Chapter 16: Sing Me a Love Song

July 28, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

On Thursday evening, I was sitting in my room, practicing my guitar, after having spoken with Tasha and confirming our date for Sunday. Just after 9:00pm, there was a knock at the door.

"It's unlocked! Come in!"

The door opened, and Milena walked in, closing the door behind her.

"Hey!" I replied. "What's up?"

"Got some time for me?"

"Always. What can I do for you?"

"Sing me a love song and then make love to me?"

"Your wish is my command!" I grinned. "Come sit with me."

I pulled out my folder of sheet music and tried to decide what to play. I ruled out Billy Joel's Always a Woman because it carried so much negative emotion and Endless Love because it was a duet. I came to All Out of Love by Air Supply and knew it fit, but I wondered if it was the right song to sing.

Milena touched my arm, "Go ahead, sing that."

I nodded and began playing and singing.

When I finished the song, I put down the guitar, took Milena's hand, and led her to bed, where we made love slowly and gently, then cuddled together.

"Joel called me tonight," she said, snuggling close, our bodies slightly sweaty from lovemaking.

"And you came here, asked me to sing a love song, and make love to you because it went badly."

"No, because it went perfectly."

"Perfectly? Then why?"

Milena moved on top of me, crossed her arms, and rested her chin on them.

"Because it felt like the best way to bring things to a close."

"But..."

She put her finger on my lips.

"We both knew this would eventually end, Mike. And it needed to end this way."

"I wasn't objecting to the ending," I replied. "Just making love when your heart belongs to Joel."

"It was the right thing to do, Mike."

"And the particular song?"

"I knew it was in your folder, but obviously, I couldn't be sure you would play it."

"It seemed like the right song, though I was a bit reticent. I suppose some kind of ESP or 'sixth sense' told me to play it."

"Or, perhaps, an angel whispered it in your ear."

"Perhaps. So, now what?"

"I'll leave that to you. For the next eight hours, we'll do anything you want. I mean that. Anything. No limits."

"Then I just want to cuddle you," I replied. "The other stuff is what messed things up with Joel."

"I was hoping you would say that," she sighed.

"Then why offer?"

"I just felt I needed to, but I also felt safe in your arms."

"Will you tell me about Joel?"

"In some ways, it was like we were never apart. But there are nearly ten years to catch up on."

"I take it he's still single."

"Yes."

"What's he doing in San Diego?"

"He works for Peregrine Systems as an accountant.

"What do they do?"

"Make computer software for IBM computers."

"So what's next?"

"I'm going to fly out to San Diego on Sunday afternoon. I'll be back by the end of the week."

"And then?"

"I'll let you know if the magic is still there."

"Go with your heart, Milena. It won't steer you wrong in this case."

"I hope that's true," she sighed.

I had the same hope, not just for her but for me as well.

July 31, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"Good morning, Natalya Vasilyevna!" Father Nicholas said when Tasha arrived at Saint Michael the Archangel Church on Sunday morning.

"Father, Bless!" Tasha replied.

She cupped her hands, Father Nicholas made the sign of the cross over them, and she kissed his hand.

"What brings you here today?"

"My dad is filling in at the Cathedral for Protodeacon Seraphim."

"Which makes you a free agent for the day!" Father Nicholas said with a smile. "We're happy to have you worship with us."

"Thank you, Father."

"And, unfortunately, I need to take Subdeacon Michael from you for a few hours."

Tasha smiled, then sighed theatrically, "The lot of the Matushka!"

"Is there something you need to talk to me about, Subdeacon?" Father Nicholas asked with a smirk.

"Not at this time," I said soberly.

Tasha and Father Nicholas both laughed, then he and I went to the altar, where Deacon Grigory joined us to begin preparing for Matins and the Divine Liturgy. As I went about my preparations, I noticed that Angie, who had chosen to wait outside, only came into the nave just before Matins started, and she stood with some of the college kids. I also noticed Tasha standing with Katy's family, which I had expected.

After church, Tasha and I dropped Angie back at the dorm, then headed north to spend the afternoon in a Russian Tea Room just southeast of Columbus.

