Chapter 39: Impact!

October 29, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

I wasn't at all surprised by Kimiko's request. We'd been building to this moment from the day we'd first met. It was a logical step but one which created several dilemmas. First, there was the problem of not being able to date. Second, there was my relationship with Tasha. Third, there was my recent talk with Maggie. Beyond that was the decision which loomed large over all the others — was Kimiko prepared to stay in the US once she graduated? And if all of THOSE things could be resolved, was pursuing marriage with Kimiko something I wanted to do? Something I should do?

That raised the ever-present issue of practicality. Kimiko had three years before she would graduate, and that meant marriage was really out of the question before then. That wasn't a blocking factor, but it did have to be taken into consideration by both of us. We'd spoken briefly about it, and Kimiko had implied that waiting for a family was not a concern, but I wondered if she'd considered marriage before that point. If not, then it was at least six years away.

"Don't you think we should talk about the future first?" I asked.

"I didn't ask you to make a commitment," she replied.

"No, but I think you assume there will be one; you said as much when you said it was 'when', not 'if'."

"Yes, I did. I also know that neither of us can predict the future, and we do not know what might happen."

"And your decision to stay in the US?"

"Is one I would make when I graduate, depending on where life has taken me."

"I can't say «ai shiteru» to you now."

Kimiko laughed softly, "I know. You said that. Do you remember what I said?"

"That if I said it to you, you would say it back, and then you would have a duty to stay."

"So I have no duty to stay."

"But you want to stay with me tonight."

"I am free to choose the time and place to become a woman. I choose to give you the gift of my virginity, freely, without you saying «ai shiteru», tonight. If you are worried I will become pregnant, do not. Last Summer, at my female visit with my doctor, she suggested I begin taking birth control pills. She recommends that to all her patients who start college to prevent careless accidents."

I smiled, "I can't imagine you being careless about anything."

"Including my decision to give myself to you in this way."

"What do you expect of me?"

Kimiko smiled impishly, "I would think you learned that some time ago! To penetrate my womanhood with your manhood!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"I meant AFTER that!" I replied once I'd stopped laughing.

"To continue as before, except that I would like to attend church with you. I know what is required before you can say «ai shiteru» to me, with everything that would imply."

"You're sure about that?"

"In Buddhism and Shinto, and in Japanese culture, there is no dishonor for a woman to come to her marriage bed already having taken a lover. The same is true for a man, of course. We do not have the same double standard as some Americans do. If you think about it, it is quite foolish to say it is OK for a man but not for a woman. Who are those men going to be with? Married women? Prostitutes?"

"I hadn't thought of it that way, but I suppose that does make sense."

"I think I can tell you why you don't simply plainly agree."

"Why is that?"

"In Shinto, there is no equation of sex with sinfulness; it is a natural urge, and what matters is respect, both for yourself and for your partner. Shinto, before the laws were changed, condoned 'temple prostitution'. There is also a long tradition of a positive view of sex in literature and art.

"There is a type of Japanese art called 春画 (shunga) that depicts love scenes. Perhaps the most famous one, which I believe Americans would find outrageous, is called 蛸と海女 (Tako to ama), which means 'Octopus and shell diver'. I think you know the word 'ama' — those were the girls James Bond was with in You Only Live Twice."

I grinned, "But I read they dive naked in real life!"

"Which is not shameful! Americans are so obsessed with the naked body! Anyway, the wood block art shows a diving girl with two ... you know, I don't know the correct plural for 'octopus'."

I chuckled, "Because I don't think anyone does! I've heard 'octopuses', 'octopi', and 'octopodes'. The most common is 'octopuses', 'octopi' is wrong because 'octopus' is a Greek word, and in Greek the plural is 'octopodes'. My preference is 'octopodes' but you cannot go wrong with 'octopuses'.

"Thank you! The wood block art shows a diving girl with two octopodes making love to her. A big one, who has his tentacles wrapped around her in many places and his mouth between her legs. There is also one smaller octopus pleasuring her. And this is just one of many such works of art."

"I think I know about that one," I replied. "Mr. Black, in High School, told us about a painting called The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife that sounds identical."

"I think that might be the English name, but she is 'ama' — a diving girl, not the wife of a fisherman. What I'm trying to say to you is that it is no sin for us to be together, at least for me. It is a decision I may freely make. I wish to make it."

"Is there some special Japanese ritual?" I asked.

Kimiko rolled her eyes, "If I were a 舞妓 (maiko) and you were going to pay for my training as a geisha, then perhaps a 水揚げ (mizuage) might be in order, IF this was before 1959. But I am no «maiko», and you do not have the resources to pay for my education, so, no!"

"Sorry."

"There is no need to be sorry! I was simply making a joke about an old Japanese tradition which is no longer practiced."

"Let's put it a different way — I know nothing about Japanese sexuality."

Kimiko laughed softly, "I believe the parts are in the same place and work the same way!"

"That is not what I meant, and you know it!" I protested with a grin.

"Well, properly, a bath together, but I don't think that's possible."

"It would be if you were willing to wait until next weekend."

