Chapter 28: Yes, I Meant Everything!

September 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"Are you sure, Tasha?" I asked. "I've never done that, and I'm not sure I know how."

"The book said some people enjoy it while others don't. Will you try?"

"I think I read the same book," I replied. "The Joy of Sex?"

"Yes, that was the book. So you know how it's supposed to work?"

"Mechanically, yes, but Tasha..."

"Mishka," she said gently. "You are my first lover and the one I want to experience everything with. I've told you that for a long time!"

"But this?"

"Well, I didn't know about it until perhaps a month ago!" she replied. "But I did tell you there were no restrictions and no limits in the marriage bed!"

"But we're not in our marriage bed?"

"Either it's our honeymoon, or it's simply a wonderful love affair with a man I love. Either way, this is exactly like the marriage bed, even if we do not marry. All things are possible, Mishka. That is what I told you."

"I thought you meant oral sex," I chuckled.

"I wasn't even sure what THAT was when I was fifteen!" she laughed. "But I didn't want you to think I wouldn't do anything you wanted to do or that I wouldn't want to please you."

"I don't know," I replied.

"You promised we could do everything," she said.

"I did, but I didn't consider this."

"If you've never done it before, then it's something you can do first with me. Perhaps you'll never do it again. Perhaps I won't. But I want to. With you."

"If you're sure, I'm willing to try."

She smiled and got out of bed. She went to her bag, unzipped the pocket, and came back with a blue and white tube, which I recognized from being with Jocelyn the first time after her hysterectomy.

"This is K-Y Jelly," Tasha said. "The woman at the clinic said it might help with our first time making love if I wasn't wet enough."

"I don't think THAT was a problem!"

"No, it wasn't! You make me wet between my legs just by kissing me! You have since our very first kiss! But the book said this could work for what I want to try."

"I'm pretty big," I replied. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I almost got it all the way into my mouth! But it's too long and thick to do that! It filled me VERY nicely when we made love! I love how it rubbed against my insides and made me feel completely filled up!"

"And I liked how tight you were around me, like a glove that was just a bit too small."

"Will you try?"

"If that's what you want, yes."

She turned on her stomach and spread her legs so I could move between them.

"It said you should rub lots of that on me and on you and go VERY slowly."

I squeezed some of the slick gel onto my fingers and carefully rubbed some between Tasha's firm, sexy butt cheeks. I squeezed a bit more and repeated the process, ensuring I spread some over the place she wanted me to enter. I was nervous about the entire adventure, but I used a third dollop of the lubricant to coat my glans and shaft, then set the tube aside.

"OK," I said.

Tasha took a very deep breath and let it out, then another, trying to relax as much as she could. Completely unsure about how to proceed, I placed my glans between her firm butt cheeks and lodged it against her, much as I had when we'd first made love several hours before.

"Try," she whispered.

I put my hands on her waist and leaned forward, exerting a small amount of pressure and making no headway. I leaned forward a bit more and pushed, but again, nothing happened. Tasha took a deep breath and let it out, and suddenly she gave way before me.

"Unghh!" she groaned. "Wait, Mishka!"

"Are you OK?" I asked, adjusting so there was no forward pressure.

"Yes!" she gasped. "Just wait!"

I waited, my glans feeling as if it was encased in a tight, fiery furnace, as her sphincter muscle threatened to sever it from my shaft. Tasha took several more deep breaths, letting each one out slowly.

"More," she whispered.

I pushed forward, leaning and thrusting gently, and more of my shaft disappeared into Tasha's rear. She continued to take deep, gasping breaths, letting them out as slowly as possible until I was deeply embedded in her butt.

"I feel so full," she gasped.

"You're OK?"

"Yes. How does it feel?"

"Strange," I replied.

"Can you move?"

"I'll try."

I slowly pulled back until I was mostly out of her, then slowly pushed back in, Tasha grunting and groaning as I fully entered her. I waited, deeply embedded, until she took a few breaths and raised her hips slightly, encouraging me to move. Once again, I pulled back and pushed deeply into her, eliciting a groan. I waited for her to breathe, then repeated the motion. Tasha seemed acclimated to my presence, so I began rhythmic thrusts timed with her breathing.

"What should I do at the end?" I asked.

"Leave it in me," she hissed. "I want to feel it."

About five minutes later, she did feel it as I exploded into her very tight, very hot rear end. When my orgasm had passed, I carefully pulled out and went straight to the bathroom to clean up. I got into the shower and used copious amounts of soap to clean off, somewhat surprised that I didn't see any of the contents of what I knew to come from the area I'd just penetrated. Once I was sure I was clean, I went back to the bedroom and got in bed with Tasha, who was still on her stomach.

"Are you OK?"

"I feel VERY weird right now," she whispered. "Did you like it?"

"Yes, but probably not enough to do it again. Did YOU like it?"

"I don't know. It didn't make me feel like when you make love to me, but it was very exciting, perhaps because it is so naughty!"

"Somehow, I think that would be the least of your dad's worries!"

Tasha laughed softly, "Yes, he would be much more concerned that you pushed your big, thick dick into my tight pussy and popped my cherry!"