"Did something happen between you and Angie?" Tasha asked as we sipped tea from glasses in silver metal holders, as was the usual Russian way.

"Measuring the competition?" I grinned.

"Is there any?" Tasha asked impishly.

"You asked about Angie!"

"I just had an idea something had happened from the way she was acting."

"Without going into detail, I basically told her I didn't see a way forward on which we both could agree."

"I see," Tasha replied, the corner of her lip turning up ever so slightly.

I wondered if that expression meant that if I weren't physically present, Tasha would exclaim 'Yes!' and pump her fist in victory. From her perspective, the most 'dangerous' competitor had just been eliminated. I didn't agree with her because, in MY mind, Maggie was a very strong competitor despite the impediments she faced.

"Did Katy tell you I'm having dinner at her house on Friday?"

"Yes, but I know you two are just friends. She's going to California for at least four years, maybe longer if she decides to get her Master's degree."

That was news to me, but it really didn't surprise me. It hadn't come up in the conversations we'd had on Sunday mornings, but we weren't a couple, nor did I think we could be a couple, so it wasn't a big deal.

"I just don't want any miscommunication between you and me because she goes to Saint Michael!"

"I appreciate it, but you're having dinner at her house to say 'goodbye', not going out on a date. And, as I said, she's leaving, so even a date wouldn't really have bothered me. The recent promise was only about Angie."

And it had worked exactly as I believed Tasha had intended.

"So long as it doesn't cause any problems between us," I replied.

"It won't. Have a nice evening with Katy and her parents! How is Clarissa?"

"She's fine. Remember, I'm going to visit her in about three weeks."

"I'm curious why, when school starts the following week?"

"She's going to tell her parents that she's a lesbian and wants me there for support."

"Why tell them?"

"I suspect because she wants to be able to see Glenda without having to sneak around or hide things."

"And you think that is a good idea?"

"I think being open and honest about her sexuality is healthy. But in the end, it doesn't matter if I think it's a good idea or not. I'm going to support my friend and help her in any way I can."

"May I ask something which might upset you?"

"Go ahead," I replied warily.

"Are you trying to make up for what you see as your failure with Jocelyn?"

I shrugged slightly, "Maybe. I haven't really thought about it in that way."

"And you haven't heard anything from Jocelyn?"

I shook my head, "No. I've thought about calling her house, but she was adamant I shouldn't do that."

"It just makes no sense to me that she wouldn't even speak to you! Even when I was very angry with you over Janelle, I didn't stop speaking to you!"

"No, you didn't," I chuckled, "but I feared for my life!"

"As you should have! Kissing another girl who way? In public?"

"I promise not to kiss you in public," I smirked.

"Perhaps you should fear for your life again!"

"But as a subdeacon, I'm supposed to behave with decorum!"

"Yes, and that means no kissing while you're in your cassock! If you were a deacon or priest and wore your cassock most of the time, it would be different. It was the KIND of kiss, Mikhail Petrovich!"

"You like that kind of kiss!"

"Yes, but in private, Mishka! In fact, in private, I think we can enjoy even BETTER kisses!"

"And where would you like me to kiss you, Natalya Vasilyevna?" I asked with a smirk.

She blushed deep red, but her eyes twinkled, telling me EXACTLY what she wanted.

"Similar to where you want me to kiss YOU!" she laughed. "But I think we have to wait!"

"Oh, I suppose," I replied with feigned disappointment.

"You know there is a simple answer for that, Mishka! We can ask Father Herman or Father Nicholas for a betrothal ceremony, and then we can do anything we want! We could have a VERY wonderful birthday celebration!"

"I don't believe your dad would accept betrothal as sufficient to share your bed!"

"No, he wouldn't," she sighed. "And you are not ready to ask."

"Does that upset you greatly?"

"No. I wish it were different, but I understand why it has to be the way it is. You're planning to stay in McKinley next Summer as well?"

"Yes. Mr. Sokolov will be happy, and the RA job means I have no real expenses other than entertainment and my car expenses."

"And the finances would work if you couldn't be an RA during your Senior Year?"

