Chapter 15

The gentle nudge of Alice’s hands dragged me out of my sleep.

“Dennis, I’m sorry to wake you, but I’ve gotta piss so bad I can taste yellow. I need your help,” she said as she pulled me into a sitting position. Our warm and cozy tent had turned into an icebox.

“You gotta be kidding; since when do you need help taking a tinkle?”

Reaching under my makeshift pillow, I fished out my light and flipped the switch. In front of me, a naked Alice sat huddled, her breath streaming like smoke from her mouth, and nipples hardening like pebbles in the chill air.

“I need your help. I don’t want to go outside by myself in the dark. Not with all those fucking snakes,” Alice said with a shudder.

“Then don’t go outside, use the chamber pot,” I glanced at my wristwatch, we had been asleep for about six hours and sunrise was still an hour away.

“We don’t have a chamber pot.” She scanned the contents of our enclosure for confirmation. “Oh, no! Not that, it’s gross,” Alice’s eyes widened in alarm as I pointed to the stainless steel cooking pot.

“You have three choices: pee in the pot, pee in your pants if you wore any, or go pee with the pythons.” Her dilemma wasn’t funny, but I couldn’t keep from chuckling.

Holding the flashlight aloft for illumination, I watched as she straddled our improvised toilet and squatted down. Alice let out a plaintive yelp when her bare bottom made contact with the ice-cold stainless steel rim.

“Squat, don’t sit unless you want a frozen fanny,” I let out a sympathetic laugh.

She made a face, stuck her tongue out, hunched down, and with a little grunt kicked her sprinkler system into high gear.

While I Scrambled to dress in the near-freezing air, my scrotum tried to pull everything inside of me in an effort to keep the family jewels warm and snug. My nuts were responding to the same instinctive response to the chill air which caused Alice’s nipples to become stiff and hard when cold. Her body tried to protect the twin sisters from getting frostbite by increasing the blood supply to her milk outlets, which made summer trips to the frozen food section of supermarkets such an enjoyable experience for voyeurs. Humans are hardwired to stay sexy and productive for as long as possible. How else might we have managed to survive the ice age? At least, that was my theory.

When I found something which sparked my curiosity, I often concocted an explanation to answer the question, “Why is this or that like it is?”