Chapter 58: Analysis

January 4, 1984, Rutherford, Ohio

"How was New Year's in Indianapolis?" I asked Dale when we sat down with our food at A&W.

"Clara and I broke up," he replied.

"Whoa!" Jocelyn gasped. "What happened?"

"It was building for the past few months," Dale replied. "I'm not ready to be tied down as far as she wanted to tie me down."

"I don't know," I smirked, "I hear that can be fun!"

Dale nodded, "Oh, it can!"

Clarissa and I laughed, and Jocelyn rolled her eyes as she had done so often when we were in High School.

"Anyway," he continued. "I can't even think about anything permanent until I sort out where I'm going to be. She's a year behind me, and right now, it looks as if I'll end up in Washington State at Boeing. I have an Internship there again this Summer."

"Cool," I said. "A year isn't that bad, though, really."

"No, it's not, but I'm seriously not ready for that kind of relationship. She pushed the issue, Mike. I didn't just dump her."

"Sorry, I wasn't trying to say you did. When are you heading back to Madison?"

"First thing tomorrow. I'll just drive straight through instead of heading to Indy after lunch today. How are things with Kimiko?"

"Good, but as I told you on the phone before break, there are a lot of things we have to resolve. We're talking about them, which is necessary but tough."

"I'm sure. Jocelyn, any new men in your life? Or maybe women?"

"Jerk!" Jocelyn growled, but then she laughed. "No. And it doesn't really make sense because I'll be at Taft in the Fall. Well, actually, over the Summer, because my mom is being a real bitch about my 'life choices' as she calls them."

"You and Mike?" he asked.

"Yeah. It's no secret. My mom can't deal with the fact that we're 'intimate' when we know we aren't going to marry. It's not like I can repeat HER mistake!"

"I obviously missed something."

"When is my parents wedding anniversary?"

"Uhm, a couple of months after your birthday, if I remember right."

"The same year," Jocelyn said with a smirk.

"Oops!" he laughed. "Wow! When did you find out?"

"Ages ago. They didn't hide it from me; they just don't give the year when people ask, and they add a year to how long they've been married. Saves the 'oops' reactions, I guess. I told Mike about it not too long ago. Mom and I crossed swords when Mike spent the night, and that's when I decided I needed to get out of the house."

"Best move I ever made," Dale said. "My parents are OK, but being 500 miles away is great. They can't annoy me directly, and the chances of them dropping in for a visit unannounced are near zero. I get to completely define the relationship, which is quite the turnaround from when I was little."

"My dad is OK," Jocelyn said. "Just like Mike's mom. It's my mom and his dad who aren't with the program."

"My dad is getting better," I said. "He still has the hang-ups about pre-marital sex, and what happened with Liz didn't exactly help mellow those attitudes."

"Those SOBs are in jail, right?" Dale asked.

"The shortest sentence was the guy who turned State's evidence — he got twenty, reduced to eight if he behaves in prison. The others got at least twenty, and Freddie Kramer's older brother got twenty-five to life because he was the one providing coke and was the ringleader."

"What about the older boyfriend?" Dale asked.

"He gets out in February. Liz wants to see him, too. You can imagine the havoc that's going to create."

"Madison might be too close," Dale said ruefully. "I take it you're leaving your .22 with my parents?"

"Yes. It's not like my dad can't go buy a gun at a gun show or borrow one from a friend, but I'd rather not have it close to hand when he loses his mind for a second time over this."

"Wait, 'see' means, well, 'see'?"

I nodded, "Yes. I'm going to have a word with him when he moves to the halfway house."

"Going to explain life to him?"

"Yes, but not the way you mean. I'll just make sure he knows his life isn't worth a plugged nickel if he hurts my sister."

"Says the biggest pacifist I know."

"What would YOU do if it was your sister and he hurt her, Dale?"

"Kill the motherfucker."

"Exactly."

"If you two boys are done with your testosterone contest, perhaps the girls could weigh in?" Jocelyn said.

"Tell me you wouldn't do the same, Jos," I said.

"I wouldn't. Killing him would be too quick. I'd cut his balls off and make him eat them raw. Then cut off his dick, fry it on the grill in front of him, and make him eat that, too!"

"Jesus, Jocelyn!" Dale said, wincing.

"I see testosterone has nothing on estrogen!" I grinned.

"Just wait until you have to deal with a woman in her eighth or ninth month of pregnancy," Jocelyn said. "You'll think the old ladies in your church are total pussycats at that point!"

