Chapter 13: A Surprising Proposal

July 16, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

"Hi, Tasha!" I exclaimed when I met her in the dorm lobby on Saturday morning.

"Hi, Mishka!"

We exchanged a quick hug, then walked hand-in-hand to the diner for breakfast.

"Are you able to come to dinner on my birthday?" she asked after we placed our order.

"The 27th is the Saturday before school starts, so I think so. My RA orientation is on the 22nd and Freshman orientation is on the 25th. Did your dad say it was OK?"

"Mom did! She felt I should be able to have you there for my eighteenth birthday!"

"Then I'll be there!"

"I can't believe I'm finally going to be eighteen!"

"Which, unfortunately, doesn't mean much these days, especially given you have one more year of High School."

"I suppose that's true, but I'll officially be an adult."

"And your dad agrees?" I grinned.

"I don't think he'll agree when I'm thirty, married, and have four kids!"

"All by the power of the Holy Spirit so you can remain a virgin!" I chuckled.

"I don't THINK so!" she laughed. "I intend to not be a virgin a LOT!"

"You're that sure you'll like it?" I smirked.

"If it's anything like when you kiss me, YES!"

The waitress arrived to take our order, which stopped the conversation. When she left, I redirected it to how things were for her at home.

"I'm pretty much allowed to do what I want now, within reason, of course. I always check with Mom and make sure she's OK with it."

"And Sasha?"

"Still under basic house arrest, but Mom has convinced Dad to relent just a bit. She's allowed to be with her friends but under limited circumstances."

"And boys?"

"Let's not go crazy! This is my dad we're talking about!"

"Does he realize that the tighter he holds on to her, the more likely she is to rebel and do the exact thing he's trying to prevent?"

"So you'll just let your kids do whatever they want?"

"I think it's a balancing act," I replied. "Not too strict and not too lenient. Kind of a 'Goldilocks' solution, I guess."

"Just right?" Tasha laughed. "But how do you know?"

"Trial and error, I suspect. You need to show trust, and as they show themselves trustworthy and responsible, increase their freedom."

"And dating?"

"Fifteen seems about right to me; for both boys and girls."

"What about sex?" Tasha asked impishly.

"Here?" I smirked.

"No! I meant, what will you teach your kids about sex?"

"Probably the same thing my mom taught me, though perhaps when they're a bit younger. She and I didn't have that particular talk until after I graduated. I'm thinking fifteen or sixteen is the right time to have the talk about how to make those kinds of decisions. The biology talk comes sooner, obviously."

"And you would marry a girl who wasn't a virgin?"

"I'd be a hypocrite to say otherwise."

"So it's not important at all?"

"It is if it's important to YOU, Tasha. I respect you and what you believe. You know that which is why you asked me to make my promise."

"And the Church's teaching on this?"

"Is the source of severe internal conflict. That's what my mom and I talked about the Summer after I graduated."

"Do you regret it?"

"That's a difficult question, really. Jocelyn's accident changed everything."

"Because you two would have most likely married, right?"

I nodded, "Yes. And then I would have only been with the person I'd married. Now that's no longer possible."

"You haven't heard from her?"

I shook my head, "No. I had hoped that somehow her mom could convince her to at least talk to me, but nothing has changed. I believe she's home for the Summer, but I don't know for sure."

"What is it you want from her?"

"For now? Just to talk. I'd love to have her as a friend again, but I don't know if that can happen, and I don't know if we could ever be as close as we were before."

"Clarissa is your closest friend, right?"

"Yes. Are you comfortable with that now?"

Tasha took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I obviously don't approve of her lifestyle, but I can handle it. I suppose, given your friendship with Jocelyn, it would be odd for you not to have a close female friend. Do you have guy friends here?"

"Sure. Jason, Pete, Robby, Lee, Clark, Larry, and Carter. But you know that between class, studying, church, and karate, I don't have a lot of free time. And it'll get worse starting in the Fall because of our special project, which is going to chew up a lot of time as well. It's kind of a preview for medical school. Have you decided what to do about college?"