I laughed hard, "Speaking of naughty!"

"That is what happened, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"And I suspect he wouldn't be happy that I sucked your big, thick dick, let you cum in my mouth, and then swallowed your cum!"

"Very true!"

"Or that you stuck your tongue into my tight pussy and made me cum!"

"Also true!"

"Very good, Mishka!"

"What?"

"You didn't react with surprise when I used those words. I believe you see me as a young woman, not as a pristine little girl!"

"I think it would be difficult to see you as a pristine little girl after I popped your cherry; you sucked my dick and swallowed my cum; we fucked like bunnies; AND I fucked you in the ass!"

Tasha laughed, "Wow! Now it's MY turn to be surprised!"

"Oh, sure, because after doing THAT, there is ANY chance I could pretend to be proper with you!"

"There is one more thing I want before we fall asleep."

"What's that?"

"Please put your big, thick dick in my tight pussy and fuck my brains out," she said impishly.

"Your wish is my command!"

September 17, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"This is wonderful," Tasha sighed as we reclined in the whirlpool tub late on Saturday afternoon.

"I agree," I replied, squeezing my arms tightly around her.

"I'm sorry I wore you out!" she teased.

"No, you aren't!" I chuckled. "But I did need that nap. I'm guessing you aren't going to let me go to sleep early tonight!"

"What about Eucharist in the morning?"

"I think neither of us should partake until we confess."

"But..."

"But what? You know Father Herman can never reveal anything he hears in confession. And I've confessed what I've done. Both Father Nicholas and Father Herman have the same basic opinion — that if they kicked every teenager or young adult who had sex out of church, the church would be empty. He'll counsel you to stop and give you some fasting and prayer rules designed to help you control your urges."

"Do they work?"

"Not for me," I replied. "This is a weakness which I will only overcome by marriage. I've tried, and I'm not justifying or excusing myself, but I don't have the willpower to abstain completely."

"And he will let me receive the Eucharist?"

"It'll be up to you. When I talked to my mom about it, back when the whole thing with Jocelyn was going on, my mom pointed out that, in the end, everything comes down to whether or not you love God. Again, that's not a license to sin, but God knows our weaknesses and loves us despite them. If we return that love, he's accepting and forgiving. I'm not sure how to explain it other than to say that I love God. I'm sure you do as well."

"Yes, of course. But what do I say?"

"Just that you've sinned by having sex. He won't ask for names or details, but he will talk to you about the church's teachings."

"I don't know."

"Tasha, as right as this is, as much as we both wanted it, it is still falling short of perfection. Confession and the Eucharist are the medicine by which we are healed and saved. Don't forego them."

"Does the bishop know?"

I laughed, "Yes and no. I made the point when he expressed his intention to ordain me that I was a sinner. He smiled and said that he was as well and that if we excluded all sinners from the clergy, we would have no clergy, and if we excluded all sinners from church, we would have no laity."

"Do you feel bad about doing this?"

"You mean, do I feel guilty? Not really. I feel as if I've missed the mark of perfection. I struggle, at times, with the problem, but in the end, the only thing I can do is rely on God's love to overcome whatever flaws I have and whatever sins I commit."

"You won't confess tonight or tomorrow?"

"That would clearly indicate I'd been with you unless you don't come to church with me. If I do it Wednesday, at Vespers, or next weekend, there's just enough question that it won't be completely obvious to Father Nicholas."

"But won't Father Herman know I was with you?"

"He might surmise, but again, there is what they call 'plausible deniability'. And besides, even if our priests know, they can't say anything."

"So why not confess tonight?"

"I was thinking of you."

"I think it best you confess BEFORE you serve in the altar, Subdeacon Michael."

"You're right. I'll do that. And you?"

"Father Nicholas is not my confessor, so I can't, really, except in an emergency. I'll simply refrain from the Eucharist tomorrow."

"I may be required to," I replied.

"If so, then we can make love all night!" she said happily.

"You'll never get enough, will you?" I teased.

"No! But also, I will not simply go with anyone, Mishka. If you end up not being my husband, I will wait for the man who is before I do this again."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Being with you is different. But after you, the next man to touch me this way will be a man to whom I am betrothed. Maybe it's you, but we both know now that's not likely to happen."

"Why do you say that?"

"For the same reason I did before — if you thought we should marry, you would have asked me quite some time ago. Even if it was several years before we could marry, you would have asked. You didn't. And I think that means, most likely, you never will."

"I'm sorry."

"For what? For being honest? We both had fantasies about the future. We both grew up to realize that fantasy and reality aren't the same. Perhaps we won't fulfill the one where we marry and raise an Orthodox family together, but we certainly fulfilled the one we both wanted from the time I turned fourteen, and we noticed each other! You were the only man who could make me a woman, Mishka. But it is probably some other man who will make me a wife and mother."

"Does that make you sad?"

"No. It would have in the past, but I think it's the right thing. I suppose there is a bit of longing in my heart that we could marry, but that's not enough, is it?"

"No, it's not."

"I think we'll always be friends, Mishka, and until one of us finds our mate, we can be lovers."

