Probably not what you expect from the title. Sometimes I just like to amuse myself.

Daddy Doggie had a bad day. The postman never showed up and Daddy Doggie spent several hours lurking under the hedge in the front yard. Then, to add dampness to delay, someone turned on the lawn sprinkler. Not fun. He thought he’d get some exercise and dry off. So he decided to chase some cars. But before he even dried himself off the car stopped. And he caught it. This had never happened before. I mean what do you do when you’ve been chasing a car and you catch it It’s too big to bury. If you bark at it, it just sits there and ignores you. And even if you bite it ... well, a word to the wise, don’t.

So Daddy Doggie started wandering home. He saluted some fire hydrants and light poles. But his heart wasn’t in it. He was just going through the motions. Then he heard some shouting and barking.

He followed the sounds to an open doorway. Looking in, he saw a number of dogs and humans. A band was playing. He started listening and heard Elvis! (Hound Dog) and Patty Page! (Doggie in the Window). And a bunch of other doggone good songs about dogs.

As he was listening, a hand reached out and grabbed him. He was pulled into the room. “You’re late! Things are just getting started. Get on up there!” Slightly dazed, he went in the direction indicated and found himself on top of a large, long table. While waiting for his head to clear a very large and very important looking, woman approached him. She laid hands on him. She opened his mouth. She turned his head back and forth. Then came the ultimate indignity, she reached between his hind legs and fondled him ... well, never mind. She fondled him. Daddy Doggie is normally quite mild mannered but was just preparing to bite the rude woman when she stopped fondling him.

She shrilled, “Here is the winner! He’s just sooo cute! He has to win the Blue Ribbon!” The pitch of her voice hurt Daddy Doggie’s ears and for a time he became disoriented.

A very large and equally important looking, man came up and hung a blue ribbon with a medallion saying FIRST PRIZE around his neck. All this was a bit too much for Daddy Doggie. He thought it was all very good, winning a Blue Ribbon, but there were too many indignities associated with it. He jumped off the table, staggered to the door and slipped outside. He continued homeward.

On the way, he passed his favorite bar, “Bowsers”. Well, he didn’t pass it. He turned in and climbed up on a barstool. Bowser came over and asked, Your usual? And watcha got there?” “Durned if I know, said Daddy Doggie” But whatever is I won first prize.” He passed his trophy around for all to admire.

When he eventually got home, his son looked up from his video game and said, “Hi, Pap.” His wife immediately started in on him. “Where have you been? Why are you so late?” He tried to explain but she cut him off by asking, “So where is this wonderful trophy you say you won?”

“Oops!” He said, “I must have mislaid it.” He called over his son, Junior Doggie, and asked him to go to Bowser’s and see if he could find it and it and bring it back. Now Junior was right in the middle of his video game and didn’t want to interrupt it. However, he was a good pup and could see that this was important to his pap. So off he went.

When he got to Bowser’s he went right on in. Because he was so small compared to the full-grown dogs, nobody noticed him at first. So, with some difficulty he climbed up on a bar stool and caught Bowser’s eye. Bowser came over and asked, “What’ll you have?”

“Pap’s Blue Ribbon”

Author’s note: I first heard this joke about 50 or 60 years ago. I still think it’s funny. For anyone who doesn’t know what this is all about, here’s a link to one of the adverts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQoghzFUT7g

I know what kind of feedback this will bring, but I’m a tough old guy. I can take it.