Chapter 19: Jennifer Chancelor, Sunday Morning

I woke up on Sunday morning feeling wonderfully refreshed. I felt better now that I’d told Dad that I’d changed my mind about the sex. I hadn’t known it was worrying me until I told him but suddenly I felt enormous relief. I should find a way to thank Bonnie for showing me what I really needed, not that she knew she was doing that. She was looking after herself as well as looking for some fun. Dad and Bonnie had a wonderful time yesterday evening but I had nearly as much fun watching them together. They were just so cute.

I lay there and cuddled with Dad and allowed myself to drift in and out of sleep.

Bonnie arrived and landed with a thump on the end of the bed. She was wearing her normal pyjamas.

Dad jerked awake and groaned. “What time is it?”

“Bonnie o’clock,” I said.

Bonnie poked her tongue out at me. I snapped my teeth at her, indicating that I would bite her tongue off if she stuck it out too close to me. Then I held my arms out for her. She crawled up the bed and tucked herself in under the sheets on my other side from Dad. We had a little cuddle.

“Do you think you can lie quietly for a bit longer?” I asked Bon. “We really don’t need to get up just yet.”

“Okay,” she said. She wriggled to get more comfortable and tucked her head under my chin and was still.

I relaxed and closed my eyes. I gave her about 20 minutes, max, before she started wriggling around. But that was 20 minutes more of lovely relaxed dozing so I was prepared to take what I could get.

I don’t know if I got my 20 minutes, but it was a bit of time before I became aware of hands fiddling with my top.

“What are you doing?” I murmured as I woke up.

“You’re wearing different pyjamas,” whispered Bonnie.

“Yeah, they’re the top of a set of Dad’s pyjamas,” I whispered.

“I didn’t know Dad had a set of pyjamas,” whispered Bonnie.

“Neither did Dad,” whispered Dad, revealing that he was awake and that we weren’t whispering quietly enough.

“Estelle must have bought them for him, sometime,” I said. “I found them in his chest of drawers.”

“Are you wearing the bottoms as well?” asked Bonnie.

“Nope, they’re too big for me,” I said.

“Are you wearing any bottoms?” she asked. I felt a little hand exploring down onto my thigh.

“Nope, just my undies,” I said.

“Huh,” she said in a way that told me she’d lost interest. The little hand returned to wrap around my waist.

Dad grunted and sat himself up. He took his time to get himself out of bed and wandered into the en-suite.

“You had fun yesterday,” I said to Bonnie. “What brought that on?”

“Yeah it was super fun,” she said. “Last weekend after I was waving that cricket bat around, Dad carried me out and threw me in the pool. Then he carried me around like that for a little while. I realised that I kind of missed being carried and holding onto him like that, so I wanted to do it again sometime when I wasn’t in trouble.”

The toilet flushed and a short time later Dad came out and sat on the edge of the bed.

In the meantime, Bonnie was saying, “I know I’m too old to be carried around like that, but I reckoned I could get away with it if I did my little kid routine, so I did that.”

I said, “You were the one who decided you were too old to be held like that.”

“There’s no age limit,” said Dad. “I’ll prove it to you.”

He held his arms out to me. I got what he was doing and gave a delighted little squeal. Then I clambered out of bed and wrapped myself around him with my legs around his waist and with my arms wrapped around his neck.

Dad spun me in a circle which made me gasp and made Bonnie giggle. Then he went trotting out of the bedroom and down the hallway. He stopped outside Estelle’s room and knocked on the door. “Family meeting time,” he called out. Then he spun on the spot and carried me back to the main bedroom. He dropped me onto the bed, and I let go and bounced onto the bed with a squeal and a giggle.

“Whew,” said Dad as he rubbed his back. “That was fun, but I can’t carry you for as long as I can carry Bonnie. I laughed and Bonnie laughed.

I crawled back into bed next to Bonnie and Dad followed me.

“Did you see?” I said to Bonnie. “I can still do that with Dad and I’m way older than 10.”

Bonnie looked confused. “But I thought stuff like that was just for little kids and I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“That’s true, you’re not,” said Dad.

“But that doesn’t mean you have to stop getting cuddles and hanging onto Dad like you did last night,” I added.

“I don’t think I’d want to do that in front of my friends,” said Bonnie.

