Chapter 34: Making a Statement

October 11, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"So what are you thinking?" Clarissa asked as she and I sat together on my couch after lunch on Tuesday.

"I'm thinking you and Glenda are conspiring; that's what I'm thinking!"

"Kimiko?"

"Kimiko."

"All I did was talk to her about you, Petrovich. I didn't make ANY suggestions. And while we were talking, she asked about the other girls she knew you saw from time to time. At this point, it really is only Tasha because Maggie is in what amounts to solitary confinement in a maximum security prison. She IS going to school, right?"

"Yes. I heard that from Liz, but her dad talked to the school, and somehow, she's basically in solitary there as well, minus the time she's in class. They even considered homeschooling her."

"That's just insane," Clarissa said. "It'll be a miracle if she's still sane in May when she graduates!"

"I'm also wondering about the job her brother arranged for her here in McKinley. But there is literally nothing I can do about that at the moment or anytime soon. What about Angie?"

Clarissa sighed, "What ABOUT Angie? She's trying to be Mrs. Loucks again and lock you up in a relationship against your will."

"Something I will not allow to happen," I replied. "I didn't tell you what happened yesterday morning. We basically had it out because she offered to 'do it my way'. I'm not entirely sure what she meant because before we could really talk about it, I told her I'd asked Kimiko on a date for Friday night. You can imagine Angie's reaction."

"Hmm. No blood and no bruises, so not as bad as I might have expected."

"It was all verbal; maybe getting my brown belt deterred her," I said with a sarcastic smile, "but who knows? She gave me grief for not giving her enough time before I asked Kimiko out."

"Oh, give me a break! Angie had you lock, stock, barrel, and cassock two years ago! She had a gazillion chances to have you, and she didn't want them."

"A 'gazillion'?" I chuckled.

"Greater than the biggest number I know and less than infinity!" Clarissa laughed. "But you know what I mean."

"I do. I said as much to Angie, too. I'm at a point where either she has to agree to talk to me and take things forward slowly, or drop the entire idea. And yesterday, I decided I really didn't care which way she went on that."

"Then why allow her to think there's any chance?"

"Because I said I would. Trust me, Lissa, with her, talking is just that — talking. She has problems, and unless we talk through them and ensure we're on the same page, nothing is going to happen. Heck, I've had deeper talks with Kimiko about relationships than I've had with Angie. A big part of it is because there's a huge cultural divide between Kimiko and me, and we'd have to overcome that to have a serious relationship."

"But you did ask her out."

"I did. You told me to explore and see where things went. I'm doing that, albeit with the knowledge that Kimiko and I have to work through all those things if we're ever to be together. Honestly, it has to start now with things like what it means to go on dates, what's acceptable in her view, and what she expects from me. So far, so good."

"I also told her a bit about Jocelyn but was careful about the details because I wasn't sure how much I could safely share."

"Jocelyn and I have a lot of things to work through. I asked Kimiko about you, by the way."

"And?" Clarissa asked with an arched eyebrow.

"She said 'she might as well be a boy'!" I chuckled.

"Nice, Petrovich. Nice. Shall I show you how that's NOT true?"

"Just getting naked? Or...?"

"I suspect you'd want to do a thorough examination, including very deep probes!" Clarissa smirked.

"And you call ME a pig!"

"If the shoe fits..."

"Seriously, she's right, you know. All teasing and joking aside, we're both afraid of the potential negative outcome, despite both of us agreeing we could simply chalk it up as a failed experiment. We both have concerns about that."

"True," she sighed. "Sometimes life just isn't fair."

"Do you love Glenda?" I asked.

"That's a tough question to answer right now. Can I say 'I like her to death'?"

"You can."

"Right now, there is only one person I love the way you mean, and that's you. And you had to go and be born with a Y chromosome!"

"And you had to be born lesbian. Ain't life grand," I added flatly.

"At least YOU believe that."

"Uh-oh. What happened?"

"Part you know — Clark's idiot roommate, the Bible-thumper, is of the opinion I just need a good hard fucking to convince me I shouldn't have decided to be a lesbian."

"Decided. Right. Like I decided to be straight. What else?"

