Chapter 3 (in progress)

The car pulled out of the end of the drive and I watched it go. How I was going to explain being six hours late, I didn’t know. Not that I was doing very well at explaining anything. With a sense of resignation I started the long walk up the drive. How far it is to the house have no clue. We just lived in the back of the 13 acres in the woods, and after a long day it is far enough.

I carefully avoided the puddles heading up the hill. When was the last time I’d walked this in the dark? At least 30 years. Every snap of a branch and rustle in the woods brought me back to the fear I had as a kid making this walk. The 70’s were big on UFO’s and Bigfoot. Hell, I was even afraid of the Bermuda Triangle. Now, it’s just the animals ... I assume.

I was no hurry to get to the house, but even less inclined to stay alone in the dark. It was late. My Dad wouldn’t be home from the shop, but my Mom would be home and expecting me, since I called. It was time to hang out with my brothers and sister. It’s not like I couldn’t change things more than I already had. Well, maybe I could, but if there is a tomorrow for me in the future, I may have destroyed that as well. It started innocent enough...

She’s smiling at me, joking about my mythical wife. My real wife.

“My wife hasn’t even met me, Mrs.Koallinski.”

“Need a ride?” I looked around for any sign of my Mom.

“Yeah, I cant remember what I told my Mom,”

I said, going around the car to get in. “Nice car, my Aunt had one of these. She moved to LA.”

The car pulled away from the curb as I adjusted my seat.

“LA. I’ve been there.”

“LA? What part?”

“Hollywood ... the beaches.”

“Malibu?”

“Yep.”

“The nude beach up the coast past Pepperdine?”

“You’ve been to a nude beach?”

“Not on purpose.”

“I bet your parents were shocked.”

“I was with my brother ... we kinda wandered over.”

“Uh-huh”

“We were snorkeling and well we just ended up there.”

“I bet.” Pretty much the truth. In Malibu, back in the 80’s seeing topless or nude people, even just outside the homes on the regular beach was pretty common. Now we hardly ever got up that way, staying closer to the back bay down in Newport. I’ll assume things have changed as people like to pretend they are more sexual but really, are more uptight about strangers seeing them.

I looked out the window at the passing farmland.

“Can I ask you a dumb question?”

“Fire away.”

“Where we going?”

“What ... oh shit. Sorry, I did not just say shit to a freshman.”

“Who am I going to tell?”

“True. “ Looking at her watch she gives me smile. “Mind if we run an errand before I take you home?”

“Since I live the other way, it makes sense.”

“Why didn’t you say something.”

“I was enjoying the ride.” Suspicious, she looks over at me, but I’m being sincere and she gives me a smile.

“I can use the help anyway.” I smile back and look out the window. Nude beach, huh.

“Did you like California?” She thinks about it. Then laughs.

“Well the nude beaches were nice.”

“Beaches, plural?”

“I’ll leave it to your imagination.”

“You might not be safe if you do that.”

“Easy cowboy. What parts do you like?” Hard to explain to someone who hasn’t lived there.

“I like that you can go Skiing in the mountains and swimming in the ocean on the same day. I like how liberal a lot of people are. And smart. And there is almost always something to do. Theatre, clubs, bands. I saw Paul...”. I was about to say McCartney who I caught in 2019. What is the difference between California and the Midwest? Ringo doesn’t show up and join Paul on stage in the Midwest.

“It’s just cool.”

“Sounds like you had more fun than I had.”

“Time of my life.” Time it was, what a time it was, it was a time of innocence ... it’s all that left me.

“Time of your life, give me a break, kid.”

“Honest, I had a great time.” All 40 years, more or less. “How about you.”

“It was my honeymoon.”

“And he wanted to go to a nude beach or was that you?”

“It was mutual. Stop picturing me naked.”

“I’m not.” I wasn’t. “But now that you say Id something.”

She reached over and grabs my arm. “I’d rather you didn’t.” But her hand remains a moment, lingering before resting back on the stick.

“So were you fully nude or just topless?”

“Who said I was nude at all?”

“Makes sense, mostly just nude guys wondering where the chicks are. Except Malibu.”

