Chapter 43: Bishops and Priests and Deacons

November 19, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio

"You know I think you've made a terrible mistake and given Sasha bad advice, right?" Clarissa asked after we got into my Mustang for the drive to my parents' house.

"Obviously."

"Her life is going to be very, very difficult."

"And living with her conscience after what she would consider murder would be easy?"

"It's not murder, Mike," Clarissa said firmly.

"I know that's what you believe, and I know that's what the law says, but I also know what she's thinking. And this isn't some pedantic argument about legal definitions, but how she FEELS."

"She's just scared!"

"I think, after having had some time to consider it, that what she was REALLY scared of was not the procedure itself, but of what it MEANT. We can argue until the cows come home about when life begins, and nothing you say will convince me that the baby isn't alive from the moment the sperm and egg meet. And yes, I know the arguments. I've heard them all, and to me, it's just so much hand-waving to assuage the consciences of those who do it. And that's fine. They can do what they need to do to justify it in their minds, and I'm not going to stop them. But that doesn't mean I'm going to agree with them, or worse, participate directly."

"And your medical training?" Clarissa asked.

"It IS optional in Ohio. In some places, it's not, so at least in that regard, I do have freedom of conscience. But the problem is, as I keep reminding myself, MY conscience can't interfere with a safe, legal, acceptable treatment, if the patient wants the treatment.

"Maybe other doctors don't agree, and maybe a Roman Catholic doctor refuses to prescribe birth control pills because he finds them morally repugnant based on Catholic dogma. But how can he, in good conscience, accept patients who aren't Roman Catholic? Orthodox and Protestants don't have the same concerns about birth control, so he couldn't properly counsel them."

"So you're saying your religious views can't interfere with your medical views?"

"I think my medical views can be INFORMED by my faith, but I don't know that MY faith can overrule the desires or needs of a patient. Maybe I refer those patients to another doctor, but that doesn't work in the ER. And I keep coming back to the question of could I, in good conscience, not learn a technique that might save a woman's life? Oh, sorry, Miss, you're going to bleed to death or die of some infection because I find D&C to be morally repugnant? I can't see it."

"But to learn..."

"Yeah, I know. Something I've struggled with since I first understood the situation. I talked to Father Herman about it, and his advice was to speak to Vladyka ARKADY when the time comes. That's absolutely what I have to do as an ordained clergyman, even though it's a minor order."

"What are you going to say to her dad?"

"I have no clue," I sighed. "I'm hoping the Holy Spirit guides me."

"You're expecting some spirit to magically whisper the correct words into your ear?"

"Of course not! There's no little devil or angel on my shoulder whispering what I should do, nor does God speak directly to me, but that doesn't mean I can't be guided by God's energies, as breathed out in the person of the Holy Spirit. Or, to put it in an aphorism which actually fits Orthodox theology — 'God works in mysterious ways'. But it's synergistic, in that it HAS to be a symbiotic relationship; it is I who lives in Christ, and Christ in me."

"And that's it?"

"Lissa, if ANYONE ever comes to you and says that they speak for God and that God has told them what to tell you, run as if the devil himself were chasing you because that is EXACTLY who is involved! Only demons whisper in our ears."

"Wait, so how do you know what you're doing is God's will?"

"The goal of the Christian life is to align our will to God's, and we discover that through all the tools which God has made available, including the Scriptures, the Holy Fathers, the Eucharist, confession, fasting, prayers, hymns, icons, and so on, all in the context of the Church, which is the people together with their bishop. A bishop cannot be a bishop without the people any more than the people can be a church without their bishop. Synergy."

"And all of that tells you, somehow, that Sasha's dad is going to listen to you?"

"I have faith that he's a Christian," I replied. "And that after his initial anger, there will only be love. I'm betting, and I think the odds are heavily in my favor, that he's not a hypocrite."

"That's a heck of a bet."

"Sasha made the bet," I said gently. "I'm just providing moral support and, potentially, acting the part of a mediator or being a buffer. That IS one of the things a deacon is called on to do. If I can't do it in this case, then I probably shouldn't be ordained a deacon."

"You're going to hate me for saying this, but you should run for office."

"What?!"

"Think about it — you aren't doing things for self-aggrandizement or to get ahead, but because they're right. No politician I know of does that."

"Which should tell you something about the kind of people who run for office!"

"That's what I'm saying — we need different people to run for office."

"They'll be destroyed by those who promise bread and circuses," I replied. "I won't say things necessary to get elected, and from what I see just in school politics alone, not to mention what I learned in High School government class, people who tell the truth are quickly crushed by those who tell people what they want to hear."

"That is a REALLY cynical viewpoint."

"Tell me I'm wrong."

"I can't. But you do see my point?"

"I do."

"You're sure you're doing the right thing for Sasha? Or is it the best thing for you?"

"Those two things CAN line up. She never wanted an abortion, Lissa. She was just scared. And in the end, she was more afraid of killing her baby than she was of telling her dad.

November 20, 1983, Columbus, Ohio

"How is school going, Subdeacon?" Vladyka ARKADY asked when he greeted me on Sunday morning before services.

"I have A's in all my courses, and I'm assisting with a research project."