And if I skipped Vespers, which I could do, so long as I let Father Nicholas know on Wednesday evening.

"Oh?" Kimiko responded.

"We could use the guest room at Doctor Blahnik's house."

"She would permit that?"

"Yes. And there's a large tub, big enough for two."

"Then I will have to acquire a few things. Would I be able to cook for you?"

"I can ask."

"Would you, please?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then I suppose I shall say goodnight," she replied.

We stood, exchanged three soft kisses, and she left.

October 30, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

On Sunday morning, Kimiko accompanied me to church. I introduced her to Father Nicholas, then explained the basic pattern of the service to her, made sure she had a service book, then went into the altar to prepare for Matins and the Divine Liturgy.

"Are you interested in that young woman?" Father Nicholas asked.

"Yes, Father."

"And she follows Shinto?"

"Yes, Father."

"Do you do ANYTHING the easy way, Subdeacon Michael?" he asked with a wan smile.

"Apparently not," I replied with a wan smile of my own.

"She practices Shinto here, in the US?"

"I think it's more appropriate to say she's Japanese in the same way some of the older members of our church are Russian."

"Ah, now that's interesting. Is she an American citizen?"

"No, she's here with her parents. Her father is a professor doing research, and his fellowship ends about the time she'll receive her undergraduate degree."

"Then, before you invest too much effort, you probably need to see if she's eligible to stay. If she's here on a student visa or a family visa, she might be required to go back to Japan."

"Not that I'm saying this is going to happen, but even if she married?"

"Immigration law is not my specialty, but I know there are all kinds of pitfalls. We've seen it over the years when a parishioner wants to marry someone from the old country whose family managed to emigrate to Paris or some other place in Europe."

"Well, that's wonderful," I sighed. "But that's also a long ways down the road, for obvious reasons."

"Just don't let it catch you unawares. You'll probably need to speak directly to Vladyka about catechism. I suspect it would be long."

"That wouldn't surprise me at all."

Just about four hours later, when the services were finished, Kimiko and I left the church. I chose not to stay for Sunday School, as I didn't want to overwhelm her on her first day. We walked to my car, I removed my cassock, and we got in for the drive back to campus.

"What did you think?" I asked as I pulled out of the church parking lot.

"It's very complicated, but then, so are some of our rituals. I remember the special clothing you wear from my visit to the church in Japan. It's not unlike that of a Shinto priest, though ours is Japanese and yours is Russian."

"Well, it's from Constantinople, the city now called Istanbul, but adapted for Russia, yes."

"How would I learn more? I know a little bit about Christianity, but not very much."

"I have a book you can read to at least get some basic ideas, but you'll need to go to catechism, which is religion class."

"Are you meeting your friend from home today?"

"Yes."

"Will you have time after studying to be together?"

"I will."

"Good!"

When we arrived back at campus, I went up to my room, changed into casual clothes, and then left on foot for Doctor Blahnik's house. Tasha pulled up as I was walking along the sidewalk in front of the house. She parked along the street, hopped out of her Volvo, and we hugged and kissed.

"Nature," she said quietly, "struck last night while I was sleeping."

"I'll leave it up to you what we do before dinner," I replied.

"As much as I want to, I just think it would be too messy, especially given it's not our house."

"Our house?" I asked with a smirk.

"Perhaps someday," she replied. "But for today, how about the Russian tea room in Columbus? And then Chinese food for dinner?"

"That sounds good."

She handed me the keys, we got into her Volvo, and headed for Columbus.

"How was your week?" she asked.

"Pretty good. Midterms weren't too difficult, really. The only tough course I have this semester is my computer programming course. Biochemistry requires a lot of study, but I love that topic."

"I should hope so!" Tasha exclaimed. "What courses do you have next semester?"

"Biochemistry, physics, molecular biology, and two electives. Clarissa and I will decide on our electives this week, but I suspect we'll take a history class for one of them. The other one could be something like developmental psychology or world religions. Speaking of next semester, I need to put your graduation on my calendar. What day is it?"

"May 24th. I don't plan to go to Prom."

"Go figure," I sighed. "That's the week of finals. But I promise I'll be there."

"Don't mess up your grades!"

"I won't. I can study enough that taking the time to come home won't be a problem."

"As long as you're sure," Tasha said, her voice expressing concern for me.

"I'm sure," I replied confidently.

Of course, it was also Liz's graduation, and I was sure she would want me there. And Maggie's as well. If things continued the way they were going, maybe the option I'd suggested to Clarissa might be the safest course of action. Or it would be if being a monk didn't require complete chastity!

"Are you still planning to go on your skiing trip in December?"

"Probably not, because Clarissa can't go home. She's going to stay with us during break, and I'd feel bad if she was alone."

"What about her friend?"

"Glenda? Clarissa hasn't said anything to me about seeing her over break. I'm not sure what Glenda's home situation is like. Robby and Lee seem to not have any problems with their parents."

"EVERYONE has trouble with their parents at some point!"

"True, but I meant about being gay."

"Oh. You and Clarissa are still close?"

"Yes."