"I'd like that."

"Me, too!"

September 18, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"What time do you need to leave to go home?" I asked as Tasha and I lay together after making love for the third time on Sunday afternoon.

"After dinner, so about 6:30pm. That way, I'm home by 7:30pm, and that gives me time to do my homework."

"OK."

"And until then, you're going to use every last ounce of energy!"

I chuckled and pushed Tasha onto her back so I could orally pleasure her, something we had discovered that she truly enjoyed.

Six hours later, having exhausted myself to the point that even walking required exertion, I carried Tasha's bag to her Volvo. I put the bag on the passenger seat, and then we kissed tenderly.

"I won't be able to stay the night again for some time," she said. "But I will come to visit! Would you be upset if I visited on Sunday afternoons?"

"Hmm. A visit from the most beautiful girl I know who wants to have sex with me? Would that upset me? No, I don't think it would!"

"You!" she laughed. "I suppose it would be better to ask if that would cause you trouble?"

"Not really. Sundays aren't busy, and after church is my usual time to relax."

"You won't be relaxing!" she teased.

"I think I can make an exception for you, Natalya Vasilyevna!"

"I love you very much, Mishka."

"And I love you, Tasha."

"I'm glad we could finally say that to each other and truly mean it, but without fear that it committed us to some future course of action."

"Besides screwing like bunny rabbits?" I teased.

"Yes, besides that!"

We exchanged another tender kiss, she got into her Volvo, and I stood and watched as she drove away. Once she was out of sight, I went back into the house to clean up the bedroom and put the soiled sheets in the washer.

"I take it you had a good time," Milena smirked, coming into the laundry room as I added soap to the machine.

"You could say that," I grinned.

"Do you have to get back to campus right away?"

"I promised to be there by 8:00pm for study group. Why?"

"I wondered if you would have some time to talk."

"Sure. What's up?"

"I've missed talking to you these last few weeks. Between Joel being here and you being busy."

"Then let's talk."

"Would you violate any commitments you've made to anyone if we use the Jacuzzi?"

"No, but that ring on your finger says you would," I replied gently.

"Joel knows everything that happened between us," Milena replied. "And he knows how close you and I were and how close I'd like to stay. It's not about sex, remember? It's about closeness. And I promise you he's OK with it."

"It seems wrong to me," I replied.

"Have you ever been in a sauna?"

"Yes."

"With someone of the opposite sex? Naked?"

I chuckled, "That is a losing argument for you because I have, and I got to 'third base,' as we called it, and then another time actually made love!"

"Oops," Milena laughed. "Bad example, then. But you have the necessary self-control, and so do I. And Joel trusts us. And he knows we were lovers. He also knows we aren't now."

"I don't know," I replied.

"It'll be fine, Mike."

I let her take my hand and lead me upstairs to the master bedroom, then into the bathroom. She turned on the tap and started undressing. I reluctantly did the same, and when she climbed into the tub, I followed her. We sat down, and she snuggled back against me. I was careful to ensure my hands were on her stomach, neither too high nor too low. We sat quietly while the tub filled, and when it had, Milena turned off the tap and pressed the button to start the water jets.

"What's bugging you?" I asked.

Milena laughed softly, "You aren't quite as clueless as you seem."

"Gee, thanks?"

"You do have to admit you aren't quite as tuned into others as you probably should be."

"Clearly."

"You're getting better, Mike. You just need the right balance of empathy, caring, and attention, and you're going to make a great doctor. I can vouch for you having good hands!"

I chuckled, "I'm not quite sure that's a qualification!"

"The pretty nurses won't mind, at least if you're still single at that point! Heck, some of them won't mind if you aren't."

"That's not me."

"No, it's not. You'll give your word at the altar or wherever and keep it until you draw your last breath. And you won't ever knowingly cause anyone else to cheat. And that's why this is perfectly safe."

"You put a lot of faith in my self-control," I replied.

Milena laughed, "If a score of orgasms, or perhaps more, these last three days didn't satiate you, well, then perhaps I chose the wrong guy!"

"I thought you liked just gentle and once, then lots of cuddling."

"It depends on my mood and what I need at the time. You simply followed my lead. I wasn't the girl for you to bang senseless for three days! If I was, you'd have done that during your Freshman year!"

"So what's actually bugging you?"

"Believe it or not, growing up. I'm going to be married, be a professor, have kids, and basically turn into my mom!"

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" I chuckled. "Your mom is totally cool. And if it's not out of line to say, she's very nice looking."

"Oh, it's not out of line to say, and she'd appreciate that. May I give you a piece of advice?"

"Sure."

"Don't commit to anyone until after the Summer of your Senior year."

"Why?"

"You aren't THAT clueless," Milena laughed.

"No, I'm not. I sort of got that drift when she told me she'd collect on the favor. But isn't that a bit weird?"

"For you? For me? For her?"

"All three, I guess."

"A young, good-looking, virile man with lots of energy? Who wouldn't want that? As for me, strange as it seems, I'm OK with it. For you? A love affair, even a brief one, with an experienced, mature lover might be just the trick."