"I keep going back and forth, but I thought perhaps pharmacy. I can get a technician's license when I graduate, and that pays better than many other entry-level jobs. And then I could work on a pharmacy degree to become a licensed pharmacist."

"Following in your dad's footsteps?" I grinned.

The waitress brought our breakfasts, and after I said the blessing, we began eating.

"If you think about it, it makes sense no matter what happens. If you and I are together, I could make enough to support us until you became a Resident. If not, I'm starting a career path and can go to school and work. My dad can help me get a technician's job."

"That sounds like a very good plan."

"May I ask a question about us?"

"Always."

"How will you know?"

"I keep asking myself that question, and I don't have a specific answer. Without trying to be evasive, I'll say I haven't seen anything which tells me to say 'No!', and a lot of reasons to say 'Yes!'. As we agreed, I think we can sit down and discuss it after your graduation. That's less than a year from now and is pretty much the target date we've had since I asked you out the very first time. Are YOU sure?"

Tasha laughed softly, "I think so."

"You think you're sure? Isn't that saying you're not sure?"

"I suppose it is," she said with a smile. "But if you ask me, I'll say 'Yes!'."

"Even if you're not sure?"

"If you think about it, how can you ever be completely sure? I mean, I think you are the man I should marry, but with everything that's happened, it's hard to know what a lifetime looks like, and that's what we have to decide. It's a permanent decision, and that's a serious thing at eighteen."

I nodded, "I agree. It's serious at twenty-five, too. Or whatever age. I suppose the question comes down to a decision to make it work, no matter what. Can you make THAT decision?"

Tasha smiled, "Yes, because I believe with my whole heart that marriage is for our entire lifetimes. Even though we don't use vows, that means no matter what struggles we have, we have to work through them — 'for better or for worse'. I'm curious: do you think divorce should be allowed?"

"It is, by «ekonomia»," I said. "I'm not a bishop, so fortunately, I don't have to decide!"

"But when would it be appropriate?"

"If a husband was abusing his wife, and counseling or treatment were ineffective. I'd certainly, if I were a priest, advise a woman to leave an abusive relationship in order to protect herself and her kids. If the husband sought proper treatment and his therapist and I, as a priest, agreed he was reformed, then she could return to him. In other cases? I suppose repeated infidelity would be grounds."

"Not once?"

"The aggrieved spouse would have to make that decision, I think. But certainly, divorce is possible, and if infidelity is repeated, then yes, I'd grant one. But as I said, I'm not a bishop, so I don't have to worry too much about those things. You know I'm not violent and don't have a temper, and I would never, ever cheat. Ever."

"Because you want to give your word and keep it?"

"Yes, but also because it would destroy all trust in the relationship, and even if I managed to reconcile with my wife, the trust would be difficult, if not impossible, to regain. And honestly, I don't understand cheating."

"You don't think sex could become boring?" Tasha asked casually.

"I don't think sex is a form of entertainment," I grinned. "It's not about boring or exciting; it's about expressing deep feelings, about closeness, about comfort, and about love. Not to mention, I have the distinct impression that sex with you would NEVER be boring!"

Tasha laughed, "So you believe what I say?"

"I have no reason to doubt and no need to test the theory."

"Because if you did, you'd feel committed to marrying me?"

"Partly, yes, but also because I know you believe that sex is reserved for the marriage bed, no matter how insistent your hormones are to the contrary!"

"They are VERY persuasive and require intense diligence to resist."

"And the promise of the man you want to be with as well!"

"Do you know how often I've simply wanted to drag you to a bed?" Tasha whispered.

"I have an idea," I replied. "What are we doing today?"

"Shall I give you a list of things we can do in bed?" she smirked.

"No!" I replied firmly, with a smile.