"I got a letter from my parents yesterday. I didn't read it until late last night. They let me know that when I get over my rebellious stage and decide to be straight again, they would welcome me with open arms."

"I wonder if Kristin knows any hitmen?"

"Do you think EVERY Italian is in the Mafia?" Clarissa asked with a silly smile.

"No, but she's hinted that her grandfather and his friends are involved in 'underworld activities', without quite saying as much."

"Interesting."

"So, will that work?" I asked.

"What?"

"A good hard fucking?" I smirked. "Will that turn you straight?"

"You're impossible!"

"Thank you!"

"All joking aside, how are you handling things with Kimiko?"

"The same as everything else these days, Lissa, one day at a time."

October 14, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

By Friday, I'd basically had enough of Angie's passive-aggressive behavior. She was riding to church with me and running with me but not speaking to me beyond the bare minimum, and every time she saw me speaking with Kimiko, an odd look came over her face, somewhere between a glare and a frown. It was time to put an end to it one way or the other. When I completed my extra half-lap, rather than go back into the building, I walked a bit away from the door, and Angie followed.

"You need to decide, right now, what you want. Either we're going to try, or we aren't. If we aren't, then you have to stop pretending."

"Pretending?"

"Riding to church with me and running with me."

"She told you that, didn't she?" Angie said accusingly.

"No! I CAN think for myself, you know! And I don't need Kimiko's permission for anything. I DO, on the other hand, need to stop having to worry about what you think of every single thing I do. I see those looks you give me, and I feel the silent treatment. Well, enough is enough. Your choices are clear — begin talking to me, and I mean REALLY talking, or we end all of it. There isn't a middle ground."

"How would YOU respond to an ultimatum like that?"

"You already know. You gave me one. But as it turns out, you aren't sticking to it. I refused to go to bed with you, and you're STILL trying your damndest to play 'Mrs. Loucks'. Well, if you want THAT title, you have to do it my way. Period. Decide."

"You can't make me decide right now! Not like that!"

"If you don't, I will. And my decision in that instance is clear because by refusing to decide, you are actually deciding and leaving me with only one course of action."

"That's what you wanted anyway, and you orchestrated things to go that way! You never gave me a chance!"

"That's simply not true, and I'm not having this circular argument with you again, Angie. I'm going to shower."

I turned and walked away from her and went into the building. I rode up the elevator and went into my room. I waited, half-expecting Angie to come to the door but hoping that she didn't. When five minutes passed, I quickly showered, dressed, said my morning prayers, and then joined Clarissa, Kimiko, Sandy, José, and Rebekah for the walk to the cafeteria.

"When are you guys playing again?" Rebekah asked.

"Does a week from Saturday work for you, José?" I asked.

"Sure."

"I'm going to ask Milena if we can use the small music auditorium and see if she wants to play with me."

"Not since she and Joel got engaged!" Sandy teased.

We all laughed, including me.

"I meant piano, you troublemaker, and you know it!" I retorted.

"You should have heard them the other night at Doctor Blahnik's house," Clarissa said. "They sang Endless Love and it was just out of this world."

"When was that?" José asked.

"It was just a small celebration for me earning my brown belt."

"We wanted to drink, and you know the dorm is dryer than a WCTU meeting at this point," Clarissa said.

"That dumb bitch of a dean needs to leave us alone!" Rebekah declared. "I heard she's trying to reinstate the curfew rules we voted against!"

"Melody is fighting tooth and nail," I replied. "And she has Doctors Blahnik, Hart, and others on her side. Fortunately, Dean Parker's theory that sex is about male dominance and control isn't gaining much traction."

"What a bunch of BS!" Rebekah protested. "Girls, are the guys abusing you when you have sex?"

"No!" came the chorus, minus from Clarissa, who added, "Not the girls, either!"

"There's a theory her husband cheated on her, and that's when she decided to pretend to play for the other team," Sandy said. "And given her personality, I can't imagine a guy OR a girl who'd want her!"

"No," Rebekah smirked, "but I hear her thirteen-year-old daughter wanted a grad student ... and got him!"

