Author’s note: Some of the dialogue must be read phonetically since I have tried to give the story the flavor of where it occurs. Say it out loud if necessary. Just think of the Beverly Hillbillies and you will catch on. If you can’t appreciate this then exit right now, please.

[Narrated by Jethro Fudrucker somewhere in the Ozarks]

Ma hole lafe has bin in this place. Ma grandaddy built this here cabin and we’ve bin scratchin out a livin ever since. Cause yew ast fer ma story Ah’ll give yew some shine and we can sit here on the porch fer a spell.

Ah guess Ah’ll start now and mebby work backwards to splain how things got the way they is. Yew see thet girl out there feedin the chickens? Thet’s Jody Jo who Ah jest call JJ. She ain’t no kin and we ain’t married neither.

Her Ma brung her along when she moved in with me some years ago. The woman was stuck at the gas station where her last man drove off without her. Ah just can’t see a woman treated bad so Ah put her in the truck with their suitcase and JJ in the back and brung her here.

Since my Ma died Ah ain’t had a regular woman here. Sure a few whores from time to time but they shure wouldn’t do no housework fer the money Ah paid em. Well, JJ’s Ma, thet’s whut she laked to be called, got to cleanin and the two of em made this place haf decent.

We all had to pile inter the only bed in the place so Ma got the middle. The next mornin Ma tole JJ to go outside fer a while and then tole me she was horny and wanted to fuck. Yep, jest came raht out with it.

Now she weren’t no ravin beauty but her tits looked purdy good under her dress and she was eager so whut the hell. We got nekkid and Ah found out she knew how make a tallywhacker happy. She said her twitchet were happy tew. Ah figgered thet jest frum the movin and squealing she did as Ah humped on her.

She were a horny one tew. Besides gittin it on in the mornin when JJ were out doin chores, she’d snuggle her belly or bum aginst me in the naght and have me slip it in quiet like, hopin JJ woodn’t wake up.

One day it were JJ’s fourteenth birthday and Ah didn’t know so Ah didn’t have no present. Ma said that yes Ah did. She unbuttoned mah Big Smiths and pulled out mah tallywhacker. This is whut she’s a wantin after heerin us in the night. Ma had been splainin how it worked and so we all got nekkid and Ah stuck it into Ma to show her, and then worked it inter JJ’s little coochie. Shore was a taht fit but we did it and she squealed when Ah gots to movin lahk wimmen enjoys. After thet she wanted her share evry day tew. Keeps a man drained but happy.

We goes to a dance evry munth at the Merican Lejun hall. Ah likes dancin with wimmen Ah fucked when we wuz growin up. Mostly before they wuz married but sum afterwords too. JJ lahks dancin and she tole us thet the boys youster take her outside and feel her titties and bum but now thet she knows whut God give her a coochie fer she lets them boys try it out. She said four of em did it last time. Thet was why she didn’t want any of my fukkin when we got home. Thet was awlrite since her Ma was hot frum dancin too and feeling them other poles a’pokin her belly so she wanted a lot of mine.

Ah wishes JJ wudn’t fuk them nabor boys raht after she gits off’n the skool bus every day. Makes me wait too long ter git my pecker plesured. It do slip in real easy though when she gits here. Thet youn’un shur has taken to fukkin.

Well, JJ’s Ma ain’t here no more. She run off with two brothers thet she was a’screwin at the dance who have a bigger place than mine. JJ wouldn’t go with her cause she lahkes me tew much.

Ah guess yer gonna have to stay the night cause thet snow yew got stuck in ain’t a quittin befur tomorrer. We’ll pull yer car out when it quits. Yew shore were lucky to get stuck where yew did cause there ain’t many places round here.

Why don’t yew go have some fun with JJ while Ah stokes the wood stove fer the naght. Don’t look so suprized, us hill folks shares whut we got round here, includin twitchets. Woodn’t be perlight fer you to be horny when we’re fukkin raht next ter yew since we only have one bed. Ah’ll get mine when yer done. JJ’s a’waitin fer yew.