"Very good. And your family?"

"Everyone is well. Liz graduates from High School in the Spring."

"Have you spoken to her about not attending services?"

"A few times, but I've had no success. I know Father Herman has spoken to her as well."

"Yes, he has, and remember, when you speak to her, gentle words are much more effective."

I nodded, "I've found doing my best to live a Christian life to be the most effective."

"Indeed, Subdeacon, indeed. Be saved, and let your light so shine that thousands around you are saved. I see your friend Clarissa is here, as well as the Japanese girl. I'm glad to see that. Shall we speak after lunch today?"

"Yes, Vladyka."

"Good."

He gave his blessing for me to don my vestments, and I went into the altar to help Protodeacon Seraphim and Subdeacon Anthony prepare for Matins and the Divine Liturgy. I had reviewed the Typikon to refresh my memory of my duties during an Hierarchical Divine Liturgy and reviewed them with both Protodeacon Seraphim and Subdeacon Anthony. Things came off without a hitch, though, as always, I felt very strange when I was standing in front of the altar, a place I normally would never go. But standing opposite the bishop, holding his candles, I was his servant and commanded to go before the altar on which his antimens was placed.

When the services ended, we joined the congregation from the Cathedral for lunch, and then I joined Vladyka ARKADY in his office.

"So, what is it you need from me, Mischa?" he asked.

"Advice, and possibly instruction. And I need to speak in complete confidence."

"Of course. Is this about this young Japanese girl? She's Shinto, as you said, correct?"

"Yes, she's Shinto, and it's partly about her. I think perhaps I should start by telling you about Natalya Vasilyevna. She and I have had several very good, mature discussions, and we are both unsure that we ought to marry each other."

"And why is that?" he asked.

"Because we recognized that what was driving us was teenage emotions, not mature ideas about marriage and life together. We haven't said we won't marry, but we do not plan to be betrothed when she graduates."

"Is Deacon Vasily aware of this?"

I shook my head, "No. Natalya Vasilyevna told him that we'd decide our plans after her graduation, which is absolutely the truth. We agreed to put off any decision until then."

"And you've been seeing this Japanese girl?"

"We spend time together, yes, but mostly when we go out, it's with our group of friends. Japanese sensibilities about dating insist on dating in groups until, well, the equivalent of betrothal, I'd guess."

"A wise idea, if you think about it. It keeps trouble far at bay if you are not alone."

It was more than a little late for 'trouble', but I'd discussed my weakness with Father Nicholas, and I'd more or less admitted it to the bishop when I'd spoken to him about my ordination. That meant I didn't need to verbalize what I was thinking, as he was making his point in his usual subtle way.

"True."

"But you know you cannot date her because she practices a faith which is not fully revealed."

I nodded, "In our talks, we've noted many similarities between Buddhism and Orthodoxy and between Shinto and Orthodox praxis."

"I'm sure Father Herman and Father Nicholas have taught you that we don't see them as heathens or pagans but as those who have not yet received the full revelation of the Gospel. You realize that coming from such a background, catechism would be lengthy, very in-depth, and she would need to be baptized?"

"I understand."

"I would expect the catechism to be two years, and she would have to attend services regularly. Where does she live?"

"Columbus."

"So when she's on break, she can attend services here, and I can monitor her progress. I think you should talk to her about this, and then, after she's met with Father Nicholas a few times, I'll speak with her. You do realize you can't be in any kind of public relationship with her until she's a Christian."

I nodded, "I understand. That doesn't preclude going out in a group, correct?"

"No, it doesn't But you must avoid anything which might cause a scandal. Remember that, Subdeacon Michael."

"That's why I'm here, Vladyka, to ensure there is no scandal. And it may well be the case that Natalya Vasilyevna and I DO become betrothed. Not to mention, I know of several young women at Saint Michael the Archangel Church who are quite interested."

Vladyka ARKADY chuckled, "I do remember what it was like before I was tonsured a monk. And I have several seminarians who will shortly be in need of wives, so I'll keep that in mind!"

"Hmm, that's not QUITE what I had in mind!"

"You can be quite the joker, Subdeacon. It's good to have a sense of humor; just be careful that it doesn't go too far!"

I nodded, "I understand. May I ask a question?"

"Of course," Vladyka ARKADY replied.

"How do you know if someone's faith is real?"

"Your own? Or another person's?"

"Wouldn't I know if my faith were real?" I asked with a wry smile.

"Would you?" he asked gently.

I thought about his question for a minute before responding.

"You're talking about self-deception, right?"

"Yes. With regard to yourself, the only prescription is to practice the faith. Show me your faith by your works. Show yourself, too. Are you having doubts, Subdeacon Michael?"

I shrugged, "This entire situation with Kimiko has me questioning how we know. I believe I believe."

"An interesting problem, is it not?"

"Yes."

"And if you can't know for sure about yourself, then how could you judge another?"

"Sorry, Vladyka, it wasn't about judging."

"You're worried about your friend for some reason?"

I nodded, "She views faith and culture as indivisibly intermixed."