I nodded, "Yes. Remember, my finances were calculated based on not being an RA, so I'm able to save more. But finances would be OK so long as my wife was working. A baby would be out of the question for some time, though."

"How long?"

"Practically? After medical school, unless we had someone to watch the baby for free during the day."

"You mean like your grandma did for you and Liz?"

"Yes, though my mom didn't go back to work until Liz started kindergarten. That wouldn't work in my situation. My dad could support the family for that time, though saving was tough. Remember, I won't have any income for two full years once I finish my second year of medical school."

"I don't think I want to get pregnant immediately," Tasha replied. "I think I want to be a couple for at least the first year."

"That makes a lot of sense," I replied.

"What are we doing for dinner now that your friend Milena went to California?"

"I really didn't have a plan. There's a good Chinese restaurant about four miles from here if you want."

"That sounds good."

We drank two pots of tea before heading to dinner, and after dinner, I drove back to McKinley. We went to Milton Lake, walked a complete circuit around the lake, and then headed back to campus. We exchanged a nice but relatively chaste kiss, and then Tasha got into her mom's car for her drive home. I watched until she was out of sight, then went into the dorm. I listened to music, said my evening prayers, and went to bed.

August 5, Circleville, Ohio

"Hi, Mike!" Mr. Malenkov said warmly when he opened the door on Friday evening.

"Hi, Mr. Malenkov!"

"Come on in. Katy and her mom are working on dinner."

I followed him into the great room and accepted his offer of a glass of sherry, something I'd never had before.

"I've never had this before, but I like it," I replied.

"Let me guess, except for wine, you've mostly drunk vodka?"

"Yes. My grandfather doesn't drink anything else!"

Mr. Malenkov laughed, "A true Russian, is he?"

"Through and through," I replied.

"Well, this is more of a doctor's drink."

"I've actually considered not drinking at all once I start my clinical rotations. I read somewhere that you have to wait at least twelve hours after your last drink before you can be on duty, and given my schedule for the first few years, I mostly won't have enough time between shifts to even have a drink!"

"A couple of friends of mine who are pilots are the same way," he replied. "If you don't drink, you never have to worry about whether or not you're OK. That said, top-shelf spirits are one of the finer things in life which making good money allows you to enjoy. This bottle we're drinking from runs about $75."

I nearly choked because I was used to bottles of vodka costing less than $10.

"That's going to be out of my price range for some time!" I chuckled.

"We all start that way," he replied. "Well, except for those lucky few who inherit their money. Katy's mom and I both started out as modestly poor college graduates. This house didn't come for quite a few years. You'll eventually get there, Mike. Just hang in there."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sound as if I was complaining. I understand the monetary payoff that eventually comes. That said, I'd want to be a doctor even without that."

"Which is a good sign," he agreed. "I've told Katy, many times, it's much more important to do something you enjoy and want to do than do something you dislike simply because it pays better. Granted, sometimes that's necessary, but with proper education, it shouldn't be, assuming you're a good judge of what it is you want."

I nodded, "I totally understand that. I'm basically committed to a very specific course of action, and if I decide I don't like it, I'll be in real trouble."

"You told me you've wanted this since you were ten or so, right?"

"Yes. It was fourth grade. And nothing I've seen, except for the cost of medical school, has really given me any pause. I know how hard it's going to be, and I'm prepared for it."

"Good. May I ask you about your clerical ambitions?"

"I have no ambition in that regard!" I grinned. "I'm a subdeacon because Vladyka ARKADY asked me. If, at some point, after I get married, he asks me to be a deacon, I will, under protest."

"If you don't want it, why not refuse?"

"I choose to be obedient to my bishop," I replied. "And that means accepting his decisions with regard to ordinations."

"And if he wants to make you a priest?"

"It's not really compatible with being a physician because I couldn't serve a parish as pastor. In addition, that's not my calling at all. I can be a servant but not a shepherd. And I'm quite sure Vladyka ARKADY is well aware of that!"

"Hi, Mike!" Katy said, coming into the great room.

"Hi, Katy!"

