Chapter 14: Angie, Maggie, and Tasha

July 22, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

It took me a minute before I could think straight and another minute to formulate a semi-coherent response.

"Angie, I can't make the commitment necessary to do that," I replied gently.

"I know, and I'm not asking for one. I just think it's the only way forward."

It was obvious she felt, based on everything that had happened, she had to prove to me that she COULD have sex. But I wondered if it was more than that. As I quickly thought about it, I was SURE it was more than that.

"Are you trying to prove something to me or yourself?"

She sighed deeply, "Both, I guess."

"And you think going to bed together is the way to do that?"

"I think you're so concerned about me having a bad reaction — either now or later — that we'll never get anywhere."

"So the alternative is to do something you've never wanted to do?"

"But that's not true, Mike! I wanted to be with you from the beginning! Don't you remember how it started? I was interested and we went out and had a great time with Jeannette and Marie, and we teased and even kissed a bit. I WANTED to be with you in the worst possible way. But every time we were close, I was nervous — scared, even, and froze up. That one good French kiss made me tingle. I wanted more, all of it, but..."

She took a deep, gasping breath, and tears began slowly dripping down her cheeks.

" ... I was so afraid that I froze up. And then I couldn't even kiss you properly. But before that? I wanted to."

I wasn't quite sure what to do, but putting my arm around Angie seemed like the right thing to do. I scooted close and put my arm lightly around her shoulders. She turned and put her head on my chest, and I felt the dampness of her tears. We were at a serious crossroads, and I had no idea what to do about it. Pretty much any action I could possibly take might hurt her.

I'd boxed myself into a corner simply by asking her out. I'd assumed, wrongly, that we could go on a simple date and simply work our way forward somehow. Actually, I hadn't been sure what 'forward' meant when I'd decided to ask Angie on a date because of the exact problem she'd identified. As I thought about it, no matter what happened, it would have eventually come to a head. Either this way or, perhaps worse, with a desperate, last-ditch attempt when I was about to commit to someone else.

I also hadn't considered how going out with Angie might affect my other relationships — Tasha, Maggie, and Clarissa. Angie knew I was seeing them, and I was reasonably certain she knew, or at least suspected, I was sleeping with Milena. And there was the issue of what to do about Kristin when she returned in the Fall, but I felt that one was simple enough to deal with, one way or the other.

And there was a final issue which I had NO idea how to deal with, and that was something I hadn't even thought about before asking Angie on an actual date. Tasha had required me to promise not to date anyone from either Holy Transfiguration or Saint Michael the Archangel. That meant I'd broken my promise to Tasha. I might get away with it because Angie and I hadn't even kissed, and I COULD ask forgiveness and was likely to receive it. No matter what, I'd have to talk to Tasha about the situation.

"Angie?"

"What?" she sniffed.

"You don't need to prove anything to me. Not that way."

"But I do," she sighed, sniffing again. "If we don't, you'll never believe we can be together!"

"I wouldn't say 'never," I replied.

"Tell me the truth, Mike. You're very concerned that I'll revert to how I was before or freak out at some point."

"Yes, I am concerned about that. But going to bed together isn't the solution. Not now, anyway. If it's going to happen, it has to be at the right time."

"And when will that be?"

"I can't give you a day and time if that's what you're asking for. But it has to be down the road, not tonight."

Angie shook her head, "We'll never get there because you have your mind made up."

I took a deep breath and let it out.

"It's certainly something I'm concerned about, but I think we can take it slower than just jumping into bed tonight. There are lots of things to talk about and deal with if we're going to investigate the future together. I really can't make the commitment necessary to do what you want."

"I don't need a commitment," she sighed. "What I need is to go to bed with you. It's the only way forward, Mike. No matter what happens afterwards, you won't be concerned about that, and we can get on with figuring things out. I KNOW you aren't chaste! Kristin spent nearly every night with you after you and Sandy broke up, and I'd bet anything you want to wager you and Milena are sleeping together."

"Ang..." I protested. "That's totally not necessary. I mean that. At a minimum, I want to wait for a second date. Will you do that for ME, please?"

"And then you'll wait for a third, and a fourth, and a fifth..."

"I'm not saying 'no'; I'm saying let's take it one step at a time."

"Is there some other problem?"

There was, but I really didn't want to get into the whole situation with Tasha until I had a chance to talk to Clarissa and Milena and get some advice. My problem was, I wanted to have my cake and to eat it, too, and that simply wasn't possible. I HAD to make a choice that would, for all intents and purposes, end things with Angie or with Tasha. I couldn't imagine a way out, and I would have to decide immediately on which one I thought was a better choice for the future.

I couldn't say that, but I could temporize.

"Ang, I have a date with Maggie tomorrow. Let me get that out of the way, and then we can see what's next."

"I'm not asking you to stop seeing other girls," she protested.

