Chapter 66: A Man-To-Man Talk

February 11, 1984, West Monroe, Ohio

After I left Doctor Mercer's office, I stopped at a deli on Route 50 in Milford, bought a cup of coffee and a bagel, and then headed towards West Monroe. I was still chuckling to myself over the revelation that Emmy had told all of my sister's friends about my measurements and apparently my prowess, and that had led to Mindy's full-court press, as well as attention from the other girls, which, until they turned sixteen, had been a bit of flirting, but then became implied, and sometimes direct, offers of sex.

Marie had told me that there were no easier guaranteed fucks on the planet than my little sister's friends who had crushes on me. She'd said her best guy friend, when she was a Senior, had all seven of his little sister's friends — seven Sophomores — in one year, and all virgins. I'd actually said, in jest, 'Three down, four to go; five if I want to break the record'. Doctor Mercer had laughed and advised restraint when I relayed that vignette to her.

I realized, as I drove, just how easy it would be to get there, as well. Maggie had, to my initial surprise, encouraged me to have casual sex with her friends. After some talking about it with Hannah and others, and thinking about it, I was sure that her basic idea was that if I was fooling around with her friends, I wouldn't commit to anyone before she had a chance to see me regularly. It was a bit counter-intuitive, but in the end, because I was already experienced, a few more girls didn't bother her. Of course, she'd made it quite clear that once we started dating seriously, I would be on a short leash, but I wouldn't have expected, nor wanted, anything else.

And that made me wonder how my fantasy about Violet had intersected with a pornographic movie I'd never seen. I hadn't even really discussed those kinds of movies with anyone, except for the odd reference to their existence. As I'd once said, I had no idea where I'd even see one, though I suspected a video store in a large city might have them available or, more likely, some kind of mail-order operation. I was intrigued, but not enough to consider actually watching something like that. As Sophia and I had discussed, I had no interest in watching other people have sex, a sentiment with which she fully agreed.

I pushed the fantasy out of my mind for the reality of Angie's situation and the revelations from Doctor Mercer. I was being enlisted to help with Angie's treatment, and each conversation with Doctor Mercer gave me more insight into the situation but also provided life lessons which could be applied now and, more importantly, in the future when I was a doctor. She was doing what Doctor Hart had been trying to do, but with more success because there was a 'real world' application to the things Doctor Mercer was teaching me.

I allowed myself a brief look into what a future with Angie might have been. Had she been a normal girl, we'd most certainly be engaged at this point; of that, I had no doubt at all. But now, as Doctor Mercer had pointed out several times, it wasn't clear that Angie COULD have a normal relationship. I no longer thought of her in that way, except perhaps in a 'what might have been' way.

It was wishful thinking, of a sort, because I had thought she and I were perfectly compatible and on a very clear trajectory towards marriage when everything had begun to fall apart. I wasn't the only one who saw that, either, as the moniker 'Mrs. Loucks' which my friends had created, demonstrated quite clearly. But anything like that was out of the question. I remembered I still owed Anna a phone call to confirm our plans. The one thing I had to take into consideration was being in McKinley for liturgy on Sunday morning. That meant either seeing Angie on Saturday or Monday were the best options, with Monday working the best.

As I neared West Monroe, I turned off Route 50 a few miles before where I would normally turn to go to my parents' house and drove to my grandfather's house. I parked, as I usually did, in the street so as not to block in either of the cars in the carport. I got out of my Mustang, locked the doors, and walked along the driveway and then along the paving bricks to the front porch. I rang the bell, and my grandmother let me in.

"Mikhail! It's good to see you!"

"Having pity on me?" I asked, giving her a hug.

She laughed, "I know my grandchildren don't feel the need to speak Russian, so why make a big deal? We live in America and have for fifty years!"

"Where's Grandpa?"

"With his stamps."

My grandfather was an avid stamp collector and had a huge collection which had been appraised in the high five figures. He'd been collecting since his earliest days in Russia and had brought his fledgling collection first to Paris and then to Ohio. He had joked, many times, that it was a better investment than putting his money in a bank or the stock market.

"Ah, Mischa!" he exclaimed when I walked into the small study he used for his hobby. "Good morning!"

"Good morning, «Дедушка» (dedushka)!" I said.

"Shall we speak English or Russian?"

"English, please, if you don't mind?"

"I think I may have learned it well enough in fifty years! To what do I owe this special visit?"

"I'd like to make a request, please."

"And what is that?"

"That you please allow things to progress at the pace I set rather than the one dictated by your agenda. We don't disagree on the end results, and everything is in place."

"That rat, Timofei, who WAS my friend, has sold me out!" he laughed. "I mean no disrespect, of course, but I knew him when he was a teenager, and I was in my late twenties, and we became friends before he went to seminary."

