Life in the Creche

I hated waking up early, as had been happening more frequently now, almost every morning five minutes early to spent staring at the bottom of the next bunk up in the tier, waiting for the chime to signal the start of the day. I tried hard not to think but that had been a challenge for me since early days as I was learning how to put on my uniform gray day-garb while lying in my bunk in an autonomy trainer block. I was able to learn not to ask, but I couldn’t stop my brain from questioning.

I learned to keep my head down, and accept everything any minder or adult decreed passively to avoid any of the hardships that would merit from causing them to perceive eye-challenge, be it avoiding their eye down to meeting their gaze too directly. There were lots of rules, but there were also painted reminders to help remember them, foot spots on the floor in the open space where we were to assemble for inventory and assessment. Here were revealed any missing, be they too sick to assemble or perhaps worse. I don’t know what happened to them if they were sick, but if I had paid attention to individuals I might notice they disappeared either way.

I try not to stick out at all, I learned my lesson early how difficult it could make my life. It didn’t matter if you attracted notice for good bad or rainbow farting, the notice made things difficult.

I had heard of a block that had regulation brought down on them for being too normal as that was beyond statistical probability so they got everything bottle-necked by 20%. It could be worse, I had to survive my fifth year alive bottle-necked by 50%. I managed to survive, and not stand out as I did it. I got very sneaky and I managed to locate all the cameras and avoid the ones I needed to as an unnoticed blur at the bottom of the camera frame. I was able to glean enough extra calories to make the assemble every day and I was very glad to finally receive a probationary 25% bottleneck for the next six months. Unfortunately I received a permanent mark for surviving, as it was rare for a bottleneck of 50% to leave someone unbroken after even six months.

I helped myself with a personal mantra I was careful never to breathe out loud. “I’m invisible. I’m nothing. I’m not worth it.” It helped me mute any reactions which might make my life difficult. More difficult.

The day continued after the assemble with assigned duties until Meal time came at mid-day. After we ate our prescribed meals and you can bet there was no sharing even if it wasn’t forbidden, we put our recyclables in the bin and remained for population responsibilities class to prepare us for our release to population.

You know, the proper attire to wear while bicycling, mandatory safety equipment checklist, same for jogging. How to properly shuffle to avoid an enforcement against you for disorderly walking and the like. In spite of surviving the Creche so far, I worried about my ability to endure population as a sane let alone contented person. And I was fairly content, behind my passive dull facade of acceptance.

I’m invisible, I’m nothing, I’m not worth it. Somehow I had a feeling new chum in population were quite visible and probably choice bait. Just as I found holes in surveillance enough to let me survive a 50% bottleneck I was sure there were enough blank spots in population where predators knew to take their prey.

And that is the curse of thinking, having a cursed extra five minutes every morning to think.

A Daily Commute

There were only the two alter-able seats in the jolting rocking swaying crowded car which was standing room only anyway. I and another gentle-being on the way into Hive for our duty-shift politely helped wedge an honored senior against the unsteady movement since there was a Special riding this morning sprawled in a relaxed and uncaring attitude in the seat at this end. We all avoided looking directly at them. The Specials can have your number at a glance, and could ruin your life on a whim.

No one spoke much even if there were no Special in the car, it was likely conversations were recorded and anyone could be an informant if they thought it would gain them advantage without penalty. It was a risky strategy though, often an inquiry would scoop up all involved not to be seen again. Whether relocated or just disappeared, it wasn’t wise to wonder.