Chapter 4: A Good Reason?

June 1, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

Wednesday at the Quick Mart was very much like Tuesday, though there were no deliveries, so I had time to work through a number of items on Mr. Sokolov's list. That kept me busy and away from Nancy, except for when it was time for her breaks. She apologized again, and I replied as I had before, just telling her to take her break. Maybe I was being a jerk, but I was honestly quite upset with her and really didn't think there was much to talk about.

When my shift ended, I headed back to the dorm and dialed Clarissa's number for our agreed-upon once-per-week calls.

"Petrovich!" she exclaimed when I said 'hello'. "How are you?"

"Good, Lissa. How are you?"

"OK. I miss you already!"

"Me, too. I actually wished you were here Monday night so we could talk."

"What happened?"

"Actually, I should tell you about home first. Janey and I had a final argument, I confronted Tasha's dad, and I decided I'm not going home very often in the future."

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU?!" she exclaimed, exasperated. "I leave you alone for a few days, and you turn the entire world upside down!"

"I thought you advised me to break things off with Janey!" I protested.

"I did! I just didn't expect you to actually do it!"

"She's still hung up on that whole idea that I should commit to her without her having to commit to me."

"The whole thing about you not being a couple but her being bothered by you being with other girls? And not wanting to discuss the future in any serious way?"

"Correct. I suppose it won't surprise you that I'd actually thought about how to patch things up with Janey and talk about the future, even if it meant giving up Tasha."

"I knew it!" Clarissa exclaimed.

"You're a genius," I laughed.

"You're too predictable, Petrovich! So you were ready to give Janey another chance, and she threw it away, all because you wouldn't tell her who you were sleeping with? Dumb, really. I mean, seriously, would she have been OK with you telling the world she was sleeping with you?"

"I think only insofar as it would have pissed off Tasha. Janey was really jealous, I guess, and even wanted me to stop Tasha from standing next to me in church. And I would have done that, IF Janey and I had worked things out and discussed our future. She was still missing the entire point of our discussion that day we broke up."

"And that led you to confront Tasha's dad?"

"Basically, yes. I went to Tasha's house and simply told her father I was taking Tasha to Grant Park. He was taken aback, but then his wife said Tasha could go. After Vespers, I did the same thing, told him I was taking her to dinner. And I did. And then I took her to lunch on Sunday."

"I bet he's fit to be tied."

"You could say that."

"And?"

"And Tasha and I agreed we have a lot of work to do if we're ever going to be together. That was the point of the confrontation — that there was no way I could ever marry her if her dad forbade us from spending time together."

"And that's what you want?"

"Maybe. But how could I, with the way things were going, ever figure it out? I'd have gone into a marriage basically blind with the hope we'd both be happy and that it would work out."

"Did you fall and hit your head?"

"No. Why?"

"Because you're actually making sense!" Clarissa teased.

"Gee, thanks."

"So what happened after you got back to McKinley?"

"Remember how I said Nancy and I agreed to hang out occasionally over the Summer? Just as friends?"

"Sure. I thought that was a good idea. I thought that you needed someone other than Angie to hang out with occasionally. What happened?"

"Nancy, in a gentle and nice way, pressed me for a sexual relationship. She wasn't demanding or strident. I told her 'not tonight' when she asked on Sunday, then went to dinner at her house on Memorial Day. Her mom teased in such a way that it was clear Nancy had told her we might be a couple again and that Nancy had basically announced she was going to spend the night with me."

"Bad move on her part," Clarissa declared. "I know you too well. You walked out."

"Exactly."

"That's going to be uncomfortable, given you have to work with her."

"I know. I was pretty upset because I was sure she was really talking about something casual. But when her mom said I could call her 'Mom,' that kind of belied what Nancy told me."

"Shit! She lied to you. Or misled you about her intentions. That's the kiss of death! Are you doing OK?"

"Actually, yes. It won't surprise you that Milena saw me sitting under that big oak in the grassy area next to the dorm and propositioned me again."

"Of COURSE she did!" Clarissa laughed. "You really enjoy frustrating the hell out of her!"

"I do! I did tell her to come up with a 'good' reason for me to do it with her, and if she did, I'd seriously consider it."

"What good reason could she possibly have? She just wants a notch on her lipstick case, and you are the supreme challenge!"

"I just want to see what she comes up with!" I chuckled.

"Now that's evil. I love it, but it's eeeevil!"

"It'll be fun. How was your first day at the clinic yesterday?"

"Probably a lot like yours at the store. I replenish supplies in the treatment rooms, answer phones, and do whatever else they need me to do. Not exactly medical training, but I will get an idea of how things operate, and it's good community service because it's a free clinic."

"When does Glenda leave for France?"

"Tomorrow. I talked to her last night. She'll be back in the third week of July. Talking about relationship stuff again, how often will you see Tasha?"

