Chapter 2: Son of a Vich

May 28, 1983, West Monroe, Ohio

Later that morning, I stared at the phone, trying to decide exactly what I was going to say to Janey. My problem was that even asking her to have lunch was fraught with problems. If we were seen together, AND it got back to Tasha, or worse, Deacon Vasily, that would be the end of any possible relationship with Tasha. And the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that I didn't want to do that.

That said, I didn't want to have the conversation with Janey over the phone. That left me with a serious dilemma which I didn't quite know how to solve. I really needed to get out of West Monroe and away from all the things here which seemed to trip me up. While things in McKinley were far from perfect, I didn't have the kinds of problems which seemed to arise at home.

Maybe that was the solution — ask her to come see me in McKinley. Of all the solutions, that one made the most sense. I picked up the handset and dialed Janey's number, waiting as the rotary dial returned to the 'home' position after each number was dialed. When I dialed the last number and the clicks stopped, the phone rang twice before it was answered by Mrs. Riley, who called Janey to the phone for me.

"Hi, Mike!" Janey exclaimed. "How did exams go?"

"No problems, really. I should have straight A's."

"I'm curious, how does valedictorian work if there are multiple people with straight A's?"

"Clarissa checked into that, and it's always decided by the committee. And anyone who graduates summa cum laude is eligible."

"Is that dean on the committee?"

"Of course. But I have strong advocates as well. And there are no vetoes."

"Cool. You're home?"

"Yes, but if you remember, I'm going back tomorrow afternoon because I start work on Monday. When do you start at the Hardware store?"

"Tuesday."

"Given the timing, I think it's better if you come to McKinley one evening this week or next Saturday or Sunday so we can talk things through."

"Are you seeing Tasha?"

I suppressed a sigh, "I haven't spoken to her. I am sure I'll see her at church tonight, and I suspect she'll stand next to me. My goal is to get out of town without creating a scene or any trouble for anyone. At this point, I'm actually starting to regret coming home."

"Why?"

"I guess I feel as if I'm walking on eggshells so as not to upset anyone — you, Tasha, my dad, or Deacon Vasily. I just don't feel free to be myself the way I am at school."

"I don't know that you can keep everyone happy."

"I probably can't, but the chances of truly pissing someone off are lower in McKinley."

"You sound like you're telling me you don't want to upset Tasha, and so you won't see me today or tomorrow."

"I know it sounds that way, but until you and I sit down and talk, I'd like to avoid anything which could lead to confrontation."

"So, same as always? Avoid confrontation?"

"No. I'm trying to avoid unnecessary confrontation. I hope you can see that there's a difference."

"I still say you want her."

"I don't know WHAT I want," I said, exasperated. "Which is why you and I need to sit down and figure out if we belong together or not. Or maybe it's better to say if we want to seriously explore the future together."

"You can't have both of us, Mike."

"Oh, for Pete's sake," I growled, exasperated. "Don't you think I know that? Why do you think I'm struggling here? I just told you I wanted to talk to you about the future, and it wasn't because I'm trying to play games! But I'm also deadly serious about not creating unnecessary confrontation and about not making sex the basis for a relationship. If you can't handle that, then don't bother coming to see me in McKinley."

"I never made sex the basis for our relationship! You ACCUSED me of doing that."

"Sorry; you felt that we could put off talking about the future so long as we were screwing. All I wanted to do was map out a general path, and you didn't. We TALKED about this."

"Oh, give me a fucking break! Because I wasn't ready to map out the future, you said we had to stop having sex!"

"Something I never said! I said it was for THAT day. So we could talk. And that's when everything went right down the drain. Do you remember that you insisted I answer a question which I felt you had no right to ask? And that was after you basically refused to discuss the future."

"So I can't be unsure? I have to decide?"

"Did I ask you to decide? No! I asked you to talk about it and work on it! But you seem to think talking about it commits you to some course of action!"

"And you think sex commits YOU to some course of action!"

I sighed, "No, I don't. Well, that's not quite true. There ARE girls for whom it does. And I would never be with a girl like that unless I was ready to make a permanent commitment."

"A girl like that? You mean not a slut?"

"I never SAID that, nor did I imply it! And if I thought THAT, why did I offer to talk to you about the future?"

"Guilt?"

"That is NOT even remotely true! I've had sex with girls just for pure pleasure and with whom I had NO intention of having a romantic relationship! I don't feel guilty about that. I WOULD, on the other hand, have felt guilty if, for example, I'd slept with April after Prom and only realized afterwards she felt it was a permanent commitment."

It was also the case I'd felt guilty about being with Kristin, but I'd worked through that and resolved not to make the same mistake in the future. And in my talks with her, I'd absolved myself of the guilt relating to seducing her.

"I think you feel guilty about sex in general."

I took a deep breath and let it out.

"In the sense that fornication is a sin, yes. But that's not the problem here."

"I think it is."

