“What’s that darling? ... well if you’d listened properly you would have known it was my anatomy class that I wanted your help with.”

“I can’t help that. If you’d just take off your clothes and lie on my desk, like I asked you, that would be perfect ... Good girl.”

“Right class, gather round. I think we’re all glad that we finished dissecting that poor frog and, as promised, today is female anatomy. My sixteen-year-old daughter Jiselle here has kindly offered to help. Shush dear.”

“Tommy, stop barging like that. Oh, I see, yes. If those in the front row could kneel down so that those at the back can see, that would be lovely. Peter! No touching until I tell you!”

“Okay, major landmarks first. These are the breasts or mammary glands. Yes, Arthur, or tits. Indeed, or boobies, thank you Sharon, and that’s quite enough, thank you.”

“When a woman is pregnant these produce milk to feed the baby through the nipples here. Stop squirming please Jiselle.”

“As you can see the nipples can become hard when stimulated. They have many, many nerve endings, and stroking, or pinching - yes Shaun, or licking and sucking - can be very pleasurable for the woman.”

“What’s that Shaun? I suppose you can ... oh, you’re going for the sucking option are you? Well, that’s fine. Yes, Trudy, you can try the other one.”

“Now, as you can see Jiselle is enjoying that - please try to keep it down sweetie - and helpfully she has opened her legs so that we have a lovely clear view of the next topic: the vulva. No Cassie, not the vagina. Good try, but we’ll be coming to that a little later.”

“OK. Shaun and Trudy, that’s admirably thorough of you, but if you could pay attention please, we’re moving on. Quiet please Jiselle. Very nice of you to shave down here by the way. Very thoughtful.”

“The vulva comprises all the female external genitalia. Here we have the mons pubis, or pubic mound, a fleshy area that protects the pubic bones during sexual intercourse. I heard that Susan, and we’ll have none of that language, thank you very much.”

These are the outer lips or labia majora, and this is the clitoral hood. Please stop wriggling around like that Jiselle. Interestingly the clitoris is the only organ in the human body whose sole purpose is to give pleasure. Yes, we will be seeing it soon, William.”

“Right. I need two volunteers. Antony, stop pulling William’s hand down like that! OK, William and Clare, please come and stand here and here. I’d like you to place the fingers of one hand on the outer lips - very good both of you. I’m glad to see you were paying attention - and pull them, very gently apart. Please don’t take the Lord’s name in vain, sweetie.”

“Yes, Antony, what is it? Why is it so wet in there? We’ll circle back to that later, I think.”

“Cassie, now we can clear up this confusion about the vagina. Although some people use the term to describe the whole of the female genitalia, the vagina is in fact the tube whose entrance is here, and that leads to the cervix. It’s here, like this, that the man’s penis goes during sexual-- please stop giggling at the back there-- intercourse.

“What do you mean, ‘I want to try it’ Shaun? What if everybody wanted to try it? Oh, you do all want to try it. OK, I suppose we have time. Starting with you then, Shaun, and working around this way. Just once though everyone, or we’ll be here all day.”

“Coming back to Antony’s question earlier on, you’ll all notice how easily your fingers slide in. That’s because of the lubrication that’s produced inside-- Susan! just one finger! What’s that, darling. Oh, apparently two fingers are fine. Where was I? Oh, yes. --the lubrication is produced inside the vagina when the woman is sexually aroused to help the penis, or whatever, to slide in nice and easily.”

“Fiona, that’s not once now, is it? Right, is everyone happy? Right, we must move on, we’ve done the vagina to death. “No, sweetheart, they can’t all have another go.”

“These are the inner lips or labia minora, this is the urethra, for urination, and what should be here is the hymen, but there’s no sign of it. We’ll discuss that when we get home, Jiselle.”

“And last, but certainly not least, we come to the clitoris. Clare, if you could put your other hand on the pubic mound and pull gently upwards ... we should see ... yes, there it is. Oh. If you keep wriggling around like that Jiselle it’s going to keep popping in and out, and we’ll be here all day.”

“Now, the clitoris is packed full of nerve endings and is comprised of erectile tissue much like the ... anyone? Yes, Trevor, like a dick, or as we prefer to call it, a penis.”

“That means that when it’s stimulated it gets bigger and full of blood. Who can suggest how the clitoris might be stimulated? Yes, Catherine, by stroking it. Any more? What’s that Peter? Your Mommy showed you how to do that at home, did she? That’s wonderful. If you’d like to come to the front and show everyone.”

“That’s excellent Peter. As you can see class, Peter is licking the clitoris and it’s getting larger. Please try to keep the noise down, darling. Maybe you could try covering your mouth?” And now he’s sucking it, which is also very effective. OK, that’s enough Peter. Jiselle, please let go of Peter’s head. Please. Please! Oh, goodness. Well, that, class, is what we call an orgasm.”

“Oh, Peter, I am sorry. I had no idea that my daughter ejaculated like that. Ah, this is a little embarrassing, that isn’t actually covered by the subject materials. You carry on while I have a quick look on my phone. No, Peter, it’s not a waste of time. Unlike boys, girls can have many orgasms. So if you could please keep licking her clitoris.”