"He not only was expelled but arrested," I replied. "He pled guilty and got eight years. If she'd been a couple of years older, he might have simply got away with probation or a couple of years for statutory."

"Thirteen IS a bit young," Rebekah said, "but since when does the government get to decide who I fuck and when I fuck?"

"Since they decided they could," Sandy replied. "But it's silly. In Ohio, you can easily get an abortion without your parents' consent at fifteen, but you allegedly can't give consent to have sex until you're sixteen."

"And you can join the military, or worse, get drafted and die in Lebanon or Grenada or wherever, but can't have a beer!" José complained. "That's some kind of messed up."

"Our campus nemesis is opposed to military recruiters on campus and in High Schools," Sandy replied. "She wants to get rid of ROTC at all State schools to 'protect children from the lies of recruiters'."

"Children?!" José exclaimed. "I'm eighteen and can make up my own mind! I talked to the Army recruiter at my High School. The ROTC program really sounded interesting, and it would have paid for pretty much any school I wanted to go to, but I decided against it. My best friend went for it, and he's getting full tuition in exchange for five years of service. He's majoring in management and accounting, so the biggest threat he's likely to see is splinters in his fingers from a pencil or in his butt from his chair!"

Everyone laughed as we entered the cafeteria and got in line to get our food. A few minutes later, we were eating, and I didn't see Angie, though a few Freshmen showed up a few minutes later. Glenda arrived about five minutes after us and sat in the seat that Clarissa had saved for her. I'd been a bit surprised when she hadn't been in the lobby at the dorm, but Clarissa hadn't said anything, so I hadn't said anything.

We finished eating, then headed back to the dorm to get our books and head to psychology, and after that, biochemistry, and finally, computer science. After our final morning class, Clarissa went to the lab, and I went back to the dorm to relax before lunch. I'd just sat down when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I called out, expecting either Kimiko or Angie.

"Hi, Mike," Jeannette said as she and Marie came into the room.

"Hi. I take it this is about Angie?"

"Do you know where she is?"

"No. I figured you were coming here on her behalf because of this morning. What's up?"

"Her roommate hasn't seen her since before breakfast, and she wasn't in her last class, according to Nellie. What happened this morning?"

"I finally told her I couldn't take the passive-aggressive behavior and her pretending to be 'Mrs. Loucks'. It's not the first time we've had the discussion, but I'm pretty sure it was the last because she accused me of not giving her a chance."

"Oh, for the love of ... seriously?" Marie asked. "You bent over backwards to give her chances! You waited for months! Hell, years!"

"Which is more or less what I told her. I wonder if I should call Doctor Underwood at Moore Memorial Hospital."

"Who's that?" Jeannette asked.

"That's who helped her last Spring when she had her meltdown. Maybe I should call her friend Anna at OU as well."

"Why not try her friend first before you call anyone who might have to alert the authorities," Marie said. "I'd hate for Angie to just have taken some time for herself, and we make things worse."

"You were concerned enough to come tell me," I replied. "Let me call Anna and see if she's there."

I looked up Anna Wilson's phone number in Athens and called her using my AT&T calling card. I was put through to her room, and she answered.

"Hi, Mike! How are you?"

"Good. Have you heard from Angie?" I asked.

"No. Should I have?"

"We had an uncomfortable talk this morning, and her friends haven't seen her since before breakfast, and she missed at least one class."

"Uncomfortable? As in, you guys broke up? Oh, no!"

'Oh no!' was right. Anna's reaction confirmed what I had suspected — Angie WAS pretending we had a relationship, but even worse, she had told her best friend that we DID have a relationship. But this wasn't the time to get into THAT.

"Has she called you?" I asked.

"No. I talked to her on Saturday afternoon, and everything seemed just fine with her, and according to her, between you two! What happened?"

"We can talk about it later," I replied. "I need to make some more calls. If she calls you, please call me and let me know. OK?"

"Sure! Tell her to call me when you find her, please."

"I will. Thanks, Anna."

I hung up, shaking my head.

"What?" Jeannette asked.

"Anna was under the impression that Angie and I were a couple."