"Then, how about we walk around the lake, play mini golf, and then have lunch. You can go to your karate lesson, and then we'll go to Vespers. After Vespers, we'll have dinner, and I'll head home."

"Sounds like a good plan to me," I replied.

We finished our breakfast and then set out for our day together, which went exactly as planned and ended with Tasha driving off after several minutes of VERY sexy kissing.

July 19, 1983, McKinley, Ohio

Early on Tuesday evening, Angie, Milena, and I were relaxing in my room when we heard a very loud commotion in the hallway. I sprang up from the couch and went out the door to find two guys, Owen and Chuck, trading punches and several other guys watching. I pushed past a couple of guys to get closer.

"Break it up!" I said firmly.

They continued, now grappling.

"Break it up before I call security!" I said loudly and firmly.

One of them threw the other to the floor, so I turned and tapped one of the bigger guys, Alf, for help.

"Help me break this up, please."

Between the two of us, we wrestled Chuck, who was on top of the two-man pile, away from Owen and dragged him away. Alf pinned Chuck's arms to his back, and I stepped between Chuck and Owen, who was getting up, and I saw he had a bloody lip and bloody nose.

"Are we done?" I asked.

"He broke my nose!" Owen complained.

"We'll get you to the ER in a minute. But are we done fighting?"

"I'll fucking kill him!" Chuck growled menacingly.

"Alf, take Chuck someplace to cool off. I'm going to get Owen to the Free Clinic."

"Should I call security?" he said.

"Angie can do it," I said, turning to her, "Ang, please go tell Deb what happened, then call Campus Security. We'll be at the ER getting Owen checked out."

Alf held Chuck while I walked Owen past, with Milena following close behind. She ducked into my room to grab some tissues for Owen to use to stanch the flow of blood from his nose, and we took the elevator downstairs.

"You OK to walk eight blocks?" I asked. "Or should I get my car?"

"It hurts like a motherfucker, and I have a hell of a headache, but I can walk."

I nodded, and we turned towards the clinic.

"What was that about?" I asked.

"He and his girlfriend, Lynn, broke up, and she and I got together. He took exception."

"I take it he started it?" I asked.

"Yeah. He came to the door of my room and pounded on it until I opened it. Lynn was with me, and he dragged me into the hall and hit me before I knew what was going on. I fought back, but he broke my nose with his first punch."

"Do you want us to call the police?" I asked.

"Won't Campus Security call them?"

"I think only if one of you wants to file a complaint."

"You probably should," Milena suggested. "He threatened to kill you."

I wasn't sure Chuck had meant it. To me, it sounded like something said out of anger, which wasn't really intended as a threat. But it wasn't me who was at risk. That said, the hospital might want to call the police because of the injury.

"Yeah, maybe," Owen said.

We arrived at the clinic about twelve minutes later, and because he was bleeding, they took Owen right away. He told us not to wait, and after I answered a few questions for the nurse at reception, I let her know Owen should call if he wanted someone to walk him back to campus.

"There's your excitement for the day," Milena observed as we left the clinic.

"I thought you were staying," I teased.

"I am, but what we do isn't for excitement; well, at least not for me. I mean, yes, you get me off, and it's awesome, but that's not the point of what we do."

"I was just yanking your chain a bit," I replied.

"Oh, I know. And if you want to do other stuff, or be more energetic, or whatever, we can."

I shook my head, "Wouldn't that be making the same mistake you made with Joel?"

"I guess it would, wouldn't it?"

"I think so. Have you heard anything from that company you talked to?"

"They're pretty sure he's in California; San Diego, to be specific."

"So now what?"

"I was going to talk to you about that after..."

"We can wait."

"No, it's OK. I was trying to decide between writing him a letter, calling him, or having Global Security ask him to call me. What do you think?"

I thought about it for a block-and-a-half before answering.

"I think I'd write him a letter. Calling him seems too direct and might result in him being very uncomfortable. Having the company ask him to call seems impersonal. I think a letter or card which says something like 'I was thinking about you' and asking him to write back or call would be the best approach. I don't know that I'd pour my heart out in the first letter."