"No, you aren't asking, but it's going to work out that way. We've been dating nearly two years, Ang."

"We have not!"

"Really? What would YOU call it? Running? Morning and evening prayer? Two or three meals every day? Church at least three times a week? And don't forget you being called 'Mrs. Loucks'."

"But I told you 'no'!"

"And yet we spent nearly every waking moment together when we weren't in class or studying."

"Until I had my breakdown."

"You were sick, Ang. You needed to get well."

"But you don't think I am."

"I think you are, but I also remember what you said your counselor advised."

"So I need a notarized permission slip to go to bed with you?"

I chuckled, "Sorry for laughing; I'd actually like to hear THAT conversation."

"It's OK. But what are you trying to say?"

"I don't know what I'm trying to say. You surprised me, and I think this is WAY more complicated than you thought it was. I know it became way more complicated than I thought it was."

"Because I asked you to go to bed?"

"Partly, but because I didn't realize myself what was going on. I mean, I knew about the nickname, obviously, but I didn't really think it was anything other than just a bit of teasing. In hindsight, it wasn't."

"But I didn't see it that way!"

I smiled and asked gently, "Are you SURE about that? Why do all those things? Including your comments about Sandy providing certain wifely benefits which you couldn't."

"Now that you've proved this isn't our first date, you can take me to bed."

I shook my head, "Not yet. Ang, if you want this to work, we need to take it slowly. And I know you've said you aren't asking for a commitment, but I believe that's what it would amount to."

"YOU believe," she said, sounding a bit exasperated. "I told you I don't. Are you committed to Milena? Or Kristin? Or Sandy?"

"This is different," I replied.

"Why?"

"Because I have no intention of marrying them or even considering marriage with them."

"How does that even make sense?! You'll go to bed with girls who you won't marry, but not with the ones you might?"

I nodded, "As odd as that sounds, it's more or less where I've found myself."

"Tasha, Maggie, and me?"

"I really shouldn't comment on that, but as you know or guessed about the others, yes."

"May I ask a VERY personal question?"

"Go on."

"Your choice? Or theirs?"

"It's not cut and dried. The desire is there, but the decision was to wait for much the same reason as I just gave — the commitment."

"From their perspective or yours?"

"Both, really. And I want to remind you of how you thought about that before. And I'm not talking about the mental or emotional block, but your view on pre-marital sex."

"I don't know that I can separate the two."

"Sure you can," I replied. "You told me, to simplify it, that fooling around with Jeannette and Marie would create serious problems between us."

"I did," Angie said with a slight sigh. "But things were different because of my struggles."

"But not only because of them. You were sort of the anti-type of the Catholic girl stereotype."

Angie laughed, "I guess I was or am. I don't want to go to bed with just anyone. I'm just concerned that you'll never do it."

"If it's the right thing to do, and at the right time, I will. But that's not tonight."

When the album finished, I walked Angie to her room, where we exchanged a hug, and she gave me a peck on the lips. I went back to my room, undressed, got into bed, and fell asleep.

July 23, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"I think you made the right decision," Clarissa replied after I explained what had transpired the night before.

"But what do I do NOW?" I asked. "I didn't expect to have to make a decision about Tasha until next Summer."

"You mean because of the promise about not dating anyone from church?"

"Yes."

"Wasn't that really directed at Janey? And possibly Katy?"

"Yes, but Tasha didn't name them. She just said no girls from either church."

"And if Maggie starts going to church?"

"A similar problem."

"And given what happened with Janey, you aren't going to risk trying to finesse it."

"No chance."

"What about asking Tasha?"

I laughed, "'Hi, Tasha. Do you mind if I date Mrs. Loucks?'"

"Yeah, maybe not," Clarissa replied mirthfully. "It's only Tasha, though, right? Angie and Maggie aren't asking you to stop seeing other girls, are they?"

"Not yet. But as I said before, it's not like this was really my first date with Angie. And you know what everyone thought about us."

"Yes, but what did YOU think about the two of you being together?"

"I wanted it in the worst way until she had her meltdown."

"A defining event, similar to Jocelyn's."

"Yes," I sighed. "And the source of what I consider the biggest risk of any."

"You know," Clarissa said with a soft laugh, "you could just fuck them all and decide which one you like best!"

"Oh yeah, because THAT won't cause any trouble at all!" I laughed. "And that isn't exactly the basis for marriage I was thinking of."

"In all seriousness, couldn't you talk to Tasha?"

"And what? Give her what amounts to an ultimatum? Or have her give me one?"

"Isn't that effectively your only way out without eliminating one or the other?"

"I suppose it is."

"If push comes to shove, who do you choose?"

"If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't have needed to talk to you about it."

"What about Maggie?"

"She's coming to church with me tonight. We'll see how it goes."

"Did Milena hear from her old flame?"

