Chapter 44: Papa, I’m Pregnant

November 22, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio

I'd expected an immediate reaction, but for a good thirty seconds, you could have heard a pin drop in the sitting room. The silence quickly grew oppressive and suffocating. I carefully watched Deacon Vasily's face, specifically his eyes, and waited for the eruption, which was bubbling just below the surface, but his wife beat him to it.

"Sasha," she asked softly, a tear running down her cheek, "are you sure?"

"Yes, Mom, I'm sure."

"How did this happen?"

"The usual way," Sasha replied with a hint of sassiness.

That was enough to set off Deacon Vasily's explosion. He erupted in a torrent of Russian, which I barely managed to follow, though the gist would have been obvious even if I didn't understand Russian — that Sasha had behaved inappropriately and brought shame on the house. I didn't feel it was my place to interrupt him until he used a word for his daughter, which he had reprimanded Tasha for using earlier in the year. I could see that word cut right through Sasha, and she collapsed in a heap on the floor, sobbing and curling up in a ball.

"Father Deacon!" I said firmly, standing up as Tasha sprang up and hurried to Sasha's side.

"Stay out of this Subdeacon!" he growled angrily.

"No," I said, speaking firmly but not raising my voice. "Whatever may have happened, Sasha is no «шлюха» (shlyukha). You yourself said that word should NEVER be used about Alexandra Vasilyevna or any woman!" ("harlot/slut")

"I believe you should leave, Subdeacon," he growled.

I shook my head, "Not this time."

A look of bewildered suspicion came over his face.

"Are YOU the father?!" he demanded angrily.

The one thing I absolutely had to do was maintain my cool. I'd half-expected that question, so I was ready for it. And I had an answer which I hoped would at least ratchet down his anger just a bit.

"No, of course not," I replied evenly. "Do you think I would be alive if that were the case?"

He actually cracked a partial smile for a split second, but then the angry scowl returned.

"I think you and Tasha should keep your plans so Matushka and I can deal with this."

"Could you and I go to your study, please?" I asked.

"My study? Why?"

"To talk. Man to man, as brother clergy. Let Matushka and Tasha care for Sasha. She's in no state to listen to you."

"And what do you wish to say to me, Subdeacon?"

"Privately, please."

He nodded grudgingly, and I followed him out of the sitting room to his study. I shut the door, and he pointed to a leather chair, and I sat. I decided it was best if I simply started the conversation.

"Father Deacon, do you love your daughter?"

"Of course! What does that have to do with anything?"

Quite a bit, but I wasn't ready to answer him just yet.

"And you believe in confession and forgiveness?"

"Obviously! Why ask such a question?"

"Because, if I may say so, you didn't treat Sasha as if you love her and didn't give her a chance to let you know that, on my advice, this morning she went to Father Herman to confess and seek his counsel."

"You knew about this?! And you didn't say anything?!"

"It wasn't my place to say anything, Father Deacon."

"But it is your place to tell me how to manage my family?"

I shook my head, "No, but Sasha is frightened and confused and needs you and Matushka to love her and help her."

"Who's the father?" he demanded harshly. "Is it Jake Baxter?"

"I have no idea," I replied. "She didn't tell me, and as far as I'm aware, she didn't tell Tasha, either."

"How long have you known?" he asked.

His tone was accusatory, but I wasn't going to take anything which was said personally, and I didn't feel the need to give him an exact timeline. He could get that from Sasha if she chose to share it.

"Tasha told me, and I suggested Sasha have a pregnancy and VD test, the first to confirm her fears, the second for her health. She received her confirmation and then did as I suggested and spoke with Father Herman in confession this morning."

"You have NO business advising my daughter on medical procedures! You haven't even started medical school! And you are certainly NOT her father!"

"Father Deacon," I said, doing my best to keep my voice properly modulated, "we learned about both of those things in health class in eighth grade. I'm sure they were performed by a doctor or nurse. And honestly, if she wasn't pregnant, then there wouldn't be such a big issue."

"You think having sexual relations outside of marriage is not a big issue?"

"Certainly not as big as being pregnant as an unmarried woman," I countered calmly.

"My daughter's virtue seems to be of little concern to you, and that greatly concerns me."

"Father Deacon, she's been to confession and acknowledged her sin. Nothing can undo what's happened."

"No, but she can marry the father of the baby and at least get that part right!"

"I don't believe she wants to do that," I replied.

"She has no choice in the matter! She made that choice when she lay with him!"

"And if he's not Orthodox?" I asked.

"Then chrism will solve that problem! Whoever this young man is must take responsibility for what he's done, and that means fulfilling his obligations!"

I had no specific objection that I could reasonably voice because whoever the guy was, he DID have an obligation to the baby; his obligation to Sasha was dependent on what SHE wanted, not on what her dad wanted.

"Yes, of course. But to me, the most important thing is letting Sasha know you still love her. Her biggest fear is that you'll hate her."

"And how do you know this?"

"Because when I advised her to see Father Herman and then tell you, her biggest fear was that you would reject her and hate her for making a mistake."

"A mistake?! A mistake?! Is THAT what you call playing the ... discarding her virtue so lightly? Would you say the same about Natalya Vasilyevna? Hmm?"