“Stop trying to be so worldly.” Again, she holds onto my arm. And we settle into a comfortable silence as I watch the scenery go by. Oldies are playing on the radio. And I wonder if they are oldies. Some music just started being played in the 70’s and never stopped in the midwest. When in the Hell was keep on rocking me first on the radio? And what was with all the bearded middle aged looking 70’s bands. America, little river band, eagles, bread...

She pulled into a small bar, several towns away that I’d passed in the car every time we went to my Grandmother’s. I had no idea if it was still there. It was just one of those places that seemed out of place, wondered about, but that you quickly forgot about after you passed. Something told you this was a place for adults.

There were more than a few dozen cars and she parked under a tree near the back.

Turning off the car she sighed then turned the rear view mirror towards her and poofed up her hair, like girls do.

“I have to go in,” she hesitates, still looking in the mirror, then unbuttons two more buttons on her blouse. I make no effort not to look, as much as I’m a feminist, I’m still a breast man and hers are noticeable. And I’d been sneaking hopefully subtle glances at her cleavage the entire ride as it was. She unbuttons one more button, and now I can tell for sure there is no bra. As she moves the mirror back I can see her left nipple exposed. Large areoles, warm pink. I’m in trouble and try to think of my wife. But my body has other ideas and I can feel the swelling starting.

“What kind of place is this?”

“This kind of place, my eyes are up here.”

“Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. I need a favor, can I trust you? Eyes still up here.”

“I think so.”

“Okay, I worked here during the summer.”

“Worked?” She hesitates.

“Danced.”

“Oh.”

“Teachers don’t get paid during the summer. And ... my husband left me. I needed the cash, quickly. I was just supposed to wait tables...”

“It’s okay, lots of women-”

“Not women like me, or the woman I’m supposed to be.” And she started crying. Trying not to cry, she made it worse and let out a heart wrenching sob. I reached over, embracing her. Holding her. Truly sorry for her, but my body couldn’t help feel her warmth, as her mostly unclothed breasts crushed against me. Ignoring that I gently grabbed the back of her head and just held it.

“Jesus Christ.”

“It’s okay. I won’t mess up your hair.” That earned me a snotty snort.

“For God’s sake. How stupid”

“Why? You did the same for me. It’s the 80’s, hunky caring types are in,” or about to be. Another laugh, she reaches over me to open the glove box and her breasts fall out. She quickly covers them tucking them barely back into her blouse.

“I’m a mess.”

“Yes, yes you are.”

“Huh, big talk for someone who was blubbering in the bleachers today. Give me a moment, then we’ll go in.” She fixes her hair and blows her nose, then grabs her purse and puts on some makeup. How do I look.”

“Snot free.” A glare.

“How do I look?” I look over, some people just have a presence. In that moment in that fading light I was reminded of a Playboy centerfold.

“Honest?”

“Yes.”

“Sexy ... maybe a little slutty ... or available.”

“Perfect, let’s go in.”

We got out of the car, and she grabbed her wrists stretching up. Her breast rose and moved with her body. I started picturing them, my imagination filling in more than brief glimpses and hints. I was rock hard.

“I need to pick up my last paycheck. We don’t get paid at school until the end of the month.”

“I thought you made your money in tips. Teacher, not dancer.” Another laugh.

“We do, but, sometimes, we do, “ she blushed. we do other things...”

“Lap dances?”

“More or less ... and the manager collects the money and takes a percentage.” More or less. I’m a good judge of people, I’m assuming less ... but-

“I never knew there were strip clubs out here.”

“Technically, they’re not. But money is paid and the cops look the other way. It’s mobbed up”

“Wow.”

“I know, right? Listen, I need you to be my son. Jerry is notorious for not paying out, and since I quit when school started he’ll be less inclined I imagine.”

“Where do I come in?”

“He’s also notorious for other things. And I think he has a thing for me, but my good girl vibe has kept him at bay, while I was working. He knows I have a kid, but not as old as you. He likes the dancers young. Real young. You are just small, sorry, young enough, that you could be my kid if I’m older than he thinks. Think you can do this?”