I nodded. “Peer pressure can be a terrible thing. It can make us do things that we don’t want to do, or it can make us miss out on things we do want to do because of worrying what our friends will think. The funny thing about that is our friends are sometimes thinking exactly the same thing. You should try telling your friends you spent a couple of hours yesterday getting Dad to carry you around and cuddle with you. I bet they won’t think bad things about you. I bet they won’t think you were behaving like a little kid – well, you were but you don’t have to tell them that. They might even be jealous.”

While I was saying that, Estelle came into the room in her nightgown and robe. Initially she went to sit on the end of the bed, but Dad held out his arms for her, so we all shuffled together to make room and Estelle slipped into bed beside Dad. It was a bit crowded, but I don’t think anyone was uncomfortable because we were all hugging each other and cuddling together.

“Do you know what the word intimacy means?” asked Dad.

“I think so,” said Bonnie. “Maybe not really.”

“This is intimacy right now,” I said. “Intimacy is cuddling and holding hands and good-morning kisses.”

I paused to give her a quick kiss on her lips. “Intimacy is hugging and holding someone you love as a way of telling them you love them and as a way of feeling how much they love you.”

“Huh,” said Bonnie. “So me clinging onto Dad yesterday was intimacy?”

“That’s right,” said Dad.

“Intimacy can also be telling each other personal things,” said Estelle. “Sharing secrets with someone you love so that you understand each other better. That’s being intimate too.”

“Being intimate means the same thing as intimacy?” asked Bonnie.

“Yep,” I said.

“So me telling Mona something important like how I don’t like being naked is being intimate, even if we aren’t hugging when I tell her?”

“That’s right,” I said. “But if you told your swimming teacher the same thing, that’s not being intimate, that’s just talking about something important.”

“Okay, I get that,” said Bonnie. “And if my swimming teacher is holding my hands in the water to help me with my kick, that’s not intimacy, that’s just holding hands to get something done.”

I nodded.

“Now here’s the important thing,” said Dad. “Everyone needs intimacy of some sort or other. No relationship between two people can survive without some form of intimacy. If you and I stopped all forms of intimacy, then we’d turn into two strangers living in the same house.”

“I don’t want that,” said Bonnie.

“Neither do I,” said Dad.

“None of us do,” I said.

“None of us,” echoed Estelle.

“So you’re saying that it’s not just okay but that it’s really important to cuddle and hold hands and tell each other how we’re feeling and all that stuff,” said Bonnie.

“Exactly,” Dad said at the same time as I said, “Yep. Really important.”

Bonnie thought about that for a moment.

“What happens if I’m angry and I don’t want to cuddle or whatever?” she asked.

“Being angry is a normal part of life,” said Estelle. “The important thing is to try to fix what’s making you angry and then re-establish the intimacy, or to find a way to accept what is happening so that you can stop being angry and then re-establish the intimacy. When you were angry with me for such a long time, that was my fault because I wasn’t listening to why you were angry. I damaged the relationship between us by doing that and I’m really sorry.”

She might have said more, but Bonnie crawled across the top of me and Dad so she could hug Estelle. I ended up with Bonnie’s knees pressing into my stomach and she was sprawled over Dad as much as Estelle but her arms were tightly around Estelle’s neck and her face was tucked in tightly against Estelle.

“This is me re-establishing our intimacy,” said Bonnie in a muffled voice.

Dad patted Bonnie’s bum which was right in front of him and then rubbed the small of her back. I tucked the covers back over us from where Bonnie had dragged them out of place and cuddled into Dad’s side. Then I reached under the covers and rubbed my hand back and forth on Bonnie’s legs.

Dad kissed the side of my face, then he turned his head the other way and kissed the bit of Estelle’s face that wasn’t covered by Bonnie’s arms.

We stayed like that, not talking, just being intimate for quite a few minutes.

Later that morning the house was quiet. I was studying in my room, Dad was shopping for groceries, Estelle was shopping for clothes, Bonnie was sitting at the computer in my room and exchanging messages with her friends while she played a computer game. She was going to sit in her room and do the same, but I’d suggested she could be in my room. That way we could be together and still do our own thing.

“Is that being intimate too?” Bonnie had asked. “I suppose it is,” I had said.

“Won’t the sound of my game disturb your studying?” she had asked.

“Just turn the sound down, or use the headphones,” I had answered. “I’ll have my CD player going quietly in the background because I hate studying in total silence.”