"I am in no position to judge anyone else's sin, Father Deacon. All I can do, once they have confessed, is provide whatever emotional or other support I'm able to in order to help them recover from the ill effects. The chalice covers them in the spiritual realm, but here, on earth, there are many ways to help."

"And that will cover her shame?" he asked. "No, I think not. Perhaps she should go to the monastery until she's given birth and then maybe put the baby up for adoption."

It wasn't HER shame he was really talking about. Ultimately, his solution would protect HIM, not her.

"You mean, your shame, Father Deacon?" I countered.

"«Беспредел» (bespredel)!" he spluttered.

Yes, I was being outrageous, but that didn't change the truth of what I'd said. He was as much concerned about what people might think of HIM as he was Sasha.

"Perhaps, but that is not what Sasha wants, and honestly, anyone who thinks less of YOU because of this doesn't have an opinion I would worry about."

"You come in here, all sanctimonious, all puffed-up, telling ME how to run my family? Telling ME what is best for my daughter? GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!"

"Father Deacon, the only thing I know is that as a Christian, love must guide everything. I'll go, but I want to recite something I learned as a very young boy...

That is all I have to say," I concluded.

He was fuming, his face red, his breathing hard and fast, and his eyes deathly cold yet threatening. But I'd said my piece, and it was time to go. I turned and left his study and went back to the sitting room where Tasha and her mom were sitting on either side of Sasha on the couch.

"I need to go, Tasha," I said quietly. "Your dad is pretty angry with me."

"I'll go with you," she said.

I shook my head, "No. Sasha needs you right now, and if you leave with me, it'll just anger your dad even more. I'll be home all week, and I seriously doubt he's going to ban you from seeing me."

"Natalya Vasilyevna will be able to see you, Subdeacon," Matushka Alexandra said.

Tasha got up and we hugged, and I turned to leave, nearly running into Deacon Vasily.

"Subdeacon, thank you," he said quietly. "Why don't you take Natalya Vasilyevna to dinner and allow Matushka and me to talk with Sasha in love?"

I nodded, then turned and held out my hand. Tasha took it, and we left the room, got our coats, hats, and gloves, and quickly left the house.

"What did you say to him?" she asked, still surprised.

"1st Corinthians 13," I replied. "I was surprised when he simply let me complete the entire passage."

"What do you think he'll do?"

"Well, he suggested forcing her to marry the guy, for starters."

"No way! Not if I'm right about who it is!"

"His second option was to send her to the monastery and have her give the baby up for adoption, but I think that was more to hide his own shame than anything else."

We got into Tasha's Volvo and headed to Marie's, so we could eat dinner.

"Do you think he might do that?" she asked.

"No, I don't think so. He will insist she tell him who the guy was, and, to be honest, I think she should. In the end, he can't MAKE her marry him, and if she does tell, he'd be obligated to pay child support."

"She's not going to want to tell," Tasha replied.

"In the end, he can't make her marry the guy, and if the guy isn't acceptable, your dad isn't going to force the issue. That's especially true if the guy isn't Orthodox."

"Rod Blake," Tasha said. "At least, I think so."

Rod Blake worked with my friend Nate at the garage and gas station on Route 50. He was around twenty-one and raced cars on the weekends. He'd been in and out of minor trouble with the Harding County Sheriff since he was fourteen, mostly to do with driving but also with bootlegging. He smoked, drank heavily, and had a reputation as a ladies' man. In addition to whatever fast car he might have at any given time, he had a beat-up old pickup truck from which he flew a Confederate battle flag, though as far as I'd heard, he wasn't like Emmy's dad in that regard.

"How does Sasha know him?" I asked. "He's about five years older and certainly hasn't ever been to church."

"Larisa's older brother is dating Rod's younger sister."

"And you know this for a fact?"

"You mean I actually saw them screwing?" Tasha smirked.

"You know what I meant," I replied gently, not wanting to upset her.

"It makes sense from something Larisa said, plus I know Sasha went with Larisa to a couple of races at Eldora Speedway and at Kil-Kare Raceway over the Summer. I'm pretty sure Larisa's brother and Rod's sister went with them, which means they went to see Rod race."

"Going to the races is circumstantial evidence," I replied. "But it does seem to fit a pattern. What did Larisa say?"

"She was teasing Sasha once, and I overheard her ask if someone, she didn't say who had a 'stick shift' that Sasha wanted to play with."

I chuckled, "OK, that's also circumstantial, but it fits the pattern."

"I can't imagine who else it would be," Tasha replied. "She never did it with Jake Baxter, no matter what my dad thinks, and I'm pretty sure she hasn't even spoken to him since all that stuff happened before."

"Rod has something of a reputation," I said. "Why wouldn't he use a rubber?"

"Maybe she lied about being on the Pill," Tasha suggested.

"You don't think she got pregnant on purpose, do you?"

"No, I guess that doesn't make sense. Maybe he's just careless?"

"That doesn't make sense, either. I'm not saying you're wrong about Rod, but that part of it makes no sense at all. Well, OK, it's possible the rubber broke or something, or she IS on the Pill and didn't take them properly."