"He's not married."

"But you don't know if he's seriously involved with someone or maybe has a kid or who knows what?"

"True," she sighed. "I suppose a card would be best."

"Do you have his address?"

"No. They were working on that and should have it by the end of the week."

"That's what I'd do. And, as I said, I'd keep it simple. I made the mistake of being too direct with Jocelyn and not backing off when she said she needed time."

"I still think you're being too hard on yourself."

"I know, but I don't want to give her any excuses for not speaking to me."

"I think that's a bit too submissive, but I understand your point. I'm afraid of what's going to happen."

"Which way?" I asked.

"Whichever way," she sighed. "I'm afraid he's serious with someone or won't want anything to do with me. But I'm also afraid he might just want to be friends. And afraid he might feel the same way I do."

"Why would that scare you?"

"Ten years of purely casual relationships? I'm not sure how to handle a serious relationship."

"Right," I replied, "because WE don't have a serious relationship."

Milena laughed, "We do, but it's different."

"Is it? Really? It sure seems to be the same as what you told me your relationship with him was like, well, minus being in love."

"I AM in love with you, you idiot!" Milena sighed. "It's just we can't be together because I can't walk down the religious path with you."

"I think there's another reason we can't be together — Joel."

"Maybe so, but no matter what happens with him, we both know 'you and me' can't work."

"You think I'm in love with you?"

"Deny it!" Milena said with a smile. "I dare you."

"I do love you, but you're right about the whole religion thing."

"Angie is on the same page as you are on that."

"I know. But her history makes a relationship risky and potentially very difficult, either right away or down the road."

"Aren't all relationships risky in some way?"

"I think they are. But you do have to watch out for the red flags. And there are lots of red flags with Angie."

"I'm curious, and no pressure, but are you going to ask her out?"

"I'm not sure she'd be receptive, and even if she was, I'm afraid she'll assume things from that on which I can't necessarily follow through."

Milena laughed, "So, like every OTHER relationship ever had by anyone on the planet?"

"I suppose if you put it that way..."

"Let me ask this, and you don't have to answer, but between Tasha, Becky, Maggie, and Angie, who would you choose if you had to pick one of them right now?"

The answer which immediately sprung to mind was 'Clarissa!' but our relationship was fraught with more red flags and potential problems than might occur with Angie! I truly believed Clarissa could convince herself to make love with me. What I didn't believe was that she could deny her lesbianism long-term. I didn't get the idea she was bisexual, and even if she was, her preference for girls was VERY strong, and I just didn't see that changing.

Between the others, if I had to decide immediately, I'd have to eliminate Maggie because she was still struggling with even moving down the path towards Orthodoxy. Angie had the aforementioned red flags. And in a 'push comes to shove' decision, my choice, right at the moment, would have to be Tasha.

"Tasha," I replied.

"So, and please don't take this the wrong way; why not just ask her to marry you? From everything you've said, she'll say 'yes', and you'll both be happy."

"Because I'm not sure she's the best choice, and nothing is forcing me to decide right now."

"A reasonable answer," Milena replied. "So why not ask Angie on a date? What's the worst thing that can happen?"

"We decide to marry, and she has a relapse or whatever you want to call it, and everything goes straight down the tubes."

Milena laughed, "Jesus, Mike! I meant in the short term!"

I chuckled, "You asked for the 'worst thing'. I gave you the end result of the worst-case scenario."

"Yes, but you could have a 'worst-case scenario' with anyone, right? Say Maggie converts, and everything is fine, then down the road, she picks up her Bible and decides the Orthodox Church is wrong and refuses to go or allow your children to go? Isn't that possible? Or does Becky or Tasha suffer some sort of trauma which leads to mental illness? Or physical impairment? I don't intend this to be mean, but what happened with Jocelyn could happen again, and there is literally nothing you can do to prevent it."