Chapter 33: «Daisuki»

October 9, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"Mishka!" Tasha gushed when I walked up to the porch of the Blahnik's house.

I pulled her into my arms, and we exchanged a soft kiss. I took out the key Milena had given me, unlocked the house, and Tasha and I went in.

"We have the house to ourselves," I said, shutting the door behind us. "Milena is in Columbus with Joel, her mom, and her mom's boyfriend."

"Oooh!" she exclaimed happily. "We can fuck in the whirlpool!"

"Tasha!" I gasped, but I was laughing.

"Oh please, Michael Petrovich! Give me a break! We love each other, but we're fucking, not making love!"

"True," I agreed somewhat reluctantly.

"You could change that at a moment's notice, you realize. Just ask."

I nodded slowly, "I know."

She cocked her head, "Have you reconsidered your position?"

I shook my head, "No, I haven't. It's just I have very deep feelings for you, Tasha!"

She smirked, "And I like feeling you very deep! Now, take me to bed, fuck my brains out, and then we'll go to the whirlpool and spend the afternoon playing before dinner!"

"Only a foolish man would refuse a request like that!" I grinned.

"Sadly, at times, you ARE a foolish man, Mishka."

"That I am."

Forty minutes later, sweaty, sated, and breathing hard, we got out of the guest bed and made our way upstairs to the master bedroom, where I adjusted the taps to fill the whirlpool tub with very warm water. Tasha and I got in and cuddled until the tub was full. I turned on the water jets, and as soon as the water began swirling, Tasha turned around to straddle me, beginning our 'playtime', which lasted nearly three hours, by which time the water was only tepid.

"One more?" Tasha sighed. "In bed? And make it take a really long time?"

"I'd be happy to oblige!" I replied lustily.

We got out of the tub, I opened the drain, we dried off, then padded barefoot downstairs to the guest room where we had a long, slow screw before we showered together, then dressed. We cleaned up the bedroom, changed the sheets, then went upstairs to wipe down the tub and gather the wet towels. We loaded the soiled sheets and the towels into the washing machine, then left the house to head to Frisch's for dinner.

"You weren't kidding when you told me to get plenty of rest!" I chuckled as I pulled away from the curb.

"By yesterday, I was ready to explode!" Tasha laughed. "I honestly had NO idea what I was missing until we actually did it."

"Oh, I think you did," I grinned. "You just managed to control the urges with my help. I recall a certain fifteen-year-old girl telling me that all things were possible in the marriage bed, and she was looking forward to doing them with great anticipation!"

"Perhaps!" she replied with an impish smile.

"But I believe you've discovered the same thing I did."

"What's that?"

"That it's not enough on which to base a relationship. Not even close."

"You're right," Tasha said, much more subdued.

"Did you think it might change my mind?" I asked.

"We agreed to be completely honest, right? Nothing hidden?"

"Yes."

"I think I did, but then, afterwards, I realized if it DID change your mind, I would have to tell you 'no' if you asked me to marry you, at least for the next few years."

"Scary, isn't it?"

"Yes. You discovered that with Jocelyn after her accident, didn't you?"

"Yes. It's not the same, but it is the same if that makes sense."

"Jocelyn and I are two different people, obviously. But you learned with her that sex wasn't enough to overcome the other challenges."

I nodded, "Yes. And the thing is, with Jocelyn, I'm pretty sure I know what those were. Complete truth, now. With you, I don't have the foggiest idea. Something told me it wasn't right to ask you to marry me when you graduate, but I can't for the life of me tell you what it is."

"Perhaps it was just physical attraction; a desire to have sex with each other. And because of our faith, we believed we couldn't do that without getting married."

"Lust?" I asked.

"Don't you think so? When you noticed me at fourteen, you wanted me, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"And I wanted you," Tasha said with a smile. "And we only knew one solution because of church. Then you chose to be with Jocelyn and others. I turned a blind eye because I wanted you so badly. But then I eventually realized I could have what I TRULY wanted from you, if only I hadn't made you promise. Think about it, Mishka. That promise told you what I wanted back then."

"True. So you never wanted to marry?"

"I did, but for the wrong reasons. And I think you did as well. Now that we have the 'wrong' reason out of the way, then, perhaps, we'll find the right reason. Perhaps not."

"So what do we do?" I asked.

"Besides wild, uninhibited sex?" she asked giddily.

"Yes, besides that!"

"Continue to grow up, talk, spend time together, and if it's meant to be, we'll get to that point. If not, I think we'll be lifelong friends, though not too close, out of respect for our spouses and because you'll be a deacon."

"You think so?"

"I do. Dad is certain, and he's certain the bishop will approach you as soon as you're betrothed, though it might take a few years before he ordains you."

"Father Nicholas has the same basic opinion. Back to us — are you OK with me dating?"

