Chapter 1

Valerie Winsor hums along to the radio while washing-up in the kitchen and can hear them both playing boisterously together behind her. It’s the warm happy sound of her daughter Jess playing with her grandad who’s recently arrived from Australia!

Val laughed at the idea of Dan being a grandad; he was still to hunky looking. If anything, his time down under had matured his manly demeanour, into a fine vintage that was most attractive.

Dan, her father, when learning of her husband’s death, had rung Valerie from Melbourne to offer his condolences. But throughout his long sympathetic conversation he’d never once made any indication of the lust he’d once had for her.

Instead he’d conceded how lonely his life was in the god-forsaken land of Australia and how he’d dreamed of returning to the paradise that was England; to live with the only family he had in the world. This had been enough to stir Valerie’s sympathy and she’d suggested the time for him to return to England and spend some time with family was long overdue. To Valerie’s surprise he’d had taken up her offer and had set about organising his affairs to make the trip.

So here they were, with Jessica squealing with delight as Dan romps with her on the lounge carpet. It was so reminiscent of Valerie’s childhood with him as a schoolgirl. In fact, it brought bittersweet memories to Valerie and she suddenly vowed to guard against any feelings of jealousy she may feel toward Jez now.

Staring out at the darkness through the window she recalled romping with Dan just the same; his laugh, his sensuous fondle, his biceps and his physical warmth; he had enraptured her.

Their evening romps together before bedtime became something she looked forward to after coming in from school. When he came in from work she would jump into his arms to be kissed and caressed.

But Valerie also recalled how that carefree sensuality had been crippled by her mother’s malice.

One evening as they’d romped around on the carpet with her dad’s fingers probing all her ticklish spots, mother had entered the room and had spoken with such a sudden icy spite...

‘Stop it the both of you! Get off him Valerie! You should be past this sort of thing now my girl!’

Mother’s face had been red with anger.

In that instance Valerie knew what was implied; their activity was no longer decent; not for a pubescent girl who’s knickers were sticky with desire; who’s father’s boner was near to bursting.

Something precious to her had been replaced by a guilt complex.

It had also induced a deep sense of shame into Valerie’s sexuality.

The romping downstairs had ceased; replaced for a short while at least, with stolen moments when Dan came into her bedroom; to tuck her in and say goodnight.

Valerie suddenly blushed; recalling the awe of seeing his cock for the first time! Things had quickly escalated and before long mother had caught her sucking her dad off!

But mother had put a stop to that also; because she’d made Dan leave home for a job far away.

All Valerie had had then, was her masturbatory version of them being together; in a kind of garden of Eden where the lustful man always got his girl.

A bit later in life, when she’d ventured into sex with her fiancée, Valerie discovered that only a guilt-ridden fantasy of her father Dan, allowed her to climax with another man.

For Valerie sex was now a cocktail which included a shot of Dan and a shot of shame.

She’d sometimes wondered if Dan ever yearned for her in the same way?

But that had always been a secret she’d hid from her husband James when they were lovemaking. He’d always been blissfully unaware of it; right up to his death in a fatal road accident.

I’m pleased I did hide it all from James too, because the shameful truth would have hurt James, who had been a good husband and loving father. Now, suddenly, as I stare into the darkness of the window, I become aware of the reflection that’ s before me; of the two of them on the floor behind me. I smile at the quirk of it, like watching a hidden camera.