"Never!" I replied soberly. "Tasha is in training, and she's ALREADY frightening!"

"I was really surprised to hear you two decided not to get married," Dale said. "I thought that was the stone-cold lock of the century."

"So did everyone," I replied. "And most of them still do. She's not going to let that cat out of the bag until she's safely moved out of the house."

"Another vote for leaving home!" Dale said.

"She's only going to McKinley. Far enough away but close enough. She's going to be an Aunt in June, most likely."

"That was another 'knock me over with a feather' moment. I take it Tasha's dad came down off the ceiling?"

"Mostly," I said. "He's perturbed about Sasha not getting married, but there was no way she was ever going to marry the guy who really was nothing more to her than a first fuck. And not a very good one, or so it seems."

"I go away to college for two-and-a-half years, and Mike Loucks is saying 'fuck', in English, without even lowering his voice," Dale said, shaking his head. "Wow!"

"He's a different guy now," Jocelyn said. "Clarissa has been a big part in dragging him out of his shell."

"What are you guys doing for Spring Break?" Dale asked. "You should come to Florida with my friends and me."

"I plan on going to Gettysburg and spending some time in a small roadside motel somewhere along the Ohio River," I said. "Jos and Clarissa are coming with me."

"Interesting," he said with a smirk.

"Oh, right!" Jocelyn laughed. "They took out my uterus, and somehow that makes me want to play for the other team? No offense, Clarissa, but the chance I'm putting my tongue in some other girl is ZERO!"

"More for Mike, Dale, and me, then," Clarissa smirked, causing the rest of us to laugh.

"Well, if you guys change your mind, let me know. Florida is a blast. And I can find a friend for each of you in Madison, I'm sure."

"I think I'll select my own, thanks," Jocelyn said.

"I have one!" Clarissa declared.

"Hmm..." I grinned.

"Pig!" Jocelyn and Clarissa exclaimed simultaneously.

"See what I have to put up with?" I commiserated with Dale.

"Come to Florida. I know just the girl to invite for you. She's a LOT of fun!"

"I think I'm going to pass on that one," I said.

"Par for the course for our friend here," Clarissa said. "He's been turning almost all of them down."

"There's nothing like good, clean fun, Mike!" Dale declared.

"If it's not messy, you probably aren't doing it right," I said evenly.

All three of my friends exploded in laughter, lasting nearly a full minute.

"The new and improved Mike meets with my approval," Dale said.

"Thanks," I replied.

We finished our lunches, said 'goodbye' to Dale, and then Jocelyn, Clarissa, and I headed back to the house to hang out for the rest of the afternoon.

"There was a call while you were out, Mikey. A Mrs. Stephens. Isn't that Angie's mom?"

"She's the only person I know with that last name. Did she leave a number?"

"She said you had it, but I asked her for it anyway. It's on the pad by the phone."

"Thanks," I said.

"Now, THIS is an interesting development," Clarissa said.

I felt she was right, but I wasn't going to jump to any conclusions.

"Let me return the call before you go off on some wild tangent," I cautioned.

I went to the kitchen and dialed the number Liz had written on the notepad. The call was answered after two rings.

"Mrs. Stephens? This is Mike Loucks. I'm returning your call."

"Hi, Mike. How are you?"

"I'm great. How is Angie?"

"Better."

"What can I do for you?"

"I'm wondering if you would speak with Angie's therapist. She thinks it might help. She said she knows you."

I could only imagine one person who might know me in that area, and that had to be Doctor Mercer in Milford.

"Doctor Fran Mercer?"

"Yes."

"I'll certainly speak with her. I thought Angie was seeing a psychiatrist?"

"She was, but, well, I'll share a bit with you. Once they got her medication right, they wanted her to see someone who specialized in cognitive-behavioral therapy and who also specializes in teens and young adults. The goal is to see if they can get her off the medicine completely."

"May I ask what her diagnosis was?"

"Severe Anxiety Disorder."

"I, uhm, think I was one of her major stressors," I said.

"That's why Doctor Mercer would like to speak with you. Do you have her number?"

"I do. I'll call her now."

"Thanks, Mike. We really appreciate it."

"You're welcome."

We said 'goodbye' and I hung up, then went to join Clarissa and Jocelyn in the living room so I could fill them in.

"Angie's therapist wants to speak to me," I said. "She's seeing the same one who did the interviews with Liz and me back when we had all that trouble."

"About?"

