Chapter 41: Time To Test A Theory?

November 6, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio

Tasha screeched in outrage, but I answered quickly and treated it as if Sasha were teasing.

"I don't think so!" I chuckled. "First of all, your dad would assume the baby is mine. Second, I would be in serious trouble with the bishop. And third, which would make the first two totally irrelevant, Tasha would murder me, immediately."

"Sasha!" Tasha began, but I put my hand on her arm and interrupted her.

"Now, all silliness aside," I continued, "your realistic options are to be a single mom, give the baby up for adoption, or end your pregnancy. If you don't want to get married, My advice would be adoption, if you don't think you can handle being a mom."

"But my dad..." she said, sobbing again.

"Father Herman would help," I said. "You wouldn't be the first girl to have this happen to you."

"But I only did it once!" she protested.

"Sometimes that's all it takes," I replied gently. "Especially if you don't use birth control."

"But what do I do?" she asked, a hitch in her breath as she stifled another sob.

"You have to make that decision, Sasha. Nobody can make it for you. Other people might have opinions or advice, but in the end, you have to decide. My advice is to go to Father Herman. Barring that, then, well, I think you know what the other option is."

"You think I should keep the baby?" she asked quietly.

She was, I was sure, trying to get me to say she should have an abortion. I'd put it out there as an option, but her situation wasn't remotely like Emmy's, where Emmy's dad killing her and Clark wasn't an exaggeration the way Sasha saying that her father would kill her was. And that meant I couldn't come right out and say it. But I could ensure she considered the cost of her decision.

"Do you think you could care for a baby? And finish school? My friend April has really struggled with that. It's not easy, but it IS possible. Her dad and her sister are helping her."

She sobbed harder for a moment, then sniffed, and whispered, "I just can't have a baby."

"Then you need to speak to someone at the clinic in Rutherford or in McKinley," I said quietly. "They can tell you what the other options are."

"Will you come with me?"

And there was the potential trap I'd been trying to avoid. That would make me a direct party to an elective abortion, and I simply couldn't do that without risking serious repercussions.

"He can't," Tasha said quickly, saving me from having to say it myself. "He'd get in all kinds of trouble with the bishop."

"But how would he know?" Sasha asked plaintively.

"Because Subdeacon Michael would have to confess, and Father Nicholas would send him to the bishop. He wouldn't say WHO it was, but he would confess. Would the boy take you?"

"I don't want him to know," Sasha replied. "That would just make things worse."

"Then I'll take you," Tasha said. "But I think we should go to McKinley rather than Rutherford. Dad works in the pharmacy in Rutherford."

"I agree," I replied. "But it takes two trips. One to confirm the pregnancy, and then one for what you want to have done."

"Are you sure, Mishka?" Tasha asked.

I could share that because I'd taken Liz for a VD test, and at this point, nobody would question why, given what was public knowledge at the school.

I nodded, "Positive. When I took Liz for her VD test, that was on the information sheets they gave her."

"I'm scared, Tasha," Sasha said quietly.

"I know," Tasha replied. "Let's finish our ice cream, then go for a walk before we go home."

We finished our sundaes, then the three of us left Yellen's and walked along the sidewalk with Sasha walking between Tasha and me. There really wasn't anything more to say, and Sasha just needed to compose herself. We walked for about twenty minutes before heading back to Yellen's so Sasha could wash her face and make herself presentable. Once she'd done that, the three of us got into the car and headed back to their house. When we arrived, Sasha went up to her room, and Tasha and I went back to the sitting room.

"You were VERY careful about how you spoke to her," Tasha observed.

"Because I don't trust her," I replied. "If this is ever discovered, I have no idea what she might say."

"You know she was serious about you marrying her, right?"

"A desperate ploy," I replied. "And one which wouldn't work because I couldn't accept her claiming I was the father. Can you even begin to imagine the kind of trouble that would cause? First, I got her pregnant. Second, I was cheating on you. Third, I had lied to your dad. The bishop would have no choice but to laicize me, assuming I was still alive when all was said and done!"

"I have to figure out how to bring her to McKinley twice, and I'm not sure how to do that."

"Well, if she's about a month along, then you have two months to work it out. The first visit is quick because they do a pregnancy test, a VD test, and a short counseling session. And Sasha can tell them not to call her. She can call back in a few days to get the results. Then she can make the appointment for some time during Christmas break."

"Do you know how long it takes?"

"Not for sure, but some preparation time, plus the procedure, plus enough time to make sure there are no complications, so I'd have to say four or five hours. Nobody will be able to tell anything has been done."

"If we marry, we have to make sure something like this doesn't happen to our kids. I know it's Sasha's responsibility, but my dad shares some of the blame. That could have been me if it weren't for you!"