"I think your perspective has been formed by living in a pluralistic society, Mischa. In Russia, before the Communists, to be Russian meant to be Orthodox. One could not TRULY be Russian without being Orthodox. And, as an aside, that was part of the problem with certain Tsars and is certainly the problem with the Communists, although I am sure you have noticed they adopted many Orthodox practices as their own."

I nodded. "But our saints do not need refrigeration to remain incorrupt as 'Comrade' Lenin does!"

Vladyka ARKADY nodded, "That's one of the things I was thinking about. Along with their May Day parades mimicking our processions for the Entrances and the Politburo giving their blessing like some kind of demonic synod!"

"Missiles, Communist Party banners, and pictures of Lenin rather than crosses, candles, and icons."

"Exactly. Now, back to your friend. Let me ask you a simple question — when did you begin to believe?"

"That is no simple question to answer!" I protested.

"Quite right. So how do you answer the question about when you became a Christian?"

"When I was baptized and chrismated, of course."

"And how old were you?" he asked, knowing the answer to the question.

"Forty days," I replied.

"And you had a full understanding of the Creed, the Ecumenical Councils, icons, the liturgy, and so on?"

"Of course not!"

"'But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.'"

I nodded, "'Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.'"

"I remember seeing you sitting at your grandfather's feet when you were perhaps two years old, eyes full of wonder, watching carefully everything that went on. That is how we are to worship. I still see that in you, Mischa, when you serve in the altar. But in the end, only God can truly know what's in your heart, and He has not chosen to reveal it to me. I understand why you are concerned about the young woman, but unless you have a way to truly see into her heart and discern her true relationship with God, all you can do is see how she demonstrates her faith by her works — her words and actions. But remember, too, you are not the judge."

"I understand. This was about concern for her soul."

"Something to be careful about, Subdeacon. More gossip has spread over 'concern for the soul' of a fellow Christian than for any other alleged reason. Who is responsible for the spiritual care of the faithful?"

"You are, of course, working through the priest of each parish, with the assistance of the deacons."

Vladyka ARKADY nodded, "And are you a bishop, priest, or deacon?"

"No, of course not, But in the same way I'd be concerned for the spiritual welfare of my children, I'm also concerned for my friends."

"There is a difference," he replied. "God sets you, as the father, to be the pastor of the family, if you will. For your friends, though, you may set an example and encourage them, but spiritual care must come from Father Nicholas or Father Herman, to whom I delegate that authority."

"I know," I replied.

"Mischa," he said gently, "keep doing what you're doing. Just don't overstep your bounds. I confess that as a layman, you would have a bit more freedom, but that cassock places you under my authority and my discipline. You took it up voluntarily, knowing the duties and obligations, as well as the limits."

"Yes, Your Grace."

"Then allow God to work in His way."

I nodded, "Is there anything I should be doing?"

"Father Nicholas has given me very good reports. Just keep up your studies and listen to Father Nicholas' counsel."

"I will, Your Grace."

"Are you able to serve here for Theophany?"

"School starts again on the 9th, so yes, that's no problem. Vespers, Matins, and the Divine Liturgy?"

"Yes, and the blessing of the waters where the Scioto and Olentangy rivers meet."

"I'll be here."

"Very good. Thank you, Mischa."

"You're welcome. Master, bless!"

I turned my palms upward and brought my hands together. Vladyka ARKADY made the sign of the cross over them, and then I kissed the back of his hand. He surprised me by giving me Russian-style kisses.

"You're a fine young man, Mischa. Keep up the good work."

"Thank you, Your Grace."

I left the office and joined Clarissa and Kimiko in the narthex. We left the building and walked to our cars.

"What did he say, Maikeru-san?"

What I couldn't say, because she wouldn't understand, was that he had gently rebuked me for stepping outside the boundaries of my role within the parish. And had also gently rebuked me for, in effect, judging Kimiko's spiritual situation, something I wasn't truly qualified, nor called, to do. I might discuss that with Clarissa, but not with Kimiko. Not yet.

"Basically what I expected. You and I need to speak with Father Nicholas once we're back in McKinley to work out a plan for your catechism."

"He did not tell you to stop seeing me?"

"You thought he might?" I asked.

"You are a minister, and I am not a Christian, so I thought perhaps he might tell you not to be with me."

"He simply said not to do anything which would cause a scandal in the Church. And that means we can keep doing as we're doing — double-dating with Clarissa and Glenda or going out with the group. That's close to the Japanese way, and it's not as if you've ever made ANY public displays of affection!"

"Japanese do not usually kiss in public because it's considered inappropriate. I was shocked the first time I walked down the hall at the High School!"

I chuckled, "That seems to be the norm. There were lots of kids who made out at their lockers before class in the morning."

"Same in my school," Clarissa added. "It was kind of disgusting if you think about it."

"It never bothered me," I replied. "I just ignored it."

"You tend to mind your own business and not worry about what other people do unless it directly affects you."

"True."

"When will you be back at school?" Kimiko asked.

"Sunday evening, after dinner," I replied.

"OK. I will see you then."

I wanted to hug and kiss her, but I couldn't because she wouldn't approve, not to mention the potential scandal. After she drove off, Clarissa and I got into my Mustang for the drive back to West Monroe.