“Yeah, but Umnnn, this is embarrassing, but...” I glance down. “I’m sorry, it just does that.”

“All by itself?” She laughs, then hits it hard enough to hurt. “Behave.”

“Jesus.”

She looks down at my still hard bulge. “Huh, usually works with customers. Youth. Don’t worry, it would be weird if you didn’t have a hard on in here, mom or no mom.” She leans in “Sorry, I can’t kiss it and make it better, but I’m flattered,” she teasingly strokes it walking past me. Then stops. “Ignore that, force of habit, it’s this place, you know? “ There is a slight hardness to her I hadn’t seen before, her voice has even changed, even the way she stands is radiating a toughness. “One more thing, you might see someone else you know working here. You never saw her, understand?”

“Yes, Mom.”

“And don’t you forget it. Come on darling.”

I don’t know what to expect as we let ourself into the back door. I’ve never really been to a bar that has strippers. But basically it looks like the back room of any restaurant. Except there are three girls hanging out mostly naked in the break room. Two of them have a Dallas cowgirl thing going on. I don’t recognize any of them. They are young. Even with the makeup, it can’t hide it. Sixteen, barely. But everyone looks young to me these days. So probably older. I am never going to get the hang of being old in this body,

“Jerry in his office?” One of the girls points, sees me, blushes and turns away. Another smiles and comes over.

“Hey Cindy, where you been, coming back to work? I missed you.” Another faces towards us, I try and not stare at her breasts, which glisten.

“You know Cindy don’t work weekdays.”

“Hi Linda, how’s ... work?”

“Not the same, and I’m busy since school started, who’s this?”

“My son, Bobby.”

“Cute, but he cant be here doing your shift.”

“I’m just here to pick up my last check.”

“Good luck with that, he’s in a mood tonight, Sarah quit and the other Jenny called in.”

“Damn. Well he owes me for...”

“Yeah, you got all the ... big jobs., but I guess your tits kept growing as you aged.” She turns to me, “Guys like big tits Bobby, that’s why I don’t work weekends.” She grabs her breasts, which are fine and perky squeezes them and addresses me. “See? Too small right?”

“Leave him alone Anne, he’s only a kid.”

“Sorry, kid,” she says staring at my erection that is pushing hard against my pants. Even without my adolescent hormones I’d be hard. There is something charged in this dirty back room. Not sexy, but animalistic almost. The girls are caged tigers. And now that I look at Anne, that’s what she is, just a girl, with a little baby fat still. An animal in the zoo, that was never supposed to be here.

“That’s okay,” I say, not staring. “No one should be ashamed of their body, I think you are very pretty.” She is. Mrs. Koallinski grabs my hand and pulls me out of the room.”Okay, Romeo; see you later, girls.”

We head down the hallway. “Cindy?”

“As far as they know.”

“So what is your name?”

“For now, Mom. Sorry about the girls. I see you liked them. First tits?”

“Please. What are they doing here; they are just girls.”

“Don’t judge into you’ve walked in their shoes.” We stop at the door.

“My real first name is Susie, no big secret. Well, here it is, understand. No of course not. You just wanted a ride home and this is a pretty poor plan. You don’t need this shit.”

“Mom, it’s okay,” I say smiling, as I take her hand. “I know life can be shitty, you aren’t corrupting me, Mrs. Koallinski, I’m happy to help,” I say as I squeeze her hand. She smiles and ruffles my hair.

“Just a good kid. I want you to stay outside, if I need you I’ll grab you.” She knocks on the door, and a voice cries out come in. Susie adjusts her top, then heads inside, as she closes the door I put my foot against it, leaving it open a crack. Besides cheer coach I don’t even know what Mrs. Koallinski teaches, but I think I know more about her than anyone else in school. Inside she’s asked for quite a bit of money in 1980 terms. She had to work pretty hard to earn it, and I wonder if that hard side of her I glimpsed coming in, is who she really is.

“Why don’t you come back to work? All the girls miss you.”

“I told you it was just a summer job.”

“You make more on a weekend here than you’ll ever make anywhere else.”

“My tits hurt from all the shaking Jerry.” He laughs.