"I don't own you, Mishka," Tasha replied. "You don't own me. I can't date, for practical reasons, until I graduate and start my job as a pharmacy technician here in McKinley. If I did, Dad would never let me visit you, even for an afternoon. If you wish to date, that's up to you, and I realize you might meet the person you wish to marry. I'd rather that than we make the mistake we were on course to make."

"Mistake?"

"Oh, we would both have accepted the situation, and it would have been fine, but it would have been a mistake because of how we ended up there. We may yet end up there, but as I said, for the right reasons, not because I need your rock-hard «половой член» (polovoj chlen) in my «пизда» (pizda)!" ("dick/pussy")

I laughed so hard I swerved a bit and had to recover before I went off the road, and just in time to turn into Frisch's parking lot.

"Can I trust you to behave in the restaurant?" I asked with a silly grin.

"What? You think I'll strip and lie on the table so you can have ME for dinner?"

"The thought IS tempting, but I meant not being «некультурный» (nekulturny)! You know, as you used to accuse ME of being?"

"I promise to be good," she replied impishly.

"Which is NOT the same as behaving!" I countered, laughing.

We got out of the car and walked into the restaurant where Tasha mostly behaved, though I nearly choked on my burger when she took a long drink from her straw, then opened her mouth to show me her vanilla shake before making a show of swallowing. We finished our meal without FURTHER incident, then drove back to Doctor Blahnik's house, where we exchanged a deep, sexy French kiss before she got into her Volvo for the drive back to West Monroe.

I had walked to the Blahnik's house, so I had some time as I walked back to campus to think about what Tasha had said, and as I thought about it, I was sure her analysis of our relationship was correct. And that gave me even MORE reason to be cautious with Angie. Whereas with Tasha, sex had been the key to unlocking our relationship, with Angie, I was sure it would be the opposite. And that meant that if we got to that point, I had to be committed to marrying her. And I had no plans to commit to ANYONE in the near future.

I felt that before I committed to anyone, I needed to reestablish a good relationship with Jocelyn. I had no idea what that was going to take or how long, but it had to be a priority. I didn't think we'd ever be back to 'Mik and Jos' the way we were either just before or just after the Cincinnati trip, but that didn't mean I shouldn't try. We'd taken the baby steps, though the pictures she'd sent had implied we'd moved a bit further than I thought we had. Our upcoming talk at Thanksgiving, now just six weeks away, would be a good next step.

And, in some ways, more importantly, Clarissa and I had to figure out the contour of our relationship. We'd pledged to go to medical school together, do our Residencies together, and practice together. We'd even discussed having a baby together. The ultimate question was whether or not we could be a couple. I seriously doubted that, given her sexuality, and I knew she had qualms as well, but both of us felt we had to try. The slow pace was perfect, and neither of us was in a rush.

Beyond those two relationships, Maggie was often on my mind, and not just because my sister did her best to keep that fire stoked. I liked her, we'd had fun together, and she'd been truly interested in becoming Orthodox. Sadly, I had basically no chance to see her before graduation, though perhaps her friend Hannah could work miracles, and Maggie and I might steal a few moments together. My first question, really, would be whether or not she still planned to move to McKinley and work as a paralegal. That would open all sorts of possibilities, including an insane fantasy that entered my mind just then of having a threesome with her and Tasha!

I struggled to put THAT thought out of my mind as I entered the dorm and thought about the other girls with whom I had some kind of potential relationship — Becky, who I felt was too far away and whom I felt, after my earlier talk with Tasha, was also about lust; Kimiko who I truly liked and with whom I had much in common but with a great cultural divide; Katy, who was now across the country, but there was a chance I'd go to medical school in California which might push open a door which had been left ajar; and of course the girls from church in the future, if I wasn't attached before they graduated from High School.

When I arrived on the eighth floor, I went to my room, changed into sweats, then grabbed my books and joined the other members of my study group who were assembling in the lounge. We had our usual study period and afterwards, Clarissa, Glenda, Kimiko, and I went to my room to hang out and listen to music. I put on Flick of the Switch by AC/DC, and we all got drinks and sat down.

"This album just doesn't seem up to their usual quality," Glenda said.

"I know," I agreed. "I listened to it when I bought it last week and basically thought it was nothing new and totally not worth playing much, if at all, but I decided to give it a second chance. Usually, I'm OK with a band doing something different, but in this case, they self-published and, well, it sucks."

"$8 down the tubes then?" Clarissa asked.

"That's one way to look at it, but the overall collection is worth more than the individual albums. Not to mention, I have some which are worth several multiples of their purchase price because they can't be found in record stores. I've bought a few duds, but the others make up for it."

"But you'd never sell, would you?"

I shook my head, "No, and I read about a new format which is coming out where they use lasers to read the music from a plastic disc rather than a vinyl platter. Supposedly, the fidelity is much higher, though I wonder because all the digital music I've heard so far has been, well, cold, I guess. Not to mention what it would cost me to replace the several hundred albums I've accumulated since I was fourteen."