"You'll forgive me if I only refer to him as Vladyka?" I grinned. "And yes, he admitted you had spoken to him, but only after I asked. He didn't volunteer it!"

"Ah, so the true fault lies with my impudent whelp of a grandson!"

"That's me!" I admitted gleefully. "But you know I need to graduate before that can happen, not to mention that if you wish me to fulfill the order you placed for a great-grandson, I'll need to marry as well!"

"That would be necessary, yes, and protects me from the worst of all possible outcomes?"

"Which is?"

"My own grandson becoming my bishop! I thought it was bad enough when my friend became my bishop! Talk about a nightmare!"

"For both of us, «Дедушка» (dedushka); for both of us!"

"This girl, Clarissa, who was with you, seems perfect for you, Mischa!"

She was, but she had an impediment of which my grandfather was not aware. Mr. Orlov had not revealed who my lesbian friend was, much to my relief, so I could bring Clarissa home without any trouble. But now, I had to be very careful about how I responded to him.

"She and I are close friends, «Дедушка» (dedushka), and I think most likely it will stay that way. She's not Orthodox, and while a bit of chrism can resolve that, you know she would have to believe before that could happen. And you know Vladyka would examine her closely before chrismating her for the purpose of me making her my wife."

"Is there nothing you can do about that?"

"Beyond the witness of my life and taking her to church? No. You know it's not possible to argue someone into believing. You told me about the debates you had with the Communists before you and Grandma fled Russia. Did you have any luck convincing even one of them?"

"No," he sighed. "Much to the detriment of Russia. It was not that the Tsars were perfect, far from it, but the exchange of Tsars for Lenin and Stalin was a bad exchange for Russia and a worse one for the Holy Church. If this girl is not a suitable wife, then I wonder why you are with her instead of Natalya Vasilyevna?"

"Will you keep a confidence? One that must be kept from Father Deacon Vasily?"

"I have no love for that man except as a deacon of the church. He is FAR too strict and does not know how to enjoy life! Even the pleas of Father Herman have fallen on deaf ears! What do you wish to confide?"

"Tasha and I both agree that we are not nearly so good a match as Mrs. Orlova believes."

"What is the concern? She is a beautiful, faithful young woman and I see in her eyes she does not have her father's complete lack of enjoyment for life!"

He was more right about that than he knew! Of course, knowing my grandfather, he probably had a good idea.

"She needs far more attention than I'll be able to give her for the next six or seven years. She wishes to have a large family and start very soon. That's not practical for me, even with your generous gift. But even if it were, I would have so little time for her while I was in medical school and Residency that she would be extremely unhappy."

My grandfather frowned, "A very mature way of thinking, and if she does not feel she can live her life in that way, then sadly, I must agree with you. There are other eligible girls in our parish, and at Saint Michael, and at the Cathedral."

I nodded, "And over the Summer, I'll see about getting to know a few of them. The girls very close to my age are in college and are away, but they'll be home during the Summer."

"You do know I was not the only person to approach the bishop, right?"

I nodded, "I do, but I believe your conversation was more direct than those of the people at Saint Michael the Archangel."

"Bah! My friend puts his pants on the same as I do! Well, when he wears them! Those fancy robes don't make him any different from me, except for his role in the church!"

I smiled, "And yet you have complete respect for him, as bishop, «Дедушка» (dedushka)!"

"Yes, of course! But just as you speak your mind to my daughter who brought you into this world, I can speak mine to my spiritual father! You love and respect my daughter, your mother, do you not?"

"I do, but I believe any answer other than that might bring down the wrath of YOUR wife, if she is listening!"

My grandfather laughed heartily, "If you already know to beware the «бабушки» (babushki), you are in very good shape, Mikhail Petrovich!"

"Only an extremely foolish man would intentionally cross swords with them!"

"Well said! I will do as you ask."

"Thank you. It will happen, but I need to get my life in order first."

"You're a good grandson, Mischa. Will your mother be upset if you stay for lunch?"

"With you, not me!" I replied with a grin.

"And she will simply add it to the list of those things which she has kept since she was about seventeen!"

There was something to his statement which told me he might know more about my mom's antics than she thought he did, and I wouldn't put that past my grandfather. He was very observant but often kept his mouth shut, no doubt, to avoid the wrath of my grandmother. He was far more open when it was just him and his friends, and I felt as if I was being truly included in his circle now that I was an adult.

"I'd love to see THAT list," I replied.

He laughed, "You and me both, Mischa! I am sure there are many things I did which bothered her, but that is the lot in life of a parent, which you will discover. Come, let's have some tea and see what your grandmother has for lunch!"