"She'll come visit me here over the Summer, and I may go home once, but I'm not planning on it. I'll talk to her tomorrow evening to figure out when she'll visit. Wednesday evenings don't work to talk because of Vespers."

"May I say I'm impressed that you had the backbone to finally confront Tasha's dad?"

"You may."

"I'm impressed that you had the backbone to finally confront Tasha's dad!"

I laughed, "Good one, Lissa!"

"I miss you a lot, Mike! It seems like July 1st is so far away!"

"I miss you, too. You know you're welcome to visit any time."

"Maybe I will. I do have a question for you."

"What's that?"

"What are you going to do if Milena actually DOES come up with a good reason?"

"Decide whether or not to fuck her brains out," I deadpanned.

I moved the phone from my ear because Clarissa was laughing so loudly. The gales of laughter continued for about a minute before I could move the phone close to my ear again.

"There may be hope for you yet, Petrovich," Clarissa said, still laughing but now softly.

"Why? Because I swore or because I might actually do it?"

"Both!"

"You really think I should?"

Clarissa laughed again, "Think about this — you actually do that, make her beg for more, and say 'no', that it was a one-time thing! Period!"

"Now, who's being eeevil?" I asked, laughing.

"I'm not saying you should or shouldn't, Mike. But the fact that you could joke about it and use that word tells me something very important happened since school let out. You seem to have discovered a new side of yourself. One I very much like and think is important for you to be a good doctor and a good friend. That said, don't you dare lose the sensitive side, or I'm going to have to beat you about the head and shoulders until it comes back!"

"You'll beat sensitivity into me? Isn't that kind of the opposite of how it should work?"

"With a «глупец» (glupys) like you? I'd say it would be strictly necessary!" ("blockhead")

"I love you too, Lissa!" I chuckled.

"You do. And I love you. Talk to you next week?"

"Absolutely. And let me know if you want to visit before the 1st."

"I will."

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up. I went across the street to the deli and had an early dinner. It was a bit early to head to Vespers, but I decided to go to church anyway. I had keys, and I always enjoyed the peaceful time when nobody else was in the church, so I dressed for church, then left the dorm. Twenty minutes later, clad in my cassock, I was standing in the nave before the icon of the Theotokos reciting the prayers of preparation for confession.

When Father Nicholas arrived, I asked if I could confess, and he agreed to hear my confession before Vespers. Once he'd said his entrance and vesting prayers, he beckoned me to stand before the icon of Christ with him. I walked forward, and after the appropriate prayers, Father Nicholas heard my confession.

"Well, yes, that was a bit impertinent," he said with a slight laugh. "Even though you won your point, and you are probably right, you should apologize to Deacon Vasily for the tone, not the words."

"So, just how I sounded, not what I said?"

"If you're relaying accurately what happened, yes. Privately, as one member of the clergy to another, I believe he's making a grave error, but it is his family to manage, and he answers to the bishop first and then Father Herman. If you did the same thing he's done with your children, I'd speak to you about it and try to guide you to a wiser course of action. His behavior is likely to produce the exact situation he's trying to prevent. That said, one must always speak the truth in love, not anger."

"I don't know that I was angry," I said.

"Frustrated, then? The effect is often the same from the hearer's point of view."

I nodded, "I can see that."

"Good. I won't belabor the point. How are things between you and Natalya?"

"Call it the 'first date' stage, I guess. We'll see each other over the Summer and try to get to know each other better."

"Properly, Subdeacon Michael. That is a confession I do NOT want to hear from you."

I nodded, "I understand, Father."

"Good. Is there anything else?"

I shook my head, and he put his epitrachil over my head, prayed the prayer of absolution, and made the sign of the cross.

With confession completed, I retrieved my vestments, folded them, and placed the orar on top of the sticharion. I carried them to Father Nicholas and received his blessing to put them on. Once I'd done so, I began preparing for Vespers. I lit a piece of charcoal and put it in the censer, then added a bit of incense. Once the smoke began wafting up, I lit the candles on the altar and then placed the correct prayer books, with the prayers for the day marked, on the stand where Father Nicholas could easily reach them.

A few minutes later, two middle school boys arrived to serve as acolytes, and once they received a blessing and put on their robes, I ensured they knew their duties, then quietly waited for the service to start. A few minutes later, I pointed to the acolyte on the far side of the altar who opened the 'north' deacon's door so Father could exit.

When the service ended, I received a blessing to remove my vestments, snuffed the censer and the candles, then left the altar. As I left the nave, Katy stopped me to say 'hello', and we chatted for a few minutes before I walked out to my car, removed my cassock, and drove back to campus.

I parked in the lot and walked towards the dorm, where I saw Nancy sitting on a bench in front of the building. I suppressed a sigh and walked over to where she was sitting.

"Hi," I said flatly.

"Are you ever going to talk to me?"

I shrugged, "I'll talk to you about anything except us."

"You won't even listen?"

"To why you either deceived me or outright lied to me? It really doesn't matter."