"Well, either way, if it IS him, he could afford child support, I think."

"Probably," I replied. "But, remember, it might also not be him. Sasha is the only one who knows for sure. Well, besides the guy."

"So what do you think is going to happen?"

"If Sasha admits who the guy is, then your dad will ensure the guy pays child support, and if he's acceptable, push Sasha to marry him quickly. Sasha won't do that, so I think there will be a bit of tension between Sasha and your dad, but your mom will be the buffer. In the end, your dad really has no options other than to love his daughter. Can you imagine Vladyka ARKADY's reaction if your dad were to kick Sasha out of the house? Or worse, facilitate an abortion? Basically, I asked your dad to behave like an Orthodox Christian. Which is exactly what Father Herman will say and, more importantly, what Vladyka will say. They aren't going to kick him out of the church or laicize him because Sasha got pregnant, but they MIGHT do those things if he behaves in an unchristian-like manner."

"Do you think my dad suspects we've been intimate?"

I chuckled, "Since when do YOU ask that way?"

"Fine!" she giggled. "Do you think my dad suspects we've been fucking like crazed bunny rabbits?"

"I think he's aware it's a possibility, but he's convinced we're going to marry eventually, so he's willing to, well, overlook it, I suppose is the best way to put it. If he thought we weren't going to marry, THEN he'd have to take notice and object."

"Weird."

"He has what you might call 'plausible deniability', and he also knows that if he interferes, then he'll create the very situation he's most afraid of."

"That you'll have 'stolen' my virtue from my husband! But you couldn't steal what I freely gave you!"

"You do realize he doesn't believe it's yours to give away, except in the marriage bed, AFTER he's approved of your husband."

"Hah!"

"That is how he thinks. It's as if you're his possession, and he gives you to your husband to become his possession."

"No man will EVER possess me!"

"No kidding," I replied dryly as I pulled into the lot at Marie's.

"And just what is THAT supposed to mean, Mikhail Petrovich? Hmm?"

I chuckled, "That you're a Russian woman!"

"And don't you forget it!" she declared vehemently.

We had a leisurely dinner, and because it was the Advent Fast, we forewent ice cream and headed back to Tasha's house. She invited me in, but I demurred, saying that I felt they needed some time together as a family to talk about the situation. Tasha reluctantly agreed, so we exchanged a hug and a soft kiss, and after she'd gone inside, I headed home.

When I arrived home, Mom invited me to join the rest of the family for tea, which meant I couldn't talk to Clarissa about what had happened. We exchanged several looks, and I tried to convey to her that everything had worked out OK. My parents and Liz had no idea what was going on, and it wasn't my place to share with them. When we finished our tea, Clarissa and I went up to my room to talk in private.

"How did it go?"

"About as well as I could have hoped. Her dad flipped his lid but calmed down somewhat relatively quickly after I spoke to him privately and basically challenged him to act in a Christian manner."

"I would have loved to see that," Clarissa said with a wry smile. "So?"

"So he calmed down somewhat, as I said, and Tasha and I went to dinner with his blessing, and then I dropped Tasha at home. I didn't go in so they could have time as a family to process everything. It was also the case that Father Herman should have called right about the time I dropped Tasha at the door, so that was another reason not to disturb them."

"You think they'll keep the baby?"

"I don't see an option other than adoption, and I can't see Sasha giving up her baby, nor can I see her mom giving up a grandchild, even if gotten inappropriately."

"What about the guy?"

"Tasha has her suspicions, but it's all speculation, really. Deacon Vasily went through the options, too — force them to marry, send Sasha to a convent to hide her away until the baby could be adopted, or accept the situation and help raise his grandchild."

"Of course, the OTHER alternative never crossed his mind, did it?"

"He couldn't be party to it," I replied. "That would create an impossible situation for the bishop."

"We're not going to agree on this one," Clarissa replied.

I nodded, "I know. And as to the answer to your next question, that would be between you and Father Nicholas."

"You mean if we were to marry?"

"Yes. It's a real consideration. But you're interested in internal medicine, so other than training, it's not really going to be a concern."

"You realize the bind that puts me in?" she sighed.

"And I'm not sure what you want me to do," I replied. "I don't mean that in a nasty way, but it's something on which I can't really yield. Remember, I'm not saying that it should be illegal, just that the wife of an Orthodox clergyman can't perform elective abortions. I still need to talk to the bishop, but I believe he'll grant 'extreme «ekonomia» for me to undergo training. And as I said, I'll probably be forbidden from receiving the Eucharist for a year and not be permitted to serve in the altar."

"That's nuts!"

"It's the same penance a soldier would receive for participating in battle. Killing is always wrong, but sometimes it is necessary in the secular world. There's no Orthodox theory of 'just war' because no war can possibly be just. That said, soldiers are instructed to do their duty, and the church, rather than kicking them out, receives them back under penance. That's what other bishops have done with medical students in my situation. That said, given that it's optional in Ohio, I'm not sure that will be the case. And then, well, that's an issue I'll have to work through. But I'm not so in love with my cassock that I'd endanger a patient's life to keep it."