I smiled, "Me being Angie's major stressor. I'm guessing Doctor Mercer is looking for insights."

"How is Angie?"

"Her mom says she's doing better. Let me go make this call. Basically, if I can't see her tomorrow morning or Saturday morning, it'll have to wait at least a week, if not more, until the new semester gets going. Well, unless she wants to talk by phone."

I went back to the kitchen and dialed Doctor Mercer's office. She was with a patient, but the person who answered the phone said she'd call back within the hour. About twenty-five minutes later, the phone rang, and I got up to answer it.

"Hi, Mike, it's Fran Mercer," she said when I answered and identified myself.

"Hi, Doctor Mercer. Mrs. Stephens said you wanted to talk to me about Angie."

"I do. You're on break, right?"

"Yes, but I have a number of things planned. If you wanted to do this face-to-face, it would need to be either early tomorrow morning or Saturday morning. Well, depending on how much time you need."

"I'd say a couple of hours. If you could be here at 7:00am tomorrow, I could see you then. My first appointment isn't scheduled until 10:00am. I could also do Saturday morning, if you prefer."

"How about tomorrow morning," I said.

"Good. I'll see you at 7:00am."

We said 'goodbye', and I went back to Jocelyn and Clarissa and let them know.

"How will that work, then?" Clarissa asked.

"I'll leave early, then come back here to pick you up so we can go to Columbus. There's plenty of time because the latest time I'll leave Cincinnati is 10:00am."

"Do you think Angie wants to see you?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea, and that's up to her doctors. You know, I'm basically the major source of stress for her. Doctor Mercer didn't say much, so I'm not exactly sure what she needs from me."

"Things may have just become VERY complicated," Clarissa said.

"Don't read too much into it," I said. "I'll worry about what comes next after I talk to Doctor Mercer. There's no point in stressing about it now."

"What the fuck did you do to him, Clarissa?" Jocelyn asked. "He's calm, and he's making sense!"

"You've been in Indiana," Clarissa said. "THIS is Mike. He's cool and fun to be around, and he's a chick magnet!"

"I'm not sure I'd go quite that far," I chuckled.

"Seriously? Chloe was yours if you'd wanted her. Cassandra was yours if you wanted her. Violet and Valerie probably have to change their panties after they're near you!"

"Self-confidence, decent looks, playing the guitar, and having a great singing voice is a pretty effective combination!" Jocelyn said.

"Decent looks?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Rock Hudson or Tom Selleck, you aren't."

"Gee, thanks."

"Oh, please! Being nice-looking is more than sufficient to get laid! And it sure doesn't hurt that you're gifted in a certain physical area!"

"Tell me more!" Clarissa teased.

"That's enough of this conversation, thank you," I said firmly.

"And the old Mike peeks out from under the blanket!" Jocelyn said.

"Shall I comment on YOUR physical attributes?" I asked with a smirk. "You know, fit and finish?"

Both Jocelyn and Clarissa laughed.

"You see," I said, "it's not just men who can be «некультурный» (nekulturny)!"

"OK, I know THAT one!" Jocelyn said.

"Let's go play some pool," I said. "Jos, do you want to come to Vespers tonight?"

"Sure. Can we go out afterwards?"

"Absolutely," I replied.

January 5, 1984, Milford, Ohio

I got up early Thursday morning, ate a quick breakfast, then headed for Route 50 for the drive to Milford. When I approached Milford, I saw a house I'd seen before — on the side of a hill and wondered if that was the house Anna Wilson had told me about when Angie and I had lunch with her. If so, it was her boyfriend's house, and if I pieced together all the clues, he was the Milford kid who had invented 'Strip Chess', run the computer dating program, had gone to Sweden, and was now living in Chicago.

The house looked huge, and I was early enough to drive by it. I turned on Klondyke Drive, drove up a steep winding road which challenged my Mustang, then guessed that I should turn onto Overlook Drive. I continued down almost to the end and saw a half-circle drive and a huge house set back about fifty feet from the road. I didn't see a name on the mailbox, just the number — 5415.

I went to the end of the street and turned around in a cul-de-sac surrounded by much simpler cinder-block homes similar to some of the homes poorer families lived in Harding County. I headed back to Klondyke, carefully navigated down the steep hill, turned right on Route 50, and continued past Wendy's, Frisch's, a car dealership, a deli, and a strip mall. I turned onto Route 28 at the intersection called 'Five-Corners', then headed back east about a mile, turning into the small parking lot next to Doctor Mercer's office.