Lunch was very traditionally Russian — black bread, smoked sausages, pickles, potato soup, and hot tea. As we ate, my grandparents asked about school, my friends, and the next steps on my path towards being a doctor. When we finished eating, I offered to help clean up, but my grandmother shooed me away and told me to go home to see my parents.

Fifteen minutes later, I backed into the driveway at the house, parked next to Liz's car, grabbed my bag from the back seat, locked the car, and then went into the house. My parents and Liz greeted me, and then I went to put my bag in my room.

"How long are you staying?" Mom asked.

"Overnight, but I'm driving back to McKinley early tomorrow for Matins. I really can't miss a Sunday because that would leave Father Nicholas alone with a couple of Junior High acolytes. Obviously, it will happen sometimes, but I want to minimize that, if possible. Not to mention, it's the Sunday of the Publican and the Pharisee."

"Were you planning to go to Vespers?" Liz asked.

"I was," I replied. "Why?"

"I thought maybe you'd like to hang out with me, Emmy, and a few other friends. We're going to see a movie, have pizza, and hang out. Please?"

"I didn't let Father Herman know I'd be in town because I wasn't sure, so he won't miss me. Sure, Lizzy, I'll hang out with you!"

"You're the best brother I have!" she teased.

"I'm the ONLY brother you have! Well, unless Mom has news to share."

"Lord, have mercy!" Mom exclaimed quickly, then vehemently added, "NO!"

My dad was laughing hard, which earned him a quick glare from my mom.

"Did you have your talk with Grandpa Mikhail?" my dad asked when he stopped laughing.

"I did. And we came to an agreement that Mom can be annoying at times!"

"I'm going to KILL my father," Mom averred. "And Peter, if you agree, you're a dead man as well!"

"I think they're right," Liz added.

My dad and I both laughed, earning glares from my mom.

"We also agreed he'd back off on trying to orchestrate the events which I promised him would happen in the next few years without him trying to force the issue."

"Uh-huh," Mom replied. "I know my father all too well!"

"But his interests and mine align, so there are no disagreements between us!"

Leaving the implication that hers and his did not, which had to remain unsaid because of my dad.

"Mikey is his clone," Liz said.

"God help us all!" Mom declared, causing everyone to laugh.

"Did you have plans for the afternoon?" Dad asked.

"Not really."

"Then come down to my shop and hang out while I work on a rocking chair for Mrs. Nikatopolis."

We went downstairs, and I sat on the stool in the corner as I usually did while he prepared his workspace. He began with dowels, which he shaped using a lathe.

"I'm amazed how you do that just by sight and feel," I said.

"And I was always amazed at how you could visualize different positions on the chess board in your mind, as well as simply look at sheet music and sing it correctly. We have very different talents, you and I, but they aren't all that different in the end."

"I suppose the chess skill is similar to looking at a plat of survey or building plans and visualizing them," I replied.

"And the woodwork isn't dissimilar to you picking up your guitar and playing it without the sheet music in front of you."

"Dad, do you regret not spending more time together?" I asked.

He stopped and turned, "I do."

"Me, too. And I'm not blaming you because I'm just as responsible."

"Not to try to diminish my responsibility, but my dad, and his dad, and so on, were thoroughly Dutch Calvinist, and it showed in how they approached life and how they understood their relationship to their wives and in their parenting style. I'm sure you've seen the difference between your mom's family and mine."

"Yes."

"It's hard to break free of that, and I hope in that sense you'll take after your mother more than me. I think you will, but you do need to be careful not to follow my patterns."

"This is similar to something I talked with Doctor Mercer about this morning with regard to Angie. That we're all a product of everything that happened as we grew up, and that informs who we are as adults. And that parents can do everything right, and it can still create difficulties for their kids."

"Are you talking about Liz?"

"It could be Liz, or Angie, or Tasha, or Jocelyn, or even me. Or Mom. Or you. Think about what you just said about modeling your dad."

"This counselor you've seen recently seems to have had a pretty profound effect on you."

I nodded, "She basically needs my help in trying to get Angie to be able to live some semblance of a normal life. I guess she decided from our previous interactions that I could handle it. But we also talk about me. It's not really my counseling, but in a way, it is."

"When you say, 'some semblance of a normal life,' do you mean with you?"

I shook my head, "No. Doctor Mercer isn't sure that's possible."

"Yes, but what do YOU think, Mike?"

"That I'm not qualified to answer that question. I really like Angie, to the point where I would have asked her to marry me if things hadn't gone from bad to worse."

"And the help?"

"Being her friend. And before you ask, she and I never got beyond a single real kiss because of her demons. And given what I know about her from our interactions, as well as from Doctor Mercer, there is no real possibility of a relationship anytime soon, if ever."

"Mind if I play Devil's Advocate?"

"Mom did it often enough," I chuckled. "I don't mind."