward — mentally, emotionally, romantically, sexually."

"I love you, so I have to be mental!" she teased.

"You won't get an argument from me!" I replied with a grin.

"And if I call you a «глупец» (glupys) or a «дурня» (durnya)?"

"No argument there, either! I proudly wear the 'blockhead' and 'goofball' monikers when applied by you!"

"And your opinion?"

"Is that I love you," I replied. "You know I'm already concerned that I'm pressuring you."

"You aren't, Mike. I mean that. I want you to undress me, take me to bed, and kiss me all over, please."

"If you're sure," I replied.

"I'm sure."

We stood up and came together for a soft kiss, and then I slowly undressed Clarissa, then myself, and led her to the bed. We climbed in and shared a series of soft French kisses before I moved to kiss along her collarbones. I remembered she'd said 'all over' and wanted to end in the most special place, so I lifted my head.

"Turn over," I requested mirthfully. "I should start with your back!"

Clarissa laughed softly and turned onto her front. I resumed kissing softly, this time along her shoulders, then down each shoulder blade, before returning my lips to her neck and kissing my way down her spine, causing her to sigh softly. When I reached her waist, I kissed along it, first to the left, then to the right. I followed that with random kisses on the small of her back, then traced her lower spine with the tip of my tongue.

"Jesus!" Clarissa sighed, exhaling heavily.

She gasped when I dragged the tip of my tongue further down, tracing down to the tip of her tailbone and just a tad further. I didn't venture TOO far before I ran my tongue back up to the small of her back. I repeated the action with my tongue, then planted random kisses on her butt cheeks before kissing my way down and up the back of each of her legs, also planting one kiss on the sole of each foot.

I kissed my way back up Clarissa's spine, then asked her to turn over, which she did. We exchanged a few soft French kisses, and then I repeated what I'd done at first and kissed along her collarbones. A quick kiss to her neck was followed by a series of kisses down her breastbone, then along the soft skin which covered her lowest ribs.

Random kisses on her stomach were followed by pressing the tip of my tongue into Clarissa's navel. I swirled my tongue gently, and Clarissa moaned softly, and I felt her hand on the back of my head. After several swirls, I kissed to the left and then down her leg, planting soft kisses on each toe when I reached her foot. I kissed my way back up and then down her right leg, kissing each toe on her other foot before kissing back up to her stomach. I swirled my tongue once in her navel, then gently ran the tip up her stomach to her breastbone and continued until I came to the hollow of her throat.

"Damn, Petrovich," she sighed.

We exchanged a soft French kiss, and when I broke it, I kissed down her cheek to her shoulder, then down her right arm. When I reached her hand, I kissed the tip of each finger, then gently sucked on the tip of each one for a few seconds before kissing my way back up to her shoulder. I kissed across her collarbones and down her left arm, once again kissing each finger in turn, sucking gently on each one, then kissing back up to her shoulder.

Clarissa and I shared another deep French kiss, and then I brushed my lips over her nipples, one after the other. Clarissa moaned and shuddered, and goosebumps appeared on her arms and shoulders. I returned to Clarissa's right breast and closed my mouth around her nipple. I sucked gently and teased her nipple with the tip of my tongue. Clarissa moaned softly and moved her hand to the back of my head, pressing gently to encourage me.

Having Clarissa's breast in my mouth was heavenly, and I savored the slightly salty flavor mixed with her rose body spray. I kept every action as slow, soft, and gentle as I could, remembering our conversations about what she liked. As much as I was enjoying what I was doing, Clarissa's pleasure was paramount. I so very much wanted her to be comfortable, but I also wanted to stimulate her and show her how I could love her physically as well as emotionally.