"What are you talking about?"

"What your mom said. That wasn't just her wishful thinking. She was responding to something you said. Something about us possibly getting back together."

Nancy looked down, "She asked if it might be possible, and I said 'yes'."

"And you announcing in front of both of them that we were going to sleep together? Without consulting me?"

"A foolish attempt to make it happen. But I honestly didn't try to deceive you about my intentions."

"Then why not simply tell your mom 'no'?" I asked. "I can't imagine your mom thinking anything bad about you. After all, she encouraged us to sleep together even when we weren't a couple!"

"I'm sorry."

"I understand that, but you told me that while it was possible, you didn't expect it. So why even suggest it was possible to your mom?"

"I don't know. But why is it such a big deal? I told you I didn't expect it."

"You did say that, but when I put everything together, I can't be sure what you think. And I don't believe I can even trust you to tell me."

"But I didn't lie to you," Nancy protested.

"What you told me and what you told your mom doesn't line up, not to mention the public assertion about spending the night with me."

"Public? My mom?"

"And Art, who I had just met that day. It was totally inappropriate. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go inside, relax for a bit, and then go to bed. Alone."

Nancy simply looked down without a word, so I went into the empty dorm, rode the elevator up to the second floor, and went into my room.

June 2, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

After my shift at the Quick Mart, where, other than basic greetings, Nancy and I hadn't spoken, I walked back to the dorm, changed into shorts and a T-shirt, and called Tasha's house. It was early enough that her dad wasn't home, so I knew he wouldn't answer; Matushka did.

"Subdeacon, how are you?" she asked after I identified myself.

"Good. I'm calling for Tasha, if I may speak to her."

"Of course. But before I call her to the phone, I wanted to say 'thank you' for what you did."

"You're welcome, though I do need to apologize to Father Deacon Vasily for the tone I used with him."

"The only one which would have worked. He was surprised by your resoluteness and the forceful way you presented yourself. I'm very glad you did."

"Nevertheless, I do need to apologize. I'll do that face-to-face as soon as I'm able to."

"Mischa, if I may be familiar, please don't show weakness now. I understand what you mean, but you did a very good thing for Tasha. Let me get her for you."

Tasha came to the phone almost right away.

"Mishka!" she exclaimed. "How are you?"

"Good. And you?"

"Good. When can I come to see you?"

"That's really up to you. This Saturday isn't good because I have RA orientation. Any day next week would be fine; just remember I work weekdays from 6:00am to 3:00pm."

"I don't want to upset my dad too much, so perhaps the following Saturday, the 11th? I'll drive up as early as possible, and if it's OK, I'll drive home that evening sometime after Vespers."

"That's fine. Please make sure that's OK with your mom. Do whatever she says."

"Is that a command?" Tasha asked.

"Let me guess, she said you should marry me!"

"Of course," she laughed. "You know what happened with her and Dad. But we discussed that, and we are not them."

"No, we aren't. We'll make specific plans next Thursday, if that's OK."

"Yes, of course. What have you done this week?"

"Worked and gone to church. Nancy and her mom invited me for Memorial Day dinner, and tomorrow I'm having dinner with Doctor Blahnik, my guitar teacher, and her boyfriend."

"When do the students arrive?"

"Saturday. There's no orientation for them because everyone is at least a Sophomore."

"Have you spoken to Angie?"

"No. I'll see her on Saturday."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you."

"Same here! I'll talk to you next Thursday."

"Great!"

We said 'goodbye', and I hung up, then picked up my guitar to practice. I practiced for a couple of hours, then walked to the local burger joint for dinner.

June 3, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"Hi, Mike!" Doctor Blahnik said when she opened the door to the house. She gave me a light hug and invited me in.

"Hi," I replied, following her into the house with my guitar and sheet music in hand.

"Hi, Mike!" Derek said, coming over to shake my hand.

"Hi, Mike!" Milena called out from the kitchen.

I shook Derek's hand and said 'hello', then called 'hello' to Milena. I laughed softly when she AND Deb came out from the kitchen.

"Hi," I grinned.

They both gave me chaste hugs, but both winked at me. I wondered exactly what it was that Milena had come up with, but her look told me she had an idea.

"Dinner is ready," Milena said.

We all followed her into the dining room and sat down with Doctor Blahnik and Derek on the ends and the two girls sitting across from me. I surveyed the table and was happy to see a very nice roast, vegetables, rolls, and salad. I helped myself to several slices of roast when it was passed. Pentecost was still more than three weeks away, and I was going to take full advantage of the festal period which followed Pascha!

"I hear you're working over the Summer," Derek said.

"Yes. I'm an RA for Summer semester, and I also work at the Quick Mart, which is owned by one of the men from church."

"I take it you're putting yourself through school?"

"With some help from my parents and some grants, plus what I've saved, yes. I'll need to borrow quite a bit for medical school, obviously."

"Do you plan to be an RA your last year as well?"