I parked my car, locked the doors, then walked into the building, climbed the stairs, and went into the office. Doctor Mercer was sitting at her desk and waved me in.

"Shut the door, please. My receptionist won't arrive for an hour, but I don't want to be interrupted."

I did as she asked, then sat in a comfortable chair facing her desk.

"Are you OK speaking across the desk? I can move if you prefer?"

"It's fine," I said. "I'm not here for my sake. Or at least I don't think I am."

"I do want to ask how you're doing."

"Very good, actually. I've mostly resolved my issues with being a 'Grade-A idiot'."

Doctor Mercer laughed softly, "That might not have been the most professional thing to have said."

"And yet, it was true. And despite that, Jocelyn and I have fully reconciled and worked through our problems."

"Who made the first move?"

"In truth? Our mutual friend Dale. He basically put us in a house together, and he and my other friends wouldn't let us out until we talked. That was where we started putting things back together."

"How far back together?"

"It'll stop short of marriage," I said. "But we're both in agreement on that."

"I'm going to ask you some questions, and they may seem disjointed. Can you just go with the flow and not try to make it all make sense?"

"Yes. Can you tell me what your goal is?"

"To gather as much information as possible. This is complicated by the fact that I have no idea what I'm looking for."

"So, how will you know if you find it?"

"In this kind of situation, it's usually reading my notes over and over, looking for patterns, threads, and commonalities. Often, it will reveal itself."

"And you think I hold the keys?"

"I hope so. I don't think anyone else knows as much about her and the things that happened at Taft. I spoke to your priest, but his information is limited. I'm hoping you can help me find the clue."

"I'll do my best."

"Actually, I prefer you don't try to help. Just rely on your memory; please do your best not to editorialize."

"Because that will color the information I give you."

"Yes. How good is your memory?"

"Very. I can pretty much remember anything I want to."

"Good."

Doctor Mercer took out a notepad, wrote my name and the date on it, then looked up.

"What's the very first memory you have of Angie?"

"Her green eyes," I replied, a fond memory forming in my mind.

"What was she doing?"

"Trying to be seen," I said. "She came into the common area of the floor while my study group was meeting."

"Be seen by you?"

"Yes, though I didn't notice. My friends pointed it out to me."

"And the first words she said to you?"

"'Hi'."

"And you said?"

"'Hi' and asked her how she was doing."

"Because your friends nudged you?"

"More like a healthy shove."

"Did you talk more then?"

"Yes. She told me she was an education major and that my friends had told her I was pre-med."

"Anything else?"

"Yes. She told me where she was from and about her best friend. I guess her friend dated the guy who invented 'Strip Chess'. I didn't know he also ran a computer dating service and went to Sweden."

"Let's stay on topic, shall we?"

That guy was actually a topic I wanted to discuss, but I knew I'd get nowhere with Doctor Mercer. Maybe, someday, I'd talk to Anna about him if I could.

"Angie asked me to study with her, and I agreed to do that once my main study group was done for the evening. She wanted help in her core science courses."

"What did you think of her?"

"Sadly, my initial thoughts were colored by my male college friends."

"So you saw her as a sex object?"

"Much to my discredit, but I didn't treat her that way. At that point, when I first spoke to her, I'd only been with Jocelyn, who I told you about when we talked about my sister. I think it was the week before I was with Emmy. I was seriously struggling with the entire concept, so even though my friends helped put those thoughts in my mind, I wouldn't have acted on them."

"Remember what I said about editorializing."

"Actually, I think it's important because you're going to ask me how I treated her."

Doctor Mercer smiled, "Yes, of course, but let me try to put it differently. Did your attorney prepare you for the hearing a few years ago?"

"Sure."

"What did he say?"

"Answer the question directly, in the shortest way possible, and don't volunteer anything."

"I don't want to go quite that far because I want to hear anything you think is relevant, but in this case, what you said and what you did are far more important than what you thought."

"But aren't the first two directly related to the last one?"

"Yes, but remember, she can't read your mind. What you intended is not what's at issue here; it's what she perceived."

"Ah, OK. I get it," I said with a grin.

"What's hiding behind that grin?"

"Dum de dum dum, dum de dum dum dummm," I hummed.

"Do I look like Joe Friday?" Doctor Mercer asked with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Not even close," I chuckled, then added, "Ma'am."

Doctor Mercer rolled her eyes.

"Back on track; when did you first study together?"

"That night, around 11:00pm, I believe."