Chapter 1

NICOLE: Hey Josh! What are you doing tomorrow? Going to the homecoming game, I suppose?

JOSH: Nah. I don't know the first thing about football. I'll probably work on my Computer Sci lab that's due next week. Why? Who is this?

NICOLE: I'm Nicole. Since you're not going to the game, can I ride you tomorrow?

JOSH: I don't have a car. I can't give you a ride anywhere. Where are you trying to get to?

NICOLE: No, doofus! Can I sit on your face by the pool tomorrow?

JOSH: What? Is this a joke? Who is this? Really?

NICOLE: I'm Nicole, dipwad! I sit behind you in English 101. I borrowed a pen from you once. I'm kind'a hot. Don't you remember me?

JOSH: No. Sorry.

NICOLE: Are you gay?

JOSH: No!!!

NICOLE: Cool! Meet me at the pool tomorrow around 10ish.

JOSH: Thanks, but I'll pass.

NICOLE: Srsly? What guy wouldn't want a hot babe to ride him in one of those smother chairs at the pool? See you tomorrow! XOXO

JOSH: Do you know what NO means?

NICOLE: C'mon, Josh! Everybody's doing it! Haven't you ever put yourself in one of those chairs and let some girls ride you?

JOSH: I sometimes walk past the pool to check out all the naked girls sitting on those smotherbox lounge chairs. And I wonder what it's like for the guys locked into those chairs with naked girls sitting on their faces. But I never had the guts to do it myself. Maybe if I had a special girl who wanted to do it with me, I might.

NICOLE: Every girl at the pool is gonna be riding some dude on those lounge chairs! C'mon! I'm special! Do it for me!

JOSH: I don't think so.

NICOLE: If I don't have a guy to ride, I won't be able to sit by the pool tomorrow! Please!

JOSH: That sucks. But I don't even know you!

NICOLE: I told you, dumbass! I borrowed a pen from you in English class once! I sit right behind you!

JOSH: And that makes you my GF?

NICOLE: It's not like we're gonna fuck each others' brains out! I'm only gonna sit in a chair by the pool. I just need a guy's help.

JOSH: And what do I get out of it?

NICOLE: You get to taste my asshole and drink my pussy juice. I'll wash good down there before I go down to the pool!

JOSH: Yummy!

NICOLE: Look! Just be there, okay?!

JOSH: Suppose I agree to do this, will I be able to breathe? How does that work? Like I said, I've never put myself in one of those crazy chairs and let a girl sit on my face.

NICOLE: I'll lift up and let you take a breath every minute or two. God! You're such a wuss!

JOSH: A minute or two?! That's an awful long time to make someone hold their breath at a stretch! And how long are you gonna be sitting on me in all?

NICOLE: Stop whining! Jeez! Most girls make a guy hold his breath a lot longer than a minute or two! And prolly a few hours in all. I denno.

JOSH: Aren't you afraid you're gonna kill some guy?

NICOLE: I hang out down at the pool almost every Saturday and I haven't killed anyone yet.

JOSH: But wait! Last semester, didn't some guy die because the girl riding him fell asleep? And the semester before that, some guy died because the girl was reading a book and lost track of time? And the semester before that, a couple of guys died because the two girls sitting next to each other got into a long argument and forgot about the guys?

NICOLE: Shit happens! Don't be such a pussy!

JOSH: If I'm a pussy, then maybe you should find another guy to sit on? Why me, anyway? If you're so hot, you must have a ton of guys to choose from.

NICOLE: Who do you suggest? All the hot guys are going to that damn football game tomorrow!

JOSH: I denno.

NICOLE: Then you're it!

JOSH: Whose bright idea was these chairs where women sit on men's faces, anyway?

NICOLE: I think the fraternities built them a few years ago as part of a rush hazing a few years ago.

JOSH: And none of the women's groups made a stink about sexism, patriarchy, male privilege, rape culture, or anything?

NICOLE: Nope! From what I hear, the women at the time all loved the idea. So did a lot of the men, LOL.

JOSH: So they stayed and became the normal chairs for the pool? Is that what happened?

NICOLE: Basically, yeah.

JOSH: That's just nuts!

NICOLE: OMG! I think my period is starting!

JOSH: Gross! Why are you telling ME that? That's disgusting!

NICOLE: Just so you'll be prepared. God! Why do guys make such a big deal out of a few drops of blood?

JOSH: Yeah, well, I'll still pass on the whole you sitting on my face thing.

NICOLE: Don't be such a wuss! How about a deal?

JOSH: What kind of deal?

NICOLE: I have a friend who owes me a big favor. I'll tell her she can pay me back by sleeping with you tomorrow night.

JOSH: Do I know her?

NICOLE: Amanda? I denno. Prolly not. But she's hot too, so don't worry.

JOSH: You mean your friend will sleep with some guy just because she owes you a favor?

NICOLE: Sure! Why wouldn't she? It's no big deal! It's a pretty easy way to pay back a favor if you ask me.

JOSH: Then why don't YOU sleep with me?

NICOLE: I have a BF! Duh!