"Oh, shit!" Marie swore. "Now I think you HAVE to call that doctor."

I nodded and picked up the phone. I dialed Moore Memorial Hospital using the number on the card next to the phone and asked for Doctor Underwood, saying it was urgent. I was transferred twice, put on hold, transferred again, and she finally picked up.

"This is Doctor Underwood."

"Hi. This is Mike Loucks, and I'm worried about Angie Stephens."

"Hi, Mike. I haven't spoken with her since right before Summer session. She was seeing a counselor back home. What's wrong?"

"She and I had a bit of a tiff this morning, and her friends are concerned because they haven't seen her since."

"Tiff? As in a lover's quarrel?"

"Not the way you mean," I replied. "Angie and I weren't a couple, but she seems to have thought we were and told her best friend we were."

"You weren't involved at all with her?"

"We're friends. I gave her rides to church, and she ran with me in the mornings. I drew the line at praying together or any kind of intimacy because we hadn't talked nearly enough for me to be involved with her."

"If she's back to that kind of thinking, you were right to call me. When was the last time you saw her?"

Her statement 'Back to that kind of thinking' concerned me greatly because it told me that Angie had likely told others that we were in a relationship as well and called her current state of mind into serious question. I began to get a VERY bad feeling.

"This morning around 6:45am."

"Let me check with admissions and call her counselor in Cincinnati and see if Angie has reached out. If not, I'll notify the authorities."

"Don't you need to wait forty-eight hours or something for a 'missing person' report?"

"No. That's a myth perpetuated by television for dramatic effect. If you hear from her, please call me right away."

"I will. Thanks."

She hung up, so I replaced the handset in the cradle of the phone.

"Her counselor is worried," I said. "And that makes me worried. I guess Angie has been saying we're a couple to others, not just that I'm her best friend."

"Butterfly net time," Jeannette said. "Or white coats and the truck with rubber on the walls."

"I feel as if I encouraged it," I replied.

"Bullshit!" Marie spat. "You were totally clear you were seeing other girls and she knew you were getting laid regularly! Something, by the way, I missed out on!"

"Me, too!" Jeannette laughed.

"That was about me and not about the two of you," I replied. "Though I have to say I did have certain fantasies after I turned you down!"

They both laughed.

"We can talk about those later! What did she say about Angie?"

"Doctor Underwood was going to call Angie's therapist in Cincinnati and see if Angie called her, then notify the authorities. And despite the joking just before, I'm worried. If she was telling people we were a couple, then I did, as Anna suggested, break up with Angie even if we weren't formally a couple."

"Mike, you didn't do anything wrong," Marie said. "You did your best to help her and try to meet her where she was. Whatever her problems were and are, you offered what you were able to offer."

"I wonder if I shouldn't have just been firmer about running together and other stuff."

"Wasn't that trying to meet her partway? You weren't praying together which for you is a pretty intimate thing, I guess."

I nodded, "It is. And maybe that was my mistake — originally doing that without us actually being a couple. Well, in fact, instead of just in her mind."

"She needs help, Mike."

"I know," I sighed. "And I can't escape the feeling that I failed her somehow."

"What more could have done?"

"I have no idea. But something."

"Do you think maybe she would have called your priest?"

I smacked myself in the forehead hard enough for it to make a sound. Why hadn't I thought of that! I turned, picked up the phone, and dialed the church office. Mrs. Sokolova, who shared office duties with other women from the church, answered. I asked about Angie.

"Angela hasn't called here that I'm aware of. Father is in his office if you would like to speak to him."

"Yes, please."

She put me on hold, and a moment later, Father Nicholas picked up the phone.

"Subdeacon Michael? Mrs. Sokolova says you asked about Angie. Is there a problem?"

"Possibly. She and I had a difficult conversation this morning, and nobody has seen her since. I wondered if she had called you?"

"I haven't spoken to her. I've been here since 7:00am, though I was praying Matins and didn't actually come to the office until just before 8:00am. But there was no message from her on the machine, and usually, there are clicks on the tape if someone hangs up on the machine. I'll call home to check there, but Matushka always calls the church if someone calls the house. Have you called anyone else?"