"It could be anyone if they aren't careful. And sometimes, even if they are. But I agree with you about ensuring our kids are properly educated and feel they can talk to us. You and I both know the ideal, but we also both know how easy it is to succumb to that temptation!"

"But I think Sasha did it because she was angry with my dad. To prove he wasn't in control of her."

"That was part of YOUR reason, Natalya Vasilyevna," I said. "Not all of it, but part of it."

"Mostly, it was because I wanted to be with you. But my dad was so controlling that I think you're right that part of it was wanting to defy him and prove I had control. We can't ever be that controlling if we're parents together."

"Or if we're parents apart!" I replied. "I'm going to need to get back. I'm already going to be late for study group as it is, and I have homework to do."

"Thank you for coming to help. You made it easier to talk to Sasha."

"Let me know if there's anything I can do, but you know the limits."

"I do."

We kissed softly, and then she walked me out to my car.

November 6, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"Everything OK at home?" Clarissa asked when I sat down beside her.

"Yes," I said, trying to convey the thought 'as well as can be expected' with my eyes.

"OK. I know you have homework. We can talk later."

I had lost nearly two hours of study time, which meant I needed to work very quickly. On the plus side, I had no lab reports to write during the current semester. I did, on the other hand, have enough statistics problems to take me close to midnight, and with how early I had to get up on weekdays, that meant I'd have no time for anyone.

I finished after most everyone else did, just before midnight. Kimiko had come to check on me at about 11:10pm, and I'd let her know that I had about forty-five minutes of work left to do. She elected to go to bed, telling me not to worry about anything and that she'd see me at breakfast. That had allowed Clarissa to join me briefly before I went to bed.

"So, things didn't go so well?"

"As well as could be expected, I guess. She's not going to keep the baby."

"You know my opinion differs from yours on that subject," Clarissa replied. "What did you tell her?"

"I encouraged her to talk to her parish priest and to think about adoption. In the end, I gave her truthful and factual answers to her questions. Well, after she asked me to marry her."

"She what?!" Clarissa gasped.

"That was her desperate ploy, but there was no chance that was going to happen. I played it off as a joke and made the point that Tasha would kill me. I talked to Tasha about it later, and basically, I think Sasha was looking for a way to claim I was the baby's father and save her reputation, though it would have backfired horribly on her."

"She's going to have the abortion?"

"I think so. She has to get her pregnancy test and have her counseling first, obviously. Once that's done, then she can schedule it. It really is a lousy situation."

"How did things go with Kimiko?"

"Just fine. She was going to spend the night, but given I'm going to get less than five hours of sleep, she decided to go to bed about thirty minutes ago."

"Then I suppose I should let you get some sleep. Are you OK?"

"I am. It would be a very different thing if I was responsible and she wanted to have an abortion. It doesn't change how I view things, but it doesn't have the same impact. I'm a bit worried about Tasha, though, since she's going to have to help Sasha through this."

"Maybe I can provide emotional support. Is it OK to call Tasha?"

"Of course."

"Then I'll do that tomorrow. I'll let you get some sleep."

"Thanks."

We exchanged a hug and a chaste kiss, and Clarissa left. I quickly stripped off my clothes, brushed my teeth, and collapsed into bed, emotionally spent.

November 7, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

On Monday morning, I was basically a zombie, using caffeine to make it through my shift in the lab. And rather than run, I went back to bed to sleep before breakfast. I felt a bit better when I got up the second time and joined Clarissa, Sandy, Kimiko, Rebekah, and José for breakfast.

"You look wiped out," José said.

"I had a long day yesterday, and a friend of mine at home is having some serious struggles. I didn't get enough sleep, and I'm emotionally exhausted."

"Anything we can help with?" he asked.

I shook my head, "No, it's under control. I'll just go to bed early tonight. I can do homework tomorrow afternoon to catch up."

"Are we doing a concert this month?"

"I don't think so," I replied. "It's just too much. Also, Milena asked me to sing at her wedding on New Year's. I suspect all of you will receive invitations, though they changed from the chapel to a simple civil ceremony by a judge at the Blahnik's house. There will be a reception afterwards which will serve as the beginning of the New Year's Eve party."

"Do you really think she'll invite all of us?"

"You know, I'm not sure. She hasn't said, but I got the idea that she would. The invitations are supposed to go out this week. I'm not even sure how many people she's inviting. I'm not even sure if she's inviting all the New Year's Eve attendees to the wedding and reception."

"Do you know if they found a place to live?" Clarissa asked.

"Yes. They're renting a small house not far from the fairgrounds in Circleville. It's on the south side of town, as opposed to where Katy's parents live on the North Side."

"Have you heard from Katy?" Sandy asked.

"Just a couple of short notes saying she's enjoying California."

"I bet! And when it's 5°F here, she's going to be basking in 70°F!"

"Except she'll be home over Christmas break, just in time for some of the coldest weather!" I chuckled.

