Chapter 3

“How was your week Alene?” Sabrina wondered as she placed a cup of tea next to Alene.

“Nightmarish, I keep having bad dreams...” Alene gazed at the floor below her, her eyes bloodshot, she was skinnier than ever before, a shell of her former self.

“Still can’t sleep?” Sabrina asked, her voice full of concern, “this is our fifth meeting Alene, you want to tell me you didn’t sleep for over a month?”

“Not really, I sometimes get a short nap but it’s never longer than a few hours and I wake up screaming and crying.” Alene took a sip of the tea, a futile attempt to gain a small measure of comfort. “Can I be honest Sabrina?”

“Of course you can Alene. Your opinion in this room is not judged.” Sabrina said, trying to put on a positive smile for her patient.

“I stopped having sex, I am no longer sexually active...” Tears started forming in Alene’s eyes, the words felt like hot knives as the left her pale lips.

“I have to admit I am concerned with what you just said. You strike me as a very sexual individual, am I right.” Alene nodded yes, she was once a goddess of sex but now ... now she is a broken shell...

“I want to hear about your social life, are you going out with the girls? When was the last time you took any of them on a date?” Sabrina talked in a slow, deliberate voice, she considered every word that left her ruby lips, when she finished silence filled the air as Alene thought about the question. Sabrina used the time to adjust her bra, she felt it was too tight like her breasts were growing bigger recently.

“I think it was a few days before Jen’s visit,” Alene said in a hesitant voice.

“You mean before the rape?” Sabrina shot at her, secretly gauging her reaction. Alene nodded in silence, tears started to stream down her face. Again, Sabrina noticed and reacted. “I seem to have upset you, Alene, I am sorry, here, wipe the tears,” she handed a box of tissue paper to the now weeping girl, “please go outside and take a few moments before we move on.”

When Alene returned to the room Sabrina set in her chair with a small booklet by her side, “Well Alene, there are some bad news and some good news. Please take a seat,” Alene did as asked and listened attentively to what Sabrina had to say. “The bad news is that I have concluded my assessment of your mental state and I have the results. I am going to say a few words that might come off as scary and offensive but please understand that they are only labels to help us find a way to overcome this ordeal.” Alene nodded and listened carefully, “I have diagnosed two problems, the first is post-traumatic stress, you probably know it as PTSD, have you ever heard of this?”

“I did,” Alene rubbed her face as if trying to hide it, “but doesn’t it only happen to solders?”

“That is a common misconception,” Sabrina explained, “it can happen to anyone who goes through a traumatic event. On top of that, you seem to suffer from depression, an issue that probably stems from your traumatic stress. I believe you understand depression better than PTSD, right?”

“Right, and the good news?” Alene asked, she felt devastated by the diagnosis and reached for any thread of hope she could.

“The good news is that both of those disorders seem to manifest with low intensity and are both treatable.” Sabrina smiled at Alene, looking for a reaction that didn’t come. “I know this is hard to take in, but I believe we can solve this and get you back on track, but before we move on I have to ask you something, Alene. The most important thing is that this choice comes from you, I can’t force you into anything, you have to decide we are going to fix this and get you back on your feet. Do you want to fix this Alene?”

“I do, I want nothing more in this life than to fix this.” Alene exploded into tears, her lean body shivering with each whimper of her breath. Sabrina comforted her for the remainder of the meeting. “We are not going to try pills and drugs. Let’s start with giving you breathing exercises, they will help calm your nerves.”

When the meeting concluded Alene drove back to her house. All the way there she exercised her breathing, she felt it was relieving the stress off her heart. The house was empty, Angie, Nadia and Nicky went out for errands. Now that magic was out of their lives the girls were always busy. Alene felt exhausted, she poured herself a glass of Feigling and went to the living room, sat in her chair and looked aimlessly at the black TV screen, practicing her breathing.