"She just sent him the card yesterday. He's in San Diego, so I'd guess he'll receive it Wednesday. I'm hoping, for her sake, he replies and isn't involved with anyone."

"Because he's her soulmate?"

"Yes. I'd like to see it happen. It's exactly what she needs right now."

"You two seem to have become super-close."

"We have, but she's not you, Lissa."

Clarissa laughed, "I'm not jealous, Petrovich! I know who you belong to!"

"So that's how it is, is it?" I asked with a grin she couldn't see.

"One way or the other, yes. Do you deny it?"

"No."

"Call Tasha, Mike. Talk with her. Let her know you're hanging out with Angie again. See what she says."

"Put the decision on her?"

"No, it's on you. You can tell Angie 'no'. You're basically letting Tasha know that you can't accept her terms."

"I think that makes the most sense."

"And has the most potential to keep your options open. But promise me one thing, Mike."

"What?"

"Whoever you end up with understands our relationship."

"I promise. Angie obviously knows, and I've talked to Tasha. We'll see what happens with Maggie."

"When will she be there?"

"For lunch. I have time to call Tasha before then."

"Call me if you need anything, Petrovich. I miss you and love you."

"I miss you and love you, too, Lissa. I'll see you in three weeks."

We said 'goodbye' and hung up. I thought for a bit about what I'd do if Tasha pushed the issue, and I actually wasn't sure. I stood, staring at the phone, and then dialed Tasha's number, still unsure as to what I'd do if the gambit Clarissa had suggested didn't work.

"Mishka!" Tasha exclaimed in her usual way of greeting me.

"Hi, Tasha! How are you?"

"Good. I plan to come see you next weekend if that's OK."

"It is."

"I was thinking Sunday. I'll come to church, and then we can spend the rest of the day together. Dad is going to be at the Cathedral."

"Uhm, that might mean I get called if there's something special going on."

"No. The protodeacon is on vacation. They aren't doing a hierarchical liturgy, but the bishop likes to have a deacon to lead prayers."

"OK. Then let's plan on Sunday. I need to ask you a question."

"About?"

"Angie."

Tasha was quiet for a moment, then said, "She wants to date?"

"Yes."

"I knew that day would eventually come. And you promised no girls from either Holy Transfiguration or Saint Michael the Archangel."

"I did."

"And you aren't ready to choose between us, are you?"

"No."

"Thank you for being completely honest with me. It's OK if you go out with her, but I do have one important condition."

"What's that?"

"Anything you do with her, you do with me."

"Tasha..." I protested.

"What? Are you sleeping with her?"

"No."

"So what's the problem?" Tasha asked impishly.

"Never mind," I chuckled. "An interesting strategy."

"One which protects my interests and which ensures you'll consider your course of action very carefully."

"Because of my promise to you."

"Obviously."

"You're a smart girl, Natalya Vasilyevna."

"I'm a Russian girl who is playing for keeps!"

And she was calculating correctly that she couldn't be sure which decision I might make if push came to shove, and she was right. I'd dodged a bullet for the moment, though I suspected Angie was going to continue the full-court press on going to bed together, and that would be the point of no return, one way or the other.

I wasn't going to sleep with both of them, which meant that if I did decide to sleep with Angie, things were over with Tasha. And I was going to keep my promise to Tasha not to make love with her before we were in a committed, permanent relationship. That pretty much determined my course of conduct. That said, one of them might decide on another guy, though I hadn't seen any signs of that, and make the entire point moot.

"How is work going?"

"Good. I talked to my dad more about the pharmacy technician license, and he's going to get me the study guides. I can take the test once I turn eighteen. That puts me in a position to work after school during my Senior year to get some experience."

"That sounds like a good plan," I replied.

"That would also let me save more money, so when you ask me to marry you, we'll have sufficient resources to get you through medical school if I work."

"When?" I asked with a soft laugh.

"I believe, overall, I offer the complete package! Smart, beautiful, a fantastic body, Orthodox, Russian, and I have a burning desire to have you fuck my brains out!" she giggled.

"Tasha!" I exclaimed.

"What?" she asked innocently. "You want to do that as much as I want it!"

"But the way you said it!"

"It got my point across," she said primly.

"Yes, it did," I replied, and because I had the physical reaction I was sure she intended, adjusting my shorts and underwear for comfort, happy she couldn't see me do that!

"I just wanted to be very clear."

"You were. How is everything else at home?"

"The same. And there?"

"Other than a fistfight in the hallway over a girl, everything is fine."

"You had a fistfight?" she teased.

"No, of course not! Two guys, one ex-boyfriend and one current boyfriend. It wasn't a big deal. One of the other guys and I broke it up and got the kid with a broken nose to the McKinley Free Clinic. Campus Security investigated, and so did the McKinley PD. Nothing has come of it yet, except for a hearing where Dean Anderson will simply give written warnings."