She greeted me with a quick hug and peck on the cheek.

"Dinner is ready."

Mr. Malenkov and I followed her to the dining room, where Katy and I sat next to each other. We had a nice dinner and talked about Katy's impending departure for California, her plans for college, including a potential Master's degree, and my education. When we finished dinner, Katy and her mom served dessert and coffee.

"Katriina and I are going to a movie," Mr. Malenkov said when we finished dessert. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like, Mike."

"Thanks," I replied.

"We'll take care of the dishes, Dad," Katy said.

"Thanks," Mrs. Malenkov said. "We'll go change."

We all got up, and Katy and I began clearing the table and loading the dishwasher. Once the dishwasher was loaded and started, we began washing pots and pans and other things which didn't go into the dishwasher.

"Bye, kids!" Mr. Malenkov called out.

"Bye!" Katy and I called back in unison.

Katy and I quickly finished in the kitchen, then went to the great room and sat on the couch.

"What would you like to do?" Katy asked. "We could play pool, use the sauna, or listen to music."

"I'm OK with any of those," I replied.

"Wanna fool around?"

"Remind me again, but didn't you break up with me?"

"Yes."

"And fooling around?"

"It's not as if we haven't done it before."

"Obviously," I chuckled. "I believe I was there at the time."

"You were, you goofball! I certainly liked it. I assume you did."

"Minus how that evening ended, yes."

"Wasn't it a foregone conclusion, though? I mean, once you decided you couldn't make a commitment at that point?"

"I suppose so, but honestly, I think that was the right decision for quite a few reasons. Not that I didn't think we might eventually get to that point; it was just too soon to live together."

"I know. I agree, actually."

"But then you decided to go to Stanford instead of Ohio State. And now you're going to stay there for your Master's degree."

"In the end, we'd have needed my parents' support for six or seven years, at least. I didn't want our relationship to be tied to that."

"You think we might have stayed together because of that?"

Katy nodded, "I think you would have been in a terrible trap, and that could have ended very badly."

"You think I might have stayed with you because of the help your parents were giving?"

"I think it would have had some influence on you, and I didn't want that, not even if it was only a little bit and only subconsciously."

"So, from your perspective, a relationship was either 'now or never'?"

"You could go to Stanford Medical School, you know?" Katy suggested. "I'm sure you'll ace your standardized tests and have great references and great grades."

"It's more complicated than that now," I replied. "Clarissa and I are absolutely going to the same medical school, and Sandy is going to join us."

"You and Clarissa? I thought you and Tasha were going to end up together, at least eventually. Or maybe you and Maggie."

"Clarissa is a lesbian," I replied.

"Oops. Well, then, it's not THAT!"

"What happened to the guy you were seeing?"

"Gerry? That was about going to dances, mostly. We went on a few dates and went to some basketball and football games, but he's going to Georgia Tech. And it was never too serious."

I wondered if Katy had planned the evening or if her parents had decided on their own to leave us alone. I realized I wasn't upset with her request, and I certainly was still attracted to her. Clarissa had taken me to task about the way I approached sex, and I was actually at a crossroads. With Milena trying to restore things with Joel, I was at a place where I actually could be celibate without anyone being upset with me. The question was whether I wanted to be.

There was also the question of Tasha, who, if she knew the extent of my sexual activity, would be so offended that she would likely break things off. But, in the end, the details were not something I was going to share with anyone except, perhaps, Clarissa. In the end, though, the REAL issue was how 'fooling around' with Katy would affect me emotionally. Which took me right back to the verbal beating I'd take from Clarissa when she'd told me to 'get over' myself.

"Did you ask your parents to go out?"

Katy shook her head, "No. I was as surprised as you were. But I think it's obvious they wanted to give us some time alone."

"Seriously? We aren't dating!"

Katy laughed softly, "Remember, they were sure we slept together long before we did and supported us living together. My parents really like you and would have liked us to continue dating."

"But didn't your dad think you should go to Stanford?"

"Sure, but everyone has to make tradeoffs, and he knew the one I was considering. But as I said, neither of us was really ready, even if we talked as if we were."