So we spent the morning together but doing our own thing. It was nice.

Every so often, when I needed a break, I would look up and see Bonnie playing her game or typing to her friends. I would ask her how she was going on her game and she would take the headphones off and tell me what level she was on or that her character had just learned a new skill.

One time she told me that her friend Davina was going to get her father to carry her around this afternoon and try to break Bonnie’s record. Then she said Mona was jealous because she’d got her father to carry her for 10 minutes but then her brothers and sisters all wanted a go, so she had no chance of beating Bonnie’s record.

Then she looked at me and she said, “Did you know that Mona and her family are naturists? That means the whole family goes around in the nude all the time when they’re at home – unless they have visitors.” She shivered. “I can’t imagine doing that.”

“I suppose if you grow up like that, it would seem normal,” I said. “You know my friend Hannah, she went to a naturist holiday place a few times. She told me that going around nude seems scary at first, but you get used to it pretty quickly and then after a few days you stop noticing. I’ve been skinny-dipping. I’m not at the stage of not noticing, but I got used to it.”

Bonnie shivered again. “Not me. I don’t think I would ever get used to it.”

“Okay,” I said. “Nobody is going to force you again. I know Estelle kind of did, but that was wrong. I don’t think she’ll do it again.”

We went back to our respective activities.

My mobile phone rang, and I saw that it was Estelle. I answered. Estelle asked to talk to Bonnie, so I handed the phone to her.

Bonnie said, “Hi ... yes ... what? ... okay ... really? ... yes please ... okay, see you soon, ... bye.”

She ended the call and handed the phone back to me.

“What was that about?” I asked.

“Nothing,” said Bonnie, trying to act innocent.

I scowled at her.

“Estelle found something in the shops she thought I might like,” said Bonnie. “I’ll show you later.”

She went back to her game and I went back to my studying.

Estelle poked her head through my doorway and said, “Hi, I’m home.”

She handed one of the plastic bags she was carrying to Bonnie. Bonnie peeked inside then gave Estelle a hug.

“I’ll leave you alone,” said Estelle and went into her own room.

Bonnie upended the bag and spread the contents out on my bed. It was a set of pyjamas. The top was a light pink with a picture of My Little Pony on the front. The bottoms were a deep purple covered with speckles. They were VERY girly – as in, little girl girly.

Bonnie held them up against herself and said, “See? These are in my size, so they’ll fit properly. Those Little Mermaid pjs are way too small. They get a bit uncomfortable to wear.”

“So we’re going to see more of Kid Bonnie?” I asked.

Bonnie grinned mischievously. “Dad did say I should be naughty sometimes.” Then she giggled. “And you did say it can be fun to be a little bit naughty.”

“Did you understand that the discussion this morning was so that you didn’t need to do that to get Dad to carry you around or whatever?” I asked.

“Yeah, I got that,” said Bonnie. She started folding up the pyjamas and putting them back in the bag. “But maybe it’s fun pretending to be a little kid again sometimes.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “I get that.”

Bonnie took the bag to her room and then she came back and went back to her game and her friends.

After lunch, Bonnie and I hooked up the Playstation and we sat on the floor in the living room and played the Wallace and Gromit game together. Dad was sprawled over a couch behind us pretending to read a book but mostly laughing at us. Estelle was hiding in her room using the sewing machine.

Maybe an hour later a movement behind me made Bonnie look up. She squealed so I turned to look as well.

Estelle stood in the hallway wearing a thigh-length baby-blue nightie with a picture of Barbie on the front. It had panels of dark-blue material sewn into the sides so that it would fit her because it was obviously originally a child’s nightie that was probably meant to be calf-length. Under that she was wearing electric-pink leggings, and she had her hair in two little pony-tails that jutted out from each side of her head.

Bonnie squealed again and rushed over to hug Estelle. Estelle knelt down and whispered in Bonnie’s ear. Bonnie nodded and grinned mischievously. Then she whispered a question and Estelle whispered an answer. This went on for a minute or so. Dad and I had stood up when Estelle made her entrance and now we watched with a mixture of concern and amusement.

They finished their conference and Estelle went through into the kitchen. Bonnie came back and made a great show of casually sitting down on the couch. I was prepared to play along. I sat down next to Bonnie. Dad looked nervously at Bonnie and sat down in his easy-chair.