"You should ask Kristin to make a program for you that catalogs all the albums and songs."

"I pretty much know what I have in my head, and I don't own a computer and don't see myself buying one anytime soon, if ever. To buy an Apple II with the necessary floppy disk drives and so on would cost the same as about 250 albums!"

Clarissa laughed, "I hadn't thought about it that way."

"Or think of it this way. I could replace my Mustang with a brand new one for about three times the cost of that computer, the peripherals, and the TV I'd need to buy. Priorities."

"When you become a rich doctor, then?" Glenda asked with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, after I pay off student loans, which will only take until I'm forty or so, if I'm lucky!"

"Haven't found the bikini model heiresses?" Clarissa teased.

"They seem to be in very short supply in McKinley!" I replied with a grin.

"A 'bikini model heiress'?" Kimiko asked.

"A joke I made when I was a Freshman about finding a rich, beautiful girl who could pay for medical school so I didn't have to borrow so much money."

"And you would marry a girl like that?" she asked.

I shook my head, "I actually had an opportunity something like that, and the girl was Orthodox and very pretty. But I wasn't ready to make that kind of commitment. She ended up deciding to go to Stanford instead of Ohio State. To be honest, that was best for her, too. And that was one of the reasons I made the decision I did."

"Was she going to be a doctor?" Kimiko asked.

"No. She's majoring in computer science."

"And you who hate computers!" Glenda interjected.

"Nah," Clarissa smirked, "Kristin has been working with him. Now he's only mildly annoyed by them!"

"Mike, do you plan to marry a doctor?" Kimiko asked.

I shook my head, "I don't have a plan one way or the other. You know my feelings for you, and we're taking things one day at a time."

"And on THAT note, I think we should head to bed," Glenda said.

She and Clarissa both hugged me and left the room, closing the door behind them. I found it amusing that as soon as I'd expressed my feelings, even obliquely, Glenda had decided it was time to leave, despite it being about fifteen minutes earlier than the time they usually left. The question in my mind, after having thought about my options earlier, was whether or not to take things with Kimiko to the next stage. But the larger question was, if we moved to the next stage, then what?

"What are you thinking about?" Kimiko asked quietly.

"You. Me. Us."

"And your feelings for me?"

"How serious would it be if I were to say «daisuki»?"

Kimiko smiled, "You mean you want to spend time alone with me? As we have almost every evening?"

I chuckled, "I think we're mixed between American and Japanese dating customs. Then I suppose it's OK to say «daisuki»."

"Only if you mean it," she said quietly.

"It's complicated by our different cultures. And the fact that you might go home in a little over three years."

"Unless I have a reason to stay."

"But is that something you want to do?"

"It's not about wanting to do something; it's about my duty."

"Duty?"

"Yes, of course. Now, I have a duty to be a proper daughter. That means being respectful of my dad's wishes and following his guidance. If I were to stay, it would be because I was married or promised to be married. Then, I would have a duty to my husband to be respectful of him and to follow his guidance. If he were American, it would be proper to adopt American culture and American religion."

"American religion?"

"How could I properly practice Japanese religion in America? To be an American means having an American religion!"

"Just like that?"

"I've heard you speak about your religion, and in many ways, it is similar to Buddhism. Not in all, of course. But did you know when entering the grounds of a Buddhist temple, one always walks close to the posts of the gate, leaving the center for the «kami». Is this not what you do with your temple?"

She was referring to the practice of only priests and bishops using the Royal Doors to enter the altar while others used the Deacons' Doors.

I nodded, "It would be the priest or bishop, but yes, it's a similar practice."

"And as for Shinto, do you not revere your ancestors? And believe their spirits are with you?"

"Yes, of course."

"And your monks refrain from sexual activity so they may be pure to pray?"

"Yes."

"I have seen a worship service in Tokyo, if you remember, and there are many elements which are similar to Shinto and Buddhism. Some of it is quite strange, but I believe you would find things about Shinto and Buddhism which are equally strange to you. But if I were to stay, it would be my duty to accept my husband's religion."

"But what about what you want?" I asked.

She smiled, "I want to be dutiful. I do not find that a burden. It's what's expected of me, and I think it's right."

"But isn't marriage a partnership?"

Kimiko laughed, "Did you hear me say 'obey'?"

I chuckled, "No, I actually didn't."

"Being respectful and following guidance does not mean I give up who I am. In fact, I'll tell you a secret, but only because you are an American."

"What's that?"

"My mother is actually in charge of the house!"

"NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY, escapes the «съборъ бабушек» (sobor babushki)!" I declared mirthfully.

"What?"

"The cohort of older women who actually run our churches. The bishops are afraid of them!"

"So then you understand."

"I suspect Russian women and Japanese women are quite similar."

"So you understand?"

"I do. «Daisuki»."

Kimiko smiled, "«大好きです» (daisuki desu)."