"The only way I can defeat your argument is to reveal confidences and discuss my other relationships. And that's simply not something I'm going to do. That goes right back to the same argument we had on our way to McKinley that Saturday morning. I haven't changed my mind on the topic beyond what I told you when you came to see me a month ago. At this point, all I can say is take your time and think about what you want. If you want to see me, call. If not, don't. And if Tasha standing next to me tonight at Vespers is going to be a deal-breaker, you may as well tell me now."

"You don't care one way or the other?"

"I DO care. But going around in circles doesn't do anyone any good. And that's what we're doing."

"Do you realize how crazy this sounds? If I just want to fuck you to get off, that's cool. But if I want a relationship, then you want a roadmap before we fuck again? That's nuts, Mike!"

"Was it 'just sex' to you the first time we were together? Or were you trying for a dating relationship?"

"I obviously wanted to date you, have some fun, and see where things went."

"And once they went somewhere, you got cold feet. And that made NO sense to me after the day we spent playing house, including the bath we took together and roaming the house naked. You sent me every possible signal, implicit and explicit, that you wanted to move forward and that what we were doing was a preview of the future. Then suddenly, when I wanted to talk about that future, everything changed. That's why I'm saying you need to think about what you really want and then call me if you want to explore the future."

"Did you tell Tasha the same thing?"

"Will you PLEASE stop making her the issue? I'm trying to figure out you and me, and you keep bringing her into this! If you and I were to be an exclusive couple, she WILL know about it. And what she thinks at that point won't matter."

"I don't believe you."

"Fine. I think I have your answer. Bye, Janey."

I simply replaced the handset without waiting for her response and headed towards the stairs from the basement.

"Holy shit, Mikey!" Liz gasped when I reached the stairs.

She was sitting just far enough up that I wouldn't have seen her, but I was also sure she would have heard the entirety of my side of the conversation.

"What?!" I snapped.

"Whoa! Chill! I'm on your side! From what I heard, you told Janey all she had to do was sit down and talk with you about the future, and she'd most likely win! And she kept bringing up Tasha!"

"It's not quite that simple, but she did keep bringing up Tasha when I was trying to talk to her about us."

"I hate to say this, but I think you're right about coming home. Between Dad and Deacon Vasily, you can't be yourself without creating all kinds of problems. I like the new Mike, but you can't be him when you're here. And Mike, Tasha is also part of the problem because she's being what my Intro to Psychology teacher calls 'passive-aggressive' when she stands next to you at church."

I nodded, "I know. I had thought about telling her to stop doing that, but once Janey and I had our problems, it didn't make sense to cause MORE trouble with Tasha. But that problem goes away if I don't attend services regularly at Holy Transfiguration. Of course, then there's the whole situation with Angie, who is Orthodox and will be going to Saint Michael. But SHE will talk to me, and we can try to get things straight, though I have to keep her emotional situation in mind."

"So what are you going to do?"

"About?"

"The girls."

I shrugged, "Nothing, I guess. Over the Summer, I'll see Becky, plus Clarissa is going to come hang out with me. I'm going to visit her, and I suspect Mindy will want to visit. I'll probably hang out with Nancy and her mom a bit, too. I'm sure I'll make some friends amongst the Summer school students as well."

"What about Maggie?"

"What ABOUT Maggie? She doesn't think I'm a Christian! I am NOT interested in some kind of inquisition, or whatever the Protestants call it, that I'd have to undergo if I had dinner at her house. I think she's hot, and I like her, but that situation would be worse than when I was dating April!"

"She likes you. A lot!"

"And our dates will consist of theological arguments and her trying to convert me to a nutty version of Christianity which believes the earth is only 6,000 years old and that Adam and Eve were real, literal persons? She's lucky I didn't pull out the story of Lilith!"

"Who?"

I chuckled, "Something Mr. Black told us about. Basically, there are ancient stories which say that the first man and woman were Adam and Lilith, who were made from the dust of the ground. Lilith didn't like the situation, so she left, and then God made Eve out of Adam's side. Lilith is referred to as a demoness and as being sexually free."

"Where the heck is THAT found?"

"Jewish mythology from the Babylonian Talmud, which was developed in the third to fifth centuries. Mr. Black liked those kinds of stories, but he was always careful to say they were just stories. Anyway, I just don't see it being worth the aggravation."

"I thought you liked redheads with green eyes!" Liz teased.

"I DO, but that's a secondary consideration in this case. Unless you know something I don't."

"No, but she seemed pretty unhappy about the way the conversation went. We're going swimming with Emmy, Mindy, and some girls from church after lunch. Mindy is picking me up. Want to come along?"

"Nah, I think I'll stay here. I'll have the house to myself, and I don't get much in the way of total privacy at school."

"I thought you liked hanging out with your friends."

"I do. But having some time alone is good, too. And this is the time and place to do it because I'm not really shunning anyone."

"OK. The offer's open if you want it."

"Thanks."

She got up, and we headed up the stairs. Mom and Dad were just leaving and would be home right before it was time to leave for Vespers, so I said 'goodbye' to them and then went up to hang out in my room until lunch. Liz and I had lunch together, and then she got ready for her trip to the pool.