"I think that area has highs in the upper 50s and low 60s in January and February," José said. "But that beats the heck out of below zero!"

"We usually don't get THAT cold," Rebekah said, "though it does happen occasionally."

"Who is Katy?" Kimiko asked.

"A girl from church I dated for a time, but she wanted to go to school in California," I replied.

That was close enough to what had happened, and I didn't want to worry Kimiko unnecessarily. Of course, thinking of Katy made me realize that I hadn't discussed with Kimiko the possibility that I'd go to medical school out of state. I wondered if that was a reasonable choice, if it meant Kimiko and I would be away from each other for a whole year, IF she had decided to stay. There were so many 'ifs' with her that it was difficult to work out a plan other than taking things one day at a time. But I would have to mention it when we were alone together.

We finished our breakfast and went back to the dorm to get our books. Clarissa, Sandy, and I headed to class by way of the student center so I could get a large cup of coffee. I managed to stay alert for all three morning classes, and when Clarissa went to do her duty in the lab, Kimiko and I went back to my room to relax until lunch.

"There is one thing I don't think I've mentioned," I said. "Clarissa and I have been talking about checking out medical schools in other states — California, Georgia, Indiana, and Pennsylvania, in addition to McKinley Medical School, Ohio State, and University of Cincinnati."

"And that would be after my Sophomore year, right?"

"Yes."

"So we would be apart for the following year and the next?"

"I would imagine, yes."

"My dad was away from my mom for two years when he was working on his Master's at Stanford. She only saw him during his Summer break between the two years. I think we could manage if we had to."

"You plan to get a Master's degree, right?"

"Yes, but any place with a good medical school will have a Master's program in biochemistry. And my parents will be able to afford it because the scholarship that comes with my dad's fellowship will cover much of the cost."

"OK. I'm sorry I didn't mention it before."

She smiled, "It wasn't quite so important before Saturday!"

"True, but it's something you should have known before then."

"We're learning to be together," Kimiko said. "That's what the stages of Japanese dating are for."

"And yet, I should have told you."

"But you have now. It doesn't change anything, does it?"

"No, I suppose not."

"Then don't worry about it, please."

She had a point, but it also brought the issue of deference, or submissiveness, to mind. In some ways, that was good, but in others, I wasn't quite so sure. I talked a lot about putting the needs of others first and not being selfish, but that could be taken too far if it led to being unfulfilled or even feelings in that direction. Of course, I'd also noticed that she used subtle nudges to get me to agree with her or do what she wanted. She'd made the point that her mom ran the household, and I could see exactly how that might play out in my life as well.

It was interesting because the difference was real but subtle. The Russian girls tended to be more assertive, which I'd seen lead to trouble in relationships. Kimiko's way, or perhaps it was better stated as the 'Japanese' way, struck me as much more conducive to a happy, fulfilling relationship. There would certainly be less conflict than with ANY of the Russian girls I knew, and that seemed to be an advantage. The question was whether or not I could accept someone who might submit simply because she felt it was her duty.

I'd always laughed at the people who pointed out that the Scriptures insisted wives should submit to their husbands but missed the TRUE implications of what the Holy Apostle Paul was saying. Yes, he certainly had said 'wives should be subject to their husbands', but the companion verses gave the requirements for that kind of submission — that husbands love their wives as Christ loved the Church, to the point of giving Himself up for her. A husband was called to nourish and cherish his wife, and if he did THAT, then he would never ask her to do anything which was not in her own best interest or their interests as a couple.

Not only that, but the husband had the much harder job — to love his wife. I'd always found submission to be easy — to the priest and bishop. Of course, submitting to parents was a MUCH tougher thing. That said, in my mind, loving your wife so much that you gave up your own desires for her sake was a much more difficult thing. It was fighting what I thought was the ultimate root cause of sin — selfishness. And that was the battle I fought every time I sinned — being a slave to my own selfish desires.

"Do you want to stay tonight?" I asked.

"Yes. Even if you are too tired for love, we can sleep together."

I put my arm around her, and she snuggled close. We sat quietly until it was time for lunch. We met Clarissa in the cafeteria, along with most of the rest of our usual gang, then I went back to my room to do homework. I went to stats class and then went to the computer lab to meet Kristin to work on my assignment, which was due on Friday. I was slowly getting the hang of computers but still had no clue as to how she could want to do anything like that for the rest of her life.

I finished my assignment just before dinner, and Kristin and I went straight to the cafeteria to join our friends. After dinner, we all went back to the dorm and gathered into our usual study groups. By 10:00pm, I had caught up with everything and was feeling pretty good. Our new usual small group — Kimiko, Clarissa, Sandy, José, and Rebekah joined me in my room to listen to music. I put on Colour by Numbers by Culture Club, then sat on the couch between Kimiko and Clarissa.