"And she still wants to have a baby with you?"

"Nothing has changed in that regard since the last time you and I talked about it, but that couldn't happen until after Clarissa, and I complete our Residencies, so it's at least eight years away, if not ten."

"Have you discussed this with anyone except me?"

"No. Only you and I were ever at a point where it needed to be discussed. If you and I don't marry, then I'll have to discuss it with whomever I do consider marrying."

"You see it as a real possibility now, don't you? Not just a High School fantasy?"

I chuckled, "We fulfilled our High School fantasy! And more!"

"And fantasy fulfilled, we can be serious, as we said," Tasha observed.

"Yes," I agreed. "And I suppose I should tell you that Clarissa strongly prefers to have her baby the normal way, not via instrument."

"She'd do that? I thought lesbians didn't want to be with guys!"

"To make a baby? She thinks so. And there are people who are bisexual, who like sex with both men and women. She's not that, but she could do it to make a baby."

"But that would mean cheating!" Tasha protested.

"It would certainly mean having sex with someone besides my wife, but for it to be 'cheating', it would have to be secret and without an agreement."

Tasha laughed, "Oh sure! I'm going to allow my husband to have sex with another girl 'just to make a baby'?! You are out of your mind, Mikhail Petrovich!"

"I'd be happy to allow you to be with her, too!" I teased.

"You!" Tasha shrieked.

"What? No interest in sex with girls?"

"Do YOU have any interest in sex with boys?"

"No, of course not! I was teasing you."

"Were you? Or is this some fantasy of yours, Mishka?" she asked in a tone more teasing than accusatory.

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"You're terrible!" she protested.

"Says the young woman who invited me to do things with her I NEVER imagined she might do! And was enthusiastic about doing them!"

"You refer to swallowing after I suck you and asking you to put it in my butt?"

"Those would be the two things," I chuckled.

"You foolish boy! I told you from the beginning that NOTHING was off limits in the marriage bed! Or the approximation of it that we have."

"Nothing?" I asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Between the TWO OF US, «ты некультурная свинья» (ty nekulturnaya svinya)!" she growled, but she was laughing, too.

"Well, then I suppose I, as 'an uncultured swine', can cross ONE fantasy off my list!" I chuckled.

"What? You think perhaps you can have a harem? Different girls every night, or perhaps two or three at the same time?"

"Is that an offer?" I teased.

"You are SO bad, Mishka!" she growled.

"I like it when you growl ... and when you purr!"

"You think I'm a cat? Well, I will show you my fangs and claws, if you aren't careful!"

"Promise?"

"What shall I do with you, Mikhail Petrovich?" she asked with a smirk.

"I can think of a few things," I replied.

"In all seriousness, I enjoy teasing with you, even when it's very naughty!"

"Naughty compared to what we've done?"

"Perhaps not!" she replied lightly. "May I change the subject to something more serious?"

"Yes."

"Have you heard anything more about Angie?"

"No, and I really don't expect to. Nobody can talk to me about it, and it's not like I can call her to find out or even call her friend. I'm concerned about her, but Father Nicholas seems to think she's receiving proper care, so I guess I'll have to trust that's the case."

"She's mentally ill, isn't she?"

"I can't say for sure, but that seems to be what the professionals think. And that I'm what they call a 'stressor' — I make her problems worse."

"But it's not your fault if she's mentally ill!"

"I wasn't trying to blame myself," I said gently. "I was simply acknowledging that I'm a problem, for whatever reason."

"Are you seeing anyone?"

"Kimiko is really the only one. There's Maggie, but she's still on lockdown worse than Sasha was. Speaking of that, how is Sasha?"

"Promise to keep this a complete secret?"

"Yes, but if you need me to say that, perhaps you shouldn't tell me."

"She's pregnant."

"Lord, have mercy!" I gasped in surprise. "Does your dad know?"

"No. Only me. She came to me in a panic yesterday when she missed her period. Well, she was four days late."

"She could just be having an irregular period. I remember from health class that can happen."

"She's been as regular as I am, and our periods are about five days apart. The first six months we were both irregular, but then we marked the calendar. It varies by a day, but no more. I was hoping to make it one more day."

"So now what?"

"I'm not sure. My dad will lose his mind, and I don't know what he might do."

"What about your mom?"

"I think she'd be upset but not irrational. But she could never keep that kind of secret from my dad. Think about how that could ruin their marriage. You and I have made a promise to be completely honest with each other, and that's very important. Think how you would feel if our daughter found herself pregnant, and I hid it from you until it was obvious."

"You're right. So what is there to do except tell your parents?"

"You're not totally ignorant, Mishka. I think we discussed this aspect of your medical training."

"Yes, of course! But..."

"It's an evil thing, but sometimes necessary. You've said so yourself."

"In terms of treating a woman for miscarriage or similar. You know I'm struggling with how the training for that is conducted. I just don't know if I can participate in elective, therapeutic abortions. But I also don't know another way to get the proper training to help save the life of a woman who might need those procedures. You know if I do that, I have to refrain from the Eucharist for a year and won't be able to serve in the altar."