Just after 1:00pm, the doorbell rang, and I opened the door to find Mindy and Maggie. I let them in and shut the door. Mindy gave me a hug and a quick peck, and Maggie shyly hugged me.

"Liz!" I shouted. "Your friends are here."

"Mike, do you have a minute?" Maggie asked quietly.

I totally wasn't in the mood for a debate, but Maggie's tone of voice and her body language said something different.

"Sure," I replied as Liz came bounding down the stairs, pool bag in hand.

"I need a minute," Maggie said.

Liz laughed and nodded, so I walked into the kitchen with Maggie following behind.

"I wanted to apologize for saying you weren't a Christian last night. That wasn't right. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," I replied in as reassuring a voice as I could muster.

"You must think I'm a terrible person!"

I shook my head, "Not at all. I think you're a good person who wasn't taught properly by people who weren't taught properly. That's hardly your fault."

She smiled, "Mindy told me I'd behaved really badly and that you were one of the nicest guys she ever met. She was right. Could we talk more?"

"I'm not really up for a theological debate today," I said.

"I promise not to argue with you. I just want to hear more about the stuff you believe to try to understand."

"Can I ask why?"

"Because," she answered softly, blushing. "I like you."

I refrained from shaking my head and sighing. What she'd said wasn't really a revelation, given what Liz had said and Maggie's behavior. That said, I'd just resolved to stick to girls who were at least eighteen. And, given what I knew about Maggie, I wasn't going to be able to date her, at least not in any normal fashion, not even the limited dates I'd had with Tasha. And that was because I wouldn't be able to pass muster with Lieutenant Colonel Schumacher of the United States Air Force.

"I thought asking you out required an interview with your dad."

"I know. But we'd just be talking. I don't," she blushed even deeper red, "well, you know, do what Mindy does."

"Which isn't what I meant when I said 'asking you out'," I replied gently. "But I couldn't even take you to dinner or a movie without getting your dad's approval."

Maggie looked sad, "So you won't even talk to me."

"I will, but I'm just pointing out the problems. When would I see you to talk? I'm in McKinley all Summer."

"I saw you there when Liz and Mindy came to visit you. I could do that again."

"I'll leave it up to you. You're welcome to visit if you want."

"What about today? I could skip swimming."

"Nobody else is home," I said.

"I trust you."

I couldn't help but laugh softly, "I would worry about your reputation or your dad's reaction."

"He would be very upset."

"So go swimming today and talk to Liz about visiting me in McKinley to talk."

Maggie smiled, "Thanks, Mike."

"You're welcome."

She leaned forward and kissed my cheek, then hurried to join Liz and Mindy at the front door.

"Bye, Mike!" the three of them called out.

"Bye!" I called back.

They left, and I went upstairs and got a book, then went back down to the living room. I sprawled out on the couch and opened my book. I closed it after a few minutes because I couldn't concentrate. Every time I came home, SOME kind of monkey wrench was thrown into the mix. I was half-tempted to simply pack my bags on go back to McKinley. Although Liz might give me grief about 'running away', I felt I had legitimate reasons.

I thought back to a conversation I'd had with my mom during the Fall of my Freshman year when she'd suggested I get away. She'd mentioned Gettysburg or Mammoth Cave, but at this point, even McKinley seemed a world away. Suddenly, the small town of West Monroe was no longer comforting the way it had been, and I DID need to get away.

And, in reality, McKinley was my home. I lived there, now basically year-round, and Saint Michael the Archangel was my assigned parish. I began, in a small way, to understand Dale's thinking, though if I had tried to do what he did, I felt things would have gone badly. My eighteen-year-old self wouldn't have been able to deal with it. McKinley, which was smaller than Cincinnati or Columbus, was an eye-opening experience by itself and required significant adjustments.

But what did that mean for my desire to practice medicine in Harding County? Did I belong here? Or somewhere else? Was Hayes County, which was right next door and was where McKinley was located, far enough away? Or did I need to go further? And what would that mean for medical school and Residency? What would Clarissa and Sandy say? And where would we go? Pittsburgh? Indianapolis?

But was I overreacting? Was it enough to simply live away from home? And how would I deal with the important ties in West Monroe — my mom and Liz? And what about Jocelyn? And, of course, Tasha. And Mindy. And, I laughed, Maggie. I couldn't escape! Well, that wasn't true. I could go to Stanford Medical School or someplace like that and bail completely on Ohio and be far enough away that it wouldn't really matter what happened in West Monroe.

My earlier conversation with Janey made me wonder more about Tasha and the questions my mom had asked. Would I be happy? Would she? Was it best for both of us to be together? I'd told Mom that I hadn't the foggiest notion. But why was that? The bottom line, I felt, was the fact that Tasha's dad controlled her so closely, and because of that, we couldn't REALLY get to know each other and be together in situations where we both felt free to just 'be ourselves', as it were. In many ways, I knew Kristin better than Tasha, even ignoring the Biblical meaning of 'knew'.