“Shit honey, you can shake them over me anytime. You want your money don’t you?” I hear movement.

“Jerry, please I just want my money. You don’t want word out that you don’t pay your dancers.”

“Well, I expect a commission.” I hear some things fall on the floor, a muffled protest, and then the unmistakable sound of a zipper. And a slap followed by a laugh. To hell with it. I shove open the door and walk in, calling out as I enter.

“Mom you in here?”

Susie is sitting on the desk, her top pulled down and tits exposed. He’s standing if front of her, zipper down with his dick hanging out. I feel the anger ball up in my fist. But I’m only a kid. A runt, and this guy could kill me.

“Mom?” Jerry turns to me, as Susie covers up.

“Jesus, who in the hell is this.”

“Is this going to be my new daddy?”

“What the fuck, this is your kid?”

“Yeah, Bobby I thought I told you to wait in the car.”

“I have to use the little boys room,” I say as I open my pants and pull my penis out and start to piss on the floor.

“What the Hell are you doing kid?”

“Bobby!”

“What, he’s got his penis out!” I say, as I finish, “You do have it out to go to the bathroom, right mister?”

“Yeah, right, but you can’t pee in here. I ... just got lost. Jesus, this is your kid?” He says fumbling with his belt buckle.

“Sorry, Jerry, he’s just a little, you know? Can I just collect my money, and we’ll get out of your hair.”

“I gotta take the cleaning of the floor out of that.”

“Bobby, will clean the mess, he’s good at it, aren’t you Bobby?”

“I have to clean a lot. But mommy can help at home now that my baby sitters gone away.”

“To school, honey, she’s gone to school.”

“I think she died.”

“Bobby, she’s fine.” You see what I got to deal with? The cash, Jer”. She has herself back together. I look around the office, now that the threats gone. Filling cabinets over flowing, a safe. But the most dominant feature is the window looking out to the bar. There’s a girl dancing ... stripping on a runway, the sound of a Stones song bleeds through. Waitresses in the Cowgirl outfits walk through the bar. Overall everything is dark, the customers are male, working class. It’s not a high end place, more of a shit kicking place with promises of nudity. Designed to take the salary from the guy working 1st or 2nd shift before they get home.

“Seems, since I am paying you, the least you can do is fill in for me.”

“I’ve got to get my kid home.”

“Well then, money’s tight.”

“I have bills, and you owe me.”

“I’m sure I’ll get around to it, but the thing is, I’ve got a few special customers in from Detroit ... and I’d hate to break one of the new girls in. But, I guess I’ll have to. Shame and all, she being so-”

“You promised, you wouldn’t.”

“I said I wouldn’t do anything till she was ready. I’d say she’s ready.” I want to jump in, but I know better to keep out of this.

“If I do you this ... favor, money up front for you owe me.” Jerry opens the safe and takes out the bills counting. “And for this as well.” He keeps counting. “And if they tip me, one hundred percent of that as well.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because, like you said, these boys are from Detroit...”

“I’ve got other-”

“True,” she says, pushing Jerry back in his seat, straddling him and grinding his crotch. “But do they know how to really dance?” And she opens her shirt and puts her hands under her boobs, massages them, tweaking her nipples and ends by shoving her tits up and into his chest. I stand by the window, searching for words. This was the teacher I burst in to save?

“Mommy,” I say weakly. Mrs. Koallinski, Susie, Cindy. Cindy turns to me and winks, and I can see it’s all an act. A stripper con being used on one who should know better. If I wasn’t here she wouldn’t have tried this. I’ve played my part.

“Oh, sorry honey, I forgot you were there. Mommy was just showing her nice boss something, “ She turns to Jerry, “We got a deal?” she asks as she takes the money off the desk and into her purse.

“Christ, you’ll kill me.”

“Not today, but maybe we’ll finish what we started sometime.” I can see the steel behind her smile.

“Fine, but get up on stage, let them see the merchandise.” She indicates me-

“What about him.”

“Surely, he’s seen you naked, it’s not like you’d have to hide it from him.” I smile like a kid who swallows goldfish back at him.