[Next morning] JJ said yew were a horny one. Ah guess Ah slept raht thru them other tahmes yew fukked her. She wants me after breakfast and then yew kin have her again if’n yew want. Not much else tew dew around here when we’re snowed in.

Ah’d like tew watch the next tahm yew dips in her, if’n yew don’t mind. She done told me about gettin fukked other tahms but Ah ain’t never seen it done. She’s always done it somewhere else.

[Later that day] By golly, thet were somethin! Now Ah knows whut her cootchie looks like all filled up. And thank yew fer shewin us them other ways ter fukk with her on top and all. She really laked when Ah played with her titties whilst she were ridin yew and also when Ah stuck my tallywhacker in her mouth.

Yew be shur to tell her whut yew just tole me bout whut a good wumman she is. She feels real poorly cause she ain’t pregnant yet with all the seed thet’s bin put in her belly. Ah don’t need no brats around here though.

Thet little tellyphone yew puts in yer pocket is sumthin. Ah heard yew tell them people yew were gonna meet up with that yew wuz OK. We ain’t never had no tellyphone heer. No, Ah don’t have no way ter charge up yer battry neither. Yew shewed me it could take pichers too. Would yew take some of me fukkin JJ so Ah kin see what we looks lahk together? Hey, JJ, git nekkid in bed! We’re gonna make fukkin pichers.

Hot damn, yew made some movin pichers too. Ah wisht Ah had some way to see them anytime. JJ, yew sure look good gittin fukked no matter who is doin it.

[Two days later] Well, thet was some snowstorm but we got yer car out and the county has plowed the roads so yew kin leave. We’ve lahked yer visit and yer welcome back anytime. Ah doan know if JJ were puttin me on er not when she said she wuz finally gittin enuf fukkin.

[Two weeks later] JJ, get yer ass over here! Looky who’s back! Welcome friend. JJ’s bin missin yew. So yew bin missin us too? Shore Ah kin help yew carry yer stuff in. How long are yew gonna visit? Two days, is thet all?

Yew shore brung a carful. Yew are gonna have to tell JJ how ter cook sum of this stuff. Let’s have sum of this beer while it’s still cold and visit a bit. What brung yew back? So yer out this way regler fer yer werk?

[opens a couple of beers] Yew missed JJ? Then yew better tell her she’s the best wumman yew ever fukked. She really lahks yer tallywhacker without the skin on the end just lak the preacher’s is. Says it feels different then us local boys.

Ah ain’t never bin ter the city so Ah don’t unnerstand about “peace and quiet” but if’n yew want to visit reglar that’s OK with usn’s. Hey, Ah gotta do sum chores so why don’t yew git JJ nekkid and have sum fun? She’s all wetted up cause we fukked jest befur yew shewed up.

[A little later] Glory be! Ah could hear JJ all the way out to the chicken coop. Yew shur give her a good tahm, Ah guess. She’s bin a’showin me some of the things yew teached her last time and she says Ah’m a better fuk now. Thank yew fer thet!

Ah never had lectricity kuz it cost tew much. We git by OK as yew can see. Thet beer is real good. Let’s have anuther. Kin Ah see them pichers again?

[At suppertime] Thet woodstove shur keeps it nahce in here. Ah bet yew lahks JJ cooking and servin all nekkid. Ah shore do cause Ah kin squeeze her titties and buns when she gets close enuf. Whut’s thet yer doin? It’s called a lap dance? Ah’da never thunk to pull her down on my pecker when Ah was sittin in a chair. She lahks movin around on it too. After yew shoots yer seed kin Ah have one too?

[Morning after next] Ah’m sorry yew have tew leave but we’ll look forward to yer next visit. Now thet yew tole me about thet program fer free lectricity, Ah’l go inter town and talk to em bout it. Did yew git enuf fukkin to hold yew fer a while? See yew in two weeks!